Healing: giving and receiving gifts
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Healing: giving and receiving gifts
There are various aspects of gift-giving and receiving, such as how givers choose gifts and how gifts impact the relationship between givers and receivers.
With active alcoholism/addiction, dysfunctional family dynamics and some of us with narcissistic family members, gifts can be loaded with control, expectations, psychological abuse and showmanship used to cover up or deflect from serious ongoing issues.
"Narcissists are able to draw attention to themselves while trying to convince everyone in their orbit that their brilliance is as blinding as they believe it to be. They turn on the charisma and charm and do all that they can to keep people's focus on their facade of perfection.
Narcissistic behaviors are different than those of someone with high self-esteem."
"Instead of eliciting pleasure, gifts with emotional baggage, control/strings and/or within dysfunctional relationships can cause distress, anger or guilt."
Gift giving can also be a recovery tool in healing relationships.
Healing the dysfunction can take time, practice and learning to not take the gift exchange personally.
1. It's just a gift. An object. It can be accepted or rejected, as a text message, email or phone call can be. Skills learned from not answering unwanted phone calls can be strengthened by rejecting unwanted gifts or other attempts of emotional baiting.
2. Say, "Thank you" if you value the relationship. This doesn't mean valuing the gift. The value of the gift does not equate to the value of the relationship. As dysfunctional relationships heal, it can be good to keep gift giving light, bright and free of past resentments.
3. Be open to doing things simply because they're fun. Gift buying, wrapping, exchanging: are you having fun doing this? Is it part of a inner spiritual guidance or simply routine with loaded expectations?
Skipping birthday or holiday gifts within friendships and families is okay to do. Love, closeness, respect and valuing a relationship is shown in many simple ways in daily living. Gifts are not a requirement or litmus test of the status of relationships.
Being a part of other gift giving experiences can be healing, such as "secret santa" gift exchanges in the workplace.
Giving and receiving are both skills that are a part of healthy relationships. This can be practiced in many ways such as a smile when someone comes home, kindness given in small ways and being willing to receive compliments gracefully.
With active alcoholism/addiction, dysfunctional family dynamics and some of us with narcissistic family members, gifts can be loaded with control, expectations, psychological abuse and showmanship used to cover up or deflect from serious ongoing issues.
"Narcissists are able to draw attention to themselves while trying to convince everyone in their orbit that their brilliance is as blinding as they believe it to be. They turn on the charisma and charm and do all that they can to keep people's focus on their facade of perfection.
Narcissistic behaviors are different than those of someone with high self-esteem."
"Instead of eliciting pleasure, gifts with emotional baggage, control/strings and/or within dysfunctional relationships can cause distress, anger or guilt."
Gift giving can also be a recovery tool in healing relationships.
Healing the dysfunction can take time, practice and learning to not take the gift exchange personally.
1. It's just a gift. An object. It can be accepted or rejected, as a text message, email or phone call can be. Skills learned from not answering unwanted phone calls can be strengthened by rejecting unwanted gifts or other attempts of emotional baiting.
2. Say, "Thank you" if you value the relationship. This doesn't mean valuing the gift. The value of the gift does not equate to the value of the relationship. As dysfunctional relationships heal, it can be good to keep gift giving light, bright and free of past resentments.
3. Be open to doing things simply because they're fun. Gift buying, wrapping, exchanging: are you having fun doing this? Is it part of a inner spiritual guidance or simply routine with loaded expectations?
Skipping birthday or holiday gifts within friendships and families is okay to do. Love, closeness, respect and valuing a relationship is shown in many simple ways in daily living. Gifts are not a requirement or litmus test of the status of relationships.
Being a part of other gift giving experiences can be healing, such as "secret santa" gift exchanges in the workplace.
Giving and receiving are both skills that are a part of healthy relationships. This can be practiced in many ways such as a smile when someone comes home, kindness given in small ways and being willing to receive compliments gracefully.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
Thank you for posting this!
With active alcoholism/addiction, dysfunctional family dynamics and some of us with narcissistic family members, gifts can be loaded with control, expectations, psychological abuse and showmanship used to cover up or deflect from serious ongoing issues.
"Narcissists are able to draw attention to themselves while trying to convince everyone in their orbit that their brilliance is as blinding as they believe it to be. They turn on the charisma and charm and do all that they can to keep people's focus on their facade of perfection."
THIS IS EVERYTHING!!! and such an accurate description of my AH behaviors! I dont think most people actually see through it IMO. I think they see it and decide they are willing to use the narc for what they can get, and the narc eats it up because it feels like control. When faced with someone who sees it for what it is and rejects it then they act like a victim. "I tried to do everything, be everything blah blah blah" They are a victim of someone whose not willing to engage in the game. Not playing the game anymore feels like the biggest freedom in the world!Every action or inaction is a choice.
With active alcoholism/addiction, dysfunctional family dynamics and some of us with narcissistic family members, gifts can be loaded with control, expectations, psychological abuse and showmanship used to cover up or deflect from serious ongoing issues.
"Narcissists are able to draw attention to themselves while trying to convince everyone in their orbit that their brilliance is as blinding as they believe it to be. They turn on the charisma and charm and do all that they can to keep people's focus on their facade of perfection."
THIS IS EVERYTHING!!! and such an accurate description of my AH behaviors! I dont think most people actually see through it IMO. I think they see it and decide they are willing to use the narc for what they can get, and the narc eats it up because it feels like control. When faced with someone who sees it for what it is and rejects it then they act like a victim. "I tried to do everything, be everything blah blah blah" They are a victim of someone whose not willing to engage in the game. Not playing the game anymore feels like the biggest freedom in the world!Every action or inaction is a choice.
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