Notices

Working on acceptance

Old 11-20-2017, 11:48 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Gabe1980's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Originally Posted by Forward12 View Post
As alcoholics, we are hard headed SOB's, especially when it comes to our addiction. Though once we finally put our egos down and admit I can't just "have a few" things change.
Powerlessness doesn't mean you are, in fact, you hold all of it. Though once you put just a drop of the devil in your body, it does make so.
Yep, that's exactly it. Im stubborn and proud and dont want to admit that I have been totally beaten by this. And I always will be, every time I drink. My ego is the thing, it makes me want to believe the rules dont apply to me. Well....they certainly do apply. Learning the hard way
Gabe1980 is offline  
Old 11-21-2017, 12:37 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
 
Gottalife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,620
Originally Posted by Gabe1980 View Post
I'm really stuck with this. I read people here say that once they accepted they could no longer drink and took alcohol off the table they embraced recovery. Just wondering if anyone can give me some advice on how to actually do that. Every time I drink (literally) there is an issue. Today I missed my work. How do I get from here to where I want to be? Thank you
Hi Gabe. It is a tough spot to be grappling with acceptance. It seems like quite a passive word to me, like resignation, but it isn't. In my mind it was possible for me to accept I was alcholic, and still keep drinking. In truth, I was able to make the admission and no more than that. My last few days fo drinking I told anyone who would listen I was alcoholic, but I still drank.

I like to use an analogy of a man standing on the rail way track. In the distance he sees a train approaching. He knows it because he can see it, if you asked him, he would say there is a train coming. He knows it is dangerous for him to stay where he is, but he has not moved. Has he really accepted the situation?

I would suggest the moment he takes the action of stepping off the track, we have evidence that he has admitted the situation and done something about it. That would be acceptance to me.

Admission without action is really denial. Acceptance is not a passive thing like I used to think. Action is the only evidence that acceptance is real. Passive acceptance is more like fatalism.
Gottalife is offline  
Old 11-21-2017, 12:58 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Gabe1980 View Post
Thanks BB. I haven't heard about kindling so will have a good look at the links. I already know that each time I go back I do more damage. I think it's about responsibility. ME taking full responsibility. I think part of me was still looking for an out and there is none. Sober or drunk. That's it.
Glad you are posting.

You're right about you choosing to be sober or not. No one else can do it for us. Took me a very long time to get to that point. Also, to Gottalide's post - I totally believe that "Acceptance" is an ACTIVE state of being and it applies to everything from the fact that we cannot drink normally to the fact that the person in front of us in the grocery checkout is taking forever and a day to get through. And everything in between.

Being in AA, once I was DONE drinking, then began working the steps with a sponsor and gradually turned my life into one completely focused on recovery - it became not my will anymore, but my higher powers. That's where the freedom, the good decision making ability, the peace, the joy, everything the program says is possible can come into our lives as it has mine.

Just one of the blessings of a life in recovery is not having that "mental rat race" about when, how, how much, etc etc that we obsessed and planned out when drinking.

You can do it. If you want to be sober more than you want to drink- which I know from experience is a scary thought at the start. Hope to see you here- working a plan for a new life.
August252015 is offline  
Old 11-21-2017, 10:00 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Gabe1980's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Originally Posted by Gottalife View Post
Hi Gabe. It is a tough spot to be grappling with acceptance. It seems like quite a passive word to me, like resignation, but it isn't. In my mind it was possible for me to accept I was alcholic, and still keep drinking. In truth, I was able to make the admission and no more than that. My last few days fo drinking I told anyone who would listen I was alcoholic, but I still drank.

I like to use an analogy of a man standing on the rail way track. In the distance he sees a train approaching. He knows it because he can see it, if you asked him, he would say there is a train coming. He knows it is dangerous for him to stay where he is, but he has not moved. Has he really accepted the situation?

I would suggest the moment he takes the action of stepping off the track, we have evidence that he has admitted the situation and done something about it. That would be acceptance to me.

