Threw away 2.5 yrs of sobriety....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8
Threw away 2.5 yrs of sobriety....
Hello all,
Liking the positivity and stories here they really help. Sober again goin on 3 weeks and feeling really anxious and remorseful for all the pain I have caused others. So I thought I would come share. Got sober the first time in 2013. Came back from Afghanistan and received two dui's in a matter of months. However the war did not create my problems just added to them. Got help for ptsd, tbi, and my alcoholism. Was sober 2.5 years and life was on the up n up. Problem is I figured my mind was strong enough to have just a couple of beers here n there.
As life proved that was not the case. Once I started I jumped in head first. Went from drinking on gym off days, to weekends, to 4 days a week, to everyday all within the first year. Thought I would have had a better grip on things. Lost friendships being paranoid. Lost family members who I believed called child protective services on me to include my mother and sister because of my drinkinh. Lost my daughter who is 9 (almost 10 now) who lives with me, but cant stand me and most times is afraid to be around me. Lastly lost my relationship because I blacked out one night and whooped her kids who were up past 2am when I returned from the bar.
Thats not the person I am at all so that particular incident made me isolate and drink even more. It became enough about 3 weeks ago when I was kicked out of my Mothers house for playing Russian Roulette and realized Im not well at all. I have attended many many therapy sessions at the VA hospital as well as an alcohol program there, but haven't taken it seriously until now.
All these people in my life asked me to get help so I obliged, but only because they had asked. Now I am actually wanting to do the work to get better. I've gone through the why mes and pity party. I've dealt with the realization I have a serious problem. I can't do this on my own and am seeking the help I need. First I had to realize that noone is going to do the work for me. I also had to realize that most things in life are out of my control, but I can control myself.
So here we are 3 weeks deep doing the work to get better. I created this so I have to fix it. Problem is I feel terrible 3 weeks in and am nowhere close to ready to apologize. I am hopeful though that possibly in a couple of months I can. Maybe longer who knows right now, but first I have to fix myself so when I reach that point it is genuine. Anyways sorry for the rant just had to get that written down. Still a bit scatterbrained right now so this helps.
Thoughts? Opinions? Anyone have a similar story?
Thanks for your input in advance!!
Liking the positivity and stories here they really help. Sober again goin on 3 weeks and feeling really anxious and remorseful for all the pain I have caused others. So I thought I would come share. Got sober the first time in 2013. Came back from Afghanistan and received two dui's in a matter of months. However the war did not create my problems just added to them. Got help for ptsd, tbi, and my alcoholism. Was sober 2.5 years and life was on the up n up. Problem is I figured my mind was strong enough to have just a couple of beers here n there.
As life proved that was not the case. Once I started I jumped in head first. Went from drinking on gym off days, to weekends, to 4 days a week, to everyday all within the first year. Thought I would have had a better grip on things. Lost friendships being paranoid. Lost family members who I believed called child protective services on me to include my mother and sister because of my drinkinh. Lost my daughter who is 9 (almost 10 now) who lives with me, but cant stand me and most times is afraid to be around me. Lastly lost my relationship because I blacked out one night and whooped her kids who were up past 2am when I returned from the bar.
Thats not the person I am at all so that particular incident made me isolate and drink even more. It became enough about 3 weeks ago when I was kicked out of my Mothers house for playing Russian Roulette and realized Im not well at all. I have attended many many therapy sessions at the VA hospital as well as an alcohol program there, but haven't taken it seriously until now.
All these people in my life asked me to get help so I obliged, but only because they had asked. Now I am actually wanting to do the work to get better. I've gone through the why mes and pity party. I've dealt with the realization I have a serious problem. I can't do this on my own and am seeking the help I need. First I had to realize that noone is going to do the work for me. I also had to realize that most things in life are out of my control, but I can control myself.
