Readygo

THis friend is close but not a person I want to share my plan with yet. I just told her I had been taking a break from alcohol. She has a upcoming event that I’ll be attending and I can’t keep telling her excuses (she knows me as a lush) but I’m not really wanting to say “hey yea I think drinking was becoming a problem”. I know I shouldn’t care but I do and she gossips. I’m just not there yet in my self assurance I guess. Any words of advice welcome 😊

Komplex

Can you tell her you’re on a cleanse type diet, taking antibiotics, given it up for lent, clean eating challenge, trying a 60 day challenge to support a friend, stomach issues...

Vinificent

I just say I gave up alcohol for health reasons. Then have dessert 😎

dcg

Forget about all that nonsense. Just decline any drinks. Only drunks care why you're not drinking. We're all known as lushes, so people are going to figure out fast why you're not drinking during each event and just respect it - unstated.

The part you're mixed up on (if your friend is truly a gossip girl), is she's been telling everyone you're a raging alcoholic as it is, so any acceptance of that on your part is not going to make you look any worse - perhaps the opposite.

lessgravity

Takin a break. Just because it's a permanent break doesn't change the truth of the statement.

Scramm

I just tell em I'm off it and am seldom asked why. They already know why

tekink

I just tell people I quit drinking, it makes it easier for me to be honest.

Pretty much everyone close to me has been supportive.

Berrybean

If she doesn't ask you don't need to tell her anything...


And if she asks because she's wants to gossip you don't need to tell her anything.


Her inviting you somewhere doesn't give her any more right to personal information. Just tell her, "I don't drink any more." Maybe have conversation changers in your head - possibly some questions to ask about HER ready to use immediately after you've told her that to indicate this is not a conversation youre willing to have. If she (rudely) persists, you can just tell her (with a smile and a hug if you like, but with eye contact and an low calm voice ) "It's not up for debate or discussion, but thanks for your concern" or something similar.

Unless you have been advertising as 'Rent a lush' you don't owe her or anyone else any explanations. If everyone else is drinking then something else will set off her gossip-radar fairly quickly anyway.

BB

Zanna

I used to say 'I just don't fancy a drink right now, maybe later' - By 'later' they were all too drunk to notice or care what I was drinking.

Delilah1

I do the same thing.

Dropsie

Ready,

Great posts here.

My decision about what to say was only whether my reason was permanent or left me a way out, so "cleanse" versus "stopped drinking".

My AV loved cleanse as it saw I was leaving a door open that there was time it might be over, but in the beginning was easier for me.

Now I just say I don't drink and when people ask, which they sometimes do out of pure curiosity, I say that I started a cleanse for health reasons and then not drinking was so great I stuck with it, which is true leaving out the gory details, or if I know them better, I sometimes say "already had my 10,000 drinks" and laugh.

So I think what you say is a choice, but I would not open up to a gossipy girl about the negatives, only the positives.

I would go with "I am on this great cleanse and I feel so good not drinking I might just stick with it. Want to join me?"

That will shut her up and give you the mojo. And if she says, but its only one night, I would say that you don't cheat and leave it at that.

D122y

Ready,

I tell folks I cut back on the booze because I became educated on the damage it does to my body and mind.

Like others have said, most drunks, except the most mean spirited ones, don't care if I drink or not.

I remember my drunken days how some sober folks would look at me with disdain. Sometimes it bothered me.

I was in a horrid addiction cycle the SR helped break. The knowledge, compassion, and tough love got me this far.

SR is one of my new non drinking habits.

By any means necessary, I will never drink again.

Thanks.

Thumbelina

I second the idea that you've taken a break. No need to justify the timescales. I've been telling people that I did Dry January challenge and enjoyed the effects so much that I've decided to extend the challange to Dry 2018. So far it's been a pretty sufficient response to anyone questioning me. They don't need to know that I'm intending to extend it to Dry for Life 🙂

DangerZone

I say the truth. I don't drink cause I don't like it or that I used to have a problem with it and leave it at that.

I wouldn't lie. I'm not ashamed of who I am and I certainly am not ashamed of the fact I don't drink. People are not going to be like 'oh he/she doesn't drink. What a loser!' When I had my 10-yrs clean time not once did I run into anyone saying something like that and this was when I used to go to college parties all the time.

In my experience no one cares why you don't drink. They are simply curious and if they do I wouldn't want to be around someone like that anyway.

It is a personal choice same way people don't eat certain foods or don't go skiing. It really isn't that big of a deal.

Nonsensical

I remember it feeling rather anti-climatic and a little disappointing that more people were not fully enveloped in my drama over becoming a non-drinker.

J50

If you already told her you weren't drinking, you can tell her you're still on a break. You don't have to tell her you quit forever yet.

tomsteve

she know you as a lush, gossips, and your concerned about telling her you stopped drinking.
think about it.
would it be horrible people that knew you drank found out you stopped? whats so bad about THAT?

Eaglelizard

Seems like every time I have to fess up and say, yeah I stopped drinking, even with someone I don't know that well, they always ask me "what happened?"

Finding this really annoying. Starting to think I should just say, well, I found myself in bed with your wife, for one. But that's not very nice or mature, I guess.

August252015

"No, thanks."

Then go on about (my) biz of being sober. I also didn't put myself around folks who would ask, or care except in a positive way for a long time.

birdie11

If offered alcohol by a friend (who I have drank with in the past) I would just say “No thanks, I’m discovering alcohol doesn’t really agree with me”.