Dear Family (from the addict)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
Dear Family (from the addict)
A powerful snippet of a blog written by Robin Bright.
Read the rest if you have some time:
https://thatsoberlife.com/coming-hom...-run-now-what/
-------------------
Dear family,
I know you’ve been reeling with emotion while I’ve been gone. I understand you have dreams and hopes for a life with me. When I come home from my latest binge you’ll probably do two things. You’ll breathe a sigh of relief that I’m alive and you’ll also want to talk to me about my plans for the days and months ahead.
The truth is, I have no idea. You see, I don’t understand how to do life. I’ve lost a lot of tools along the way and some of them were never actually developed. I feel a huge amount of shame right now and confusing thoughts flood my mind continuously. I know you don’t understand what I’m going through, and you’re dealing with your own pain. You might want me to “just be okay” so I’ll attempt to walk that out for you, at least on the surface, at least for now, because honestly, I’m too exhausted from my last binge to think straight.
During the days and weeks ahead, if I don’t make a plan for my recovery, I’ll be dealing with my raw emotions and obsession to use again. I’ll deal with it all by myself. When I try to talk about it with you, I am often met with a blank look or worry. You don’t understand. I don’t understand. It’s frustrating and I feel like giving up every time I face something that seems ordinary to you.
I don’t want to go away and get help. Honestly, I don’t want to do anything. Everything feels hopeless and my life looks like a million dead ends. There is wreckage to clean up with people, finances, and with my physical state of well being. It’s all too much. Can I just go to sleep?
Okay, let me rethink this. I want to give you a glimmer of hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I just can’t see it right now and you certainly can’t see it for me. Here’s what I need you to do. First, tell me you believe in me. Second, don’t just plug me back into my daily routine and expect me to get it right this time. I’ve repeated this cycle a thousand times. It always ends exactly the same. Can’t you see that?
I’m scared and I don’t want you to tell me what to do, or give me an ultimatum…but that may be the best thing for me. The worst thing you can do is to get comfortable with my addiction. The worst way you can react is to let me come back and respond as if nothing has happened. I know you’re busy. You have a life, a job, and responsibilities…but please don’t pretend we’re not in crisis. We are.
I may tell you we’re not, but I’m bleeding. Every time I go out and use I’m dying a little bit more. I’m getting a little bit closer to our whole lives and future being stolen.
You don’t have to do the work for me. You don’t have to turn your back on me, but please…don’t plug me right back into the same merry-go-round I just got off of. It didn’t work then. It won’t work now.
I need help.
Read the rest if you have some time:
https://thatsoberlife.com/coming-hom...-run-now-what/
-------------------
Dear family,
I know you’ve been reeling with emotion while I’ve been gone. I understand you have dreams and hopes for a life with me. When I come home from my latest binge you’ll probably do two things. You’ll breathe a sigh of relief that I’m alive and you’ll also want to talk to me about my plans for the days and months ahead.
The truth is, I have no idea. You see, I don’t understand how to do life. I’ve lost a lot of tools along the way and some of them were never actually developed. I feel a huge amount of shame right now and confusing thoughts flood my mind continuously. I know you don’t understand what I’m going through, and you’re dealing with your own pain. You might want me to “just be okay” so I’ll attempt to walk that out for you, at least on the surface, at least for now, because honestly, I’m too exhausted from my last binge to think straight.
During the days and weeks ahead, if I don’t make a plan for my recovery, I’ll be dealing with my raw emotions and obsession to use again. I’ll deal with it all by myself. When I try to talk about it with you, I am often met with a blank look or worry. You don’t understand. I don’t understand. It’s frustrating and I feel like giving up every time I face something that seems ordinary to you.
I don’t want to go away and get help. Honestly, I don’t want to do anything. Everything feels hopeless and my life looks like a million dead ends. There is wreckage to clean up with people, finances, and with my physical state of well being. It’s all too much. Can I just go to sleep?
Okay, let me rethink this. I want to give you a glimmer of hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I just can’t see it right now and you certainly can’t see it for me. Here’s what I need you to do. First, tell me you believe in me. Second, don’t just plug me back into my daily routine and expect me to get it right this time. I’ve repeated this cycle a thousand times. It always ends exactly the same. Can’t you see that?
