another stab in my back
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Join Date: Dec 2016
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another stab in my back
I haven't posted for a little while. Just dealing with the pain...while STBXAH filed a motion for trial (outrageous)
STBXAH filed a fraudulent financials ..STBXAH refuses to comply with discovery. I have to subpoena his employer, bank statements etc.
He refuses to comply or respond to my attorney request to set up court date for contempt motion ..
His sent a two page letter to the JA stating that my attorney is harassing him. It just goes on and on. Each stab he hits me with.. I feel it....
How could this person change in the blink of an eye. Why would he attempt to leave me in such a financial turmoil? Before me STBXAH never owned a car , cell phone was turned off for non pay every month.
This is how STBXAH repay me? Me? who taught him how to live in the normal world of adults and do better with his life? I don't think this will ever stop hurting my feelings , my heart. I'm coming to turns with the end of my marriage.
I value, respect and I am loyal to people who invest in making me better how can he be so cruel and feel no remorse?
STBXAH filed a fraudulent financials ..STBXAH refuses to comply with discovery. I have to subpoena his employer, bank statements etc.
He refuses to comply or respond to my attorney request to set up court date for contempt motion ..
His sent a two page letter to the JA stating that my attorney is harassing him. It just goes on and on. Each stab he hits me with.. I feel it....
How could this person change in the blink of an eye. Why would he attempt to leave me in such a financial turmoil? Before me STBXAH never owned a car , cell phone was turned off for non pay every month.
This is how STBXAH repay me? Me? who taught him how to live in the normal world of adults and do better with his life? I don't think this will ever stop hurting my feelings , my heart. I'm coming to turns with the end of my marriage.
I value, respect and I am loyal to people who invest in making me better how can he be so cruel and feel no remorse?
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
well, one theory could be that he was never a real, nice person to begin with. that yes, you DID all those things FOR him, thinking you were helping him be a grown up, but it appears he may have just been along for the ride.
which is a reflection upon HIM, not you. i don't think, from what you've shared, that on a Monday he was the salt of the earth and on Tuesday he turned into this mean, spiteful, cruel man.
which is a reflection upon HIM, not you. i don't think, from what you've shared, that on a Monday he was the salt of the earth and on Tuesday he turned into this mean, spiteful, cruel man.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
How could this person change in the blink of an eye.
Originally Posted by savingmein2017 
Thank you honeypig
"The first time you're a victim. The second time, you're a volunteer." The things that eventually drove me to leave my marriage happened again and again and AGAIN. Yet I clung to the belief that somehow THIS time would be different, even though there was absolutely no reason to think so.... XAH had shown me over and over who he was, but I didn't accept that reality. I kept doing the same things and getting the same results. I tried to run his life. I tried to control so many things about him. And it never worked, but yet I kept on doing it. Nobody is responsible for that but ME. And no, I didn't know any better at the time, but that doesn't make me not responsible...
uugghhh ,,.... ME all the way
"The first time you're a victim. The second time, you're a volunteer." The things that eventually drove me to leave my marriage happened again and again and AGAIN. Yet I clung to the belief that somehow THIS time would be different, even though there was absolutely no reason to think so.... XAH had shown me over and over who he was, but I didn't accept that reality. I kept doing the same things and getting the same results. I tried to run his life. I tried to control so many things about him. And it never worked, but yet I kept on doing it. Nobody is responsible for that but ME. And no, I didn't know any better at the time, but that doesn't make me not responsible...
uugghhh ,,.... ME all the way
Hang in there, a judge and court will see exactly what he is doing. He sounds like he is trying to wear you down so that you will just give up and he won’t have to be responsible for anything.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
The sooner you stop asking "Why is he doing this to me?" and simply focus on getting done what needs to be done, the sooner you will be, well, DONE. There's no excuse or justification for what he's doing, so stop looking for one. If you go forward not expecting anything from him other than resistance every step of the way, it will be less painful and over with a lot faster.
His whole strategy is to make you pay, emotionally. Don't let him win.
His whole strategy is to make you pay, emotionally. Don't let him win.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 420
Alcoholism wreaks havoc and muddles minds. It's the nature of the disease. Try to relax and remember that none of this is your fault. There is nothing for you to take personally (I know, easier said than done). The nasty crud you're going thru right now will pass, I know it makes you crazy in the meantime, but it will pass. And if he keeps on drinking, eventually what will befall HIM is going to be far worse than anything that happens to YOU. You're going to get thru this, and you're going to feel better. Be patient with yourself and the situation. You really don't have a choice, anyway.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by atalose
Do you remember this post you wrote……..
