emme99

Hi everyone, I'm 5 1/2 months sober but I feel like I'm going to drink soon. It's like my June class from a few years ago, I could feel like I was going to drink again I just didn't know when. I gave myself permission to drink this past weekend but I didn't. I really want a drink right now, but I have a therapy appointment on Wednesday and I'm hoping talking about it will help, and posting here. I've been sitting here at work for the last hour and 45 minutes contemplating posting here, getting alcohol or going home. I'm really grateful for SR because I wouldn't have made it these 5 1/2 months without you all. I read a lot even if I'm not posting. Thanks for listening.

lessgravity

How in the world did you give yourself permission to drink?

Buckley3

Hey. I hope you are sticking around for the responses. You should. Get some ice cream, go home, curl up and do some posting and reading.

Then yes, get to your therapist. Better yet get to a couple of meetings.

Just remember, before you decide to buy a drink, ask yourself if it's worth cashing in everything it cost you in the past and more.

You really should get to a few meetings and get to sharing. I sense the AV has the blinders on you. Somehow find a way out of yourself ... turn your focus outward... do something for someone - preferrably a drunk that needs help. Even if it's just posting here in support if you can't find a 3d to help.

Best to you.

B

thomas11

You can get through this without drinking. It certainly won't improve any portion of your life. Hang in there.

D122y

Emme,

Nobody can really stop you, except you. I try to use this forum to be accountable. I tell myself I will let folks down if I drink. Since I don't do aa I have to prove I can use sr to stay happy and clean.

Today, I got pissed because somebody changed my schedule at the last minute and made me get up 2 hours sooner tomorrow. It is so frustrating.

But, I opened my big mouth and basically asked for it.

Anyway....

I knew I was ready to quit this time.

Physically, we are so clean at 6 months, but the mental damage is chronic.

There is no escape, the crave can only be dealt w through a lifetime of management. AA, smart, hobbies, volunteering...etc. Maybe when we are 80 we will be able to forget about booze.

It is sad when folks relapse and come back here to tell their story.

Stay clean. We are not designed to be drunks. It is a learned behavior.

Thanks.

2muchpain

5 1/2 months is amazing!! Just think of all the hard work it took for you to make it that far. I'm sure you really don't want to start over. Just remember "this too shall pass", and it will. Hang in there. John

Healthyandsober

GO HOME. don't drink today and tomorrow do the same.

if you drink you are going to have to stop again. God knows what will happen in between.

Good luck!

BDTL

You need to be your best friend right now and tell yourself it is not worth one single drop of the poison that has taken so many of us down a crooked road. Be strong and show your resolve!

Chase01

Great advice here Emme. We are all rooting for you. I hope you come back in a few hours to tell us you won this battle. You are worth it. Your life is worth it. Stay strong friend.

GotTheBlues

I think we all know that feeling of something building, pressure, tension. The inner monologue. Sometimes it feels as if going back is uncontrollable or inevitable. But it really isn't: You do NOT need to drink. For people like us, it will only make things worse.

Try to examine the thoughts instead and let them pass. Thing about why this has come up now and what you are going to do about it. Therapy is great for this.

Dee74

Hi Emme

maybe a quick re-read of some old posts will remind you whats at stake here?

It's not just one\drink or one night.

I got to the point where I knew if I drank again, it would not be a one night affair -and that terrified me.

I didn't know where I would wake up again - a week, a month or even a year from now.

I've done that before.

Drinking again is not inevitable no matter what your head is telling you - fight this emme

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

D

entropy1964

Why?

goodbyeevan

I'm confused... do you want to drink again?

Hopeful528

What reason is your alcoholic brain telling you is a good reason to drink?
Drinking is never the solution.
It's your alcoholic thoughts, not your rational brain thinking.
Why did you quit 5 1/2 months ago?

Boredom is the number one cause and this time of year depending where you are in the world, with the sun.
What healthy exciting thing can you do that is exciting to look forward to or try instead

Berrybean

Well, you have the choice to drink (as we all have) or perhaps to try adding something new into your recovery. Perhaps Wednesdays appointment has you a little rattled? Perhaps some of those HALT triggers need looking at and dealing with? (Hungry, angry, lonely, tired). I dunno. You didn't give too much info.

BUT... you did post. So there's a big part of you that doesn't want to drink. It's just that your AV is screaming loudest right now. Our AVs are just our first thought, but in the last 5.5 months you have learned that you don't have to let your first thought stay your second thought and become your action.

Wisdom is what makes us do what is best for us in the longer term. Those first thoughts of ours are generally interested in instant gratification and instant relief. Please, let wisdom guide your second thought.

Why not look up a meeting and get there rather than risk shops or home.... http://www.omahaaa.org/find-a-meeting/ Or, call someone who is in your support network and ask them to meet you after work for coffee and a chat.

Just because you feel like you will drink, doesn't make it so. FEAR. False Evidence Appearing Real. You can breathe through this. No one is going to grab your hand and force you to pour alcohol down your throat. And just because you drank at this stage before,doesn't mean you have to repeat it. BUT, it's worth adding more into your recovery plan at this stage, or at least reviewing it so see if some of yiur tools have been dropped along the way.

You can do this.

BB

Delilah1

5 1/2 months is fantastic, and it definitely takes a lot of work to get to that point. Playing the tape through us probably one of the best things you can do right now. Imagine how it will feel to wake up hungover and back to day one, the thought of that alone should motivate you to wake up to yet another amazingly sober morning.

Renvate

Is tomorrows guilt and frustration worth it? Is the binge week in front of tomorrow worth it?

or is it worth to sit down today and make a plan on paper to do another activity that will be beneficial for you?

Caramel

All support and kindest thoughts to you, emme

August252015

Hi Emme- it is "tomorrow" here (US EST) - how are you? I hope you mae it through the day/night sober.

Do you have IRL support to use along with SR?

joandmelandhan

Emme honey it's not a done deal until that poison is down your throat.
I used to feel that there was a certain inevitability that I would go back to the bottle and time and time again that's what I did.
It doesn't have to be that way at all. 5 1/2 months is such a huge achievement and surely worth fighting for.
I know it's hard Emme. In some ways I feel more broken now (at almost 10 months) than ever. Alcohol will never be the answer. Alcohol caused it.
I hope you wake up this morning and see the support you have here.
Take care sweetheart and keep posting. xxx