So here we are 3 weeks deep doing the work to get better. I created this so I have to fix it. Problem is I feel terrible 3 weeks in and am nowhere close to ready to apologize. I am hopeful though that possibly in a couple of months I can. Maybe longer who knows right now, but first I have to fix myself so when I reach that point it is genuine. Anyways sorry for the rant just had to get that written down. Still a bit scatterbrained right now so this helps.
Thoughts? Opinions? Anyone have a similar story?
Thanks for your input in advance!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Riv, for one, I genuinely thank you for your service.
There is tons of terrific advice and support on this site from people much wiser and more experienced than me. Often I have been asked this, so I ask you now:
What is your plan?
There is tons of terrific advice and support on this site from people much wiser and more experienced than me. Often I have been asked this, so I ask you now:
What is your plan?
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR! Congrats on 3 weeks sober!! 
I like what you wrote about putting in the work to make yourself better. Good stuff!!
Who are you working up to apologize to?
I like what you wrote about putting in the work to make yourself better. Good stuff!!
Originally Posted by riverty781 
3 weeks in and am nowhere close to ready to apologize.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Welcome to SR, riverty!
The last time I got sober, I had to accept first that it was going to be pretty rough for the first while and that I wasn't going to run to a drink for relief anymore. The only way out for me was to go through those first tough weeks or months.
SR is a wonderful place for support and for any information you're looking for to help you stay sober. Face-to-face support and a recovery program helped me with a lot of the issues that made me feel drinking was something I needed to do.
In my case, I gave it time and continued to do what I needed to do to maintain my sobriety and then other things eventually began to work out.
The last time I got sober, I had to accept first that it was going to be pretty rough for the first while and that I wasn't going to run to a drink for relief anymore. The only way out for me was to go through those first tough weeks or months.
SR is a wonderful place for support and for any information you're looking for to help you stay sober. Face-to-face support and a recovery program helped me with a lot of the issues that made me feel drinking was something I needed to do.
In my case, I gave it time and continued to do what I needed to do to maintain my sobriety and then other things eventually began to work out.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
HI Riverty - Welcome to SR and thank you for your service. 
I"m glad you're working on yourself. Three weeks of sobriety is awesome. Stay close to SR. Much wisdom, compassion and understanding here. Looking forward to getting to know you.
I"m glad you're working on yourself. Three weeks of sobriety is awesome. Stay close to SR. Much wisdom, compassion and understanding here. Looking forward to getting to know you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
Awesome you found SR! Keep posting, stay on this new path, you can do this. I was at the very bottom of my life when I knew I had to change, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. My health was guttering and I knew I had to change. There were virtually no friends left for me because I blew them all up in my drunken rages. All I had was myself, my place (fortunately, but I'd been neglecting it). This community has been a constant I check every day sometimes multiple times a day without signing in because people have struggled and the others are there telling (us) that we matter. We might not always like what we hear but the truth is such a wonderful thing. Keep coming back. You take small steps starting out and let the process of finding your way give you strength each day. Sobriety is such a gift if only to appreciate the day and the beauty of nature. Welcome and thank you for your service.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8
Thank you guys truly...
Plan hmmm good question? Right now I guess just taking it one day at a time. Bettering myself and getting back level headed.
As for the who I have a whole list of people, but my immediate family first.
Plan hmmm good question? Right now I guess just taking it one day at a time. Bettering myself and getting back level headed.
As for the who I have a whole list of people, but my immediate family first.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by riverty781
Thank you guys truly...
Plan hmmm good question? Right now I guess just taking it one day at a time. Bettering myself and getting back level headed.
As for the who I have a whole list of people, but my immediate family first.
Plan hmmm good question? Right now I guess just taking it one day at a time. Bettering myself and getting back level headed.
As for the who I have a whole list of people, but my immediate family first.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by lessgravity
One day at a time seems to work, but are you fortifying that with anything else? Meetings? Readings? Fitness? Food? Movies? Tea? etc etc.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Riverty, it sounds like you're doing well, and three weeks of sobriety is great. It sounds like you are taking care of yourself with diet and exercise, which is good. Does the VA check-in group meet frequently? I'm sure it's helpful, but I wonder if you have considered counselling as well?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
Originally Posted by riverty781
I honestly don't go to meetings it's never been my thing.
