I'm just looking for somebody else who can talk back....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 9
I'm just looking for somebody else who can talk back....
That's it. I know it sounds so stupid, but I just keep losing days... and losing time. When I keep telling myself I will turn it around.
I'm 25... I just gave up on my "career job" (definitely because of my drinking, when I look back) to move back home. I now wait tables to get by, and just get hammered every day/night. For the last couple years, I've just been so out of control. Especially since I tried to move out on my own. Even if I'm not going out... I just buy a bottle EVERY night and slam it.
For whatever reason, I can hide it from my family (maybe denial on their part). They just think I'm being "ambitious and saving up money" to get onto the next thing. I'm so cashed man.... This is like my 3rd or 4th round of just having booze control my life. Nobody knows it's this bad, except me... I can't do it much more. It's getting depressing as hell. I don't even sleep at night, then wander back to the liquor store at noon or 1.
Just keeps getting worse. I don't even know why I reached out here... I just finally think I need to explode and share about this to someone
I'm 25... I just gave up on my "career job" (definitely because of my drinking, when I look back) to move back home. I now wait tables to get by, and just get hammered every day/night. For the last couple years, I've just been so out of control. Especially since I tried to move out on my own. Even if I'm not going out... I just buy a bottle EVERY night and slam it.
For whatever reason, I can hide it from my family (maybe denial on their part). They just think I'm being "ambitious and saving up money" to get onto the next thing. I'm so cashed man.... This is like my 3rd or 4th round of just having booze control my life. Nobody knows it's this bad, except me... I can't do it much more. It's getting depressing as hell. I don't even sleep at night, then wander back to the liquor store at noon or 1.
Just keeps getting worse. I don't even know why I reached out here... I just finally think I need to explode and share about this to someone
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Get it under control,before it controls you(sounds like it already is.).. Get yourself to a meeting or something..signing up here is a GREAT 1st step,but you'll need a 'plan' to stay sober. There will be a lot of great advice/support here too. Admitting to yourself that you, indeed, "have a problem" is/was the hardest part.. Listen and follow the advice here/there/wherever ASAP...I didn't and kept going 'down'.. This thing will suck the life from you and your loved ones! Trust me!!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the family. 
I'm glad you found us and joined the community. 
Sounds like drinking controls every aspect of your life. There is a better life out there if you just stop drinking. It's not easy but it is simple. Take the option of drinking off the table. Never. Not even one.
A lot of us need help to get and stay sober. There are lots of recovery programs out there: AA, Women for Sobriety, SMART, to name a few.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))
You can also join the Class of October in the Newcomers forum. It helps to have the support of others on the same journey.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ad-pt-2-a.html (Class of October 2017 Support Thread pt. 2)
I hope our support can help you get sober for good. It really is a better way to live.
I'm glad you found us and joined the community. Sounds like drinking controls every aspect of your life. There is a better life out there if you just stop drinking. It's not easy but it is simple. Take the option of drinking off the table. Never. Not even one.
A lot of us need help to get and stay sober. There are lots of recovery programs out there: AA, Women for Sobriety, SMART, to name a few.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))
You can also join the Class of October in the Newcomers forum. It helps to have the support of others on the same journey.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ad-pt-2-a.html (Class of October 2017 Support Thread pt. 2)
I hope our support can help you get sober for good. It really is a better way to live.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I was 22 and had perhaps progressed downwards a but further than you. No home no money, no job no friends. Hearing things, seeing things, full of fear. I thought I was a goner.
I called AA, and got to see someone for an afternoon. He told me what AA was about, how it worked, and we took a look at my drinking to see if I fitted as the type of person AA could help. I learned a great deal in that afternoon, and he took me to a meeting that night. I didn't say anything. In any case they already knew all about drinking, so I wasn't going to add to their knowledge.
They shared their knowledge of the solution. I listened. In fact for the first few weeks I never spoke. I had one last bender after three weeks dry, came back and sincerely got involved in the program. I learned a lot from those folks, they showed me how to recover, and I haven't needed to drink since.
I felt a bit on the back foot being so young, but it turns out there were many advantages, not least of which I got pretty much my whole life back, and I have had a life way beyond anything I could have imagined at the time.
