Wondering What's the Point?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 252
Wondering What's the Point?
64 days today. And just in a funk. My birthday is later this week. I'm not celebrating. I lost the girl. My legal troubles are still sitting out there. I feel like I'm finally doing the right things, and I just don't have a good outlook on life. I know time takes time and I try to turn it over to God and stay in gratitude and good spirits. I work out. I'm eating well.
And I'm still right on the edge of the "F it's" and wondering what the point is? I feel like I'm just going to be alone now. I'm too frickin' young for that, but I have no prospects or hope for anything different for at least a year or more.
I haven't had this much sober time in probably two decades or so. I'm not going to drink, I don't want to drink. I just wonder why the heck it took me so long to get it and I had to lose so much that I really valued before I did. Kicking myself, big time. And yes, I know I'm my own worst critic. Sorry for the negative Nancy, pitty pot post, I just had to vent. Sponsor is still in the assisted living facility and I can't really talk to him. I'll make it through, I just want to be a couple of years down the road and to see how this all turns out.
One day at a time. Do the next right thing. Clutching on to those pretty tightly right now.
And I'm still right on the edge of the "F it's" and wondering what the point is? I feel like I'm just going to be alone now. I'm too frickin' young for that, but I have no prospects or hope for anything different for at least a year or more.
I haven't had this much sober time in probably two decades or so. I'm not going to drink, I don't want to drink. I just wonder why the heck it took me so long to get it and I had to lose so much that I really valued before I did. Kicking myself, big time. And yes, I know I'm my own worst critic. Sorry for the negative Nancy, pitty pot post, I just had to vent. Sponsor is still in the assisted living facility and I can't really talk to him. I'll make it through, I just want to be a couple of years down the road and to see how this all turns out.
One day at a time. Do the next right thing. Clutching on to those pretty tightly right now.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
First off, congrats on 64 days.
I'll bet it won't take years for things to get better. But it will take more than 64 days. A lot more.
Remember, it took more than a few months of drinking for it to wreck havoc with your life; it will take more than a few months of sobriety to un-wreck it.
Originally Posted by dafunbra 
I'll make it through, I just want to be a couple of years down the road and to see how this all turns out.
Remember, it took more than a few months of drinking for it to wreck havoc with your life; it will take more than a few months of sobriety to un-wreck it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
My birthday week always gets me down, it’s a time of reflection. One very wise mentor told me don’t make a bad situation worse by drinking. In awhile this will pass. Reward yourself with a good book, or gift to yourself. Reflect on your progress, being sober doesn’t promise a perfect life just a better life.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,618
Dafunbra - I went through the same phase. I drank 30 yrs. & my life was in shambles. It took me about 3 mos. to begin feeling hope & joy again. I was so filled with regret & remorse, it was hard to rise above it - but I did. You will too. Please keep on clutching - we are with you.
Be proud of those 64 hard-earned days.
Be proud of those 64 hard-earned days.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,547
some good advice here already 
The point is - drinking took you down to some nasty places, Drinking again will just take you back there.
Keep giving not drinking a go, man. You gave years to drinking yeah ? give not drinking more than 2 months
I know some people say recovery is like a country song in reverse...you get your job, truck and dog back - but I don't think that was the point for me.
I lost things - but I gained other things, in time, that were as good if not better than the things I lost - and I learned to fight for those things
Our inner addict will use or fear, our self disgust and our impatience against us.
This is not the best not drinking is gonna get - if fact from 60-90 days was the point where things started to go well for me.
Hang in there - getting up and doing stuff is always a good thing for me if I'm in a funk. Hope tomorrow is better dafunbra
D
The point is - drinking took you down to some nasty places, Drinking again will just take you back there.
Keep giving not drinking a go, man. You gave years to drinking yeah ? give not drinking more than 2 months
I know some people say recovery is like a country song in reverse...you get your job, truck and dog back - but I don't think that was the point for me.
I lost things - but I gained other things, in time, that were as good if not better than the things I lost - and I learned to fight for those things
Our inner addict will use or fear, our self disgust and our impatience against us.
This is not the best not drinking is gonna get - if fact from 60-90 days was the point where things started to go well for me.
Hang in there - getting up and doing stuff is always a good thing for me if I'm in a funk. Hope tomorrow is better dafunbra
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I hope you do celebrate that birthday. Maybe you could buy something or do something that you've been wanting to have or do. If nothing else - pie and ice cream! (Pie > Cake)
The girl...I got nothin' - I like being single, but getting to that point took me a while. If you do the work now, there will most likely be a girl at some point.
Big congrats on the sober time. It will be better than this, promise. I'm glad you're talking about it. Troubles shared are troubles halved. Or something like that.
The girl...I got nothin' - I like being single, but getting to that point took me a while.
If you do the work now, there will most likely be a girl at some point.Big congrats on the sober time. It will be better than this, promise. I'm glad you're talking about it. Troubles shared are troubles halved. Or something like that.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Sixty-four days is a really great thing to have now, even with the unsettled feelings.
I'm still sorting my thoughts of how to live soberly, to have dreams of a different future ahead. Today I focus a lot of my energy on leaving things behind me as well. Some days it feels like I'm in a sailboat on still waters, just waiting for the wind to tell me how to trim the canvas to move again.
I hope you feel a little bit better just by putting those feelings out honestly and knowing that people here get it. Nothing strange is going on with you, but circumstances about you are a LOT changed. Change is hard, and sometimes we have to figure out how to manage it, especially on difficult terms.
I'm still sorting my thoughts of how to live soberly, to have dreams of a different future ahead. Today I focus a lot of my energy on leaving things behind me as well. Some days it feels like I'm in a sailboat on still waters, just waiting for the wind to tell me how to trim the canvas to move again.