Disclaimer first. I'm going to play devil's advocate a bit. And also challenge you. You know, just to make sure to keep people thinking. Hope it doesn't come off as pushy - that's not the intent. I honestly have no idea what will work for you. Only you can come to that conclusion.
"never been my thing."
And how's that worked out? I thought I could moderate too... 'cuz you know... staying sober wasn't my thing. Years ago I had 2 years booze free and threw it away. 10 years later I'm sober again but after a lot of wreckage. 'Cuz you know, back then I wasn't an alcoholic. And meetings and learning what alcoholism is wasn't my thing.
Do you know what each of the steps is designed to address? Do you know how AA - the Big Book specifically - defines & describes alcoholism? Do you believe it? Have you considered it? If you believe any of it and AA isn't your thing what do you think can be done to address any of the points the 12 are designed to address?
Sobriety - as you know - isn't a half-assed commitment. It needs to be a priority. And sometimes we all have to do stuff that isn't our thing but that turns out to be incredibly valuable. And sometimes we do things that aren't our thing but stick with it and discover we didn't know jack when we thought that and something clicks along the way and we start getting it.
Just sayin. Again, if it comes across as aggressive - well maybe it is. Certainly not personal. Just would like to help you make sure you are thinking and not just letting your ego lead you on some damned road of denial or whatever that could cost you a lot in the long run.
It's sincerely out of respect.
Best to you, there's a ton of resources here to educate yourself with about the nature of the beast. Knowledge is power.
-B
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by Anna
Riverty, it sounds like you're doing well, and three weeks of sobriety is great. It sounds like you are taking care of yourself with diet and exercise, which is good. Does the VA check-in group meet frequently? I'm sure it's helpful, but I wonder if you have considered counselling as well?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome to SR Riv! I'm really glad you found us. I am getting close to 2.5 years sober, and stories like this remind me of what one drink can do, because I would have followed the same path as you.
I do not have quite the same story, but I did attempt to get sober starting in 2012, and I finally took my last drink December 31, 2015. In betweeen I alternated between periods of sobriety, and periods of failed attempts at moderation. This site was there for me every time I came back, and has been the biggest part of my recovery.
The monthly classes are great, and so is the 24 hour thread, I check in there daily. You should pop in, you will find amazing support.
I do not have quite the same story, but I did attempt to get sober starting in 2012, and I finally took my last drink December 31, 2015. In betweeen I alternated between periods of sobriety, and periods of failed attempts at moderation. This site was there for me every time I came back, and has been the biggest part of my recovery.
The monthly classes are great, and so is the 24 hour thread, I check in there daily. You should pop in, you will find amazing support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8
[QUOTE=Buckley3;6892693]Hey man, thank you for the service... really.
Disclaimer first. I'm going to play devil's advocate a bit. And also challenge you. You know, just to make sure to keep people thinking. Hope it doesn't come off as pushy - that's not the intent. I honestly have no idea what will work for you. Only you can come to that conclusion.
"never been my thing."
And how's that worked out? I thought I could moderate too... 'cuz you know... staying sober wasn't my thing. Years ago I had 2 years booze free and threw it away. 10 years later I'm sober again but after a lot of wreckage. 'Cuz you know, back then I wasn't an alcoholic. And meetings and learning what alcoholism is wasn't my thing.
Do you know what each of the steps is designed to address? Do you know how AA - the Big Book specifically - defines & describes alcoholism? Do you believe it? Have you considered it? If you believe any of it and AA isn't your thing what do you think can be done to address any of the points the 12 are designed to address?
