Healing is a journey not a destination
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Healing is a journey not a destination
Healing is a journey not a destination. I discovered yesterday that there are still parts of me that need attention and taking care of and I will continue my journey and not get derailed.
While out at the store yesterday I was walking past this guy and when we were close enough I looked into his eyes, it was my ex. I didn’t recognize him at all except for his eyes. He’s gotten so old looking, extremely grey and had a scruffy beard. He looked like he aged 20 years in the last 5 years since I saw him last. I was shocked – jaw dropping shocked and the only word that came out of my mouth was his name, like I was asking are you him? He was pleasant and asked how I was doing and was anything good going on. My mouth still jaw dropped in shock just said no and I kept on walking – right out of the store. It truly threw me for a loop, shook me to my core and I was overwhelmed with sadness, tears and all.
Of course hours later after the shock wore off my codie thoughts began to creep in………..things like
The shocked look on my face probably made him feel bad, I should call him and explain and apologize.
I didn’t stop and engage in conversation, that was rude of me, I should call him and explain.
We were together for 12 years, I should have acted better towards him, been more kind and understanding.
He can’t help how he was because of his DISEASE I should just call him and have a pleasant conversation.
You know all that junk self-talk crap we can be good at. I decided I needed an al-anon meeting, needed something to break that train of thought. As I was walking into the room I heard a woman say, “when I first came into al-anon 50 years ago, I was told to do the exact opposite of what my instincts were telling me to do. Lol I needed that reminder, my hire power was at work!!!
One of the questions I hear sometimes in al-anon is why are you still coming if you are no longer with your qualifier………………next time I’m asked that, I will share the bumping into the ex 5 years later story.
While out at the store yesterday I was walking past this guy and when we were close enough I looked into his eyes, it was my ex. I didn’t recognize him at all except for his eyes. He’s gotten so old looking, extremely grey and had a scruffy beard. He looked like he aged 20 years in the last 5 years since I saw him last. I was shocked – jaw dropping shocked and the only word that came out of my mouth was his name, like I was asking are you him? He was pleasant and asked how I was doing and was anything good going on. My mouth still jaw dropped in shock just said no and I kept on walking – right out of the store. It truly threw me for a loop, shook me to my core and I was overwhelmed with sadness, tears and all.
Of course hours later after the shock wore off my codie thoughts began to creep in………..things like
The shocked look on my face probably made him feel bad, I should call him and explain and apologize.
I didn’t stop and engage in conversation, that was rude of me, I should call him and explain.
We were together for 12 years, I should have acted better towards him, been more kind and understanding.
He can’t help how he was because of his DISEASE I should just call him and have a pleasant conversation.
You know all that junk self-talk crap we can be good at. I decided I needed an al-anon meeting, needed something to break that train of thought. As I was walking into the room I heard a woman say, “when I first came into al-anon 50 years ago, I was told to do the exact opposite of what my instincts were telling me to do. Lol I needed that reminder, my hire power was at work!!!
One of the questions I hear sometimes in al-anon is why are you still coming if you are no longer with your qualifier………………next time I’m asked that, I will share the bumping into the ex 5 years later story.
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