Sinderos

I drank last night. However, I have evaluated the reasons why I drank and what I can do to avoid drinking again.

I drank because I was overwhelmed in general. I allowed myself to worry about how I was going to not drink this weekend. How I was not going to ever drink again. I "committed" to an 8:00 pm AA meeting which I knew was too late for me. So what am I going to do to avoid this in the future?

1) I am not going to allow my mind to worry about not drinking in the future.
2) I will make a plan each day that will keep me focused on living sober for the day.
3) I will spend time each day reading an AA book or book in general about alcoholism.
4) I will reflect each day on how my life is better without being drunk.
5) I will take this journey one day at a time.

Usually when I slip up I say oh well and keep drinking. Not this time. Today is a new day. Today I will not drink.

Mentium

Hoping your plan works! As someone at an AA meeting I attended the other days said - 'a lapse doesn't have to be a relapse'!

Also - how about phoning people? Have you got some numbers?

All the best!

dwtbd

I suggest adding a line 6.
'6. I will not now drink, ever again, no matter what'

Deciding to quit became a mindgame after I put the 'drink down'. One I realized I could win if I took my 'ball and went home' with the idea of no matter what.
My Beast loved to set the conditions that would lead /make me drink again. No Matter What makes any and all things nonnegotiable . If I were to list the things I need to do to stay quit and accept that if I fail to do anyone of those things , the AV would pounce "the desire is present, no use fighting, besides you tried but look since number x didn't happen, well..not your fault , if only you had done it you'd have been protected, so..maybe next time you'll remember or try harder"
No Matter What clause means I can have list or a routine that I think can help bolster my resolve, but I can't believe that that is the source of the resolve, the resolve is the fact that I don't want to be a drunk anymore , to guarantee that drinking is no longer ever an option, no matter what.
Have you considered putting Rational Recovery the New Cure for Substance Addiction on your reading list?
In the Secular Connections forum here on SR are some really great threads on those ideas.

Sinderos

Part of why I drank yesterday was being overwhelmed with trying to think of the rest of my left without alcohol. I know I can never drink again, but if I tell myself "you can never drink again" it is too much for me to handle. Maybe in 3 weeks when I have some sobriety behind me, but for now I must take it one day at a time.

Ariesagain

Liberation, not deprivation.

As long as even part of your brain feels that you are missing out on something good that other people get to enjoy or that maybe you might "get to" have again someday, your addiction will work 24/7 to convince you that right now is that time and you deserve it.

It's a Jedi mind trick...so trick it back. Write down everything that's terrible about drinking. Keep that list with you at all times, on your phone is good. You are not deprived, you are free from experiencing all those terrible things.

In the beginning, the benefits can seem too fuzzy and too far in the future to work as motivation. Avoiding the negatives though...those are fresh.

Also write on your list that every time you relapse, you open the door a little wider to a monster. Because it's true.

You can do this.

P.S. Training your mind to think only in terms of the immediate future ("one day at a time") has benefits that carry over to every aspect of your life. But it does take some practice, especially if, like me, you're a world-class worrier. It's a skill. You'll learn it in time as you keep redirecting your brain to that thought.

Mountainmanbob

I've heard that said by many over the years.
Yet, I know that for me, I can never drink again.
Remembering, I had a bottom most would not wish to experience.
M-Bob

MLD51

I had trouble with "never again" at the beginning. So I went day by day, week by week, month by month. Eventually (not that long, a few months maybe) I saw how much better life really is without drinking, and my thinking shifted. Now instead of thinking "poor me I can never drink again" I think "It's so great I'm liberated from booze and never have to live that way again." It'll happen for you, too.

Gottalife

I would add " I will try and help another alcoholic". I came across some research the other day that showed helping others practically doubled the chance of success. AA has known about this for a while.

dwtbd

'never Now drink'
Forever and Never don't happen all at once. We only ever act in the Now, the immediate present. I assume right now this very second you are not drinking, it is physically possible right Now. And I assume this Now too, yeah? Proof to shove in your beast's face that Now I can Not drink, you live through all the Nows one at a time, the only way it happens. They add up

PhoenixJ

Good one- I do this. I write it down somewhere- my diary or journal. Then- every time I get stressed, which is only about 90 gajillion times a day- RE READ IT. Slowly works.

ScottFromWI

Glad you are revising your plan Sinderos. Keeping it to one day at a time and trying to minimize thinking about "never drinking again" is good too. I'd also add that while it's good to learn from our drinking, it's not always helpful to try and rationalize "why" we drank. We drank because we are alcoholics...and accepting that is far more helpful in the long run than trying to find individual reasons or "triggers" for each drinking episode.

In your list of things you plan on doing each day, you mention reading AA books. Do you still plan on going to AA meetings as well? If so you may want to add that to your daily list and also perhaps add finding a sponsor and working the steps to that list.

Maudcat

I know what you mean, Sinderos. I was overwhelmed by the thought that I could never drink again.
So I flipped the script. Rather than think about "never," I thought "I won't drink today."
It worked for me. I just have today.

Sinderos

Scott, I do plan on AA meetings. Not necessarily every day though. Today I signed up for a Christian based 12 step weekly program for women. It is basically the 12 steps of AA just with a Christian focus.

dwtbd

I've found it liberating to take the tact that I can arbitrarily set my expectations of success at 100% and recognizing any feelings of being overwhelmed or doubts about success or feelings of deprivation as coming from the addiction( the beast, the desire for alcohol) and separating from them , they come from the beast not my truer more rational 'self' , and dismissing them out of hand. I plan to never again indulge ITs desire.
Just saying " I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind" and then 'sitting' back and listening/feeling the thoughts that surround that sentiment, shows me what I 'm up against. Regardless, I will not drink Now , no matter What,( this Now too)

Michael66

I can relate to that. Sometimes I am really up to looking at all future without alcohol, and feeling really positive about it. Other things (and today is one of those times) I need to just focus on today. Today is enough for me today.

We can do this.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like a good plan. Also remember that the real "meat and potatoes" of 12 step recovery is working the steps and doing so with a sponsor. You don't necessarily have to go to a meeting every day for that either. I'm sure you'll learn more in the new group you signed up for, I hope you enjoy it and meet some helpful folks.

january161992

great job sinderos

willingness is the key which you are demonstrating very well

Dee74

You'll get back what you put in, Sinderos.

Make staying sober your new normal

D

Algorithm

You are saying that you drank because you can't drink?

Acceptance is not enough, and one may accept, yet not forsake.

"I can never drink again" = "I would drink again if I could"

The problem is that you can definitely swallow alcohol.

Think it over.

Grymt

Much simple wisdom here. in this thread. I don't have to drink today. There was a time when I thought I did. Somehow by persisting with not drinking one day at a time I found I had found a kind of grace, to use common parlance (which I don't subscribe to) 'the back of the Beast was broken' (I have no idea who this beast is, but no matter). The intense craving was dulled. Now I just have to live life, still one day at a time. Not always easier but at least sober. One day at a time.