How to forgive myself
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,642
How to forgive myself
This is necessary to move on from the crud in life. To accept what I turned into- to the damage done because of drinking. For accepting the past, learning from it. To forgive myself. I have gone from complete hatred of me- to acceptance. Working on the let go bit. But to forgive myself- a very alien construct. What do others do to/think/feel to forgive themselves?
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I'm still working on this PJ but I think, for me, its a willingness to let God remove my difficulties. The past is over. Sometimes I believe I hang on to the past out of fear. Who am I without it? It sort of defines me, crazy as that is. At least I know how the story ends. The future? Well that is just some term created to keep me from living in the now. Now is all that matters. Its a work in progress though for sure.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ 
But to forgive myself- a very alien construct. What do others do to/think/feel to forgive themselves?
Rather than worrying about forgiving myself
I have found repentance to be much more important.
Not repeating the same things over and over again.
I do think good about myself today.
But, I've been doing the right things for some time now.
He (He) has forgiven me -- that's all that really truly matters.
Paul of the Bible (a great man)
never seemed to forget his sins of the past?
M-Bob
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Like tomsteve, I was able to begin to forgive myself when I realized I was a sick woman, not a bad one. The healthy me would never ever do the things I did when I was drinking, and I have proved that to myself over the past two+ years of sobriety. It's still a process - every once in a while I'll be reminded of something I did and feel just horrible - like a bad bad person who doesn't deserve forgiveness. But I remind myself that's the past me, and that I never have to behave that way again.
Giving myself over to a higher power has helped, also. My higher power wants me to love and esteem myself - not live a life of regret and self-hatred. That does no one any good. I want to be a force for good, and I can't do that if I feel bad.
Giving myself over to a higher power has helped, also. My higher power wants me to love and esteem myself - not live a life of regret and self-hatred. That does no one any good. I want to be a force for good, and I can't do that if I feel bad.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
When working those important steps
in AA recovery, running parallel to the
10 commandments taught as a child, as
a guideline to keep me walking the right
path in life, admitting or confessing my
wrongs to another, my HP, a priest or minister,
asking for forgiveness of past mistakes, making
everything right in my present life, being accountable,
responsible, not perfect just progressing to remain
a good, kind, caring child of God, the person I was
born to be each and everyday forward, avoiding
future sins, then I know deep within my gut and
soul that I am truly a good person that has been
forgiven and I believe that.
If I believe the Man upstairs forgives me
then I forgive myself and try to all my human
ability to stay true to myself and others
around me.
in AA recovery, running parallel to the
10 commandments taught as a child, as
a guideline to keep me walking the right
path in life, admitting or confessing my
wrongs to another, my HP, a priest or minister,
asking for forgiveness of past mistakes, making
everything right in my present life, being accountable,
responsible, not perfect just progressing to remain
a good, kind, caring child of God, the person I was
born to be each and everyday forward, avoiding
future sins, then I know deep within my gut and
soul that I am truly a good person that has been
forgiven and I believe that.
If I believe the Man upstairs forgives me
then I forgive myself and try to all my human
ability to stay true to myself and others
around me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 424
Letting it ALL (all the anger, rage, pity, self loathing, regret, bad memories, etc) go to a higher power.
Physically SAYING OUTLOUD to myself that I deserve a life, I am not my past, and to live in the present--FINALLY.
Forgive yourself. You deserve it.
Physically SAYING OUTLOUD to myself that I deserve a life, I am not my past, and to live in the present--FINALLY.
Forgive yourself. You deserve it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 701
"Physically SAYING OUTLOUD "
This is something I've discovered this go-round and it's producing real-world results.
Speaking my prayers aloud, stream of consciousness, free-form, free-styling, so to speak, brings my prayers into the real world of real actions/real results.
Frees them from circling uselessly in my mind to usefully manifesting in my life.
This is something I've discovered this go-round and it's producing real-world results.
Speaking my prayers aloud, stream of consciousness, free-form, free-styling, so to speak, brings my prayers into the real world of real actions/real results.
Frees them from circling uselessly in my mind to usefully manifesting in my life.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I forgave myself when I made my sobriety choice. I gave myself a fresh start. Never do that crap again, buddy, and we will take it from here. So, acceptance first, then forgiveness. God is OK with that approach too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,854
I believe that when we make mistakes and cause harm, to ourselves and to others, cracks begin to form in our 'foundations'. Eventually, those cracks need to be repaired and the foundations need to be re-stabilized. That work requires tremendous energy, time, focus and effort. If tremendous energy is expended in emotions such as guilt and shame, one lacks the energy to begin the repair and restoration of self.
Try to remember that PhoenixJ is NOT his worst mistake; he is a man in restoration and renewal. Make amends when and where possible and then, as others have said, accept the forgiveness that God has given you - forgive yourself - and move on with a lighter and stronger heart. Many good things and blessings will come to you as you restore, rebuild and renew that foundation of self. Those blessings will have a ripple effect in your life and in the lives of those around as those ripples spread.
Stay focused on goodness and watch it take root, sprout, unfold and blossom.
Try to remember that PhoenixJ is NOT his worst mistake; he is a man in restoration and renewal. Make amends when and where possible and then, as others have said, accept the forgiveness that God has given you - forgive yourself - and move on with a lighter and stronger heart. Many good things and blessings will come to you as you restore, rebuild and renew that foundation of self. Those blessings will have a ripple effect in your life and in the lives of those around as those ripples spread.
Stay focused on goodness and watch it take root, sprout, unfold and blossom.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,382
You do a great service encouraging people here in SR every day, PhoenixJ. I also have some problems forgiving myself for some of my past actions. I've led a horribly selfish life in a lot of ways.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
I believe that when we make mistakes and cause harm, to ourselves and to others, cracks begin to form in our 'foundations'. Eventually, those cracks need to be repaired and the foundations need to be re-stabilized. That work requires tremendous energy, time, focus and effort. If tremendous energy is expended in emotions such as guilt and shame, one lacks the energy to begin the repair and restoration of self.
Try to remember that PhoenixJ is NOT his worst mistake; he is a man in restoration and renewal. Make amends when and where possible and then, as others have said, accept the forgiveness that God has given you - forgive yourself - and move on with a lighter and stronger heart. Many good things and blessings will come to you as you restore, rebuild and renew that foundation of self. Those blessings will have a ripple effect in your life and in the lives of those around as those ripples spread.
Stay focused on goodness and watch it take root, sprout, unfold and blossom.
Try to remember that PhoenixJ is NOT his worst mistake; he is a man in restoration and renewal. Make amends when and where possible and then, as others have said, accept the forgiveness that God has given you - forgive yourself - and move on with a lighter and stronger heart. Many good things and blessings will come to you as you restore, rebuild and renew that foundation of self. Those blessings will have a ripple effect in your life and in the lives of those around as those ripples spread.
Stay focused on goodness and watch it take root, sprout, unfold and blossom.
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