Weekender Thread, 10-14 May—Tame It and Rein It In!
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Location: Ashburn, VA
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Weekender Thread, 10-14 May—Tame It and Rein It In!
Many of us have made serious mistakes in our alcoholic past. Some have destroyed relationships and thrown away careers. Almost all of us have done things we deeply regret, and there is a strong tendency to mourn the years we’ve lost to alcohol.
In recovery we learn that we cannot change the past.
But we are only human; we are not blocks of wood. It’s inevitable that many of us will mourn over what might have been, or long for the people and things we have lost.
However, we must not allow negativity to dominate our new lives in recovery (this has always been a big problem of mine. I torture myself with “If only I hadn’t...”).
I just read a short and lovely book called Tuesdays With Morrie. An elderly college professor who is dying of ALS gets weaker and more corpse-like every day—yet he remains cheerful, kind, gracious, and loving.
His former student is bewildered: how on earth can he stay so serene when his body is being ravaged? Does he not suffer? Is he not grief-stricken by the loss of his vitality?
Morrie’s response hit me like a lightning bolt.
He says, “Sometimes in the mornings...That’s when I mourn. I feel around my body, I move my fingers and hands...and I mourn what I’ve lost...But then I stop mourning.”
“Just like that?”
“I give myself a good cry if I need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life...I don’t allow myself any more self-pity than that. A little each morning, a few tears, and that’s all.”
You don’t have to deny all grieving—just keep it within bounds by putting a reasonable limit on it! You can allow yourself to experience it as you need to—but relegate it to just a few minutes a day.
Tame it and rein it in!
In recovery we learn that we cannot change the past.
But we are only human; we are not blocks of wood. It’s inevitable that many of us will mourn over what might have been, or long for the people and things we have lost.
However, we must not allow negativity to dominate our new lives in recovery (this has always been a big problem of mine. I torture myself with “If only I hadn’t...”).
I just read a short and lovely book called Tuesdays With Morrie. An elderly college professor who is dying of ALS gets weaker and more corpse-like every day—yet he remains cheerful, kind, gracious, and loving.
His former student is bewildered: how on earth can he stay so serene when his body is being ravaged? Does he not suffer? Is he not grief-stricken by the loss of his vitality?
Morrie’s response hit me like a lightning bolt.
He says, “Sometimes in the mornings...That’s when I mourn. I feel around my body, I move my fingers and hands...and I mourn what I’ve lost...But then I stop mourning.”
“Just like that?”
“I give myself a good cry if I need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life...I don’t allow myself any more self-pity than that. A little each morning, a few tears, and that’s all.”
You don’t have to deny all grieving—just keep it within bounds by putting a reasonable limit on it! You can allow yourself to experience it as you need to—but relegate it to just a few minutes a day.
Tame it and rein it in!
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
Tuesday's with Morrie is one of those once in a lifetime books. It really shows you what gratitude and living in the moment should look like. ALS is very close to Parkinson's and for a few months, early on, they thought my FIL had ALS. As it was, Parkinson's took him in 5 years. He had the added bonus of Parkinson's dementia to go with the lost gait and inability to swallow. (Sarcasm). A man who drank very little, worked from before sun up to long after sun set.
That is not what this is about...
200 days this weekend. Tomorrow in fact. I think, gotta check the app lol. Working at home this weekend, small road trip tomorrowfor 6 hours, then getting my hands in some dirt and working on growing some food for our family. Nothing fun or heritage. My husband lost his mind when I cooked blue potatoes once lol.
Have a wonderful, sober weekend everyone.
That is not what this is about...
200 days this weekend. Tomorrow in fact. I think, gotta check the app lol. Working at home this weekend, small road trip tomorrowfor 6 hours, then getting my hands in some dirt and working on growing some food for our family. Nothing fun or heritage. My husband lost his mind when I cooked blue potatoes once lol.
Have a wonderful, sober weekend everyone.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,909
Thanks Gilmer! Very true and lots to think about....
I've been struggling the past few weekends....honestly want to post here for this weekend but figured I should get through today first! Thanks everyone for being here
I've been struggling the past few weekends....honestly want to post here for this weekend but figured I should get through today first! Thanks everyone for being here
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
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Post your butt off, Purps, especially today!
Keep your fingers occupied with typing so they won’t grab for a bottle!
Keep your mind occupied with reading and posting so you’ll be distracted from the bottle!
Keep your fingers occupied with typing so they won’t grab for a bottle!
Keep your mind occupied with reading and posting so you’ll be distracted from the bottle!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
U2E!! So nice to see you, friend. 
I have done, "worry sessions," in my journal whenever something is really weighing on me. Ten minutes every day with a timer set (in the evening for me) to get out all the thoughts of whatever-it-is, and no more time than that. If something about "it" comes into my thoughts during the day I say, "I'll write about that in my worry session," then I switch my thoughts to something else. Immediately.
Usually the venom comes out in the first two minutes and then I find myself talking myself down for the next eight.
Ten minutes a day is more than enough time for self-pity. It's such a waste anyway.
The power in the worry session is learning to defer instead of grabbing onto every thought that comes into my head.
I have done, "worry sessions," in my journal whenever something is really weighing on me. Ten minutes every day with a timer set (in the evening for me) to get out all the thoughts of whatever-it-is, and no more time than that. If something about "it" comes into my thoughts during the day I say, "I'll write about that in my worry session," then I switch my thoughts to something else. Immediately.
Usually the venom comes out in the first two minutes and then I find myself talking myself down for the next eight.
Ten minutes a day is more than enough time for self-pity. It's such a waste anyway.The power in the worry session is learning to defer instead of grabbing onto every thought that comes into my head.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Usually the venom comes out in the first two minutes and then I find myself talking myself down for the next eight. Ten minutes a day is more than enough time for self-pity. It's such a waste anyway.
The power in the worry session is learning to defer instead of grabbing onto every thought that comes into my head.
Ten minutes a day is more than enough time for self-pity. It's such a waste anyway.The power in the worry session is learning to defer instead of grabbing onto every thought that comes into my head.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,517
Totally agree....I don't do a worry journal per se, but I allocate time to writing down all that is bothering me....a list if you like and look at it....once it is on paper and out of my head, I make clear decisions about action(s) I need to take, and let the rest go.
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