FreedomCA

I have read on here several times that many members stay sober by coming on SR daily, reading and posting.

I come on SR daily as well, which is extremely helpful. I also read the Big Book and am working on the steps by myself. I have not been to any meetings so far in my 36 days of sobriety, and I don't have a sponsor. I am wondering if some people would consider my plan a "dry drunk" since I don't attend meetings?

But then I hear about members on here with longterm sobriety who don't attend any formal meetings and just use SR, and they seem to be doing well, and it doesn't seem like other people would consider these people "dry."

Any thoughts or feedback on this?

Dee74

I guess I'm one who 'only used SR'.

It's definitely not an easy option tho - although there's always support here, and that support is amazing, the buck stops with me.

Bottom line was I had to be prepared to fight the cravings and make the changes I had to to stay sober.

I had to be the one to keep myself sober and that was a huge responsibility to put on someone not used to responsibility.

No nights off ever. Not getting slack no matter how much time passes between me and my last drink.

Thankfully I was able to channel the stubbornness I had used to keep drinking into not drinking

The process is pretty much automatic now, after nearly ten years

D

Fluffer

I quit drinking by myself after reading a lot on the subject in books and on SR and this is the main place I ever talk about it, since I don't generally identify myself socially as "recovered". I would probably go to LifeRing meetings occasionally if I had time these days. Many people find the social element helpful. The term "dry drunk" is an abusive term used by some in the recovery community to delegitimize the sobriety of people who don't follow their rules or respect their authority. I wouldn't worry about it. Good luck!

FreedomCA

Thanks for your response, Dee. You were actually one of the ones who I was thinking about who has long term sobriety and who does not attend any meetings, and you definitely don't seem "dry" to me.

I guess I sometimes feel guilty for not attending meetings yet also still working the AA steps and reading the literature. I just don't care for the meetings right now in my life. And I guess I am fearful that people may label me as "dry." Do I think the meetings are helpful? Yes. Do I think that they can add to my recovery plan? Yes. But I just don't feel like going. But I also still recommend them to others who are struggling even though I don't go because I do think they can be very helpful. And it's the same with sponsorship. I know a sponsor can be helpful, but I just don't want one, yet I still recommend it to others because I think it can be helpful.

FreedomCA

Thanks, Fluffer. I would agree with you about how the term "dry "drunk" is abused in the recovery community. I guess my current belief is that quitting drinking is one thing, and that sobriety can mean anything someone does to grow and learn and change, thus increasing their chances to stay sober, no matter what or where that growth comes from. I was introduced to the AA philosophy at the age of 19 and am currently 36. I liked what it had to offer, and so I have stuck with that recovery paradigm. If I had been introduced to another recovery philosophy like smart or life ring, maybe that would have stuck as well. I just don't want people in AA labeling me as "dry" just because I no longer attend meetings. Circumstances change. I went to many AA meeting earlier because I was single and had more time. I now have a husband and a puppy. I try to be with my puppy as much as I can because I know he gets sad when I leave him alone. Anyways, things just change.

Dee74

I guess that depends on the reason for not going to meetings.,

If there's something inherently rubbing you the wrong way, you can try other meetings, or other meeting based approaches like SMART and lifering.

if its a face to face problem, you could blow off meetings all together and try Rational Recovery and/or 'just SR', or online meetings (AA, SMART and lifering all have them)

if you just can't be motivated or have no time, tho? that's a different thing.

If its the last group, I can only encourage to make time for your recovery because if you lose that, you're in danger of losing everything else precious in your life as well.

Not even a site as great as SR can help you stay sober if recovery's not your number one priority.

D

FreedomCA

I lack the motivation. Deep down I know I should probably make time but I'm currently not. Maybe that will change, maybe it won't. I don't know. Maybe I will be able to just rechannel that stubbornness of drinking into not drinking like you did in the meantime.

FreedomCA

But I also think it's a face to face thing too. I get fidgety at meetings and bored easily. Then I start to feel anxious and hyperactive. I would rather just create my own spiritual program of literature that meets my needs and venture around SR. I get more this way.

