Working on acceptance
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Working on acceptance
I'm really stuck with this. I read people here say that once they accepted they could no longer drink and took alcohol off the table they embraced recovery. Just wondering if anyone can give me some advice on how to actually do that. Every time I drink (literally) there is an issue. Today I missed my work. How do I get from here to where I want to be? Thank you
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
I started by making a choice to live SOBER.
Then I took alcohol off the table for TODAY.
Then I took actions to support the choice of sober living TODAY.
Then, I did it again the next TODAY.
Then I took alcohol off the table for TODAY.
Then I took actions to support the choice of sober living TODAY.
Then, I did it again the next TODAY.
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I am not the poster child for AA. However I like this bit from the big book:
And acceptance is the answer to ALL my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-some fact of my life-unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be in this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes. P. 417
And action....acting my way into right thinking seems to be the way for me. Not thinking myself into right action. Just do, and the thinking follows. If I try to think my way out of a situation that my thinking/drinking brain got me in, I simply obsessively go in thinking circles.
And acceptance is the answer to ALL my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-some fact of my life-unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be in this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes. P. 417
And action....acting my way into right thinking seems to be the way for me. Not thinking myself into right action. Just do, and the thinking follows. If I try to think my way out of a situation that my thinking/drinking brain got me in, I simply obsessively go in thinking circles.
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Yeah, I think that is it in a nutshell. I've just bought BB and a book about 12 steps to read on my tablet.
That's really helpful Frick, thank you.
And also the action needed. I sat obsessing the whole day yesterday. Literally sitting and thinking all day. I was really aware that all I wanted to do was stop....so I drank. Which is what I always did. I feel like I'm fighting everything just now, every thought, every decision. I just want some bloody peace.
That's really helpful Frick, thank you.
And also the action needed. I sat obsessing the whole day yesterday. Literally sitting and thinking all day. I was really aware that all I wanted to do was stop....so I drank. Which is what I always did. I feel like I'm fighting everything just now, every thought, every decision. I just want some bloody peace.
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The spinning racing thoughts will die down with continued sober time - but not when you keep giving in to them; it's just a matter of holding on UNTIL. It's part of the healing process for the nervous system to go on high alert when the sedative is removed. Give it time to normalize.
Have you read about kindling? Every time you go back the consequences increase. Multiple withdrawals cause damage, Gabe.
Kindling - NIH
Have you read about kindling? Every time you go back the consequences increase. Multiple withdrawals cause damage, Gabe.
Kindling - NIH
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. How do I get from here to where I want to be? Thank you
i started with surrendering- admitting alcohol had me licked.
then got into action getting to where i wanted to be,which part of that was being free of the mental obsession i had with alcohol and all the other internal turmoil.
i started with surrendering- admitting alcohol had me licked.
then got into action getting to where i wanted to be,which part of that was being free of the mental obsession i had with alcohol and all the other internal turmoil.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
It is the trickiest part. It's such a mind game.
I tried quitting for years and it didn't work. Until I finally accepted and BELIEVED that:
my life was better without alcohol
I would be healthier without alcohol
I'd sleep better without alcohol
I'd feel less shame about my behavior if I didn't drink, ever
I'd wake up feeling energized and proud, instead of sick and miserable
Before, it was so easy to talk myself into that "one glass" which always became at least a whole bottle of wine. That it "wasn't so bad". Well, it was indeed "SO BAD".
Once I truly realized that and accepted .. plus the realization after trying for years unsuccessfully to moderate that trying to do it part way would never work .. that MY LIFE would be so much better with NO ALCOHOL at all, that I turned the corner.
Now, it seems so much easier. If you put on the scales all you will receive from NOT DRINKING vs what your life is like WITH DRINKING ... It's an easy equation.
I tried quitting for years and it didn't work. Until I finally accepted and BELIEVED that:
my life was better without alcohol
I would be healthier without alcohol
I'd sleep better without alcohol
I'd feel less shame about my behavior if I didn't drink, ever
I'd wake up feeling energized and proud, instead of sick and miserable
Before, it was so easy to talk myself into that "one glass" which always became at least a whole bottle of wine. That it "wasn't so bad". Well, it was indeed "SO BAD".
Once I truly realized that and accepted .. plus the realization after trying for years unsuccessfully to moderate that trying to do it part way would never work .. that MY LIFE would be so much better with NO ALCOHOL at all, that I turned the corner.
Now, it seems so much easier. If you put on the scales all you will receive from NOT DRINKING vs what your life is like WITH DRINKING ... It's an easy equation.