I hope you feel a little bit better just by putting those feelings out honestly and knowing that people here get it. Nothing strange is going on with you, but circumstances about you are a LOT changed. Change is hard, and sometimes we have to figure out how to manage it, especially on difficult terms.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 405
Hi Dafunbra,
I've asked myself the same question many times along my journey. It was tough for me to reconcile with the fact that I had completely thrown away my 20s and 30s. I needed to make huge changes in my life and I didn't know which one I was going to tackle first. Fix my health, fix my finances, fix my career, fix my broken relationships, fix my fractured spirit, fix my way of thinking. I was a thoroughly broken individual to the core. All of this is a huge undertaking, now throw in the fact that my brain was haywire and I was an emotional wreck. Early sobriety sucks, I'm not going to sugarcoat it.
So I asked myself what the point was. Why was I doing all of this for seemingly no reward? I didn't know so I just put my head down, worked my program, and slowly started putting the pieces of my life back into place.
I'm writing this a little over a week shy of my 22nd month and I think I've gained enough perspective to answer this. As I put the work in and started seeing the fruits of my labors my confidence started to build. As my confidence started to build my resolve to stay sober got stronger. As my resolve got stronger I identified more goals I wanted to accomplish. This became a self perpetuating positive loopback.
For the first time in my life I've learned what happiness is. Not the type of happiness I felt as a kid at Christmastime when I got my favorite toy. Not the type of happiness from being the first in my family to graduate college. This is happiness on a level I could have never imagined.
This happiness can be yours as well if you continue to put in the work.
I've asked myself the same question many times along my journey. It was tough for me to reconcile with the fact that I had completely thrown away my 20s and 30s. I needed to make huge changes in my life and I didn't know which one I was going to tackle first. Fix my health, fix my finances, fix my career, fix my broken relationships, fix my fractured spirit, fix my way of thinking. I was a thoroughly broken individual to the core. All of this is a huge undertaking, now throw in the fact that my brain was haywire and I was an emotional wreck. Early sobriety sucks, I'm not going to sugarcoat it.
So I asked myself what the point was. Why was I doing all of this for seemingly no reward? I didn't know so I just put my head down, worked my program, and slowly started putting the pieces of my life back into place.
I'm writing this a little over a week shy of my 22nd month and I think I've gained enough perspective to answer this. As I put the work in and started seeing the fruits of my labors my confidence started to build. As my confidence started to build my resolve to stay sober got stronger. As my resolve got stronger I identified more goals I wanted to accomplish. This became a self perpetuating positive loopback.
For the first time in my life I've learned what happiness is. Not the type of happiness I felt as a kid at Christmastime when I got my favorite toy. Not the type of happiness from being the first in my family to graduate college. This is happiness on a level I could have never imagined.
This happiness can be yours as well if you continue to put in the work.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 177
hi. I believe a big issue with early soberiety is we just don't realise how well we're doing, i.e. Your longest time sober in 2 decades is a great achievement on its own , everything improves the longer we stay sober . Hit the F... it button and I know from experience another decade could go by very quickly.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 252
Yes, it could. I'm grateful for sipping my second cup of coffee this morning in the quiet as I do my meditations with a clear head and prepare for the day. Thanks again, everyone, I appreciate the help. I needed it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 500
What the point? I'll tell you what the point is, brother. You're writing your story.
Every great story has failure and sorrow. Struggles against demons. Every great story has the readers engaged, willing the hero to come out victorious. This is just the start of your story. You'll look back at this months, maybe years later. You'll realize all this nonsense that you're feeling, wasn't nonsense at all.
All this is leading up to your great climax. Pure happiness. Pure victory. It's going to be the best story ever written.
Every great story has failure and sorrow. Struggles against demons. Every great story has the readers engaged, willing the hero to come out victorious. This is just the start of your story. You'll look back at this months, maybe years later. You'll realize all this nonsense that you're feeling, wasn't nonsense at all.
All this is leading up to your great climax. Pure happiness. Pure victory. It's going to be the best story ever written.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,810
Originally Posted by WeThinkNot
As I put the work in and started seeing the fruits of my labors my confidence started to build. As my confidence started to build my resolve to stay sober got stronger. As my resolve got stronger I identified more goals I wanted to accomplish. This became a self perpetuating positive loopback.
For the first time in my life I've learned what happiness is. Not the type of happiness I felt as a kid at Christmastime when I got my favorite toy. Not the type of happiness from being the first in my family to graduate college. This is happiness on a level I could have never imagined.
This happiness can be yours as well if you continue to put in the work.
For the first time in my life I've learned what happiness is. Not the type of happiness I felt as a kid at Christmastime when I got my favorite toy. Not the type of happiness from being the first in my family to graduate college. This is happiness on a level I could have never imagined.
This happiness can be yours as well if you continue to put in the work.
Ditto.
I also had a period of wondering what it was all for, at about that time in my sobriety. I was doing the work, I was fixing things, I was overcoming the obsession to drink. But nothing much was happening yet. I was impatient. I wanted everything to be good again. But I also knew intellectually that I needed to give it time. I looked to the people around me who had more sobriety than I had, and saw that their lives were much better than mine. This didn't make me envious, it made me realize that I had to keep working, keep going, and maybe someday my life would look like that. It energized me. It gave me faith. Were their lives perfect? No. Had they gained back everything they had lost? Not necessarily. But they were doing life on life's terms, and handling adversity with grace and serenity. That's what I wanted. And I have it now.
It really does get better. Hang in there. You don't need to have all the answers or solutions right now (or ever, really). Just keep doing the work. Someday you'll see the rewards.
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