Sobriety - as you know - isn't a half-assed commitment. It needs to be a priority. And sometimes we all have to do stuff that isn't our thing but that turns out to be incredibly valuable. And sometimes we do things that aren't our thing but stick with it and discover we didn't know jack when we thought that and something clicks along the way and we start getting it.
Just sayin. Again, if it comes across as aggressive - well maybe it is. Certainly not personal. Just would like to help you make sure you are thinking and not just letting your ego lead you on some damned road of denial or whatever that could cost you a lot in the long run.
It's sincerely out of respect.
Best to you, there's a ton of resources here to educate yourself with about the nature of the beast. Knowledge is power.
Thanks for your input I'll take all you said in consideration.
Disclaimer first. I'm going to play devil's advocate a bit. And also challenge you. You know, just to make sure to keep people thinking. Hope it doesn't come off as pushy - that's not the intent. I honestly have no idea what will work for you. Only you can come to that conclusion.
"never been my thing."
And how's that worked out? I thought I could moderate too... 'cuz you know... staying sober wasn't my thing. Years ago I had 2 years booze free and threw it away. 10 years later I'm sober again but after a lot of wreckage. 'Cuz you know, back then I wasn't an alcoholic. And meetings and learning what alcoholism is wasn't my thing.
Do you know what each of the steps is designed to address? Do you know how AA - the Big Book specifically - defines & describes alcoholism? Do you believe it? Have you considered it? If you believe any of it and AA isn't your thing what do you think can be done to address any of the points the 12 are designed to address?
Sobriety - as you know - isn't a half-assed commitment. It needs to be a priority. And sometimes we all have to do stuff that isn't our thing but that turns out to be incredibly valuable. And sometimes we do things that aren't our thing but stick with it and discover we didn't know jack when we thought that and something clicks along the way and we start getting it.
Just sayin. Again, if it comes across as aggressive - well maybe it is. Certainly not personal. Just would like to help you make sure you are thinking and not just letting your ego lead you on some damned road of denial or whatever that could cost you a lot in the long run.
It's sincerely out of respect.
Best to you, there's a ton of resources here to educate yourself with about the nature of the beast. Knowledge is power.
Thanks for your input I'll take all you said in consideration.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by Delilah1
Welcome to SR Riv! I'm really glad you found us. I am getting close to 2.5 years sober, and stories like this remind me of what one drink can do, because I would have followed the same path as you.
I do not have quite the same story, but I did attempt to get sober starting in 2012, and I finally took my last drink December 31, 2015. In betweeen I alternated between periods of sobriety, and periods of failed attempts at moderation. This site was there for me every time I came back, and has been the biggest part of my recovery.
The monthly classes are great, and so is the 24 hour thread, I check in there daily. You should pop in, you will find amazing support.
I do not have quite the same story, but I did attempt to get sober starting in 2012, and I finally took my last drink December 31, 2015. In betweeen I alternated between periods of sobriety, and periods of failed attempts at moderation. This site was there for me every time I came back, and has been the biggest part of my recovery.
The monthly classes are great, and so is the 24 hour thread, I check in there daily. You should pop in, you will find amazing support.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hello,
The 24 hour thread is under the Newcomers Daily Support Thread
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-381-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 381)
I've posted the link above, it is a quick moving thread, so if this one is closed the link to the new one will be on the last post.
The idea is to check in for the next 24 hours. It is also a place where we post struggles, successes, and what's going in our lives. You will get to know everyone, and the support on this thread is fantastic. I hope to see you on there!!
The 24 hour thread is under the Newcomers Daily Support Thread
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-381-a.html (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 381)
I've posted the link above, it is a quick moving thread, so if this one is closed the link to the new one will be on the last post.
The idea is to check in for the next 24 hours. It is also a place where we post struggles, successes, and what's going in our lives. You will get to know everyone, and the support on this thread is fantastic. I hope to see you on there!!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by riverty781
As for the who I have a whole list of people, but my immediate family first.
You deserve better treatment than you've been giving yourself.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