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Acceptance is a beautiful thing. I'm not sure I can help you achieve it, but the mind is very powerful. I finally came to the conclusion that like you, I did not drink like normal people. I fought that for a long time. After close to a year I accepted it. I accepted this is my new life. And liked it. And I still like it. WIsh you the best.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
The spinning racing thoughts will die down with continued sober time - but not when you keep giving in to them; it's just a matter of holding on UNTIL. It's part of the healing process for the nervous system to go on high alert when the sedative is removed. Give it time to normalize.
Have you read about kindling? Every time you go back the consequences increase. Multiple withdrawals cause damage, Gabe.
Kindling - NIH
Have you read about kindling? Every time you go back the consequences increase. Multiple withdrawals cause damage, Gabe.
Kindling - NIH
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Originally Posted by tomsteve
. How do I get from here to where I want to be? Thank you
i started with surrendering- admitting alcohol had me licked.
then got into action getting to where i wanted to be,which part of that was being free of the mental obsession i had with alcohol and all the other internal turmoil.
i started with surrendering- admitting alcohol had me licked.
then got into action getting to where i wanted to be,which part of that was being free of the mental obsession i had with alcohol and all the other internal turmoil.
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Originally Posted by thomas11
Acceptance is a beautiful thing. I'm not sure I can help you achieve it, but the mind is very powerful. I finally came to the conclusion that like you, I did not drink like normal people. I fought that for a long time. After close to a year I accepted it. I accepted this is my new life. And liked it. And I still like it. WIsh you the best.
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Originally Posted by tealily
It is the trickiest part. It's such a mind game.
I tried quitting for years and it didn't work. Until I finally accepted and BELIEVED that:
my life was better without alcohol
I would be healthier without alcohol
I'd sleep better without alcohol
I'd feel less shame about my behavior if I didn't drink, ever
I'd wake up feeling energized and proud, instead of sick and miserable
Before, it was so easy to talk myself into that "one glass" which always became at least a whole bottle of wine. That it "wasn't so bad". Well, it was indeed "SO BAD".
Once I truly realized that and accepted .. plus the realization after trying for years unsuccessfully to moderate that trying to do it part way would never work .. that MY LIFE would be so much better with NO ALCOHOL at all, that I turned the corner.
Now, it seems so much easier. If you put on the scales all you will receive from NOT DRINKING vs what your life is like WITH DRINKING ... It's an easy equation.
I tried quitting for years and it didn't work. Until I finally accepted and BELIEVED that:
my life was better without alcohol
I would be healthier without alcohol
I'd sleep better without alcohol
I'd feel less shame about my behavior if I didn't drink, ever
I'd wake up feeling energized and proud, instead of sick and miserable
Before, it was so easy to talk myself into that "one glass" which always became at least a whole bottle of wine. That it "wasn't so bad". Well, it was indeed "SO BAD".
Once I truly realized that and accepted .. plus the realization after trying for years unsuccessfully to moderate that trying to do it part way would never work .. that MY LIFE would be so much better with NO ALCOHOL at all, that I turned the corner.
Now, it seems so much easier. If you put on the scales all you will receive from NOT DRINKING vs what your life is like WITH DRINKING ... It's an easy equation.
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Gabe first of all I'm so pleased to see you straight back after yesterday. I do think something happened to your thought processes last night. Somewhere in the fog you realised finally that you are indeed an alcoholic (or whatever term you're comfortable with). That's a start. Sounds small but it isn't. Wouldn't it be easy if you could go to the docs for a blood test and they'd say "yes we confirm you are alcohol dependent 100%" but no we rely on ourselves and evidence even though the addiction itself tries to disguise the truth so we keep going. How nasty and ironic.
Gabe I knew when I was 30 deep down. I'm now 46 with just over 3 months sobriety. So what happened in those lost 16 years? The inevitable downward spiral into alcoholism and the toll on my physical and mental health. Kindling. Yes read up on that it is real. The worsening withdrawals were getting dangerous too. I mention this on the assumption that your dob is 1980 and you're still young enough not to have to go where some of us have (sorry if I have that wrong). I don't think I had any more drinking left in me. It was heading towards being really scary. I was backed onto a corner and had to put my hands up and submit. Accept. Then fight like mad one day at a time to get my life back. And trust me it's just the BEST thing I ever did for myself and my girls. No regrets at all. Sobriety excites me still I love it! That's something you can cling on to right now. You'll love it too! Utterly ordinary becomes extraordinary just because we CAN!
There's an absolutely massive amount of information on alcoholism, Kindling, PAWS, withdrawal, recovery methods etc out there. Immserse yourself in it. Here on SR, the internet, documentaries on YouTube, books...... Gain a healthy respect and fear of the progressive nature of this thing and soon you won't want to touch that poison ever again. Trust me.
And yes get that emergency plan started for those risky days because they do come. Don't trust yourself for a while.
It does get easier Gabe you've just got to dig deeper for a while. I'm not an expert in other recovery methods hun I'm just sharing what's worked for me (so far). I'm a bit of a magpie and take bits and pieces that appeal to me.
