I can't believe I'm asking this
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Join Date: May 2018
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I can't believe I'm asking this
how do I convince my high functioning significant other I have no problem with his drinking.. I'm thinking he assumed I did and he kicked me out of his life completely. what can I say to get through to him that I love him and honestly don't care if he drinks excessively..I never seen him get violent her at crazy he has no negative side effects with his alcohol pushing me to the curb and I don't know why. Id just give anything to have him back...water addicts attracted to besides booze I'm crying as I type this out
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
You do understand that alcoholism is progressive, and what you see today is probably the best it will ever be??
And you've read the stories of the many fine folks on this site who have gone from being with someone "high functioning" to rehabs, DUIs, punched holes in walls, strangulations, completely wiped-out finances, life-sucking medical bills, etc.?
And I implore you - do NOT have children with this person. Ever.
And you've read the stories of the many fine folks on this site who have gone from being with someone "high functioning" to rehabs, DUIs, punched holes in walls, strangulations, completely wiped-out finances, life-sucking medical bills, etc.?
And I implore you - do NOT have children with this person. Ever.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,649
You said:
He wants a drinking buddy, he found one. You aren't a drinker, he wants to drink.
I think this is pretty straight forward, he is interested in drinking - you ask what are alcoholics attracted to - the answer is alcohol.
If you are with him you will always be second to drinking, ALWAYS. Have you had a chance to look at some of the stickies at the top of this forum? In particular:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
I knew he drank a lot and always tried to get me to drink with him. He up and left me the 1st time i told him i didnt want to hang with his drinking buddy.
I think this is pretty straight forward, he is interested in drinking - you ask what are alcoholics attracted to - the answer is alcohol.
If you are with him you will always be second to drinking, ALWAYS. Have you had a chance to look at some of the stickies at the top of this forum? In particular:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
yep so very true had 12 great years with my Eddie lee. and then the morphine was added by the Doctor.. what to know the truth.. if I could go back to 1992 I would in a heart beat. why because I sobbed myself silly for another 14 years after the first 12... he was just on the phone with me .. he is going that hemp oil under his tongue. its to help the pain.. know what kids.. and beans . he is now hooked on that stuff. side effect oh you bet your life. for 3 days he forgot to do the drops under his tongue. and the body is screaming at him royally. and in turn I get to be screamed at.. and he has no idea what is happening. none. I have a nervous pranching adult male of 63 years of age. that now is hooked on something else. yep and its not me... sorry kiddo . run run run as fast as you can..
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
with everything you have typed in the last couple of days,Broken,
why do you want to convince him and why do you want him in your life?
there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with trying to force an alcoholic INTO your life.
why do you want to convince him and why do you want him in your life?
there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with trying to force an alcoholic INTO your life.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
maybe he doesn't want somebody quite so clingy and desperate? it was a SHORT two month thing....he decided it wasn't for him. he drank to excess every time you were together.....it's like inviting the guy standing there with a can of gasoline and a zippo lighter to come in to your house to warm things up a bit.
it is essential that we learn to let people go when they want to go.
we don't get to KEEP them. we don't have to understand their reasons or motives, once their gone...........it's OVER.
it is essential that we learn to let people go when they want to go.
we don't get to KEEP them. we don't have to understand their reasons or motives, once their gone...........it's OVER.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 235
Originally Posted by Broken3481 
how do I convince my high functioning significant other I have no problem with his drinking.. I'm thinking he assumed I did and he kicked me out of his life completely.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
How many times a day do you call or text him? Message him on facebook? Drive by his house? Call his friends and family?
Seems that you are obsessed with this guy. It doesn't matter WHY he doesn't want to see you.
You're assuming.
Let it go. Work on your own insecurity and control issues. I mean you've asked this question every which way in the last couple days - many times in many threads.
This over-zealous need to get him back is a little scary. If I broke up with you and you were this pushy, I'd call the police. As a matter of fact, that's exactly what I did with the last BF who I broke up with...who continued to drive by my house, stalk me on facebook, email and call, and who used to hang out outside my work. It scared me.
The police told him to not contact me again.
Seems that you are obsessed with this guy. It doesn't matter WHY he doesn't want to see you.
You're assuming.
Let it go. Work on your own insecurity and control issues. I mean you've asked this question every which way in the last couple days - many times in many threads.