I’m scared and I don’t want you to tell me what to do, or give me an ultimatum…but that may be the best thing for me. The worst thing you can do is to get comfortable with my addiction. The worst way you can react is to let me come back and respond as if nothing has happened. I know you’re busy. You have a life, a job, and responsibilities…but please don’t pretend we’re not in crisis. We are.
I may tell you we’re not, but I’m bleeding. Every time I go out and use I’m dying a little bit more. I’m getting a little bit closer to our whole lives and future being stolen.
You don’t have to do the work for me. You don’t have to turn your back on me, but please…don’t plug me right back into the same merry-go-round I just got off of. It didn’t work then. It won’t work now.
I need help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
This hits close to home. I get comfortable with the addiction to the point where it is now our lifestyle. Couple good months, not working on the program, just good months by sheer luck, then bender and disappearance. Don't plug them back into the same merry-go-round. Plugging back in is just enabling. Plugging them back in is a lose/lose. Unplugging may still result in a loss, but at least one of you gets out alive.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
It reminds me of a favorite SR post from Passion. I love her raw, realistic take on this:
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Looking for "LET ME FALL")
I am an addict
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You can't make me clean, though I know it is what you want for me to be. But until I want it. I won't be. You can't love me clean, because until I learn to love myself. I won't be. I know you must wonder how can I learn to love myself when I am caught up in a life style of self-hatred and self destruction. I can learn from my own experiences. I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn.
I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me.
You see, although I look and sound like your loved one. I am not. That person is in a self imposed prison way deep down inside of my being and what you see before you is an addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. I am an addict and my main focus is to feed the addiction. Every effort you put forth in the name of "helping me" falls prey to my addiction giving it more power to shackle me down a little more each time.
I feed my addiction enough. So please don't help me.
The only way for the real me to get free is to be free. FREE to fall as far down as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight and find my way back. To break free.
How can or will I ever be able to get clean you wonder ...
The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery. BY MYSELF.
By not enabling me you will be allowing me to reach "rock bottom". By trusting the process you move over and allow me to find my own way back. You see, it is in the fight to get free that I will find myself. It is in the fight that I will learn to love myself and the more I love myself ... the more I will start to do to better myself, but I myself, must do this.
I am aware that when I use I am playing Russian roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance I take when I use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high.
Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't reach it if you are blocking the entrance.
I know you love me and you only want what's best for me ... but that very love keeps you blind sighted to just what truly is best for me and causes you to act from/out of fear and emotions.
Please for my sake don't try to stop me... just let me go ... move out of the way and let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me ... as far down as I have to to reach rock bottom. Don't try to cushion the fall. Just believe in me and trust the process. Pray for me that when I do hit ... it is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that, be sure to tell my story so that others might learn from my mistakes and live.
Passion
Recovering addict
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Looking for "LET ME FALL")
I am an addict
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You can't make me clean, though I know it is what you want for me to be. But until I want it. I won't be. You can't love me clean, because until I learn to love myself. I won't be. I know you must wonder how can I learn to love myself when I am caught up in a life style of self-hatred and self destruction. I can learn from my own experiences. I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn.
I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me.
You see, although I look and sound like your loved one. I am not. That person is in a self imposed prison way deep down inside of my being and what you see before you is an addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. I am an addict and my main focus is to feed the addiction. Every effort you put forth in the name of "helping me" falls prey to my addiction giving it more power to shackle me down a little more each time.
I feed my addiction enough. So please don't help me.
The only way for the real me to get free is to be free. FREE to fall as far down as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight and find my way back. To break free.
How can or will I ever be able to get clean you wonder ...
The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery. BY MYSELF.
By not enabling me you will be allowing me to reach "rock bottom". By trusting the process you move over and allow me to find my own way back. You see, it is in the fight to get free that I will find myself. It is in the fight that I will learn to love myself and the more I love myself ... the more I will start to do to better myself, but I myself, must do this.
I am aware that when I use I am playing Russian roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance I take when I use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high.
Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't reach it if you are blocking the entrance.
I know you love me and you only want what's best for me ... but that very love keeps you blind sighted to just what truly is best for me and causes you to act from/out of fear and emotions.
Please for my sake don't try to stop me... just let me go ... move out of the way and let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me ... as far down as I have to to reach rock bottom. Don't try to cushion the fall. Just believe in me and trust the process. Pray for me that when I do hit ... it is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that, be sure to tell my story so that others might learn from my mistakes and live.
