bobdrop

I said I would be back after 30 days sober. I did it. On day 31 I had vodka again. It lasted a few days. I went a week or so without, feeling like crap. Is it worth it? My wife doesn't seem to care. I know I can fix this but don't know if I care enough. It's 8:30 am and I've already had a drink.

doggonecarl

You don't care because you're drinking and your addiction wants to keep on drinking. And when you are drinking, drinking is easier than quitting.

Go back and read your previous posts. You cared then. You can now. And you can quit.

bobdrop

Thanks. I should feel thankful for everything I have. I just feel empty. Sometimes think my wife doesn't care about the drinking because she knows she'll be rid of me sooner.

jessicamae

How did you get 30 days sober? What action did you take?

bobdrop

I had motivation from my cardiologist. Going back in 3 weeks. Diagnosed with cardiomyopathy 23 years ago.

jessicamae

I mean like how did you make it through the 30 days? What motivated you not to drink? Also what caused you to relapse on day 31?

bobdrop

I made it based on what my cardiologist told me. Not good. I relapsed based on my wife saying that having a shot won't kill me. She doesn't understand that it doesn't end with a shot.

Nowsthetime

Maybe your wife realizes that she can't do anything for you. She realizes that YOU have to do it for yourself.

You can do this!!!

Anna

I think it's the disease of alcoholism telling you that you don't care. The AV is diabolical and relentless. You got through a month, so you know you can do this.

bobdrop

She has offered to stop drinking. I said no because I didn't want to punish her for my sins.

bobdrop

I have not been honest with my wife.

bobdrop

We've been married 34 years and we just don't talk anymore.

bobdrop

I'm going to stop at noon today. hahahhaaahahaha

DontRemember

Your staying stopped isn't about your wife. It's about you. To me and I'm not judging you....You basically tested yourself for those 30days,since you drank on day 31(then continued). No offense to your wife,but she is neither here nor there as far as you deciding to drink. She 'gave you permission';YOU drank. 'She doesn't talk to you';YOU drink. Unless she's pouring it down your throat she has no say in the matter.

Also, Maybe her offering to stop drinking is her way of reaching out to you because she knows you have a drinking problem. With that your "not wanting to punish her with for your sins"..To me, that's akin to saying/thinking; "If she stops I'll have to completely stop too and own my sobriety publicly". That's a scary place and I've been there! It wasn't until I 'came out' to those close to me that I started owning my sobriety. I go to bars and watch football with my close friends,they drink I don't. Excuses are the first thing that needs to go and with doing that comes acceptance. That was my experience at least.

Dump your booze.

bobdrop

Wow. Thanks. Wish I could talk to her like this.

bobdrop

OK. I will take responsibility. I will just accept that my wife doesn't care. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

bobdrop

Pouring out the vodka.

DontRemember

With decent/long term sobriety you'll understand that it does not matter if she cares. YOU care about you and that's why you no longer need to drink. You start to like yourself again. You earn respect from those that really know you drink too much/often(trust me..THEY KNOW). Go to an open discussion AA meeting and just listen to the others talk. It's quite amazing how similar we all are,no matter financial status,relationship status,ect.. You will hear 'your story' from multiple people. Try it. What can it hurt? It's free and only an hr of your time.

Chilledice

You obviously care otherwise you wouldn't be here.

What did you do to get a month sober? Do you have outside professional support such as therapy and AAs etc ?

Is it worth it you ask? Well think of it this way, is it worth it to keep drinking and risk ALL sorts of consequences? Liver failure, mental breakdowns, divorce, self loathing , mental hospitals just to name a few.

bobdrop

Well, it's been most of a day. Just did a couple laps around the mall. Still buzzed. Hate myself.