I called AA, and got to see someone for an afternoon. He told me what AA was about, how it worked, and we took a look at my drinking to see if I fitted as the type of person AA could help. I learned a great deal in that afternoon, and he took me to a meeting that night. I didn't say anything. In any case they already knew all about drinking, so I wasn't going to add to their knowledge.
They shared their knowledge of the solution. I listened. In fact for the first few weeks I never spoke. I had one last bender after three weeks dry, came back and sincerely got involved in the program. I learned a lot from those folks, they showed me how to recover, and I haven't needed to drink since.
I felt a bit on the back foot being so young, but it turns out there were many advantages, not least of which I got pretty much my whole life back, and I have had a life way beyond anything I could have imagined at the time.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Perth WA
Posts: 150
Hi and welcome Richie6734.
You are not alone. I am 42 and going through three full bottles of bourbon a week while holding down my dream job and being a Mum. No One knows how much I drink.
The only thing I know is pretty soon I won't have a choice to stop.
And I know how hard it is! I am on day 2.
I hope you join the October 2017 thread, I'm a newbie there.
Keep posting, admitting it to myself I am finding the hardest thing.
You are not alone. I am 42 and going through three full bottles of bourbon a week while holding down my dream job and being a Mum. No One knows how much I drink.
The only thing I know is pretty soon I won't have a choice to stop.
And I know how hard it is! I am on day 2.
I hope you join the October 2017 thread, I'm a newbie there.
Keep posting, admitting it to myself I am finding the hardest thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 9
Thank you guys, for just responding. It means a lot, as I sit here in a pretty dark time. I am DEFINITELY taking all of your posts into consideration. Just figuring out how I want to approach this.
Especially like Dee's signature, since I'm a big John Lennon fan. haha
Especially like Dee's signature, since I'm a big John Lennon fan. haha
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by Gottalife 
I was 22 and had perhaps progressed downwards a but further than you. No home no money, no job no friends. Hearing things, seeing things, full of fear. I thought I was a goner.
I called AA, and got to see someone for an afternoon. He told me what AA was about, how it worked, and we took a look at my drinking to see if I fitted as the type of person AA could help. I learned a great deal in that afternoon, and he took me to a meeting that night. I didn't say anything. In any case they already knew all about drinking, so I wasn't going to add to their knowledge.
They shared their knowledge of the solution. I listened. In fact for the first few weeks I never spoke. I had one last bender after three weeks dry, came back and sincerely got involved in the program. I learned a lot from those folks, they showed me how to recover, and I haven't needed to drink since.
I felt a bit on the back foot being so young, but it turns out there were many advantages, not least of which I got pretty much my whole life back, and I have had a life way beyond anything I could have imagined at the time.
I called AA, and got to see someone for an afternoon. He told me what AA was about, how it worked, and we took a look at my drinking to see if I fitted as the type of person AA could help. I learned a great deal in that afternoon, and he took me to a meeting that night. I didn't say anything. In any case they already knew all about drinking, so I wasn't going to add to their knowledge.
They shared their knowledge of the solution. I listened. In fact for the first few weeks I never spoke. I had one last bender after three weeks dry, came back and sincerely got involved in the program. I learned a lot from those folks, they showed me how to recover, and I haven't needed to drink since.
I felt a bit on the back foot being so young, but it turns out there were many advantages, not least of which I got pretty much my whole life back, and I have had a life way beyond anything I could have imagined at the time.
I'm not going to lie, I have to work all day/night tomorrow. I can do my first meeting Wednesday night though. I live in the Grosse Pointe suburbs of Detroit. I can probably just find something here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by Whendovescry
Hi and welcome Richie6734.
You are not alone. I am 42 and going through three full bottles of bourbon a week while holding down my dream job and being a Mum. No One knows how much I drink.
The only thing I know is pretty soon I won't have a choice to stop.
And I know how hard it is! I am on day 2.
I hope you join the October 2017 thread, I'm a newbie there.
Keep posting, admitting it to myself I am finding the hardest thing.
You are not alone. I am 42 and going through three full bottles of bourbon a week while holding down my dream job and being a Mum. No One knows how much I drink.
The only thing I know is pretty soon I won't have a choice to stop.
And I know how hard it is! I am on day 2.
I hope you join the October 2017 thread, I'm a newbie there.