Passion
Recovering addict
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 151
I've read this thread 5 times today and cried every time.
Please post this in the stickies.
I really wish I had read it a long time ago. Maybe things would be different. Maybe not but at least I could have been a bit more understanding and compassionate.
Please post this in the stickies.
I really wish I had read it a long time ago. Maybe things would be different. Maybe not but at least I could have been a bit more understanding and compassionate.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Anywhere, USA
Posts: 869
Originally Posted by HeartbrokenGuy 
I've read this thread 5 times today and cried every time.
Please post this in the stickies.
I really wish I had read it a long time ago. Maybe things would be different. Maybe not but at least I could have been a bit more understanding and compassionate.
Please post this in the stickies.
I really wish I had read it a long time ago. Maybe things would be different. Maybe not but at least I could have been a bit more understanding and compassionate.
I once stumbled upon this piece and cried reading it....it never talks specifically about addiction, but I have a feeling this is what it was referring to.....I always want to do this, maybe this time I will find the courage;
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...walk-away.html
*hugs*
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 151
Originally Posted by Smarie78
You were all of those things, but they have to want to quit for themselves. We can be too understanding...too compassionate....to the point of enabling. But rarely have I met anyone whose reason their loved one drank was because they weren't enough of those things. They may have said it, but it was never the reason. Even being understanding and compassionate has not gotten my loved one to quit....in fact it may be one of the biggest reasons he doesn't. Why should he if I am always there to soften his landing? Forgive yourself. It isn't your fault.
I once stumbled upon this piece and cried reading it....it never talks specifically about addiction, but I have a feeling this is what it was referring to.....I always want to do this, maybe this time I will find the courage;
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...walk-away.html
*hugs*
I once stumbled upon this piece and cried reading it....it never talks specifically about addiction, but I have a feeling this is what it was referring to.....I always want to do this, maybe this time I will find the courage;
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...walk-away.html
*hugs*
I did the best I could as we all do. I thought I was doing the next right thing. And maybe I was.
I need to be honest as part of my own recovery. I was absolutely enabling and softening the "rock bottom" in every way possible.
My biggest regret and what I am not sure I will ever reconcile is that I took her behavior so extremely personally. I didn't have to do that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by Smarie78
I once stumbled upon this piece and cried reading it....it never talks specifically about addiction, but I have a feeling this is what it was referring to.....I always want to do this, maybe this time I will find the courage;
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...walk-away.html
*hugs*
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...walk-away.html
*hugs*
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by batchel9
The guilt overwhelms me but I have to remember that the important part is him getting better, not necessarily me being with him.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: MD
Posts: 658
Those heartfelt letters from the addict trigger me a good deal- the asking for understanding (more, again). "Can I just go to sleep".. uhhh no- now that your brain is unfogged a bit how about instead you start on that list of stuff you need to address? Perhaps start easy with the immediate jobs at hand; do the dishes, take out the trash, clean the house and keep it clean; without being asked or asking for thanks, get stuck in on the childcare... talk is cheap.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yeah, those "letters" bother me a lot, too. The pleading for "understanding"--I was trying to put my finger on it, shnappi, but I think you nailed it. I think that's why it bothers me.
And I'm not suggesting that family members SHOULDN'T try their best to understand some of the challenges in early sobriety--I think what gets me is the alcoholic's/addict's suggestion that it's up to the family to ensure their sobriety. And that is plain WRONG. If your family's behavior/attitudes are interfering with your efforts to stay sober, the onus is on YOU, the addict/alcoholic, to step away until you can deal with reasonable expectations, or to work on any necessary boundaries to protect your sobriety.
Frankly, these "letters" smell to me like emotional manipulation.
And I'm not suggesting that family members SHOULDN'T try their best to understand some of the challenges in early sobriety--I think what gets me is the alcoholic's/addict's suggestion that it's up to the family to ensure their sobriety. And that is plain WRONG. If your family's behavior/attitudes are interfering with your efforts to stay sober, the onus is on YOU, the addict/alcoholic, to step away until you can deal with reasonable expectations, or to work on any necessary boundaries to protect your sobriety.
Frankly, these "letters" smell to me like emotional manipulation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: MD
Posts: 658
There are worse ones- sappy self-indulgent stuff. I was of two minds with that prev post. One thing that recovery has shown me is that I have plenty of character defects that match up with the addict's like gear teeth and that machine grinds us both up. So I have little room to talk. Its also true I do not understand the profound unceasing compulsion that the addict experiences.
