Being aware can suck! Health warning
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Join Date: Jul 2018
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Being aware can suck! Health warning
Just did some meditating as was feeling very angry this morning.
Realised I'm angry at having to take responsibility for myself!!!! Who knew! It came up at the end of the meditation. Being responsible for myself is SO HARD. I can't let myself off the hook now that I am aware of all my codependent traits. I now know those traits so it's my responsibility to work on them, and it's pissing me off. It's so much easier to be responsible for other people, course it is, takes the heat off of me so I don't have to put effort in and take action!
I am not responsible for other people's feelings, behaviours or emotions only my own. I'm annoyed at myself for leaving it this "late" in my life. So I must have been pretty irresponsible most of my life.
Course the easier option is to say, to hell with all this new awareness, it's too hard, I just want easy life. Being aware isn't always as positive as it's cracked up to be. Being aware, then means you now have the choice on what to do with that awareness. Be lazy and ignore it, or be responsible and work to heal it. Sometimes I want the easy way, won't lie.
Realised I'm angry at having to take responsibility for myself!!!! Who knew! It came up at the end of the meditation. Being responsible for myself is SO HARD. I can't let myself off the hook now that I am aware of all my codependent traits. I now know those traits so it's my responsibility to work on them, and it's pissing me off. It's so much easier to be responsible for other people, course it is, takes the heat off of me so I don't have to put effort in and take action!
I am not responsible for other people's feelings, behaviours or emotions only my own. I'm annoyed at myself for leaving it this "late" in my life. So I must have been pretty irresponsible most of my life.
Course the easier option is to say, to hell with all this new awareness, it's too hard, I just want easy life. Being aware isn't always as positive as it's cracked up to be. Being aware, then means you now have the choice on what to do with that awareness. Be lazy and ignore it, or be responsible and work to heal it. Sometimes I want the easy way, won't lie.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midland, MI
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Awesome for you for recognizing it!!!
Not awesome that I read it and realized I have many of the same thoughts underneath. Dang it!
I’m not angry about it - but disgusted. What a horrible personality trait! I have to remember to try to be patient and kind to myself. I became codependent as a result of years of conditioning in my younger and formative years.
If your best friend suddenly realized her codependent tendencies would you be mad at her? You’d probably be relieved that she finally realized it and was willing to work on it!
I need to treat myself as lovingly as I would treat my best friend.
Thank you for sharing - as usual something posted to the forum has a way of bringing up something else for me in my own recovery!
Not awesome that I read it and realized I have many of the same thoughts underneath. Dang it!
I’m not angry about it - but disgusted. What a horrible personality trait! I have to remember to try to be patient and kind to myself. I became codependent as a result of years of conditioning in my younger and formative years.
If your best friend suddenly realized her codependent tendencies would you be mad at her? You’d probably be relieved that she finally realized it and was willing to work on it!
I need to treat myself as lovingly as I would treat my best friend.
Thank you for sharing - as usual something posted to the forum has a way of bringing up something else for me in my own recovery!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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Yes, Warrior. Welcome to the Arena.
That's the way I visualize it now after reading the reference to Theodore Roosevelt's 1910 speech in Brene Brown's material:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
https://blog.ted.com/5-insights-from...tly-out-today/
It is impossible for me to UNsee stuff in myself now. I often say that I run AT my recovery, sort of like the Warped Wall.
Once I have an AHA moment around something, it sort of becomes mental fractals - spirals & patterns of thought that just keep firing from one to the next down that new pathway playing with the edges of it on all sides - where does this fit logically? emotionally? correlating mind-body pieces? FOO vs Now? Both?
When I really engaged with being IN that arena, I spent a year earning my battle scars & at the end of it I was an entirely new version of myself:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...uper-long.html (It's All About Me - One Year Later (super long))
And that was just the beginning. You're doing great, hang in there.
