Falling apart
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 3
Falling apart
I am a binge drinker at night. I got into two car accidents because of my addiction and now have two tickets to pay. My one car was totaled and financed and now driving a used one. I work drink sleep repeat. I have a son and he doesn't make me happy, no one does not even me. I am pathetic currently 33 year old female. I got hardly nothing and never really had much. I once had a man who loved me but I cheated after a few drinks because he had a obsession with porn so now we are divorced with shard custody. I keep ******* up so why do I drink?
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Welcome to sr. I don't know the answers to why but do know that most bad or rash decisions I've made in life have been in some way down to alcohol. Stopping drinking is the only way I can improve my life and start to like myself. I know my anxiety eases and depression goes away when I don't drink I feel better all round and can start to make improvements to my life.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 420
Hi mandybabe. I'm not sure what to tell you other than that nothing changes if nothing changes. Sobriety and well worked recovery plan will give your life back. It will. I'm not saying it might..I'm saying it WILL. But you're going to have to do the work. So the question is, how much do you want it? Because it can be done. I'm living proof. So are thousands of other alcoholics who used to be in your shoes.
We're here for you.
We're here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 110
welcome! making the changes is going to impact your life in such a positive way.The drink has stolen your happiness, giving it up will one day at a time will bring you back to being a person you like again and in turn see all the benefits a sober life can be. There isn't any benefit in drinking, none, only neverending failure and disgust in yourself. You are here, so you want the change, now put it into action. Best of luck and we are here for you!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi Mandi,
I can hear the pain you are feeling in the words you posted. Alcoholism robs us of everything, including our self-respect. You can stop drinking and be the person, and the mother to your son, that you want to be. Get rid of the alcohol in your house and make today your Day 1. Make a plan to keep yourself busy. I found that changing my daily routines helped me break the automatic habit of drinking. You can do this!
I can hear the pain you are feeling in the words you posted. Alcoholism robs us of everything, including our self-respect. You can stop drinking and be the person, and the mother to your son, that you want to be. Get rid of the alcohol in your house and make today your Day 1. Make a plan to keep yourself busy. I found that changing my daily routines helped me break the automatic habit of drinking. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by Mandibabe83 
Just not sure how to stop
I hope the support here can help you get sober for good. 
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Mandi - We're so glad to have you here. I was drinking all day when I found SR. The encouragement here helped me stop a life long habit that was destroying me. I hope you'll keep talking to us. We understand like no one else can. You can turn everything around and have a good life.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston Ma
Posts: 980
Mandi, glad you are here. I found it helpful to write out a list of reasons why alcohol was harmed get me and a list with how it was helping me, the positive parts. My list of negatives was really more intense, starting with elevated liver counts, fatty liver. But even without health issues, the others things like hangovers, lack of memory of events, conversations, need to be home to get really sloshed.......made it obvious. It is really good to be sober, 193 days.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,668
Hi Mandi, welcome to sober recovery.
Stopping is just that, don't drink! Not so easy for us addicts, but that is where the recovery comes in.
I read here that it's like crossing a road, you look left, right and left again until it's safe to cross. We don't think about it, we was taught to do it. It's our tool of safety.
Well just like the road, we have tools to help us, and by learning to use these tools, drinking becomes a thing of the past.
We know we're not alone and are understood by people who know what we're going through.
Give it a go, there is so much life after alcohol.
Stopping is just that, don't drink! Not so easy for us addicts, but that is where the recovery comes in.
I read here that it's like crossing a road, you look left, right and left again until it's safe to cross. We don't think about it, we was taught to do it. It's our tool of safety.
Well just like the road, we have tools to help us, and by learning to use these tools, drinking becomes a thing of the past.
We know we're not alone and are understood by people who know what we're going through.
Give it a go, there is so much life after alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sending you a hug Mandi. I remember feeling as hopeless and desperate as you sound in your post. I felt completely empty, and overwhelmed with self-loathing on one hand, and self-pity on the other.