Admission without action is really denial. Acceptance is not a passive thing like I used to think. Action is the only evidence that acceptance is real. Passive acceptance is more like fatalism.
Hi Gottalife. I think that is the perfect analogy. I remember asking you back in August about what it means to surrender. That feels like a long time ago now but I think I'm getting somewhere in my understanding. These two things feel like they are central to me now and central to my thinking.

I think acceptance is concept I'd really misunderstood but thought I had sussed! I get now it's not just accepting I have a deeply unhealthy and dangerous relationship with alcohol but accepting I'm just like everyone who has. No different, not special, not fixable (in a way where I can still drink) and certainly not able to grasp a concept and that be the end of it. I need to work on my understanding and take action to maintain the life I want in recovery. Easy to say when I'm still reeling from being back to day 2 but I think acceptance and surrendering have become meaningful to me in a way they never have been before. I'm going to get this. I will! Thank you for posting.
Gabe1980 is offline  
Old 11-21-2017, 10:09 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Gabe1980's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Originally Posted by August252015 View Post
Glad you are posting.

You're right about you choosing to be sober or not. No one else can do it for us. Took me a very long time to get to that point. Also, to Gottalide's post - I totally believe that "Acceptance" is an ACTIVE state of being and it applies to everything from the fact that we cannot drink normally to the fact that the person in front of us in the grocery checkout is taking forever and a day to get through. And everything in between.

Being in AA, once I was DONE drinking, then began working the steps with a sponsor and gradually turned my life into one completely focused on recovery - it became not my will anymore, but my higher powers. That's where the freedom, the good decision making ability, the peace, the joy, everything the program says is possible can come into our lives as it has mine.

Just one of the blessings of a life in recovery is not having that "mental rat race" about when, how, how much, etc etc that we obsessed and planned out when drinking.

You can do it. If you want to be sober more than you want to drink- which I know from experience is a scary thought at the start. Hope to see you here- working a plan for a new life.
Thanks August. I've been coming on here the last few months reading and reading. Thinking that I get what people who have been in recovery have been saying but not really getting it. I hope I am starting to now. Every kind person that has replied to me has talked about ACTIVE recovery, ACTIVE acceptance and doing not thinking.

I think I just believed I needed to stop drinking, tweak a few routines in my life and come on here. I'm starting to understand that recovery is so much more than that, it's an opportunity to evolve, both spiritually and emotionally. It's also an opportunity to let go of resentments and hostility. Freedom from many things in fact. But it involves commitment, taking responsibility and considerable leg work to change. I'm going to give it my all and that's my best shot.
Gabe1980 is offline  
Old 11-21-2017, 10:19 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Gabe1980's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Originally Posted by August252015 View Post
Glad you are posting.

You're right about you choosing to be sober or not. No one else can do it for us. Took me a very long time to get to that point. Also, to Gottalide's post - I totally believe that "Acceptance" is an ACTIVE state of being and it applies to everything from the fact that we cannot drink normally to the fact that the person in front of us in the grocery checkout is taking forever and a day to get through. And everything in between.

Being in AA, once I was DONE drinking, then began working the steps with a sponsor and gradually turned my life into one completely focused on recovery - it became not my will anymore, but my higher powers. That's where the freedom, the good decision making ability, the peace, the joy, everything the program says is possible can come into our lives as it has mine.

Just one of the blessings of a life in recovery is not having that "mental rat race" about when, how, how much, etc etc that we obsessed and planned out when drinking.

You can do it. If you want to be sober more than you want to drink- which I know from experience is a scary thought at the start. Hope to see you here- working a plan for a new life.
Thanks August. I'm starting to get what I really need to do. I think, at first, I thought I would stop drinking, tweak a few of my routines, try and be a bit healthier and that would be me in recovery! I get that it means so much more than that. That recovery is about responsibility, commitment and the opportunity for emotional and spiritual growth. It's an opportunity to evolve. It's also work.....leg work. Doing not thinking. I don't every want to go back and re-read a drunken post I have written on this site again. I'll be proud to post the milestones I'm aiming to achieve.
Gabe1980 is offline  
Old 11-21-2017, 12:39 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Gabe1980's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Sorry August - my internet crashed after I'd responded to your post so I re-wrote my reply. You get the jist though! Twice!

:
Gabe1980 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:30 PM.