That's the way I visualize it now after reading the reference to Theodore Roosevelt's 1910 speech in Brene Brown's material:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
https://blog.ted.com/5-insights-from...tly-out-today/
It is impossible for me to UNsee stuff in myself now. I often say that I run AT my recovery, sort of like the Warped Wall.
Once I have an AHA moment around something, it sort of becomes mental fractals - spirals & patterns of thought that just keep firing from one to the next down that new pathway playing with the edges of it on all sides - where does this fit logically? emotionally? correlating mind-body pieces? FOO vs Now? Both?
When I really engaged with being IN that arena, I spent a year earning my battle scars & at the end of it I was an entirely new version of myself:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...uper-long.html (It's All About Me - One Year Later (super long))
And that was just the beginning. You're doing great, hang in there.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Southern US
Posts: 510
Glenjo, I can totally relate!!! Looking back at my life (I am in my late 30's) I can see where I have fallen short in taking care of myself. I never finished college, I became a mom early - that allowed me to focus on someone else with good reason! (and don't get me wrong at all - I LOVE being a mother!!!) I married early - another person to take care of! And when I divorced that person for being an abusive NPD, I immediately took up with my (now) husband.
It's so much easier to focus on other people and take care of them! I'm a nurturer to the nth degree, but I hate to take care of myself. What's up with that?
My current situation forced me to look at the possibility of being single again. I can't believe that for the past 6 years I have helped my husband succeed in his career and neglected to do the ONLINE schooling that is available to ensure that if something bad were to happen (not even divorce - what if he wrecked his car and died?) that I would be able to financially take care of myself and our daughter.
It's so easy to slip into complacency. It's so much harder, like you said, to take responsibility for yourself and put your big girl (or boy) pants on and do the hard work. Thank you for your honest post. It resonated with me and in a way you verbalized exactly how I've been feeling lately.
It's so much easier to focus on other people and take care of them! I'm a nurturer to the nth degree, but I hate to take care of myself. What's up with that?
My current situation forced me to look at the possibility of being single again. I can't believe that for the past 6 years I have helped my husband succeed in his career and neglected to do the ONLINE schooling that is available to ensure that if something bad were to happen (not even divorce - what if he wrecked his car and died?) that I would be able to financially take care of myself and our daughter.
It's so easy to slip into complacency. It's so much harder, like you said, to take responsibility for yourself and put your big girl (or boy) pants on and do the hard work. Thank you for your honest post. It resonated with me and in a way you verbalized exactly how I've been feeling lately.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
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Glenjo, that is a very honest and insightful post, and I have felt (and still do feel at times) those same feelings.
A friend of mine who is in her early 30s sent me a long email bemoaning the fact that she isn't making enough money to live on between her 2 (low-paying) part-time jobs and that really all she wants is to be a stay-at-home mom but she can't find any good husband material and is feeling trapped in her circumstances.
What I saw in her email was this--she doesn't want to be responsible for herself, doesn't want to look for a job that is more challenging and pays more, wants to find someone to "make it all better" and handle all the parts of life that she doesn't care to deal with.
I've been there, did that same thing w/XAH. I thought he was my knight in shining armor, come to whisk me away to a perfect world and solve all my problems. He thought I was the miracle woman to solve all HIS problems. Both of us were people with problems--a LOT of problems. And so things worked about as well as you'd imagine, even though we hung on for 19 years of marriage.
I told this friend that, based on my experience, it likely wasn't a great idea to put her life and livelihood into someone else's hands. I suggested that if she thought she felt trapped NOW, what might it be like when she's been out of the workforce for 10 or 15 years, has a couple of kids, and then finds out her hub is cheating or an A or things just simply don't work out?
She doesn't want to think about that any more than I wanted to think about it...
It definitely is tough to take the full weight of responsibility for your own life. It is also absolutely necessary if you're going to grow and learn, or at least I think so.
To echo FireSprite, "Welcome, Warrior."
A friend of mine who is in her early 30s sent me a long email bemoaning the fact that she isn't making enough money to live on between her 2 (low-paying) part-time jobs and that really all she wants is to be a stay-at-home mom but she can't find any good husband material and is feeling trapped in her circumstances.