Sorry I've gone on a bit (I do that lol)
Great job on getting your first day done!
Head on the pillow sober tonight. Up tomorrow and repeat. Rooting for you xxx
Gabe I knew when I was 30 deep down. I'm now 46 with just over 3 months sobriety. So what happened in those lost 16 years? The inevitable downward spiral into alcoholism and the toll on my physical and mental health. Kindling. Yes read up on that it is real. The worsening withdrawals were getting dangerous too. I mention this on the assumption that your dob is 1980 and you're still young enough not to have to go where some of us have (sorry if I have that wrong). I don't think I had any more drinking left in me. It was heading towards being really scary. I was backed onto a corner and had to put my hands up and submit. Accept. Then fight like mad one day at a time to get my life back. And trust me it's just the BEST thing I ever did for myself and my girls. No regrets at all. Sobriety excites me still I love it! That's something you can cling on to right now. You'll love it too! Utterly ordinary becomes extraordinary just because we CAN!
There's an absolutely massive amount of information on alcoholism, Kindling, PAWS, withdrawal, recovery methods etc out there. Immserse yourself in it. Here on SR, the internet, documentaries on YouTube, books...... Gain a healthy respect and fear of the progressive nature of this thing and soon you won't want to touch that poison ever again. Trust me.
And yes get that emergency plan started for those risky days because they do come. Don't trust yourself for a while.
It does get easier Gabe you've just got to dig deeper for a while. I'm not an expert in other recovery methods hun I'm just sharing what's worked for me (so far). I'm a bit of a magpie and take bits and pieces that appeal to me.
Sorry I've gone on a bit (I do that lol)
Great job on getting your first day done!
Head on the pillow sober tonight. Up tomorrow and repeat. Rooting for you xxx
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Hi Gabe
try and not think of acceptance as some point ahead that you need to get to - its a process not a destination and you're already well underway with that process, weighting up your past episodes of drinking and the destruction they caused.
There no need to wait for anything - thats classic AV logic. It thinks if it can convince you to wait for something you'll spend the time waiting drinking.
Acceptance is different for everyone.
I eventually accepted that my relationship with alcohol was toxic and always will be.
I had 20 years of raw data to prove that to myself.
The other part of that acceptance was reaching out for help when I needed it...those times when against all logic I had a situation where I wanted to drink.
Those times are tough. I had to remember my reality, and swing my recovery plan into action to stay sober.
The more times I did that, the more 'default' it felt.
D
I think until I can accept I can't drink I'm stuck in this awful limbo.
There no need to wait for anything - thats classic AV logic. It thinks if it can convince you to wait for something you'll spend the time waiting drinking.
Acceptance is different for everyone.
I eventually accepted that my relationship with alcohol was toxic and always will be.
I had 20 years of raw data to prove that to myself.
The other part of that acceptance was reaching out for help when I needed it...those times when against all logic I had a situation where I wanted to drink.
Those times are tough. I had to remember my reality, and swing my recovery plan into action to stay sober.
The more times I did that, the more 'default' it felt.
D
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
As alcoholics, we are hard headed SOB's, especially when it comes to our addiction. Though once we finally put our egos down and admit I can't just "have a few" things change.
Powerlessness doesn't mean you are, in fact, you hold all of it. Though once you put just a drop of the devil in your body, it does make so.
Powerlessness doesn't mean you are, in fact, you hold all of it. Though once you put just a drop of the devil in your body, it does make so.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Originally Posted by joandmelandhan
And trust me it's just the BEST thing I ever did for myself and my girls. No regrets at all. Sobriety excites me still I love it! That's something you can cling on to right now. You'll love it too! Utterly ordinary becomes extraordinary just because we CAN!
The ordinary becomes extraordinary, after you stop trying to create the extraordinary from a bottle. (Which is never going to happen.) Simple pleasures resurface. All the gifts, joys were right there all along.
You can do it, Gabe.
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Originally Posted by joandmelandhan
Gabe first of all I'm so pleased to see you straight back after yesterday. I do think something happened to your thought processes last night. Somewhere in the fog you realised finally that you are indeed an alcoholic (or whatever term you're comfortable with). That's a start. Sounds small but it isn't. Wouldn't it be easy if you could go to the docs for a blood test and they'd say "yes we confirm you are alcohol dependent 100%" but no we rely on ourselves and evidence even though the addiction itself tries to disguise the truth so we keep going. How nasty and ironic.
