Checking in day 4. Should i tell hubby this weekend
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 66
Checking in day 4. Should i tell hubby this weekend
I'm doing well. Feeling great for the most part. Still shaky and unsteady with the acceptance that I'm really doing this this time. Have been to two meetings this wk.
So question is, do i tell hubby about recovery plan this weekend? I haven't told him yet bc i want to feel more confident in myself and my plan. However, he's my closest confidant usually in everything else. I'm afraid bc i know he will hold me to my new ways. I realize that is a good thing. But what i fear is messing up then having to look him in the face to see disappointment ONCE AGAIN.
So question is, do i tell hubby about recovery plan this weekend? I haven't told him yet bc i want to feel more confident in myself and my plan. However, he's my closest confidant usually in everything else. I'm afraid bc i know he will hold me to my new ways. I realize that is a good thing. But what i fear is messing up then having to look him in the face to see disappointment ONCE AGAIN.
As they say, set your confidence level arbitrarily at 100%.
If you want to stay sober, you will. No one else is controlling your hand or your mouth, right?
Continue to make that decision every single time. No matter what.
If you want to stay sober, you will. No one else is controlling your hand or your mouth, right?
Continue to make that decision every single time. No matter what.
I know what you mean KM...once we share our commitment to sobriety, all systems are go.
When I thought about whether to truly commit, I knew I needed to hold myself accountable, part of that was letting those close to me know my plan.
Once I was truly committed, my recovery became more important than anything else in my life. TBH, I'm still working on my plan...oh yeah, I'm committed, I'm holding myself accountable, and I have the small tools that I'm using now...but I'm talking about the life long plan.
There are so many different types of recovery plans today. It's hard to decide which will work best for me. My plan, for my plan...is to take a little bit from each one, what I believe will work best for me..."tweak what's out there"... Then "work it"! It will take some time for me to dig into this project, and I'm sure I will need to make adjustments along the way...but I believe that in the long run, it will be worth it.
Sorry for the ramble...just thinking Anyway, I think you know the answer to your question...
When I thought about whether to truly commit, I knew I needed to hold myself accountable, part of that was letting those close to me know my plan.
Once I was truly committed, my recovery became more important than anything else in my life. TBH, I'm still working on my plan...oh yeah, I'm committed, I'm holding myself accountable, and I have the small tools that I'm using now...but I'm talking about the life long plan.
There are so many different types of recovery plans today. It's hard to decide which will work best for me. My plan, for my plan...is to take a little bit from each one, what I believe will work best for me..."tweak what's out there"... Then "work it"! It will take some time for me to dig into this project, and I'm sure I will need to make adjustments along the way...but I believe that in the long run, it will be worth it.
Sorry for the ramble...just thinking Anyway, I think you know the answer to your question...
Congrats on Day 4. It is so hard in the beginning but that shaky feeling does go away.
I used to not tell people of any plans to quit. I wanted an "out" just in case I slipped up AGAIN. I'd say tell your husband. I'd suggest prefacing it "this is my plan. I need your support. I am afraid of disappointing you if I slip." Maybe he has some insight or input on something you may have overlooked.
I know I needed all the support I could get in the beginning. Hang in there.
I used to not tell people of any plans to quit. I wanted an "out" just in case I slipped up AGAIN. I'd say tell your husband. I'd suggest prefacing it "this is my plan. I need your support. I am afraid of disappointing you if I slip." Maybe he has some insight or input on something you may have overlooked.
I know I needed all the support I could get in the beginning. Hang in there.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
I understand the hesitation. When I quit I was worried to tell me wife for 2 reasons.
1. I was afraid to say I was an alcoholic out loud. For me this was difficult even though I knew I was. Telling someone else was hard.
2. If I told her I was done drinking I had to be done drinking for good. It would be locked in stone.
When I did tell her it was more of a relief then anything else.
1. I was afraid to say I was an alcoholic out loud. For me this was difficult even though I knew I was. Telling someone else was hard.
