Airplayne

I'm 36. Been a drinker since 21. That makes 15 years. Most of that time I would have at least 3-4 each night and in the last 5-6 years drank approximately a six pack of tall boys a night. Weekends I would start around 10 in the morning and drink until bed. I can count one hand how many times I've been sloppy drunk. Never been blackout drunk. But it always takes more and more to get there. Went cold turkey a month ago. Had about 4 nights of sweats and terrible pain under the base of my sternum. Two weeks later, started drinking again. I usually don't touch wine, but last Thursday I had around 4 glasses on top of beer. The next day I went to lunch with my friends and couldn't stop shaking. Felt very cloudy in my head and anxiety was through the roof. Blood sugar was in the 70s. Drank a coke and 20 minutes later started feeling better. In my head I knew it had to be because of all the drinking, but I chalked it up to not eating right and bought another 6 pack. Drank 3 of those beers and felt pretty good. The next day same problem. I realized I need to wake up and stay awake (being metaphorical here). So I went cold turkey again. This time has been worse than the last. I would say my symptoms were mild to moderate and at two points I debated going to the doc. I've focused and taken it one day at a time. One hour at a time. Five minutes at a time. It's day 6 and I'm doing pretty good. I'm trying not to get overly excited and overdo it, but to be happy and focus on the now. Bottom line is I love beer. I really do. But it's gotten to the point where I'm not in control and it's causing physical issues. I've got to step away from it. I have read so many posts on this website and they are so helpful. So many people go through the same thing and we are all alone when we get here, and then find out we are not alone by any means. I promise to keep trying and keep going day by day to accomplish my goal of taking control back.

doggonecarl

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

Control of what? Your drinking?

Airplayne

Control over my life and body. Not letting alcohol be in control. If I wasn't clear in that regard I apologize. If I was clear and you are looking to elicit a response more in line with some kind of psychological thinking then please go somewhere else to comment.

january161992

hi air and welcome

congrats on 6 days !!!

i hope you keep posting each day to let everyone know how youre doing

thomas11

This is just my opinion, but once you cross the rubicon of starting to experience withdrawals, there's no going back. It has been my experience that it does not get better or go away. I was a weekend warrior and did pretty well most of the time, but there came a point where it didn't matter how much (or little) I drank on the weekend, a price was to be paid. It simply was not worth it anymore.

Airplayne

Thank you! I will do that.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR Airplayne. We've almost all been there before so you'll find a lot of understanding here on SR, as you've probably deduced from the posts you've read in the past. My drinking went from something I did every day for years to withdrawals instead of hangover and a lot of the same problems you list, it's pretty amazing how quickly things can go south. And I can tell you that from personal experience, every time you go back it gets worse.

Stick around, have you considered following any formal type of recovery program?

Airplayne

Yeah I don't think you have an incorrect opinion. I think I've seen this train before and where it's going. I don't want to be on it at the end of it's line. It's been a comforting crutch for too long and for what. The physical aspect of withdrawal is pretty awful and I really don't want to go through it again.

Airplayne

I've considered it. I have a brother in law who is a 5+ year sober recovering alcoholic. He does the meetings and all. It works for him. For me at this point (I know there are odds and opinions out there), but I know I can do this. As much as I know I needed to join this forum and start being part of the conversation.This won't be the hardest thing I've ever done. But it will be the hardest habit I've had to kick.

thomas11

If you read enough posts on this site, you'll get a very vivid picture of where that train ends up and its pretty ugly. Some people here have really suffered and were kind enough to share their experiences here. You'd be way ahead of the curve if you quit now, as what awaits you is insomnia, heart palpitations, feelings of impending doom, night sweats, uncontrollable shaking and possibly a trip to the ER.

While its true some people can have a few beers or belts of whiskey every day for their entire life....we don't fall into that category.

doggonecarl

Just seeking clarification.

Airplayne

You're right. And I've been lurking this website for over a month. I appreciate that there is a place to get so many personal accounts of everyone's experiences. I really do. I'm 1000% positive I'm not the only one doing that either. I've already got anxiety, panic attacks, heart rhythm problems, GERD, eosinophilic esophagitis, and the list goes on. Alcohol has magnified these issues and I'd just ignore it as the magnifying glass it had become. But I can't ignore the withdrawal. It's added even more to my plate with the uncontrollable shaking, cold and hot sweats, impending doom, and I'm not going to go through that day in and day out. I'm done. I'm not drinking ever again.

thomas11

Great to hear, awesome. Stay engaged and post often. Someone is always here.

tomsteve

the great thing is you can make the 2nd round the last one.
reach out for help before ya drink, not after.

Airplayne

Will do. Thanks!

Hevyn

Glad to meet you, Airplayne. Being here helped me find the courage & strength to reclaim my life. I finally realized there could never be 'just one' for me. We all understand what you're going through. It'll feel great to be free of it.

Dee74

Welcome to SR airplayne

D

jryan19982

Like you I was beginning to see where this was going. My hangovers were getting really bad and were probably border line withdrawals. I knew where I would end up if I continued. It took a few tries but I'm good now. I'm more productive and a lot happier for the most part. I was a B itch to be around for a while but I've made made some progress in that area.

Consider yourself lucky you are trying this now versus being older and quitting would be harder and more dangerous. Im in my early 30s and once you get over that hump you will feel like new... Well almost like new.

My life is better and I know that for sure.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Airplayne!!

Airplayne

Thanks! Just checking in before tomorrow. Today was a great day. My first milestone. 7 days no alcohol. It feels really good. Most of the withdrawal has stopped. Had some minor stuff this morning but it passed once I got my mind occupied. I've noticed keeping mentally occupied is a HUGE help and factor in pushing through.