I am not entitled to make demands of the addict- ultimatums etc I have my own side of the street to keep clean and my own boundaries to manage. OTOH it should be clear to the addict that the time of asking for more understanding and forgiveness is over- now its about actions not explanations.
I am not entitled to make demands of the addict- ultimatums etc I have my own side of the street to keep clean and my own boundaries to manage. OTOH it should be clear to the addict that the time of asking for more understanding and forgiveness is over- now its about actions not explanations.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Beautifully put. Going straight back to the same old everything can be dangerous territory... for everyone involved.
Pray... and follow.
Life is fluid. Change happens all the time. As we embrace change, we are able to CHOOSE to embrace healing.
Pray... and follow.
Life is fluid. Change happens all the time. As we embrace change, we are able to CHOOSE to embrace healing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 22
Hm this is just full of contradictions! The first time I read it I did so with my codependent eyes and thought it was wonderful but on re-reading I am kind of mad. All of the contradictions are so interwoven it’s like some magical trickery.
I don’t even think the author is even aware of what they are doing! This is a prime example of how an alcoholics manipulative behaviour can be so deeply ingrained. I think the author might even be tricking themselves.
I don’t even think the author is even aware of what they are doing! This is a prime example of how an alcoholics manipulative behaviour can be so deeply ingrained. I think the author might even be tricking themselves.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
I only read it briefly Harper but it is full of things that don't really make all that much sense.
I'm thinking that is the truth. Time and again we hear of (read) about the aftermath of getting sober, whether it's an SO just out of rehab or on the newcomers forum.
I don't think it probably makes sense to them. As many state "they are all over the place".
I'm thinking that is the truth. Time and again we hear of (read) about the aftermath of getting sober, whether it's an SO just out of rehab or on the newcomers forum.
I don't think it probably makes sense to them. As many state "they are all over the place".
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 229
Originally Posted by Smarie78
A powerful snippet of a blog written by Robin Bright.
Read the rest if you have some time:
https://thatsoberlife.com/coming-hom...-run-now-what/
-------------------
Dear family,
My response assuming this came from my husband
I know you’ve been reeling with emotion while I’ve been gone.
I'm not sure that you actually spent any time thinking about your family/friends/codependents while you were gone tbhI understand you have dreams and hopes for a life with me. I actually doubt that too,
usually you are so concerned with your own life, what is happening to you, you have no room to think of others and what your addiction is doing to usWhen I come home from my latest binge you’ll probably do two things. You’ll breathe a sigh of relief that I’m alive true, knowing in the back of my mind that the merry go round will probably start againand you’ll also want to talk to me about my plans for the days and months ahead. Yes, what normal civilised human beings in a relationship of any sort usually do
The truth is, I have no idea. That is understanable perhaps, but you have had the benefit of being in a place with various 'experts' to aid you in finding that out,
while we here have to get on with the normal day to day plus carry the pain of your addictionYou see, I don’t understand how to do life. I’ve lost a lot of tools along the way and some of them were never actually developed. Well you have had many come along side you to help you get up and do what needs to be done, more excuses imoI feel a huge amount of shame right now and confusing thoughts flood my mind continuously. I know you don’t understand what I’m going through, and you’re dealing with your own pain. Well, yes, you ar enot the only one carrying pain, and having lots of confusing thoughts,
take the focus of your self centrednessYou might want me to “just be okay” so I’ll attempt to walk that out for you, at least on the surface, at least for now, because honestly, I’m too exhausted from my last binge to think straight. Oh really, I'm sorry but that doesn't fly with me, I am exhausted having to fill the gaps you are leaving in this life of ours
During the days and weeks ahead, if I don’t make a plan for my recovery, I’ll be dealing with my raw emotions and obsession to use again. I’ll deal with it all by myself. When I try to talk about it with you, I am often met with a blank look or worry. You don’t understand. I don’t understand. It’s frustrating and I feel like giving up every time I face something that seems ordinary to you.
