kevlarsjal

On Saturday I went to an AA meeting for the first time. Although my boyfriend already told me a lot about it, I didn't really know what to expect and was super nervous.

When we entered the room, I was surprised how normal everyone looked (yea, I know it's a very stupid thought) and it seems nice with tea and biscuits on the table. But it reminded me a lot of church, they had laid out the big book on every chair and a copy of some prayers. That made me feel uncomfortable. I'm not a religious person and although I do have a lot of respect for it, it just doesn't seem to work for me, I just don't "get it".

The lady who organised the meeting started by introducing herself and giving an overview of this meeting's structure. Then we were supposed to say a prayer and meditate for a couple of minutes. I liked the meditating part cause it helped me to calm down a tiny bit but I can't understand why I would have to pray first.

Then one guy started to read from the big book and talking how certain things reminded him of his addiction. I quite liked that part. Afterwards there was another prayer everyone said and clockwise through the group everyone had 3 minutes to share about how the part that the guy read reminded them of their addiction or what they could relate to. After that the group held hands and said another prayer and then the meeting was over.

I was totally overwhelmed by all the new information from unknown people and I found the concept of one person sharing but no one commenting on it weird. It felt like my brain never really had enough time to process and fully take in what someone said. This made me feel stressed.

Then I found it very difficult to relate to the part of Bill's story and also to what the others shared. They seemed to have had very different reasons for drinking and I was slightly disappointed that I didn't ever got the feeling of "yes, that's exactely how I felt" which I get a lot reading on here. I was mostly drinking because I gave up on myself and life and I couldn't stand my life when I was sober, too much pain, too much anger, too much misery. The people in the meeting had either been drinking to get inspired (some artists said that) or to be a bit more outgoing and cause they dared doing more things when drunk and liked the feeling of power alcohol gave them. I could just not relate to any of that.

Another thing that was said by many there, was how they always feel so at home in the meetings and get a lot of energy from the group. I'm an introvert myself and don't ever get energy from any kinds of groups, I find them exhausting.

There were two things I really disliked about the shares that were said by two persons.
First thing was that one older man seemed to just brag about how he drank the most of everyone in the room and took every drug that is out there. The way he talked made it seem like he still thought that that was something cool, something to be proud of and not like it was a big mistake.
The second thing was how one person said, that the ONE thing ALL alcoholics have in common is, how they can't stop after just 1-2 drinks. I still could do that. I very rarely drank more than that in one go. My drinking pattern was usually 1-2 drinks 3 times a day to keep my level. And once I reached my level and felt normal again, I didn't feel tempted to have more until a couple of hours later when the effects started to wear off and I had to drink again to maintain.
I could handle his statement now but 2 weeks ago it would've meant for me, that I obviously was wrong and CAN'T be an alcoholic.



I still want to go to a couple other meetings, maybe I just have to get used to it or I will find one with people I can relate more to.

I would love to hear about your first experiences with AA and what made you decide to either give it a try or not

trachemys

Early on, I found big groups the easiest. Small groups can be very cliquest. I lucked up on a local group that wasn't and then found a large group(100+) that was the other end of the spectrum.

One thing I noticed in both: No one is a stranger. You're here, on your own volition, for a reason. That is respected, regardless of the size of the group.

Illuminate

I second that about finding a meeting with tons of people. Maybe just stick with speaker meetings, not step meetings, as speaker meetings don't really require much, if any, participation on your part.

I've only been to a few myself, and I noticed that when one speaker in particular spoke, half the audience laughed at times, and the other listened without laughter and a grim understanding. The speaker didn't try to appease one side or the other; he really just told his story. I guess if speakers are really bragging, that's not great, but I haven't seen that in my experience.

Maybe also don't think so much about the quantity you consumed as I bet we all have different amounts we drink. The important thing is that we are dependent on the drink to satisfy our needs.

MLD51

Try different meetings. Like Trach said, small meetings can be more intimidating in some ways than big ones. If there are speaker meetings where you are, try that. A speaker meeting is usually where one person gets up in front of the group and just tells their own story. You don't have to say anything, just listen. Then try to find another meeting to go to that suits you better. All meetings have a different "feel" to them, even at the same location. Some are less religious, some concentrate only on the Big Book and steps, some are less structured than what you described. Plus there may be people who regularly go to certain meetings each week - I have to avoid one or two meetings at my club because I can't stand one of the regular attendees - but I have also found one meeting that just "works" for me, and I truly love and respect many of the people who attend. Just keep trying to find something that works for you.

trachemys

To add: Most of the people in any size group will be more than happy to talk with you about your reason to be there.

August252015

First, as an avid AA-er, I am glad you went and impressed at how thoughtful your post and reaction to both the good and the bad is.

I could write a ridiculously long post here and instead will say to feel free to PM me if you want to discuss more than just what I'll say here! Sidenote: I went kicking, screaming and royally p*ssed off into AA. It was truly the last resort for me. So my first meeting - meetings- were definitely not what they are for me now.

