sobersolstice

6 Months is the longest stint I've had in my life, and clearly remember falling off during a xmas party in 2012.

I'm approaching that mark, and am back in the dating scene... The problem being everyone I meet seems to enjoy a couple drinks. Rooftop margaritas, buying beers for dinner occasions, and large gatherings where booze is part of the fun.

I guess I'm looking for a reminder? I don't know. I feel like it would be great to enjoy a few drinks, but ugh... I've come so far mentally and physically. I feel great, but I want to feel better for some occasions.

But, alas... It's not worth it. Maybe I'm spending far too much time with drinkers and in drinking environments (ie. breweries and restaurants), but that's where all the fun is after athletic endeavors.

I had blood work done, and my liver and metabolic levels are in good shape, so it's a huge challenge for me atm to not crack a beer.

It's just on my mind, as there's a large mountain festival today serving free beer.

*sigh*

gypsytears

Hi and welcome. Congrats on your sober time. I see similar things all around me. People & events... all revolve around drinking. I am always the only sober one and it gets irritating quickly. If the festival might trigger you, stay home .

Atlast9999

I experience the same: everyone always drinking everywhere. It can totally be a bummer. But, the plus side is I’m not falling down drunk anymore and I can leave whenever I want. I’m learning to find the joy in sobriety.

Glad you posted here before taking a drink.

froscow

Hi there.
I'm in a similar situation. I hit the 6 month mark tomorrow as a matter of fact but that crazy AV part of my brain has been whispering to me lately "you've gone 6 months..you should treat yourself" "you're in control..." "stick to beer and wine no hard stuff"

Sounds to me like your AV is trying to get the better of you too. "you've gone 6 months and your health is in good shape again...why not have a couple?"

Don't listen to it! It's cunning and convincing...but it's a lie!!!

Congrats on your 6 months! Keep it going!

nez

For this alcoholic, even free beer comes with a heavy price!

least

Don't listen to the lies. You got sober for a reason, remind yourself of why you got sober. Six months sober is great. Please don't throw it away.

AnvilheadII

there's a large mountain festival today serving free beer

let's break that down...

there is a large mountain festival.....

there is also free beer

Hawking22

Play that tape all the way through...it will just be a few drinks here and there...fast forward a few months or a year and you very well could be worse off then 6 months ago. We know this is a slippery slope. There's no going back unless we want that life back.

Powerless doesn't mean if I drink this Friday night my life will go to crap Saturday...powerless means if I drink this Friday, I won't know when and which day will spell ruin"

least

You do realize, don't you, that it's possible to have a good time without drinking.

soberlicious

Yeah, lots of things would be great. It would be really great if I were taller. The fact is, I'm short and nothing is going to change that. So I have two choices. I can spend my life sadly pining away for extra inches, or I can happily embrace my shortness and work it for all it's worth.

Booze is not what makes experiences great. You are what makes experiences great.

froscow

That's a really good perception to have. I like that

theVman31

Hello sober solstice,

I was looking at your hobbies and you write "after athletic endeavors" all that sounds fun.

Having a drink would mean the very opposite of "having fun". You know that if you're an alcoholic and should not obsess about it.

I cannot have one drink.
If I do I will not stop afterwards.
It will turn me back into the monster who hates everything. No way José.

Post some more if you want to.

tekink

It only seems like alcohol and fun go hand in hand to me when I spend my time around folks who are drinking.

bexxed

I bet you’re not seeing the many people who don’t drink after athletic events. I ran a race recently and at first just noticed all the people drinking, but then realized there were many who weren’t. Establish yourself as that person.

Or, it also might be too early/you need to do more work before these kinds of social situations.

No matter what it is, you came here and posted and that’s important. You know you’re in dangerous territory from experience, and you know that getting out starts with reaching out.

Getting in, though, starts in the mind. You’ve created a narrative that dating involves drinking, for example.

I totally empathize by the way. I think many of us have been where you are in some way. Getting past it starts in the mind and perception and perspective. Instead of seeing “everyone drinks, I want to drink too because it looks fun” you could say “I’m considering doing something I know will damage my life because these new people around me are doing it and I want to relate to them more. Huh. Maybe I’m bored in this social situation and going into an old pattern instead of admitting to myself that I don’t relate to the drinking scene anymore, because I don’t know how or where to find anything else”.