I don’t want to go away and get help. Well then,
why should i stick around to be there, it doesn't suit me Honestly, I don’t want to do anything. Everything feels hopeless and my life looks like a million dead ends. There is wreckage to clean up with people, finances, and with my physical state of well being. It’s all too much. Whose wreckage is it? Yours,
take some responsibility for your actions why don't youCan I just go to sleep? No you can't, I haven't had any sleep and have been running on empty for years because of your addiction. Get your **** together, take the help that is available and work with it, stop the excuses
Okay, let me rethink this. I want to give you a glimmer of hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I just can’t see it right now and you certainly can’t see it for me.More false starts,
more false realities? Here’s what I need you to do. First, tell me you believe in me. As if that ever helped in the pastSecond, don’t just plug me back into my daily routine and expect me to get it right this time. I’ve repeated this cycle a thousand times. It always ends exactly the same. Can’t you see that? I agree with this, should let you live on your own,
sort out your own stuff and see if the absense of a maid, chauffeur,
bookkeeper, bill payer, etc will get you to deal with your ****.
I’m scared and I don’t want you to tell me what to do, or give me an ultimatum…but that may be the best thing for me. If it requires you hitting your 'bottom' and me saving my sanity and myself, I will do whatever I need to do, you do not tell me what to do either The worst thing you can do is to get comfortable with my addiction. I have never been comfortable with your addiction, whatever gave you that thought? I fought, cried, cajoled, all in vain. I might be quiet now because I do not have the energy to deal with you or your problems right now The worst way you can react is to let me come back and respond as if nothing has happened. I know you’re busy. You have a life, a job, and responsibilities…but please don’t pretend we’re not in crisis. We are. Covering my own and your roles in this family, makes me busy, the kids need stability, they cannot know we are in crisis. The ship has to keep moving whether we are in crisis or not, can't you see that?
I may tell you we’re not, but I’m bleeding. Every time I go out and use I’m dying a little bit more. I’m getting a little bit closer to our whole lives and future being stolen. And I have to think whether it may be time to remove you from our lives an dmove on without you
You don’t have to do the work for me. You don’t have to turn your back on me, but please…don’t plug me right back into the same merry-go-round I just got off of. It didn’t work then. It won’t work now. Please spare me the selfpitying self centredness,
it is not all about you. The reality is, I cannot do the work for you,
but I do need to do what is going to save me and my kids. What merry go around? So it is my fault, again?
I need help.
Read the rest if you have some time:
https://thatsoberlife.com/coming-hom...-run-now-what/
-------------------
Dear family,
My response assuming this came from my husband
I know you’ve been reeling with emotion while I’ve been gone.
I'm not sure that you actually spent any time thinking about your family/friends/codependents while you were gone tbhI understand you have dreams and hopes for a life with me. I actually doubt that too,
usually you are so concerned with your own life, what is happening to you, you have no room to think of others and what your addiction is doing to usWhen I come home from my latest binge you’ll probably do two things. You’ll breathe a sigh of relief that I’m alive true, knowing in the back of my mind that the merry go round will probably start againand you’ll also want to talk to me about my plans for the days and months ahead. Yes, what normal civilised human beings in a relationship of any sort usually do
The truth is, I have no idea. That is understanable perhaps, but you have had the benefit of being in a place with various 'experts' to aid you in finding that out,
while we here have to get on with the normal day to day plus carry the pain of your addictionYou see, I don’t understand how to do life. I’ve lost a lot of tools along the way and some of them were never actually developed. Well you have had many come along side you to help you get up and do what needs to be done, more excuses imoI feel a huge amount of shame right now and confusing thoughts flood my mind continuously. I know you don’t understand what I’m going through, and you’re dealing with your own pain. Well, yes, you ar enot the only one carrying pain, and having lots of confusing thoughts,
take the focus of your self centrednessYou might want me to “just be okay” so I’ll attempt to walk that out for you, at least on the surface, at least for now, because honestly, I’m too exhausted from my last binge to think straight. Oh really, I'm sorry but that doesn't fly with me, I am exhausted having to fill the gaps you are leaving in this life of ours
During the days and weeks ahead, if I don’t make a plan for my recovery, I’ll be dealing with my raw emotions and obsession to use again. I’ll deal with it all by myself. When I try to talk about it with you, I am often met with a blank look or worry. You don’t understand. I don’t understand. It’s frustrating and I feel like giving up every time I face something that seems ordinary to you.
