What to say to a friend when you’re not drinking
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I have found that "no thank you" is all you need to say the vast majority of the time. As alcoholics, we obsess to no end over what other people might "think" about us not drinking. What you'll generally find though is that most people don't notice, or even care what you are drinking. Certainly our old drinking buddies will be an exception, but quite honestly I don't hang around them anymore - we had nothing in common other than drinking anyway. It's a difficult thing to do, but the reality is that we sometimes have to move on from certain relationships t support our new, sober lifestyle.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Agree with most everyone but I just want to say I understand where the OP is coming from and the "get over it"/"nothing to concern yourself with" responses never resound for me.
I think worrying about what people might say is acknowledging just how deep our culture's acceptance and valuation of drinking.
What does it mean to "celebrate" when something good happens? 99% of the people I know would think "Oh you want to get a drink?" Even the non-abusers, it's just an accepted aspect of society.
Bit of a ramble here, but certainly for those of us early in sobriety - I get the whole worrying about what others might think.
That's why I say, taking a break.
I think worrying about what people might say is acknowledging just how deep our culture's acceptance and valuation of drinking.
What does it mean to "celebrate" when something good happens? 99% of the people I know would think "Oh you want to get a drink?" Even the non-abusers, it's just an accepted aspect of society.
Bit of a ramble here, but certainly for those of us early in sobriety - I get the whole worrying about what others might think.
That's why I say, taking a break.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Yeah I obsessed over this one for a long time too.
Eventually when it came up, I would say, I don't drink, I quit, no thanks or nothing at all if the question wasn't actually raised.
I struggled for a long time with oversharing. Took me a while to figure out that not everyone needs to know all the skeletons in my closet, I can choose what I share and to whom and when. There's a time and place for some things, and with some people, it's just none of their business.
You can choose to be blunt and tell her it's none of her business if she persists, or you can gloss over and/or firmly change the subject. That's generally the route I take, but I find most people don't care. Or they question their own drinking habits.
Eventually when it came up, I would say, I don't drink, I quit, no thanks or nothing at all if the question wasn't actually raised.
I struggled for a long time with oversharing. Took me a while to figure out that not everyone needs to know all the skeletons in my closet, I can choose what I share and to whom and when. There's a time and place for some things, and with some people, it's just none of their business.
You can choose to be blunt and tell her it's none of her business if she persists, or you can gloss over and/or firmly change the subject. That's generally the route I take, but I find most people don't care. Or they question their own drinking habits.
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