She died and I'm alive
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
She died and I'm alive
2017 is the beginning of another year without my daughter. If I had known how hard this was going to be at the beginning I doubt I would have had the courage to go on. Hard to explain what a 1000 horrible days in a row is like but trust me I wouldn't want anyone else to go through it.
Although I belong to a small club of those who have lost a child and an even smaller subset of those in recovery I have met some really wonderful people. I am changed. My heart is softer, I cry almost daily, I know what is important in life, and my relationship with my God is stronger than it has ever been.
If I thought alcohol and drugs were a solution I would have turned to them in a heartbeat fortunately I know for a fact that my addictions would have only made a very bad situation worse.
Things are getting better very slowly and I have discovered it is possible to be happy and sad at the same. The grief is my constant companion but you can go on even when you are crippled..
To new comers, no one said sobriety would be rainbows and unicorns but my life is so much better than my drinking life. Although I likely will never completely get over the loss of my daughter I know that there will be serenity as long as I stay sober
Although I belong to a small club of those who have lost a child and an even smaller subset of those in recovery I have met some really wonderful people. I am changed. My heart is softer, I cry almost daily, I know what is important in life, and my relationship with my God is stronger than it has ever been.
If I thought alcohol and drugs were a solution I would have turned to them in a heartbeat fortunately I know for a fact that my addictions would have only made a very bad situation worse.
Things are getting better very slowly and I have discovered it is possible to be happy and sad at the same. The grief is my constant companion but you can go on even when you are crippled..
To new comers, no one said sobriety would be rainbows and unicorns but my life is so much better than my drinking life. Although I likely will never completely get over the loss of my daughter I know that there will be serenity as long as I stay sober
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Thank you for sharing. I cannot imagine what you must feel. But you are so right...drinking will never help anything. There is no 'reason' to drink. I have the problems of luxury. I have the problems that people without problems have. You've reminded me of that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
So sorry to hear about your daughter 
But your story is a good reminder for me, whenever I start feeling sorry for myself, that others have gotten through much worse, without drinking. Thanks for sharing 
But your story is a good reminder for me, whenever I start feeling sorry for myself, that others have gotten through much worse, without drinking. Thanks for sharing 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
Life can and sometimes is a living hell. Addiction make that hell deeper, longer- a place that no one can understand unless they have been there. Pain always exists- but over time with support (like SR) and sobriety the screams of nightmares become more faded- a murmur of what once was- but one that will never be revisited.
My sincerest prayers for you and the daughter you love. PJ
My sincerest prayers for you and the daughter you love. PJ
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((MIR)) - You've been a great help to me and a huge source of inspiration for as long as I can remember. After the loss of your daughter, my heart broke for you, but you have inspired me any more.
I never met you or your daughter, but both of you have often reminded me that whatever I'm going through? It's nothing in comparison and you both give me strength and I am grateful.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
I never met you or your daughter, but both of you have often reminded me that whatever I'm going through? It's nothing in comparison and you both give me strength and I am grateful.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 215
Hi MI. I met my best friend's mom for lunch a few times after her son died. It was one of the most heart-breaking things I've ever seen in my life. I'm tearing up now. I can't imagine how that kind of loss feels, but it makes me sad to think about, MI. At least you're finding some peace in sobriety.
Best.
Best.
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
I am so sorry you are having to endure this great pain. A parent is not supposed to outlive their child. I have a daughter, and it just tears me up to think of losing her.
My wife died from Cancer about a year and a half ago. I was drinking while at the Hospice with her. Not my proudest moment. You are right, the alcohol does not help. Good for you for being strong in your sobriety. You are an inspiration to me as I read your story early on while lurking.
The holidays for me have been very challenging. My second Christmas without my love. It has been worse for me than I expected. I just muddle through as best I can.
I too learned that alcohol would not help me one bit. I am doing so much better sober!
May God bless you and send you love and peace.
My wife died from Cancer about a year and a half ago. I was drinking while at the Hospice with her. Not my proudest moment. You are right, the alcohol does not help. Good for you for being strong in your sobriety. You are an inspiration to me as I read your story early on while lurking.
The holidays for me have been very challenging. My second Christmas without my love. It has been worse for me than I expected. I just muddle through as best I can.
I too learned that alcohol would not help me one bit. I am doing so much better sober!
May God bless you and send you love and peace.
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