I don’t want to go away and get help. Well then,
why should i stick around to be there, it doesn't suit me Honestly, I don’t want to do anything. Everything feels hopeless and my life looks like a million dead ends. There is wreckage to clean up with people, finances, and with my physical state of well being. It’s all too much. Whose wreckage is it? Yours,
take some responsibility for your actions why don't youCan I just go to sleep? No you can't, I haven't had any sleep and have been running on empty for years because of your addiction. Get your **** together, take the help that is available and work with it, stop the excuses
Okay, let me rethink this. I want to give you a glimmer of hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I just can’t see it right now and you certainly can’t see it for me.More false starts,
more false realities? Here’s what I need you to do. First, tell me you believe in me. As if that ever helped in the pastSecond, don’t just plug me back into my daily routine and expect me to get it right this time. I’ve repeated this cycle a thousand times. It always ends exactly the same. Can’t you see that? I agree with this, should let you live on your own,
sort out your own stuff and see if the absense of a maid, chauffeur,
bookkeeper, bill payer, etc will get you to deal with your ****.
I’m scared and I don’t want you to tell me what to do, or give me an ultimatum…but that may be the best thing for me. If it requires you hitting your 'bottom' and me saving my sanity and myself, I will do whatever I need to do, you do not tell me what to do either The worst thing you can do is to get comfortable with my addiction. I have never been comfortable with your addiction, whatever gave you that thought? I fought, cried, cajoled, all in vain. I might be quiet now because I do not have the energy to deal with you or your problems right now The worst way you can react is to let me come back and respond as if nothing has happened. I know you’re busy. You have a life, a job, and responsibilities…but please don’t pretend we’re not in crisis. We are. Covering my own and your roles in this family, makes me busy, the kids need stability, they cannot know we are in crisis. The ship has to keep moving whether we are in crisis or not, can't you see that?
I may tell you we’re not, but I’m bleeding. Every time I go out and use I’m dying a little bit more. I’m getting a little bit closer to our whole lives and future being stolen. And I have to think whether it may be time to remove you from our lives an dmove on without you
You don’t have to do the work for me. You don’t have to turn your back on me, but please…don’t plug me right back into the same merry-go-round I just got off of. It didn’t work then. It won’t work now. Please spare me the selfpitying self centredness,
it is not all about you. The reality is, I cannot do the work for you,
but I do need to do what is going to save me and my kids. What merry go around? So it is my fault, again?
I need help.
Spare me
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
GivenUp , bravo! 
Self indulgent whining of a man-child. Don’t you plug them back into routine. They need to heal, wander around in nightgowns some more, prefferably in expensive rehab, going from art therapy to luncheon complete with the chocolate cake.
XAH went to a few that I paid for - and while I was there for “ family week”, it almost felt like a resort. I think rehabs should be more spartan, with mandatory work or community service
Anyway - agree that these letters are missing the mark. People who write them are not in true recovery IMO.
Self indulgent whining of a man-child. Don’t you plug them back into routine. They need to heal, wander around in nightgowns some more, prefferably in expensive rehab, going from art therapy to luncheon complete with the chocolate cake.
XAH went to a few that I paid for - and while I was there for “ family week”, it almost felt like a resort. I think rehabs should be more spartan, with mandatory work or community service
Anyway - agree that these letters are missing the mark. People who write them are not in true recovery IMO.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
"Here’s what I need you to do. First, tell me you believe in me."
That's ALL I did. Believe in him and give him room to heal. Tip toe around his moods. Let him sleep... and sleep... and sleep... and then binge. I kept shifting my own boundaries to "make room for his recovery" -- and I use the word "recovery" loosely. This letter makes me uncomfortable too.
That's ALL I did. Believe in him and give him room to heal. Tip toe around his moods. Let him sleep... and sleep... and sleep... and then binge. I kept shifting my own boundaries to "make room for his recovery" -- and I use the word "recovery" loosely. This letter makes me uncomfortable too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: MD
Posts: 658
9-ish months later, steady attendance in alanon, lots of step work, and I stand by my last two posts.
If I got letters like those from an addict, then I'd take them at their word and my response is "Fall as far as you want, hit bottom as hard as you need to but you're paying your own way."
lol, it is interesting to observe how many pointed sentences I added and removed.... I find I remain well-qualified for Alanon
If I got letters like those from an addict, then I'd take them at their word and my response is "Fall as far as you want, hit bottom as hard as you need to but you're paying your own way."
lol, it is interesting to observe how many pointed sentences I added and removed.... I find I remain well-qualified for Alanon
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