But who knows. I know I'm a difficult case, and I'm not saying that to sound unique. I am functional right now but I know I have mental health issues deep down. I'm a very weird, eccentric person trying my best to appear "normal" because that gives me a better chance in society. Good night everyone!!!

Forward12

I was reading an article the other day showing that about half of all alcoholics, are able to find sobriety on their own without AA, rehab, etc,.. Everyone is different and there are countless paths to the same destination. Some find AA and in person interaction to be very beneficial, while others prefer to do things on their own. Whatever works for you, keep going with it.

Gilmer

I was a "just SR" person, too.

But I worked it (and still do) the way you're supposed to work AA.

When I did go to an AA meeting, everyone else passed a pen and paper around. At the end of the meeting, they gave me that list of first names and phone numbers, inviting me to call anytime I was tempted to drink.

I'm not much for phonecalls (especially not at night)--so I used that "check in anytime" principle with SR and found it tailor-made for me.

I posted like crazy the whole first two years. Much of it was to get much-needed help for myself; but much of it also was done in an effort to share my "ESH" (experience, strength, and hope) with others and being part of a good, supportive band.

D122y

Free,

To me..dry drunk means an angry or unhappy person trying to stay sober.

If you are content, happy in general, in sobriety....you are not a dry drunk.

I stopped going to AA. All my AA advice comes from my AA family here.

My AA meetings were often off putting to me. I wasn't committed properly to AA and I started to feel like I was going there to see the drama.

I am not currently in desperate need of f2f recovery support.

AA will be there if I need them.

aasharon90

Dry drunk is just a reminder to me that if
I'm not incorporating all that was taught to
me beginning in rehab back in 1990 and all
thru the many one days sober over the yrs.
listening, learning, absorbing, applying an
affective AA program of recovery consisting
of steps and principles in all areas of my life,
then I would be a miserable, angry, selfish,
restless, irritable, discontent person and
so much more with this disease of addiction
waiting patiently to rear its ugly head and
tear me apart.

If I don't feed my Tiger inside me with
healthy recovery tools taught to me on
a daily bases then after all these yrs
sober and if I ever drink then that Tiger
will awaken, not as a baby when I put
it to sleep 26 yrs ago, but as one hellish
furioucus animal larger than life
destroying me and everything in its
path.

Rehab and the many many AA meetings
Ive attended over the yrs has helped me
achieve a stable recovery foundation to
live my life upon each day I remain sober.

I know that I cant keep what Ive worked
hard for and achieved in life, recovery and
sobriety if I done pass it on. To pass on
the knowledge and lessons of addiction
and recovery to others still struggling.

In doing so, it helps me to remain humble,
grateful, blessed, teachable, healthy, happy,
honest all to the best of my human ability.

So can you.

PhoenixJ

F- I could not remain sober without support. For me- to stay in front of a keyboard would be too safe and isolating. I make myself go to meetings- yes to remain sober and learn but also to socialise. Something in the worst part of my drinking I did not do. I see 'old timers' at meetings very proud of having a gazillion years sober (and rightly so too), but still harbour very deep resentments about stuff that happened in the past. Sobriety in some ways is only the beginning for me. A level playing field to confront and work through all of the stuff I ran away from and drank. Whatever you decide to do- SR is great and not drinking is so very important. PJ

STDragon

I'm about the same number of days in as you are Freedom. So far I've been exclusively SR. I joined after the first sober week. And I come here to read or post at the start and the end of each day.

Just like it's up to us to decide to quit, it's up to us to find out what works. I read the 12 steps and other recovery books years back. I plan on picking up book or two in the near future if only just to keep recovery at the top of my mind.

aasharon90

We have to work thru those resentments
because they can kill us if we continue to
harbor them as they fester deep within us.

Something I learned and continue to
learn so that I can let go of the past
pains, those that hurt me and learn
to forgive and place them in the Hands
of my HP to lighten those heavy burdens
that weighed heavy on my shoulders
for yrs.

I give them up to my HP then turn
around and take them back and I'm
fighting those demons inside me.

I have to put my trust in my HP that
as long as I continue to do His work
and remain sober passing it on then
I will be taken care of accordingly.

The more I didn't want to go to meetings
then the more I needed to go and I bucked
up, suited up, made my platter of goodies
and marched myself into those meetings
to learn so much I hadn't learned before.