This over-zealous need to get him back is a little scary. If I broke up with you and you were this pushy, I'd call the police. As a matter of fact, that's exactly what I did with the last BF who I broke up with...who continued to drive by my house, stalk me on facebook, email and call, and who used to hang out outside my work. It scared me.
The police told him to not contact me again.
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 124
Your addiction to him is worse than his addiction to alcohol right now.
I won't judge. I have been where you are. I wanted my husband to seek help after I left so I emailed him a lot . Nothing. Then I realized that why am I trying to invite trouble back that I just got out of? He wants to be with someone who understands and enables his need to drink - go on. I don't miss the lonely times I sat by myself staring at walls while he was passed out. I don't miss the times he left me on the road at midnight by myself and having to figure my way back to the hotel. I don't miss him picking fights with me so he could drink. I don't miss him counter blaming me for his drinking. I don't miss him smelling of alcohol and wanting to hold me and somehow that was the only time he felt this immense love for me. I don't miss his hangovers , him vomiting , him making all our plans around alcohol. Let go . There is no happiness there in the future . There are just tears and heartache. Why do you want that? Unless you love punishing yourself for some reason
I won't judge. I have been where you are. I wanted my husband to seek help after I left so I emailed him a lot . Nothing. Then I realized that why am I trying to invite trouble back that I just got out of? He wants to be with someone who understands and enables his need to drink - go on. I don't miss the lonely times I sat by myself staring at walls while he was passed out. I don't miss the times he left me on the road at midnight by myself and having to figure my way back to the hotel. I don't miss him picking fights with me so he could drink. I don't miss him counter blaming me for his drinking. I don't miss him smelling of alcohol and wanting to hold me and somehow that was the only time he felt this immense love for me. I don't miss his hangovers , him vomiting , him making all our plans around alcohol. Let go . There is no happiness there in the future . There are just tears and heartache. Why do you want that? Unless you love punishing yourself for some reason
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
I understand that as of TODAY, there are no visible negative consequences , but I can assure you, they are going to eventually surface. Painful, life threatening medical issues are in the forecast. But the most painful thing to witness is to watch a vibrant, healthy, loving, intelligent human being , succumb to this terrible disease. No it won’t happen overnight, but I promise one day you will NOT recognize him, he will no longer be the person you love and treasure today. AND you will no longer be YOU, We too , spiral down that black hole of nothingness, think you are lonely today, spend 10 years with someone whose brain is being consumed by this disease, you would have a more stimulating conversation with a rock. So sorry to hear you are hurting, but sometime life hurts, it is it’s own way of getting our attention , it’s letting us know healthy changes are needed.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
If you have to convince someone to stay with you, then they have already left.
It’s not about the booze, it’s about him no longer wanting to date you. If he wanted to keep you in his life he would have and he would have just ignored your intolerance for his drinking, but he didn’t.
Have you never had a relationship break up before?
It’s not about the booze, it’s about him no longer wanting to date you. If he wanted to keep you in his life he would have and he would have just ignored your intolerance for his drinking, but he didn’t.
Have you never had a relationship break up before?
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 514
Hi Broken, welcome. I wish I could say I disagree with the others, but I don’t. There is more going on here than alcohol, and frankly if there isn’t, then he’s a raging alcoholic and it SHOULD bother you. If you care about his health as well as yours, excessive drinking would be very worrisome.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It gets worse before it gets better if you don’t tackle it early on. It does sound to me like he’s left you because you dared to question his alcoholic tendencies. For the true alcoholic, nothing can get in the way of drinking. You don’t like it? You’re out.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It gets worse before it gets better if you don’t tackle it early on. It does sound to me like he’s left you because you dared to question his alcoholic tendencies. For the true alcoholic, nothing can get in the way of drinking. You don’t like it? You’re out.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 356
I’m sorry he pushed you away but be thankful. Also you keep posting on different forums with the same thing. It seems to me that you’re hoping that you will get an answer you want to hear if you post on enough forums. Problems is, you won’t.
you’ve been with this guy for only 2 months. Be glad you already know how much he drinks because it will only get worse.
He probably doesn’t want you anymore because you made a comment about his drinking buddy and realized that you already suspect he has a problem and therefore will start interfering with his drinking.