2. If I told her I was done drinking I had to be done drinking for good. It would be locked in stone.
When I did tell her it was more of a relief then anything else.
Congrats on Day 4. It is so hard in the beginning but that shaky feeling does go away.
I used to not tell people of any plans to quit. I wanted an "out" just in case I slipped up AGAIN. I'd say tell your husband. I'd suggest prefacing it "this is my plan. I need your support. I am afraid of disappointing you if I slip." Maybe he has some insight or input on something you may have overlooked.
I know I needed all the support I could get in the beginning. Hang in there.
I used to not tell people of any plans to quit. I wanted an "out" just in case I slipped up AGAIN. I'd say tell your husband. I'd suggest prefacing it "this is my plan. I need your support. I am afraid of disappointing you if I slip." Maybe he has some insight or input on something you may have overlooked.
I know I needed all the support I could get in the beginning. Hang in there.
Just like so many others that replied- I can relate. I just couldn't bare to let my husband down again so it's been easier to not tell him the details of any times of my efforts. Until now. You can do it and it sounds like you're ready for that final time.
To me, the cornerstone of sobriety is honestly - with myself and those around me. My entire drinking career was built on lies and deception - so when I finally decided to quit for good I could never have done so without telling my wife. I would recommend telling your husband.
telling your husband is a very brave thing to do. and an honest one.
where i might caution you is in making oaths or pledges at this time. because if that is followed by a relapse, your word loses street cred. and then the whole scenario can become a pattern.
The Alcoholic Oath is threefold:
I'm Sorry
Please Forgive me
It will never happen again
you might say something more like "I recognize and accept that i have a drinking problem. I am seeking help and support so that i may stay sober today and in the future. I am not asking that you completely believe me right now, but i do ask that allow me the dignity to give this my best effort."
where i might caution you is in making oaths or pledges at this time. because if that is followed by a relapse, your word loses street cred. and then the whole scenario can become a pattern.
The Alcoholic Oath is threefold:
I'm Sorry
Please Forgive me
It will never happen again
you might say something more like "I recognize and accept that i have a drinking problem. I am seeking help and support so that i may stay sober today and in the future. I am not asking that you completely believe me right now, but i do ask that allow me the dignity to give this my best effort."
As long as you know and as long as you
remember that this is your recovery.
Your Program.
You don't need to prove anything to
anyone because you are doing this
for yourself.
We cant change folks, make them understand
addiction, UNLESS, they are sick with addiction
and have a program of recovery as a guideline
to live by each day they remain sober.
Go about your recovery at your own
pace as you build a strong solid foundation
to live your life upon as you move forward
in a healthy, happy, honest way of life.
remember that this is your recovery.
Your Program.
You don't need to prove anything to
anyone because you are doing this
for yourself.
We cant change folks, make them understand
addiction, UNLESS, they are sick with addiction
and have a program of recovery as a guideline
to live by each day they remain sober.
Go about your recovery at your own
pace as you build a strong solid foundation
to live your life upon as you move forward
in a healthy, happy, honest way of life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 66
telling your husband is a very brave thing to do. and an honest one.
where i might caution you is in making oaths or pledges at this time. because if that is followed by a relapse, your word loses street cred. and then the whole scenario can become a pattern.
The Alcoholic Oath is threefold:
I'm Sorry
Please Forgive me
It will never happen again
you might say something more like "I recognize and accept that i have a drinking problem. I am seeking help and support so that i may stay sober today and in the future. I am not asking that you completely believe me right now, but i do ask that allow me the dignity to give this my best effort."
where i might caution you is in making oaths or pledges at this time. because if that is followed by a relapse, your word loses street cred. and then the whole scenario can become a pattern.
The Alcoholic Oath is threefold:
I'm Sorry
Please Forgive me
It will never happen again
you might say something more like "I recognize and accept that i have a drinking problem. I am seeking help and support so that i may stay sober today and in the future. I am not asking that you completely believe me right now, but i do ask that allow me the dignity to give this my best effort."
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