He hasn’t changed, you are able to see him in a different light today then you could in the past.
Hang in there, a judge and court will see exactly what he is doing. He sounds like he is trying to wear you down so that you will just give up and he won’t have to be responsible for anything.
He hasn’t changed, you are able to see him in a different light today then you could in the past.
Hang in there, a judge and court will see exactly what he is doing. He sounds like he is trying to wear you down so that you will just give up and he won’t have to be responsible for anything.
then the what if sets in....
I'm I being judgmental as he says about him drinking every day?
STXBH words not mine ( He's not belligerent when drunk. He is in his own zone. I am the one with the problem because I don't drink. I sit in judgment of those who do. He is grown and if he wants to drink everyday why can't he? He goes to work and deposits his check why can't I just let it be? ) SMH
These are the words I heard THEM for so many years I can recite them on command.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Savingme.....he doesn't have a clue of what you want or need...nor, does it matter to him.....
He is pretty clear about what he wants......
Alcoholism....a synonym for selfish and self absorbed....
He is pretty clear about what he wants......
Alcoholism....a synonym for selfish and self absorbed....
I'm simply attempting to express my feelings ...
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Yes, he is entitled to drink as much as he wants. It is not illegal to drink.
You are entitled to make a decision if you choose to be around his drinking. Obviously his drinking is bothering you.
You are at an impasse, he is not going to stop and you can't live with it. How do you move forward?
You are entitled to make a decision if you choose to be around his drinking. Obviously his drinking is bothering you.
You are at an impasse, he is not going to stop and you can't live with it. How do you move forward?
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Maybe consider this...by being such a jerk, he's actually affirming your decision to end the relationship.
If he were being all fair and mature and reasonable, you might be second-guessing yourself even more?
If he were being all fair and mature and reasonable, you might be second-guessing yourself even more?
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I value, respect and I am loyal to people who invest in making me better how can he be so cruel and feel no remorse?
I know it hurts to feel attacked by someone we love. Let alone by someone we feel that we have helped. He sees things pretty differently than you do, and that I hope validates the divorce for you. I hope it gives you a push to let go of him, and of being hurt by him. TIme does heal wounds and I hope its over for you quickly.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
how can he be so cruel and feel no remorse?
Why would he attempt to leave me in such a financial turmoil?
actually you did ask about HIS state of mind.
Why would he attempt to leave me in such a financial turmoil?
actually you did ask about HIS state of mind.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by firebolt
He just isn't like you. In fact, he sounds like someone to stay far far away from.
I know it hurts to feel attacked by someone we love. Let alone by someone we feel that we have helped. He sees things pretty differently than you do, and that I hope validates the divorce for you. I hope it gives you a push to let go of him, and of being hurt by him. TIme does heal wounds and I hope its over for you quickly.
I know it hurts to feel attacked by someone we love. Let alone by someone we feel that we have helped. He sees things pretty differently than you do, and that I hope validates the divorce for you. I hope it gives you a push to let go of him, and of being hurt by him. TIme does heal wounds and I hope its over for you quickly.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Yes, this sentiment right here helped me through "how could he" question
Originally Posted by Ariesagain
Maybe consider this...by being such a jerk, he's actually affirming your decision to end the relationship.
If he were being all fair and mature and reasonable, you might be second-guessing yourself even more?
If he were being all fair and mature and reasonable, you might be second-guessing yourself even more?
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Savingme....I apologize if I misunderstood you....
I was trying to validate your feelings....and support you
When you asked---"how can he be so cruel and show no remorse?"....I thought you were talking about him not caring...... It seemed like it bothered you that he didn't seem to care about his seeming cruelty......
You have left me confused.......
I was trying to validate your feelings....and support you
When you asked---"how can he be so cruel and show no remorse?"....I thought you were talking about him not caring...... It seemed like it bothered you that he didn't seem to care about his seeming cruelty......
You have left me confused.......
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Posts: 123
Originally Posted by dandylion
Savingme....I apologize if I misunderstood you....
I was trying to validate your feelings....and support you
When you asked---"how can he be so cruel and show no remorse?"....I thought you were talking about him not caring...... It seemed like it bothered you that he didn't seem to care about his seeming cruelty......
You have left me confused.......
I was trying to validate your feelings....and support you
When you asked---"how can he be so cruel and show no remorse?"....I thought you were talking about him not caring...... It seemed like it bothered you that he didn't seem to care about his seeming cruelty......