My RAH was a very kind man when I met him, very interested in me etc. He was high functioning and going through a divorce so I could understand why he drank (now I know better) . And of course he downplayed it and also drank during his many sleepless nights so I probably didn’t see how much he really drank. Over the years he would quit for a while only to go back to social drinking after a few weeks and before you knew it it spun out of control.
He’s now clean but things got very bad the last couple of years. Even when he didn’t drink for a year he was not fun to be around because he was a drunk without the alcohol to help him cope.
I didn’t find out until this past year that he basically left his wife because he felt like she was starting to be a threat to his ability to drink. They had problems of course but probably a some of them were directly and indirectly related to his drinking.
The fact that you are so hung up on this after only two month is a huge red flag for you. It screams codependency. I now see how dysfunctional my own relationship was reall from the beginning. We got serious very very quickly and basically spent every minute together unless he was at work or with his kids. Seemed great at the time, someone who really cared about me for once. Now I know we were both rebounding and the perfect dysfunctional match for each other.
It sucks when someone doesn’t want to be with you anymore. But you can’t force them. Being ok with his crazy excessive drinking just so he will come back to you is codependency at its finest.
Take his gift and run far away and work on yourself. You can’t love someone if you do not love yourself. And it’s true. I’ve learned that about myself these last 1.5 years. I’ve been a people pleaser all my life and look where it got me, pretty soon twice divorced, once from a narcissist who was addicted to exercise and himself and then an alcoholic who is now in recovery but the damage done during his addiction was to much for me to come back from .
Get yourself to alanon, educate yourself about addiction and I would consider individual therapy to look at yourself. I thought if my H would quit drinking everything would be fine (not that it ever was before so I don’t know why I thought that) but I didn’t realize how much work I needed myself in all of this. And I’m a stilla work in progress because old habits are hard to break.
Let go of him, you will do yourself a huge favor, as much as it hurts that he let you go.
you’ve been with this guy for only 2 months. Be glad you already know how much he drinks because it will only get worse.
He probably doesn’t want you anymore because you made a comment about his drinking buddy and realized that you already suspect he has a problem and therefore will start interfering with his drinking.
My RAH was a very kind man when I met him, very interested in me etc. He was high functioning and going through a divorce so I could understand why he drank (now I know better) . And of course he downplayed it and also drank during his many sleepless nights so I probably didn’t see how much he really drank. Over the years he would quit for a while only to go back to social drinking after a few weeks and before you knew it it spun out of control.
He’s now clean but things got very bad the last couple of years. Even when he didn’t drink for a year he was not fun to be around because he was a drunk without the alcohol to help him cope.
I didn’t find out until this past year that he basically left his wife because he felt like she was starting to be a threat to his ability to drink. They had problems of course but probably a some of them were directly and indirectly related to his drinking.
The fact that you are so hung up on this after only two month is a huge red flag for you. It screams codependency. I now see how dysfunctional my own relationship was reall from the beginning. We got serious very very quickly and basically spent every minute together unless he was at work or with his kids. Seemed great at the time, someone who really cared about me for once. Now I know we were both rebounding and the perfect dysfunctional match for each other.
It sucks when someone doesn’t want to be with you anymore. But you can’t force them. Being ok with his crazy excessive drinking just so he will come back to you is codependency at its finest.
Take his gift and run far away and work on yourself. You can’t love someone if you do not love yourself. And it’s true. I’ve learned that about myself these last 1.5 years. I’ve been a people pleaser all my life and look where it got me, pretty soon twice divorced, once from a narcissist who was addicted to exercise and himself and then an alcoholic who is now in recovery but the damage done during his addiction was to much for me to come back from .
Get yourself to alanon, educate yourself about addiction and I would consider individual therapy to look at yourself. I thought if my H would quit drinking everything would be fine (not that it ever was before so I don’t know why I thought that) but I didn’t realize how much work I needed myself in all of this. And I’m a stilla work in progress because old habits are hard to break.
Let go of him, you will do yourself a huge favor, as much as it hurts that he let you go.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Being pushed away is difficult, and not having answers is difficult. I find it sad that after only 2 months you were willing to accept the drinking. You don't know it now, but like others have said, you dodged a bullet. Did you drink with him?
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