Checking in day 4. Should i tell hubby this weekend
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 66
Checking in day 4. Should i tell hubby this weekend
I'm doing well. Feeling great for the most part. Still shaky and unsteady with the acceptance that I'm really doing this this time. Have been to two meetings this wk.
So question is, do i tell hubby about recovery plan this weekend? I haven't told him yet bc i want to feel more confident in myself and my plan. However, he's my closest confidant usually in everything else. I'm afraid bc i know he will hold me to my new ways. I realize that is a good thing. But what i fear is messing up then having to look him in the face to see disappointment ONCE AGAIN.
So question is, do i tell hubby about recovery plan this weekend? I haven't told him yet bc i want to feel more confident in myself and my plan. However, he's my closest confidant usually in everything else. I'm afraid bc i know he will hold me to my new ways. I realize that is a good thing. But what i fear is messing up then having to look him in the face to see disappointment ONCE AGAIN.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
As they say, set your confidence level arbitrarily at 100%.
If you want to stay sober, you will. No one else is controlling your hand or your mouth, right?
Continue to make that decision every single time. No matter what.
If you want to stay sober, you will. No one else is controlling your hand or your mouth, right?
Continue to make that decision every single time. No matter what.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
I know what you mean KM...once we share our commitment to sobriety, all systems are go.
When I thought about whether to truly commit, I knew I needed to hold myself accountable, part of that was letting those close to me know my plan.
Once I was truly committed, my recovery became more important than anything else in my life. TBH, I'm still working on my plan...oh yeah, I'm committed, I'm holding myself accountable, and I have the small tools that I'm using now...but I'm talking about the life long plan.
There are so many different types of recovery plans today. It's hard to decide which will work best for me. My plan, for my plan...is to take a little bit from each one, what I believe will work best for me..."tweak what's out there"... Then "work it"! It will take some time for me to dig into this project, and I'm sure I will need to make adjustments along the way...but I believe that in the long run, it will be worth it.
Sorry for the ramble...just thinking Anyway, I think you know the answer to your question...
When I thought about whether to truly commit, I knew I needed to hold myself accountable, part of that was letting those close to me know my plan.
Once I was truly committed, my recovery became more important than anything else in my life. TBH, I'm still working on my plan...oh yeah, I'm committed, I'm holding myself accountable, and I have the small tools that I'm using now...but I'm talking about the life long plan.
There are so many different types of recovery plans today. It's hard to decide which will work best for me. My plan, for my plan...is to take a little bit from each one, what I believe will work best for me..."tweak what's out there"... Then "work it"! It will take some time for me to dig into this project, and I'm sure I will need to make adjustments along the way...but I believe that in the long run, it will be worth it.
Sorry for the ramble...just thinking
Anyway, I think you know the answer to your question...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Congrats on Day 4. It is so hard in the beginning but that shaky feeling does go away.
I used to not tell people of any plans to quit. I wanted an "out" just in case I slipped up AGAIN. I'd say tell your husband. I'd suggest prefacing it "this is my plan. I need your support. I am afraid of disappointing you if I slip." Maybe he has some insight or input on something you may have overlooked.
I know I needed all the support I could get in the beginning. Hang in there.
I used to not tell people of any plans to quit. I wanted an "out" just in case I slipped up AGAIN. I'd say tell your husband. I'd suggest prefacing it "this is my plan. I need your support. I am afraid of disappointing you if I slip." Maybe he has some insight or input on something you may have overlooked.
I know I needed all the support I could get in the beginning. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
I understand the hesitation. When I quit I was worried to tell me wife for 2 reasons.
1. I was afraid to say I was an alcoholic out loud. For me this was difficult even though I knew I was. Telling someone else was hard.
2. If I told her I was done drinking I had to be done drinking for good. It would be locked in stone.
When I did tell her it was more of a relief then anything else.
1. I was afraid to say I was an alcoholic out loud. For me this was difficult even though I knew I was. Telling someone else was hard.