There are all different kinds of meetings, as others said. A lot of us try the 30 (meetings) in 30 (days) or 90 in 90 suggestions, one reason being to get used to going to meetings and to begin to learn about AA the program. That's key: there are all different kinds of people in meetings, with different stories and for different reasons, and separating what is truly the program from what is the people who participate in it is important. And you are dead on- there is a TON of info to take in. You don't (can't possibly) have to try to absorb it all at once.

The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Step one talks about how our lives had become unmanageable and we admitted we are powerless over drinking. Some folks don't quite think their lives are unmanageable - and most of us in AA would say "yet." I would say the question here is "is drinking causing problems in my life?" If so, "what should I do about it? not drink?" Keep it really simple right now.

The Higher Power stuff, understanding Bill's story, other people's input (sometimes those "old timers bragging" get to me, too, here at almost 9mo- among other things that others do to "annoy ME"), all of it, can wait til YOU are comfortable. I am an extrovert and a Christian and it still took me a LONG time to speak in a meeting or feel comfortable with the Serenity Prayer and hand holding.

Many of us have found a lifeline in AA and I can tell you it is a critical part of my recovery- and my story is pretty extreme, as far as depths I went to before I finally quit. There are other programs (SMART, etc) that folks around here talk about and use successfully. Having a program and sticking to it is key.

Good luck- hope to see you around here.

Ruby2

I didn't like AA my first go 'round with sobriety back in 2004. It seemed too religious. Too many cliques. Too confusing. Too alien from my own experience. I stopped going. I kept drinking. I don't link this with not going to AA. I just don't think I was ready to quit.

anyway, when I sobered up again, in 2012, I started attending AA meetings again and really got more out of it. I came to appreciate what was offered. I met a few women who are supportive. I found a sense of community that was lacking the first time.

There are different types of meetings. As MLD said, some are more religious than others. It just depends on who is attending the meeting. And bragging about consumption, how much and what, is typically frowned upon as a "drunk -a-log" because the primary purpose is to stay sober and support sobriety, not relive the glory days, such as they were.

Give it a shot. I think it's great that you tried it out.

CAPTAINZING2000

Thank you for sharing. Did your bf go with you ? Always helpful to have support.
I'm always interested in how meetings are conducted in other parts of the globe.
I was fortunate enough to attend my first meeting and I knew several people in attendance.

It was actually a load off my shoulders to finally admit I was an alcoholic and I had a drinking problem..

MIRecovery

What I found in AA was a bunch of happily sober people. I was neither. My solutions almost destroyed my life. I wanted what these people had so I learned to listen and listened to learn.

Today seven years down the road I am far more concerned with what is right about AA than what is wrong

OpioPhobe

The first AA meeting I went to was somewhat overwhelming because of all the new information flying around. I didn't like the prayer parts either and stood in the circle gritting my teeth instead of reciting the prayer. My ass had been kicked by alcohol so bad that I didn't have any other choice than to go to meetings. It was the rooms of AA/NA or the cemetery.

As far as the sharing goes, it took me a while to shift through all of it and decide what to take. I found the following three things to be very helpful when listening to people share at meetings:

(1) People told me to identify and not compare, which I found to be helpful. When people shared that I couldn't identify with I ignored what they said. As far as people sharing war stories (e.g. "I spilled more alcohol than you drank...blah, blah, blah") I made a mental note that I didn't want to share that way. I already knew how to drink alcohol when I came into the rooms.

(2) The second thing that helped me sift through it was to listen for personal experience. If someone is honestly sharing their personal experience in the rooms then I give it credence and pay attention closely. A person's experience in recovery is what it is. When someone starts sharing their opinions / beliefs on a subject I listen to them, but give it little credence. Sometimes I will go up to someone after a meeting and ask them why they believe what they do to try to get to the personal experience that is the foundation for their opinions / beliefs. When someone starts off sharing with "ALL alcoholics do XYZ" I tune it out.

(3) The third thing that helped a lot was to buy a big book and read it. If I heard something in a meeting that conflicted with the big book I asked them for more details after the meeting. If they couldn't explain what they shared in a way that matched the big book I ignored it.

As far as drinking because sober life was full of pain and misery I absolutely identify with you. I am surprised that you didn't identify with part's of Bill's story. He put himself through a great deal of pain and misery too. If you keep trying different meetings I am fairly certain that you will run into other alcoholics that can identify with you.

Algorithm

I suggest that you read "Alcoholics Anonymous" (aka, the Big Book) and "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" (aka, 12x12) on your own time, by yourself, outside of a meeting.

This is the main doctrinal literature of AA, is freely available online, and will give you an idea of what the program of AA entails. You can then draw your own conclusions.

Few people outside AA will ever bother to read either book, and even fewer will bother to read 12x12. It is always good to know what you are dealing with if you do intend to go, however.

You'll also recognize and understand much of the AA lingo and/or ideas used on these forums. You'd be surprised at how much of what is often said is straight out of the BB or 12x12.

