sweetichick

Everyone seems to see me as a hopeless bum. I'm on a pension for bipolar and a lot of people don't understand. Coupled with drinking for years even my kids want nothing to do with me. Why are people so nasty? You need references to even do volunteer work which I can't get. Noone understands why I didn't stop drinking years ago. Currently on day 3.

Bekindalways

Congrats on day 3 Sweetchick.

I'm a depressive and that is hard enough. Bipolar has always sounded rough to me.

Give it time. Stay sober. One day at a time. Keep posting.

Dee74

I'm sorry sweetichick. All I can do is say that things improved for me the longer I stayed sober and worked on the things that made me unhappy....

At least with sober, there's a good chance of things changing...continuing to drink, there's no chance of change.

D

Delilah1

Hi Sweeti chick, glad you are here and posting. Three days is a good start. The more time that you log sober the better things will get. You can do this.

Unwound

When I was drunk I behaved like an ass, that shaped some people's perceptions of me and it's going to take a while for them to change their minds. But if I stay sober I can work on that and they will change. It's going to take time for me and I'm sure it will for you as well but you don't have to be (probably are not) the person you are when you were drunk. The drunk is the hopeless failure not you.

joleah

Hang in there you can do this it will be worth it in the end ......

ccam1973

No one is hopeless Sweetchick. 3 days is a great start. Stay sober and you can redefine your self to others.

The future seems a long way away when first starting out, but just take it one day at a time.

Lean on this community, they have gotten many of us through a ton of tough times.

ChloeRose63

3 days is great. There is always hope. It comes with a plan to stay sober day by day.

sweetichick

I still feel really hurt that my ex called me a hopeless bum today. It could have made me run to the pub but I held out and went to AA. He wouldn't even apologize. It's all part of learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions. Last night was hard spending it alone as well. Thanks for the encouragement guys.

August252015

Hi sweeti- good job on your days and one way to think of that is that you are HERE. On SR and in life.

Sometimes it is hard to separate what others think of us with what we like now, and working to become better at being. That will improve the longer you stay sober and the more distance (time) you put between the drinking you and the sober you. I can't worry about what others choose to see- the great person I am now or the [ ] I was then. I have to work on me and do my program (I am a dedicated AA-er).

Glad you are here with us.

entropy1964

Name calling hurts for sure. As an alcoholic I've definitely negatively affected my ex's life, not to mention my daughters. Its normal to feel hurt Sweet. His feelings and reactions are his. His apologies are his too and nothing you do can 'make' him forgive you. You can however accept fully and own your side in the altercation.

After some sober time, and some 'proof' to those around you that you are working to change, you can make an amends to him.

I'm not sure what you ended up deciding about AA (there was some talk about dinner with friends 'every' night....which maybe should be off the table right now?) but from your posts it just sounds to me like you could benefit from 'the' program of AA, and meetings too. You mentioned volunteer work? AA will not reject your efforts to be of service, to the group (in the form of clean up, set up, coffee etc) and to individuals (in the form of support and eventually sponsorship) no matter what your background.

Good luck. Stay sober. Give it time.

StartingOverNW

Hang in there sweetichick. There is lots of understanding here.

HTown

Once you get a bit more sober time under your belt, your confidence grows. You start to feel better, you start to be proud of yourself. That glows from the inside out! You may lose weight, your hair may be shiney, your eyes more white, etc. With sobriety comes a new you! Do this part first, put down the drnking. One day at a time. The rest is added to you. You will not feel like a failure.

I felt like a failure less than a year ago, I told my wife I was a failure. I do not feel like a failure anymore. The only thing different is I do not drink now vs. then.

Michael66

Well done for getting to day 3!! I imagine there is a way back into voluntary work - dare I say that is something that if you put the word around at AA someone may be able to help you with. But key to that will obviously be getting some stable sobriety under your belt first, so that is probably the thing to focus on now and then you can look at ways into voluntary work later when you feel comfortable in your new sobriety.

As for relationships with others - I have no doubt that will all fix itself with sobriety. So again I wouldn't worry about that too much now. Focus on getting stable sobriety and trust that the relationships will heal themselves.

Most of all - don't let yourself start making excuses to drink again ("I'm so miserable I need a drink.....").

Mountainmanbob

Well, I guess that you are on day 4 today?
Cling to that as if your life depended on it.
That's what I did when I sobered up (also with much baggage).
Good Luck,
M-Bob

tomsteve

worse for me than others' opinion of me was my own. the longer I was sober and the more work I put into looking at causes and conditions for why I was who I was, the better I felt about myself.
something I did that was suggested,which was extremely difficult, was to look at myself in the mirror- right into my own eye.
and tell myself,'i love you."
as time went by, eventually it occurred to me,"why shouldn't I love myself? im not a bad man- bad men don't feel remorse and guilt. im just sick and working at bettering myself."
I showed that self love by improving myself.
3,10,15,20 years is a long time to stay sober
3 days is an eternity.

ljc267

Prove him and everyone else wrong.

I believe your children will change their tune once they see you are serious about being sober. My mom had the same curse as me but she did pills, and while I was mad at her for what she was doing I always wanted her to get better. She did, eventually, and we moved on. I always loved her but I resented what she was doing to herself, my dad, my sister, and me.

Funny after all of that I decided to drink isn't it?

Upstairs

I agree! With time, usually people will forgive and forget the "old you" once the "new you" has been around a while.

Luchogarza

From a fellow "hopeless failure" with OCD and generalized anxiety: Hang in there. No matter how bad you feel, you are not a total mess, you just feel that way. From what I read you have been successful in being sober a couple days.

As they say, the hour before dawn is always the darkest. Hang in there and you will sooner than later see the light. I'm lost as well, so I have no practical advise. But I offer you my best wishes.

Michael66

I think that is something the AA steps can really help with - recognizing and dealing with resentments. We simply can't turn to drink when we're offended or upset - we know where that leads us.

Keep it up sweetichick!