I’m just throwing this out there. I don’t know you so it might be totally not where you are. I know I had to see this stuff, and navigate it, too.

My new code of conduct is that if it’s weird to not be drinking here, it’s weird that I’m here.

Gerard52

After reading some of your earlier threads before you stopped it would be a huge mistake for you to drink.

sobersolstice

Thank you all for the replies. I ended up not going, and lifting weights and eating a steak instead.

I was overcaffeinated and jittery. A bad combo for a big party because I felt like I was physically craving.

I'm learning to say "no", and not be such a beta-guy. I used to attend everything because it was simply fun, only to realize I was sabotaging important things in my life.

Thanks for the reminders that I really needed. I started feeling so good, I felt like alcohol couldn't hurt me, but alas, I know how things will end up. I will hang out with those friends at the gym or in the mountains... or for dinner. It's more fun, personal, and intimate that way.

lessgravity

Congrats on 6 months and congrats on the right decision. But I would be concerned that you are even entertaining those AV thoughts.

It's instructive to go through our old posts - we've both been here a long time on SR trying to get sober, I'm on 5 years, I see old posts of yours from 6 years ago where you were in very bad straights. If you need a reminder of what alcohol has given you in your life, just go back and read those old posts. It's a miserable life for guys like us.

I also struggle with being a very social person with a life where most events do involve people drinking. But my struggle is enjoying myself sober there, which I think will get better with time. The struggle is NOT with thoughts that maybe I should drink.

I think you need some serious reconsideration of where you are in your sobriety. 6 months is awesome, I've never been that sober (YET) in my life. But if you are negotiating even the IDEA of drinking again, there is a good chance you are tilting towards a relapse.

I forget who had the quote in their signature on this site, but it seems relevant to your post:

"a tree falls the way it leans. be careful which way you lean"

Good for you for being honest and accountable in your post. Hope you find the strength to keep your ship upright.

Spybee007

I noticed the more I entertain the thoughts of drinking the easier it became to drink. I shut down those thoughts quickly. They start small too and then they just cycle through your mind and pretty soon your mind starts coming up with reasons why it would be ok to have some drinks. Just remember, if you do, you will be back to square one and the feeling of regret/shame is such a horrible feeling. I have been in a relationship with an amazing person for 5 years, she doesn't drink and isn't/never was an alcoholic. So, there are people out there, a good match for you. Just have to keep searching, sober.

NerfThis

Congratulations on nearly 6 months sober!

I understand how you feel. I've been continuing to do activities with people who are drinking and I feel I have my limit of how much I can put up with it. Seeing them drinking hasn't given me the desire to drink, but I just feel very out of place and bored watching others drink. On Sunday we went to a bar with an amazing Manhattan view. I loved it, but after their fourth round of mimosas (this is after I'd watched them all chugging cocktails at brunch) was getting bored of watching people getting drunk even if the conversations were good for the most part.

I have friends from the UK visiting me next week and all their plans involve bars, brunches etc. It won't cause me to drink, but I do know I'll enjoy the outings a lot less than I did when I was part of the drinking crew.

Baker123

I’m only on day two so I don’t have firsthand wisdom. One thing that stuck with me from the August thread is that those people who drink normally aren’t really having that much fun, at least not every time. I remember my “normal” drinking days and felt like total crap the next day after just two beers! I know lots of so called non-alcoholics who also do just fine with four-five per day but at what physical expense are they paying for that? That’s way over the healthy limit and they take milk thistle. If anything, I’m trying now to feel blessed by having this problem and the lows that brought me to that awareness. Hopefully, I won’t have to worry about anything that even “normal” drinkers sometimes have to worry about (headaches the next day, how they are getting home and feeling sad about not having that third one, gaining empty cal weight - all things we alcoholics deal with but to lesser degree). I’m hoping to embrace the awareness of my problem and hopefully one day get to acceptance. I would love to have 6 months! Good work!