You have left me confused.......
i'm so afraid of starting over and getting stuck like this again
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
So what have you learned about alcholics...
...and alcoholism? I ask because every single thing in your post is 100 percent consistent with the behavior of an alcoholic/addict. If you have any expectation at all of different behavior from him, the problem lies somewhere other than him.
Please consider investigating what it is about yourself that thought it a good idea to choose as a life mate somebody who, "...never owned a car, cell phone was turned off for non pay every month." Think about it-- of all the men in the world this is the one you chose.
The good news is that you are not alone-- many others have made the same huge mistake (including me). In my case it was because, and I was unaware of this about myself, my goal in life was to be the super hero and fixer-- the more ****** up a woman was the more attractive she was to me. "Here I come to save the day!"
The goal now is to get through this and not repeat that kind of decision going forward.
Good luck to you.
Cyranoak
Please consider investigating what it is about yourself that thought it a good idea to choose as a life mate somebody who, "...never owned a car, cell phone was turned off for non pay every month." Think about it-- of all the men in the world this is the one you chose.
The good news is that you are not alone-- many others have made the same huge mistake (including me). In my case it was because, and I was unaware of this about myself, my goal in life was to be the super hero and fixer-- the more ****** up a woman was the more attractive she was to me. "Here I come to save the day!"
The goal now is to get through this and not repeat that kind of decision going forward.
Good luck to you.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by savingmein2017
I haven't posted for a little while. Just dealing with the pain...while STBXAH filed a motion for trial (outrageous)
STBXAH filed a fraudulent financials ..STBXAH refuses to comply with discovery. I have to subpoena his employer, bank statements etc.
He refuses to comply or respond to my attorney request to set up court date for contempt motion ..
His sent a two page letter to the JA stating that my attorney is harassing him. It just goes on and on. Each stab he hits me with.. I feel it....
How could this person change in the blink of an eye. Why would he attempt to leave me in such a financial turmoil? Before me STBXAH never owned a car , cell phone was turned off for non pay every month.
This is how STBXAH repay me? Me? who taught him how to live in the normal world of adults and do better with his life? I don't think this will ever stop hurting my feelings , my heart. I'm coming to turns with the end of my marriage.
I value, respect and I am loyal to people who invest in making me better how can he be so cruel and feel no remorse?
STBXAH filed a fraudulent financials ..STBXAH refuses to comply with discovery. I have to subpoena his employer, bank statements etc.
He refuses to comply or respond to my attorney request to set up court date for contempt motion ..
His sent a two page letter to the JA stating that my attorney is harassing him. It just goes on and on. Each stab he hits me with.. I feel it....
How could this person change in the blink of an eye. Why would he attempt to leave me in such a financial turmoil? Before me STBXAH never owned a car , cell phone was turned off for non pay every month.
This is how STBXAH repay me? Me? who taught him how to live in the normal world of adults and do better with his life? I don't think this will ever stop hurting my feelings , my heart. I'm coming to turns with the end of my marriage.
I value, respect and I am loyal to people who invest in making me better how can he be so cruel and feel no remorse?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by Cyranoak
...and alcoholism? I ask because every single thing in your post is 100 percent consistent with the behavior of an alcoholic/addict. If you have any expectation at all of different behavior from him, the problem lies somewhere other than him.
Please consider investigating what it is about yourself that thought it a good idea to choose as a life mate somebody who, "...never owned a car, cell phone was turned off for non pay every month." Think about it-- of all the men in the world this is the one you chose.
The good news is that you are not alone-- many others have made the same huge mistake (including me). In my case it was because, and I was unaware of this about myself, my goal in life was to be the super hero and fixer-- the more ****** up a woman was the more attractive she was to me. "Here I come to save the day!"
The goal now is to get through this and not repeat that kind of decision going forward.
Good luck to you.
Cyranoak
Please consider investigating what it is about yourself that thought it a good idea to choose as a life mate somebody who, "...never owned a car, cell phone was turned off for non pay every month." Think about it-- of all the men in the world this is the one you chose.
The good news is that you are not alone-- many others have made the same huge mistake (including me). In my case it was because, and I was unaware of this about myself, my goal in life was to be the super hero and fixer-- the more ****** up a woman was the more attractive she was to me. "Here I come to save the day!"
The goal now is to get through this and not repeat that kind of decision going forward.
Good luck to you.
Cyranoak
the fixer in me , probably saw a project
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