I thought that I drank because of my life for a long time. Now I know that I experienced life as I did because of the drink. It's hard to appreciate how soul-destroying and life-destroying alcoholic drinking is while we're still active. I could only really see the most obvious consequences as part of it. Nowadays, I know that the serenity and peace I have in my life would soon be shot it is went back to drinking. My financial security. My relationships. The fact that I am now at peace with myself, and have some self-respect and and dignity (not saying YOU don't by the way - that's just how it was for me). I no longer go to bed praying to not wake up. I can face the tricky days and weeks I the knowledge that I can do this stuff. I now feel love for others - well, I 'feel' generally!
I, like you, found a lot of relief in talking to other recovering alcoholics. People who had been through what I was. This forum has been a massive support for me on my journey, as has AA. I have made friends with some wonderful women there - and that's coming from someone who always kept other girls / women at arms length before.
The down side to all this is that it isn't easy. There is nevr going to be a day that you wake up and you can get sober without any horrible feelings in the initial stages. BUT it doesn't sound like life is a barrel of laughs for you at the moment anyway (despite the fibs that your AV tells you about alcohol making things better), and the rubbish / painful part of recovery is so, so short compared with the years of joy and serenity that is possible once you are sober and working on your recovery.
You say that your son doesn't make you happy. I have heard so many ladies in AA say that was their experience of motherhood while they were drinking. It made them feel miserable, ashamed and kind of sub-standard. All of those women, without exception, found that motherhood in sobriety was a completely diffrent experience and they learned to rebuild those mother-child bonds and find joy in the simple, everyday acts of love that they did for their kids once they were sober, in recovery, and emotionally available. (The exceptions to this are the two women I know who lost their kids, as they got taken away because they were seen to be unfit mothers due to their physical and emotional neglect of them while active in their alcoholism. Those ladies biggest hope now is that one day they will get their children back. It's all very sad.)
I hope that you will decide to stop digging this hole and start grabbing hold of the support available, both here and locally, so that you can start climbing back out into the light.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
I thought that I drank because of my life for a long time. Now I know that I experienced life as I did because of the drink. It's hard to appreciate how soul-destroying and life-destroying alcoholic drinking is while we're still active. I could only really see the most obvious consequences as part of it. Nowadays, I know that the serenity and peace I have in my life would soon be shot it is went back to drinking. My financial security. My relationships. The fact that I am now at peace with myself, and have some self-respect and and dignity (not saying YOU don't by the way - that's just how it was for me). I no longer go to bed praying to not wake up. I can face the tricky days and weeks I the knowledge that I can do this stuff. I now feel love for others - well, I 'feel' generally!
I, like you, found a lot of relief in talking to other recovering alcoholics. People who had been through what I was. This forum has been a massive support for me on my journey, as has AA. I have made friends with some wonderful women there - and that's coming from someone who always kept other girls / women at arms length before.
The down side to all this is that it isn't easy. There is nevr going to be a day that you wake up and you can get sober without any horrible feelings in the initial stages. BUT it doesn't sound like life is a barrel of laughs for you at the moment anyway (despite the fibs that your AV tells you about alcohol making things better), and the rubbish / painful part of recovery is so, so short compared with the years of joy and serenity that is possible once you are sober and working on your recovery.
You say that your son doesn't make you happy. I have heard so many ladies in AA say that was their experience of motherhood while they were drinking. It made them feel miserable, ashamed and kind of sub-standard. All of those women, without exception, found that motherhood in sobriety was a completely diffrent experience and they learned to rebuild those mother-child bonds and find joy in the simple, everyday acts of love that they did for their kids once they were sober, in recovery, and emotionally available. (The exceptions to this are the two women I know who lost their kids, as they got taken away because they were seen to be unfit mothers due to their physical and emotional neglect of them while active in their alcoholism. Those ladies biggest hope now is that one day they will get their children back. It's all very sad.)
I hope that you will decide to stop digging this hole and start grabbing hold of the support available, both here and locally, so that you can start climbing back out into the light.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