Keep posting, admitting it to myself I am finding the hardest thing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hope you do give AA a shot Richie.
It sounds like you have a loving family. And, I hate to say this but judging on most people I knows experiences, they'll be more aware of the problem than you give them credit for. They just know how powerless they are to stop it. It become the elephant in the room - everyone know its there but noone mentions it. Just a short read around in the Friends and Family area will show you what I mean.
The thing is, unless our family ae alcoholics in recovery, they cannot really understand what we're going through and how to help us. I felt quite bitter about people who professed to love me not helping me in early days, but then I started to realise that wasn't their choice. It just wasn't possible. Once I found myself in AA I found a group of people who all understood and could help (although to be honest, I only first went because I was hoping they'd tell me I didn't have a problem and how to sort my drinking out so I could be normal. lol). I wouldn't be without my AA clan now. It felt a little strange at first, like they all knew each other and I was on the edge. But of course, as I got to know people better and other newcomers came in after me, it didn't feel that way.
You are still young, so there is a lot of time ahead of you for rebuilding your career if you decide to get willing to do whatever you NEED to do to get sober and start recovering (note: this is not necessarily going to be what you feel like you WANT to do - our AVs take care of that for us. We might want to get sober, but that AV wants to keep us right where we are, and further down in it). Anyway - if you get sober there is plenty of time for rebuilding your career. I'm 3.5 years sober and at the age of 45 am doing part time study for a possible career change. And I know plenty of folk at AA who have done similar. One girl I know, who is in her 20s and just 4 months sober, has just restarted her dream career of nursing, having been allowed to restart the course she dropped out of. There are so many possibilities once alcohol is out of the equation.
Please do give the AA hotline a call (not sure what country you're in or I'd have directed you to it), and get to that meeting on Wednesday. Likelihood is that people will give you their numbers to call. They really do mean for you to call them - it's not an empty gesture. They'll have all been helped the same way when they rocked up the first time, and helping newcomers reminds us all why we do this recovery thing. What we don't want to go back to. It might seem they're being overly nice, but they're not. It is mutually beneficial. Chances are there will be other meetings that are a drive away - if you don't have transport ask around - no doubt someone will be willing to share a ride with you. Those ride-shares are great ways to get to know people better. In my first year I definitely spoke more in the car than in the meetings.
Anyway. Please keep reading and posting
Take care. BB
It sounds like you have a loving family. And, I hate to say this but judging on most people I knows experiences, they'll be more aware of the problem than you give them credit for. They just know how powerless they are to stop it. It become the elephant in the room - everyone know its there but noone mentions it. Just a short read around in the Friends and Family area will show you what I mean.
The thing is, unless our family ae alcoholics in recovery, they cannot really understand what we're going through and how to help us. I felt quite bitter about people who professed to love me not helping me in early days, but then I started to realise that wasn't their choice. It just wasn't possible. Once I found myself in AA I found a group of people who all understood and could help (although to be honest, I only first went because I was hoping they'd tell me I didn't have a problem and how to sort my drinking out so I could be normal. lol). I wouldn't be without my AA clan now. It felt a little strange at first, like they all knew each other and I was on the edge. But of course, as I got to know people better and other newcomers came in after me, it didn't feel that way.
You are still young, so there is a lot of time ahead of you for rebuilding your career if you decide to get willing to do whatever you NEED to do to get sober and start recovering (note: this is not necessarily going to be what you feel like you WANT to do - our AVs take care of that for us. We might want to get sober, but that AV wants to keep us right where we are, and further down in it). Anyway - if you get sober there is plenty of time for rebuilding your career. I'm 3.5 years sober and at the age of 45 am doing part time study for a possible career change. And I know plenty of folk at AA who have done similar. One girl I know, who is in her 20s and just 4 months sober, has just restarted her dream career of nursing, having been allowed to restart the course she dropped out of. There are so many possibilities once alcohol is out of the equation.
Please do give the AA hotline a call (not sure what country you're in or I'd have directed you to it), and get to that meeting on Wednesday. Likelihood is that people will give you their numbers to call. They really do mean for you to call them - it's not an empty gesture. They'll have all been helped the same way when they rocked up the first time, and helping newcomers reminds us all why we do this recovery thing. What we don't want to go back to. It might seem they're being overly nice, but they're not. It is mutually beneficial. Chances are there will be other meetings that are a drive away - if you don't have transport ask around - no doubt someone will be willing to share a ride with you. Those ride-shares are great ways to get to know people better. In my first year I definitely spoke more in the car than in the meetings.