If AA turns out not to be for you, or doesn't make any sense to you, for whatever reason, that is perfectly okay. Please know unequivocally that the alternative to AA is not more drinking, however.

tomsteve

I honestly only remember 2 things from my 1st meeting when I was ready for help.- I remembered the chairperson. he looked at me when I walked in, smiled, and said,"welcome!glad ya made it back."
when it was my time to share I said,"im tom in an alcoholic and I cant take it anymore."

nothing resonated with me when I was comparing the drinking.
when I started listening to the thinking it really hit home- I was hearing me in others.
and even then there were meetings where I didn't relate to anything said.

what made me keep going was getting the big book real quick and reading the first 164 pages. I liked what it said I could get as a result of working the steps and wanted it.

today I know theres going to be drunkalogues at meetings. theres going to people with opinions on alcoholism I don't agree with at meetings . theres going things said that I don't relate with nor like hearing at meetings.
I like that the members are all unique in their own ways and I know im not always going to like what I hear.

48heath

I loved AA from my first meeting,I haven't met many others who loved it as much at the beginning.

I was desperate to stop drinking and to be in a room with others who had been where I was, was mind blowing.There were no prayers,only the serenity prayer at the end,I have never attended a meeting where it has been any different.

I was told to listen to the similarities,not the differences.

If I didn't take the first drink I couldn't get drunk.

Not to have Alcohol in the house and to stay away from places where it was served.

If I was craving a drink,phone one of the ladies who had given me their phone number.

All these things were so helpful to me,I have not picked up a drink since my first meeting.

Try out other meetings,give AA a chance before making any decisions about it.

I wish you well.

Berrybean

I think you'd be a bit strange if you went to your first ever meeting, and felt completely at home and relaxed. The first few meetings were, I thought, very strange. It was a daytime city centre meeting full of people whose lives were quite challenging and chaotic. Not quite on the street, but not far off. I then tried some meetings that seemed a bit calmer and more well organised and at the time they seemed better. Then I moved to a diffrent area and went to meetings there. People talked more about the solution than the problem. It seemed more upbeat and helpful. And no competitive war-stories - well, not usually anyway. Any meeting can have an off day to be honest.

I'd suggest try a variety of meetings. Maybe a women only one as well if there is one. I hear the dynamics at those can be really good.

When prayers are said in the rooms, remember, they are praying to a Higher Power of their own understanding. For some people that will mean a religious God. For others it might be the 'Great Out Doors ' or 'Group of Drunks '. If you want to know more about that maybe check out the 12-step area under Step 2.
Step 2 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

ClearLight

Well you did a lot better than me my first try. I couldn't even make it in the door.
I actually sat outside in the car and watched people go in to make sure they didn't look like a bunch of freaks. In fact I did that several times.
Like others are saying different meetings and groups have different procedures and "feel" different.
Your meeting had way more praying than I've ever encountered.
I have to remind myself that AA has all kinds of different people with a wide range of viewpoints.
They say take what works for you and leave the rest. I'm still working on that.
I was at a meeting a few days ago where several people talked about going to the meetings high or drunk before they managed to stop. Another talked about going to meetings sober but still drinking after meeting for a year or two.
the big book is OK to me. It's written in a style that I find off putting and it's all written as if alcoholism is totally a man's problem. At least that's how it comes across to me. It was written in the 1930's and/or 40's.
You might consider checking out the section "PERSONAL STORIES" that comes after the usual part of the big book. This is a lot more contemporary. I could relate a lot more to that section.
Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous

Bottom line is that attendance at the meetings doesn't require anything of you. Just a desire to stop drinking. You don't have to do the steps or share or anything. I like going just to hear about real people that have turned their lives around.

uncorked

I've tried a number of AA meetings and, honestly, the whole philosophy never clicked with me. I found sobriety another way. But if you like it and it works for you, keep going! Lots of people on SR go to AA.

Yogini1603

That's great that you went to a meeting!

My first AA meeting was about 2-3 years ago. I went into an afternoon meeting and there were only 7 people there. I was *petrified* but I told them I was new and then I just sat there and listened. Because it was a small meeting everyone got to share and when it got to me, I identified myself as an alcoholic and just told them why I was there. I got given a couple of phone numbers after the meeting and that was that! I liked it but I continued to drink.

I recently went back to AA and have been going to lots of meetings. Every one meeting is different. It's always scary walking into a new meeting because you don't know anyone, but we are all there for the same reason.

I live in a big city and try to mix meetings up a little bit. I'll go to a smaller meeting (they're usually really early in the morning) if I feel like I really need to share as that's where I feel most comfortable. If I don't feel like talking, or I'm just going to a regular meeting, then the ones I go to are usually full of maybe 30 people or more. I say hello as I walk in and go and get a coffee and always introduce myself to the person making the drinks in order to break the ice and make myself known to someone in the meeting if I haven't been there before. I'll then try and sit next to another female and immediately introduce myself. I listen to shares and if I feel a connection with someone's story, I go up to them afterwards, tell them I liked their share and ask them for their number and find out more about them.

Just by doing the above routine, I've got six phone numbers in the past week and been out for coffee with other people in recovery. That's completely unheard of for me due to my anxiety but I just keep thinking that I have to put as much effort into my recovery as I did to my drinking.

Just remember, we are all there for the same reason.