What I saw in her email was this--she doesn't want to be responsible for herself, doesn't want to look for a job that is more challenging and pays more, wants to find someone to "make it all better" and handle all the parts of life that she doesn't care to deal with.
I've been there, did that same thing w/XAH. I thought he was my knight in shining armor, come to whisk me away to a perfect world and solve all my problems. He thought I was the miracle woman to solve all HIS problems. Both of us were people with problems--a LOT of problems. And so things worked about as well as you'd imagine, even though we hung on for 19 years of marriage.
I told this friend that, based on my experience, it likely wasn't a great idea to put her life and livelihood into someone else's hands. I suggested that if she thought she felt trapped NOW, what might it be like when she's been out of the workforce for 10 or 15 years, has a couple of kids, and then finds out her hub is cheating or an A or things just simply don't work out?
She doesn't want to think about that any more than I wanted to think about it...
It definitely is tough to take the full weight of responsibility for your own life. It is also absolutely necessary if you're going to grow and learn, or at least I think so.
To echo FireSprite, "Welcome, Warrior."
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Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Originally Posted by honeypig 
Glenjo, that is a very honest and insightful post, and I have felt (and still do feel at times) those same feelings.
A friend of mine who is in her early 30s sent me a long email bemoaning the fact that she isn't making enough money to live on between her 2 (low-paying) part-time jobs and that really all she wants is to be a stay-at-home mom but she can't find any good husband material and is feeling trapped in her circumstances.
What I saw in her email was this--she doesn't want to be responsible for herself, doesn't want to look for a job that is more challenging and pays more, wants to find someone to "make it all better" and handle all the parts of life that she doesn't care to deal with.
I've been there, did that same thing w/XAH. I thought he was my knight in shining armor, come to whisk me away to a perfect world and solve all my problems. He thought I was the miracle woman to solve all HIS problems. Both of us were people with problems--a LOT of problems. And so things worked about as well as you'd imagine, even though we hung on for 19 years of marriage.
I told this friend that, based on my experience, it likely wasn't a great idea to put her life and livelihood into someone else's hands. I suggested that if she thought she felt trapped NOW, what might it be like when she's been out of the workforce for 10 or 15 years, has a couple of kids, and then finds out her hub is cheating or an A or things just simply don't work out?
She doesn't want to think about that any more than I wanted to think about it...
It definitely is tough to take the full weight of responsibility for your own life. It is also absolutely necessary if you're going to grow and learn, or at least I think so.
To echo FireSprite, "Welcome, Warrior."
A friend of mine who is in her early 30s sent me a long email bemoaning the fact that she isn't making enough money to live on between her 2 (low-paying) part-time jobs and that really all she wants is to be a stay-at-home mom but she can't find any good husband material and is feeling trapped in her circumstances.
What I saw in her email was this--she doesn't want to be responsible for herself, doesn't want to look for a job that is more challenging and pays more, wants to find someone to "make it all better" and handle all the parts of life that she doesn't care to deal with.
I've been there, did that same thing w/XAH. I thought he was my knight in shining armor, come to whisk me away to a perfect world and solve all my problems. He thought I was the miracle woman to solve all HIS problems. Both of us were people with problems--a LOT of problems. And so things worked about as well as you'd imagine, even though we hung on for 19 years of marriage.
I told this friend that, based on my experience, it likely wasn't a great idea to put her life and livelihood into someone else's hands. I suggested that if she thought she felt trapped NOW, what might it be like when she's been out of the workforce for 10 or 15 years, has a couple of kids, and then finds out her hub is cheating or an A or things just simply don't work out?
She doesn't want to think about that any more than I wanted to think about it...
It definitely is tough to take the full weight of responsibility for your own life. It is also absolutely necessary if you're going to grow and learn, or at least I think so.
To echo FireSprite, "Welcome, Warrior."
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