2. If I told her I was done drinking I had to be done drinking for good. It would be locked in stone.
When I did tell her it was more of a relief then anything else.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Originally Posted by Ruby2 
Congrats on Day 4. It is so hard in the beginning but that shaky feeling does go away.
I used to not tell people of any plans to quit. I wanted an "out" just in case I slipped up AGAIN. I'd say tell your husband. I'd suggest prefacing it "this is my plan. I need your support. I am afraid of disappointing you if I slip." Maybe he has some insight or input on something you may have overlooked.
I know I needed all the support I could get in the beginning. Hang in there.
I used to not tell people of any plans to quit. I wanted an "out" just in case I slipped up AGAIN. I'd say tell your husband. I'd suggest prefacing it "this is my plan. I need your support. I am afraid of disappointing you if I slip." Maybe he has some insight or input on something you may have overlooked.
I know I needed all the support I could get in the beginning. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Woodburn, OR
Posts: 422
Just like so many others that replied- I can relate. I just couldn't bare to let my husband down again so it's been easier to not tell him the details of any times of my efforts. Until now. You can do it and it sounds like you're ready for that final time.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
To me, the cornerstone of sobriety is honestly - with myself and those around me. My entire drinking career was built on lies and deception - so when I finally decided to quit for good I could never have done so without telling my wife. I would recommend telling your husband.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
telling your husband is a very brave thing to do. and an honest one.
where i might caution you is in making oaths or pledges at this time. because if that is followed by a relapse, your word loses street cred. and then the whole scenario can become a pattern.
The Alcoholic Oath is threefold:
I'm Sorry
Please Forgive me
It will never happen again
you might say something more like "I recognize and accept that i have a drinking problem. I am seeking help and support so that i may stay sober today and in the future. I am not asking that you completely believe me right now, but i do ask that allow me the dignity to give this my best effort."
where i might caution you is in making oaths or pledges at this time. because if that is followed by a relapse, your word loses street cred. and then the whole scenario can become a pattern.
The Alcoholic Oath is threefold:
I'm Sorry
Please Forgive me
It will never happen again
you might say something more like "I recognize and accept that i have a drinking problem. I am seeking help and support so that i may stay sober today and in the future. I am not asking that you completely believe me right now, but i do ask that allow me the dignity to give this my best effort."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
As long as you know and as long as you
remember that this is your recovery.
Your Program.
You don't need to prove anything to
anyone because you are doing this
for yourself.
We cant change folks, make them understand
addiction, UNLESS, they are sick with addiction
and have a program of recovery as a guideline
to live by each day they remain sober.
Go about your recovery at your own
pace as you build a strong solid foundation
to live your life upon as you move forward
in a healthy, happy, honest way of life.
remember that this is your recovery.
Your Program.
You don't need to prove anything to
anyone because you are doing this
for yourself.
We cant change folks, make them understand
addiction, UNLESS, they are sick with addiction
and have a program of recovery as a guideline
to live by each day they remain sober.
Go about your recovery at your own
pace as you build a strong solid foundation
to live your life upon as you move forward
in a healthy, happy, honest way of life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 66
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
telling your husband is a very brave thing to do. and an honest one.
where i might caution you is in making oaths or pledges at this time. because if that is followed by a relapse, your word loses street cred. and then the whole scenario can become a pattern.
The Alcoholic Oath is threefold:
I'm Sorry
Please Forgive me
It will never happen again
you might say something more like "I recognize and accept that i have a drinking problem. I am seeking help and support so that i may stay sober today and in the future. I am not asking that you completely believe me right now, but i do ask that allow me the dignity to give this my best effort."
where i might caution you is in making oaths or pledges at this time. because if that is followed by a relapse, your word loses street cred. and then the whole scenario can become a pattern.
The Alcoholic Oath is threefold:
I'm Sorry
Please Forgive me
It will never happen again
you might say something more like "I recognize and accept that i have a drinking problem. I am seeking help and support so that i may stay sober today and in the future. I am not asking that you completely believe me right now, but i do ask that allow me the dignity to give this my best effort."
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