It was necessary for me to do so so that
I would drink, be tempted to drink or
let people, places or things get under my
skin and drag me down.

Open my ears and listen to the messages
of hope or read them here as a guideline
in helping each one to remain sober today.

Of course this is what has worked for
me.

red3215

You shouldn't feel guilty just because you aren't following the rules of AA. Many people stop drinking without that group. I go to meetings but have only gone halfway through the program and will stop there. Some of it was useful but some of it was not good for me.

Trying to guilt people can become an abusive way of controlling them
and making them dependent instead of independent like a healthy person should be.
Lol You can see my only quote below has to do with guilt because I feel so strongly about the issue. Guilt is a natural reaction people with a conscience are going to have sometimes but isn't some healthy mindset to embrace and people who try to guilt others are people I avoid.

The "dry drunk" is a person who manages to stop drinking but hasn't learned healthy ways of dealing with life's problems. Despite what the Big Book will have you believe, there are many ways of becoming healthy and functional without following the steps.

There are some good things about the steps, however.
Self honesty, learning not to hold onto resentments or trying to control what others do. There is also a lot of truth in the Big Book....You can follow the good parts of the program without letting it consume you.
Just be prepared to have members look at you a certain way if they find out you're only "half hearted" about it...That is how most of them will probably see it.
Are you from California? I'm also from there.

least

I used to use SR and my counselor to stay sober, but I no longer see the counselor, I just use SR. And it must be working as I will have seven years sober on the 8th.

August252015

It's great you're sober!

I'd say....you'd get a lot more out of the program if you did go to meetings and did get a sponsor. Doesn't mean you are a "dry drunk" because you don't- personally, I use this term as a pejorative when describing someone who behaves like the jerk they were when drinking and just happens to be sober. If that's not you (doesn't sound like it) then, frankly, don't worry about what others "might" say! Keeping my side of the street clean is all I can do - if someone thinks, for example, that I am "too AA" (I am sure I come across that way on here at times!!) then so what? Means nothing to me.

I'd also add...at 9 mo sober there are plenty of times I don't "feel" like going to a meeting. I've been told that's when I really should go. I certainly didn't "feel" like it at first - but I made 82 in 90 or so, and sure am glad I finally submitted to the actual physical part of the program. Now, most of the time, I look forward to meetings or they are at least just part of my routine so I suck it up and go anyway. And I use my sponsor a LOT for help- we really focus on how to deal with LIFE, and that's exactly the kind of guidance I need at this point.

And any of the "maybe" thinking.....well, it kept me drinking til I got to the point of quit or die. Maybe I'll stop after I finish this bottle of vodka....maybe I'll get to a meeting tomorrow....maybe.....even when sober I have to replace "maybe" thinking with "I will"....

Good luck- IMO, and IME, the more I invest in my sobriety, the more I get out of it and the more emotionally sober I am. Just better at handling life all around, so to speak.

entropy1964

Hey Freedom

Congrats on....oh geez, can't remember, 36 days? Sorry I'm sure I have that wrong....but congrats anyway.

Who cares what others think. Dry, wet, damp. Whatever. If you can stay sober, feel at peace, connect, then you decide what works for you.

The fellowship of AA (meetings) is the fellowship...not really the program. The program is outlined in the book. And I believe that this program is meant to be taken with another alcoholic who has finished the steps. There is a method here....its not just walking through the steps alone. And I believe the crux is then working with another alcoholic that needs your help, once you've completed the steps. I believe that's where the magic happens. Soooo if a spiritual awakening is what you seek, isolation and going it alone will not accomplish that......if you believe in the program of AA. Its up to you, obviously.

I know that I can lack motivation also. But I know that complacency, isolation and simply saying f-it is probably my biggest road block. I know to recover I have to get out of my comfort zone and do what others who are in recovery suggest. If I do this 'my way', or on my own, well I already know that doesn't work.

thomas11

I've only leveraged SR for my sobriety. I would call myself lucky. I have stated out loud that if I relapse and can't get it together, I would attend rehab or treatment with no questions asked. I've seen both sides of the coin now and its clear sobriety is a much higher qualify of life.