Anyway. Please keep reading and posting
Take care. BB
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by richie6734
You called AA?
I'm not going to lie, I have to work all day/night tomorrow. I can do my first meeting Wednesday night though. I live in the Grosse Pointe suburbs of Detroit. I can probably just find something here.
I'm not going to lie, I have to work all day/night tomorrow. I can do my first meeting Wednesday night though. I live in the Grosse Pointe suburbs of Detroit. I can probably just find something here.
I didn't know any of this when I called AA of course. But we have, in our area, 12 steppers, who are recovered alcoholics willing to go and see the new person and explain all about AA. I spent an afternoon with a guy, and it was really good to talk one on one with someone who understood me, and could explain the AA solution. Armed with that knowledge, I made a decision to pursued the AA program, and after that I arranged to meet him at my first meeting.
He looked after me, introduced me to some good people, and probably kept me away from the not so good. It was the best thing I ever did, and the really good thing about it is that the person who saw me gets a lot out of doing this work. It actually helped his sobriety, so really it was a win win.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by richie6734
You called AA?
I'm not going to lie, I have to work all day/night tomorrow. I can do my first meeting Wednesday night though. I live in the Grosse Pointe suburbs of Detroit. I can probably just find something here.
I'm not going to lie, I have to work all day/night tomorrow. I can do my first meeting Wednesday night though. I live in the Grosse Pointe suburbs of Detroit. I can probably just find something here.
I didn't know any of this when I called AA of course. But we have, in our area, 12 steppers, who are recovered alcoholics willing to go and see the new person and explain all about AA. I spent an afternoon with a guy, and it was really good to talk one on one with someone who understood me, and could explain the AA solution. Armed with that knowledge, I made a decision to pursued the AA program, and after that I arranged to meet him at my first meeting.
He looked after me, introduced me to some good people, and probably kept me away from the not so good. It was the best thing I ever did, and the really good thing about it is that the person who saw me gets a lot out of doing this work. It actually helped his sobriety, so really it was a win win.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 116
Richie6734, I'm new here as well, I wish at your age I had the good sense to realize that what I was doing was a waste of time and money. Sounds like you are making some moves in the right direction. Can you drive a different way and not go by your usual liquor store? I know for me and my paltry 12 days of sobriety
( AKA I probably shouldn't be giving advice yet!) I have had to zag instead of zigging so my mind is occupied with something new instead of grabbing my bottles of wine. I also always tell myself that I will be sober today but that tomorrow if I really and truly want to drink I can. That makes me feel less restricted somehow. AA might work but I know it wouldn't for me, I have found a couple of good websites "Hip Sobriety" and "Soberista" to be useful and make me feel less labeled and awful about quitting.
( AKA I probably shouldn't be giving advice yet!) I have had to zag instead of zigging so my mind is occupied with something new instead of grabbing my bottles of wine. I also always tell myself that I will be sober today but that tomorrow if I really and truly want to drink I can. That makes me feel less restricted somehow. AA might work but I know it wouldn't for me, I have found a couple of good websites "Hip Sobriety" and "Soberista" to be useful and make me feel less labeled and awful about quitting.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,721
Hi and welcome, richie!
Glad you are here! At this point I suggest you be open to everything that will help you understand alcoholism. The more you learn about it the better you will be at creating a recovery plan that you can follow to stay sober. A sober life is a great way to live! Alcohol holds you down. Sobriety sets you free to really start living the life you dream of. You deserve it!
Glad you are here! At this point I suggest you be open to everything that will help you understand alcoholism. The more you learn about it the better you will be at creating a recovery plan that you can follow to stay sober. A sober life is a great way to live! Alcohol holds you down. Sobriety sets you free to really start living the life you dream of. You deserve it!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by richie6734
. I live in the Grosse Pointe suburbs of Detroit. I can probably just find something here.