Gabe I knew when I was 30 deep down. I'm now 46 with just over 3 months sobriety. So what happened in those lost 16 years? The inevitable downward spiral into alcoholism and the toll on my physical and mental health. Kindling. Yes read up on that it is real. The worsening withdrawals were getting dangerous too. I mention this on the assumption that your dob is 1980 and you're still young enough not to have to go where some of us have (sorry if I have that wrong). I don't think I had any more drinking left in me. It was heading towards being really scary. I was backed onto a corner and had to put my hands up and submit. Accept. Then fight like mad one day at a time to get my life back. And trust me it's just the BEST thing I ever did for myself and my girls. No regrets at all. Sobriety excites me still I love it! That's something you can cling on to right now. You'll love it too! Utterly ordinary becomes extraordinary just because we CAN!
There's an absolutely massive amount of information on alcoholism, Kindling, PAWS, withdrawal, recovery methods etc out there. Immserse yourself in it. Here on SR, the internet, documentaries on YouTube, books...... Gain a healthy respect and fear of the progressive nature of this thing and soon you won't want to touch that poison ever again. Trust me.
And yes get that emergency plan started for those risky days because they do come. Don't trust yourself for a while.
It does get easier Gabe you've just got to dig deeper for a while. I'm not an expert in other recovery methods hun I'm just sharing what's worked for me (so far). I'm a bit of a magpie and take bits and pieces that appeal to me.
Sorry I've gone on a bit (I do that lol)
Great job on getting your first day done!
Head on the pillow sober tonight. Up tomorrow and repeat. Rooting for you xxx
Gabe I knew when I was 30 deep down. I'm now 46 with just over 3 months sobriety. So what happened in those lost 16 years? The inevitable downward spiral into alcoholism and the toll on my physical and mental health. Kindling. Yes read up on that it is real. The worsening withdrawals were getting dangerous too. I mention this on the assumption that your dob is 1980 and you're still young enough not to have to go where some of us have (sorry if I have that wrong). I don't think I had any more drinking left in me. It was heading towards being really scary. I was backed onto a corner and had to put my hands up and submit. Accept. Then fight like mad one day at a time to get my life back. And trust me it's just the BEST thing I ever did for myself and my girls. No regrets at all. Sobriety excites me still I love it! That's something you can cling on to right now. You'll love it too! Utterly ordinary becomes extraordinary just because we CAN!
There's an absolutely massive amount of information on alcoholism, Kindling, PAWS, withdrawal, recovery methods etc out there. Immserse yourself in it. Here on SR, the internet, documentaries on YouTube, books...... Gain a healthy respect and fear of the progressive nature of this thing and soon you won't want to touch that poison ever again. Trust me.
And yes get that emergency plan started for those risky days because they do come. Don't trust yourself for a while.
It does get easier Gabe you've just got to dig deeper for a while. I'm not an expert in other recovery methods hun I'm just sharing what's worked for me (so far). I'm a bit of a magpie and take bits and pieces that appeal to me.
Sorry I've gone on a bit (I do that lol)
Great job on getting your first day done!
Head on the pillow sober tonight. Up tomorrow and repeat. Rooting for you xxx
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Originally Posted by tealily
I just love this. So insightful, so true.
The ordinary becomes extraordinary, after you stop trying to create the extraordinary from a bottle. (Which is never going to happen.) Simple pleasures resurface. All the gifts, joys were right there all along.
You can do it, Gabe.
The ordinary becomes extraordinary, after you stop trying to create the extraordinary from a bottle. (Which is never going to happen.) Simple pleasures resurface. All the gifts, joys were right there all along.
You can do it, Gabe.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi Gabe
try and not think of acceptance as some point ahead that you need to get to - its a process not a destination and you're already well underway with that process, weighting up your past episodes of drinking and the destruction they caused.
There no need to wait for anything - thats classic AV logic. It thinks if it can convince you to wait for something you'll spend the time waiting drinking.
Acceptance is different for everyone.
I eventually accepted that my relationship with alcohol was toxic and always will be.
I had 20 years of raw data to prove that to myself.
The other part of that acceptance was reaching out for help when I needed it...those times when against all logic I had a situation where I wanted to drink.
Those times are tough. I had to remember my reality, and swing my recovery plan into action to stay sober.
The more times I did that, the more 'default' it felt.
D
try and not think of acceptance as some point ahead that you need to get to - its a process not a destination and you're already well underway with that process, weighting up your past episodes of drinking and the destruction they caused.
There no need to wait for anything - thats classic AV logic. It thinks if it can convince you to wait for something you'll spend the time waiting drinking.
Acceptance is different for everyone.
I eventually accepted that my relationship with alcohol was toxic and always will be.
I had 20 years of raw data to prove that to myself.
The other part of that acceptance was reaching out for help when I needed it...those times when against all logic I had a situation where I wanted to drink.
Those times are tough. I had to remember my reality, and swing my recovery plan into action to stay sober.
The more times I did that, the more 'default' it felt.
D
And I need to post when Im struggling. Thats when I need help. Not when I'm already drunk.
Thanks Dee
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