E1234

I’m such an idiot!
Throughout my pregnancy I have been struggling with drinking. On about 5 occasions I binge drank and had 4 to 5 glasses of wine.
The last time I binge drank was 23 days ago.. I was doing so well with no alcohol.
Today I was so stressed out from having a fight with my husband that I went to eat by myself and had a glass of red wine.
I only had one glass and started to feel baby move and became disgusted with myself.. how could I do this again 🤬🤬. The waitress brought me another glass and I didn’t drink it. I left it on the table and payed my check. I’m so disappointed with myself.

UGH!

Dee74

HI E - I'm sorry you drank.

Are you doing anything else to stay sober other than posting here?

The stakes for you are pretty high - seems to me like you might need more support, and more tools to use?

D

E1234

Truthfully all I’ve been doing is praying and searching the internet every night... it’s difficult to seek other help because of my fear of my husband finding out. I have told my doctor my concerns but she doesn’t seem to be worried because all of my tests / ultrasounds are coming back normal.

Zanna

At 28 weeks, there is a strong chance you've been lucky, THIS time. but do you feel strong enough to risk having to look at your child every day for the rest of his/her life and try to explain what went wrong? You really need to get a handle on this now love before the damage is truly done.
Brave of you to post - keep posting - you're not alone with SR in your corner.

E1234

Agreed. Thanks ❤️Xx

Dee74

I get that you're ashamed of drinking but if you're not going to be able to resist by yourself, won't the problem just get worse?

You need to make decisions for two now I think?

D

MariahGayle

So glad you are here & posting.......as Dee said, maybe some local support would be helpful? If you don’t feel comfortable going to an AA meeting you could call a local AA office, explain your situation (they are there to help, not judge) & ask if they would have a woman call you & you will be relieved to have some support.

Love & strength to you......PM me anytime

icewater1961

I think getting a women's phone list from AA could be helpful? Call somebody before you drink. We don't throw any stones. It is not a good idea to drink while pregnant. It is not a good idea to drink at all. This advice is coming from someone that has been in jail for alcoholism and seen ******** kids of alcoholic parents. Kudos to you for having only one glass! Hang in there and you will have a beautiful baby and be a strong and loving parent. And do PM people here. There is always someone here.

D122y

E,

I am not going to guilt trip you. I know you have enough guilt going ma'am.

I will offer my experience with the compulsion to drink.

ime...I had to understand that I have caused brain damage by all the drinking I did.

In my mind, fun, sadness, anger, new years, the 4th of july, birthday...basically everything...included getting drunk.

My perceived ability to live life without booze didn't make sense. Until I learned that I had brain damage.

In my brain, there are pathways that are permanently damaged. Those paths are linked to my emotions. That is why the crave gets strong when things are good or bad.

Analysis is what gets me out of trouble. Analysis is what was altered when I drank. I would get that euphoria and suddenly have a solution for all my problems for a short time.

Add that to the physical addiction and next thing I had polished off half a bottle of whisky. Then I had to pay the piper with all the of side effects of detox etc.

My brain had to rewire around my damaged pathways. It takes months and years for this to occur. I still suffer.

The whole time, coming up on 9 months pure, I still crave, but not like I did for the entire first 6 months or so back in early 2015.

You see I even rationalized a slip after 12, and 14 months. I didn't get drunk, but he door to drinking was open. SR had to talk me down, otherwise I would have started drinking again.

So when I crave it is not weakness or a mystery. It is a scientific situation that is going to take a fairly long time to settle down.

While the crave settles, my AV will say and do anything to get me to drink. I have to suffer through.

I have to suffer to get well. If I don't suffer now, I will suffer more later.

Thanks.

Midwest1981

I am glad you posted here! It sounds like you need other ways to deal with stress when it hits. Do you have a mom or sister you can talk to when you need someone? The women forum on here is good too. There is a self care thread. Is this your first baby?

Bumblebee2

I personally struggled with not drinking during both my pregnancies. One pregnancy I did not drink at all. The other one, well.. there were a few slip ups. I am thankful my daughter is happy and healthy.

You can’t take back the drinks you already had... so try not to overthink them or beat yourself up.

But you can ensure that you will keep your baby free of alcohol until delivery.

I also would try to develop some sort of plan or support for the months after delivery- because that can be a stressful time, and that is when I really started to spiral downward.

Anna

I hope that you can focus on your baby and how important it is for his/her life that you remain sober. I strongly urge you to talk to your dr and discuss the situation. This is not just about you anymore. As far as your dr not worrying about your drinking, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome can't be diagnosed until after birth.
This is the information we have on FAS:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...pregnancy.html

E1234

I’m aware it’s not just about me. I’ve read everything there is to read about FAS. That’s not why I’m here. As I already mentioned, I have spoke to my doctor. Thanks.

Dee74

I think you were a little hard on Anna.

This is always a very emotive subject, but we're trying to help.

Have you thought anymore about why you drank and how you might approach it differently if you feel the urge to drink again?

D

Melly

I know this sounds super harsh but if you feel the urge to drink google babies with fetal alcohol syndrome. Really let yourself soak it in... Then picture your baby coming out perfectly healthy and beautiful and amazing because you are now choosing not to drink. If you can't stop drinking you need to tell your husband and seek professional help. Your baby doesn't get a say in this love.

Anna

I hope that you can find the strength to stay sober for the rest of your pregnancy. And that would help you to plan for a life as a sober Mom. I know you want to be the best Mom you can, and this will give you a couple of months to get a solid plan together before the baby arrives.

rjyerkes

Well, 5 binges in 7 months isn't good....but you're on here exposing yourself because you already know that. Accountability.

I binged during the first couple months before I knew I was pregnant. Doc said that happens all the time. Although nobody I knew drank as much as I did. Thank the Lord, my son is perfect. Almost 18 now.

Like I said, I was a daily drinker - heavy daily drinker, but when he was born I rarely ever drank for the first 4 or 5 years. My mouth LITERALLY watered when I drove past the 7-11 where I used to get it.

All it took was for me to look into the rear view mirror and see his tiny, precious, perfect little face. He needs me. He trusts me. He loves and me unconditionally. What an amazing gift.

Over the years my drinking has progressed. As it does. He's at the age where he doesn't need me as much. Has his own life. I've been using that as an excuse these past few years. That stopped when he asked me if I remembered a conversation we had recently. I had absolutely no memory, and it was a deep one. Full of good stuff that I desperately want to recall but am too ashamed to ask. He's going off to the military in a few months and he's our only child. I'm terrified and I'm not ready. Who is? I've been trying to spend as much time with him and be as available to him as possible. But I'll never know what was said during that spur of the moment conversation. That moment is gone forever and I'm devastated to think of how many more are lost that I'm not aware of. I drink to forget the past but all I end up forgetting is the present.

The only thing to do is move forward. Find answers. Ask for help. Keep trying. One day at a time.

The fact that we're on this site, telling the truth, and searching for answers shows an enormous amount of courage - if I do say so myself lol. It's not easy to own up to our toxic behavior particularly when it involves our children. From what I've seen (50 yrs old) most seem to just use denial...for most everything. At least we recognize we have a problem. Even if we haven't got it completely figured out yet.

Good wishes and good health to you

Porcetta

If you ever needed a reason to stop, this is it

E1234

I don’t think I was hard on anyone. I’m not here to feel attacked or given a guilt trip. That’s why I won’t tell anyone my problem in real life.. because of how people react to it. I know what I’m doing is wrong. If I felt like I was in the position to get help without being judged and my husband and family leaving me then I would.

E1234

Thank you ❤️Xx.