AA Area 33
i suggest hitting a few different meetings around there.
also, it would be wise to pick up a copy of the big book- you can read it online,too, for free- to find out what the program is. they are usually sold at meetings.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Your message brings it all back to me. I remember feeling like an empty vessel. At your age or a year later, I resigned my commission as a military officer. In hindsight it was mostly because I was going through similar behavior as you. Lot's of "stuff" happened along the way, but the "stuff" was not what brought me to the turning point, but instead the empty feeling of just surviving with no purpose other than the next stop at a bar or the next drinking opportunity.
Quitting is tough, but not near as tough as continuing. I am not a martyr. If drinking were easier, I would likely still be drinking. Putting one step in front of the other, facing some fears, making goals and pushing myself to do things when I did not feel like it or had some fear or discomfort was tough at first, but necessary for me to get to where I got to today. I looked at it (and still do) as my sober life adventure. Life is a grand thing when living it. I would hate to go back and be that empty vessel. Now, I can do anything in the world almost except drink successfully. Before drinking was all I could do. It is only a matter of not pouring alcohol down my throat and trying to take the next right step. There is lots of support here and various types of support out there if you choose it. Just find a way. It will make an extraordinary difference in your life. It did mine.
Quitting is tough, but not near as tough as continuing. I am not a martyr. If drinking were easier, I would likely still be drinking.
Putting one step in front of the other, facing some fears, making goals and pushing myself to do things when I did not feel like it or had some fear or discomfort was tough at first, but necessary for me to get to where I got to today. I looked at it (and still do) as my sober life adventure. Life is a grand thing when living it. I would hate to go back and be that empty vessel. Now, I can do anything in the world almost except drink successfully. Before drinking was all I could do. It is only a matter of not pouring alcohol down my throat and trying to take the next right step. There is lots of support here and various types of support out there if you choose it. Just find a way. It will make an extraordinary difference in your life. It did mine.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by totfit
Your message brings it all back to me. I remember feeling like an empty vessel. At your age or a year later, I resigned my commission as a military officer. In hindsight it was mostly because I was going through similar behavior as you. Lot's of "stuff" happened along the way, but the "stuff" was not what brought me to the turning point, but instead the empty feeling of just surviving with no purpose other than the next stop at a bar or the next drinking opportunity.
Quitting is tough, but not near as tough as continuing. I am not a martyr. If drinking were easier, I would likely still be drinking. Putting one step in front of the other, facing some fears, making goals and pushing myself to do things when I did not feel like it or had some fear or discomfort was tough at first, but necessary for me to get to where I got to today. I looked at it (and still do) as my sober life adventure. Life is a grand thing when living it. I would hate to go back and be that empty vessel. Now, I can do anything in the world almost except drink successfully. Before drinking was all I could do. It is only a matter of not pouring alcohol down my throat and trying to take the next right step. There is lots of support here and various types of support out there if you choose it. Just find a way. It will make an extraordinary difference in your life. It did mine.
Quitting is tough, but not near as tough as continuing. I am not a martyr. If drinking were easier, I would likely still be drinking.
Putting one step in front of the other, facing some fears, making goals and pushing myself to do things when I did not feel like it or had some fear or discomfort was tough at first, but necessary for me to get to where I got to today. I looked at it (and still do) as my sober life adventure. Life is a grand thing when living it. I would hate to go back and be that empty vessel. Now, I can do anything in the world almost except drink successfully. Before drinking was all I could do. It is only a matter of not pouring alcohol down my throat and trying to take the next right step. There is lots of support here and various types of support out there if you choose it. Just find a way. It will make an extraordinary difference in your life. It did mine.It sounds like we definitely have somewhat similar stories (I never served in the military). However, yes, "stuff" happened in my life. I lost my dad suddenly when I was 16... a lot of other "family" things fell apart from there as well. However, when I look back... I have kept using these things as justification for me to be a drunken, lazy "ass".
I kept pushing through it all, but then it became... "boo-hoo"... all of this happened to me. Really a pathetic existence. Then, I had another family thing happen, and I saw the perfect opportunity to quit... My sister was sick. I had to "resign" from my job for "personal" reasons. That's what I told myself.
Reality was... I was just burned out from drinking every single night with the seedier people I had become acquainted with in town. My job performance was in the TANK. I was useless, and in all likelihood... a reliability.
I just don't want to be that anymore. Thanks for responding.
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