Random Dark Thought
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 76
Random Dark Thought
So... I was raised Christian. God, prayer, and good deeds have played a big role in my upbringing, so the idea of surrendering to a power greater than myself is nothing new for me.
BUT I found myself thinking today that I'm actually a little mad at God. I want to know why He made me this way. I don't think it's fair, and if I think about it too deeply I get myself pretty worked up. Was I born like this? Because if I was, then doesn't that mean God chose for me to be born like this? If that's the case, it makes me very angry.
It's something I don't understand. I don't know if I ever will. How can I surrender to something I'm angry with?
Such is life, I suppose.
Just thinking out loud... No intentions to offend anyone.
BUT I found myself thinking today that I'm actually a little mad at God. I want to know why He made me this way. I don't think it's fair, and if I think about it too deeply I get myself pretty worked up. Was I born like this? Because if I was, then doesn't that mean God chose for me to be born like this? If that's the case, it makes me very angry.
It's something I don't understand. I don't know if I ever will. How can I surrender to something I'm angry with?
Such is life, I suppose.
Just thinking out loud... No intentions to offend anyone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Hi kgr,
Not a religious man myself, but one thing I learned from going through hard times with drugs and coming out of it is that it gave me a perspective that is essential to who I am today (which apart from drinking I m very happy with).
Who knows how you'll come out on the other end of recovery? Going from a bad place to a good one gives you confidence and is an experience you would not have had if things didn't get as bad as they did.
Maybe this is what the religious crowd would define as "God always had a plan", but as I am more of a rock n' roll man I'll go with mr Kravitz and say "it ain't over til it's over".
P
Not a religious man myself, but one thing I learned from going through hard times with drugs and coming out of it is that it gave me a perspective that is essential to who I am today (which apart from drinking I m very happy with).
Who knows how you'll come out on the other end of recovery? Going from a bad place to a good one gives you confidence and is an experience you would not have had if things didn't get as bad as they did.
Maybe this is what the religious crowd would define as "God always had a plan", but as I am more of a rock n' roll man I'll go with mr Kravitz and say "it ain't over til it's over".
P
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
For me Kgr my addiction was always looking for that weakness in my armour, a way back in, and it would throw every argument and trick in the book to get me to start drinking again, but don't let it.
Either there is a God and he has a plan, or there isn't a God . . . either way the plan remains the same, drinking in my life was causing a lot more misery than happiness and the solution was to finally draw a line under alcohol and move on with my life by being Sober . . . the facts of what I needed to do remained the same no matter how I cut it up and squared it.
You got this!!
Either there is a God and he has a plan, or there isn't a God . . . either way the plan remains the same, drinking in my life was causing a lot more misery than happiness and the solution was to finally draw a line under alcohol and move on with my life by being Sober . . . the facts of what I needed to do remained the same no matter how I cut it up and squared it.
You got this!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 350
Hey kgr,
My 3 yr. bender separated me from my Spiritual side too. I'm closing in on 90 days now, and am actually feeling some of the old desire for my lost faith.
I'm still pretty unhappy about this either. I was VERY angry before. I blamed him-her.
Personally I believe that we wrote the book of our lives before we came here (yeah, sure - WHY would I do THAT?) But this only my belief.
Otherwise, for me it's pretty much "woulda, coulda, shoulda." I did what I did because I thought it was the thing I should do AT THAT TIME.
I'm looking to make better decisions now. Also, I can't count the scrapes from which I've been spared. I can't believe a loving Entity would choose to do me harm.
I hope you are able to work out this conundrum we have been pondering since the beginning of time. I'm glad that You are here Now
My 3 yr. bender separated me from my Spiritual side too. I'm closing in on 90 days now, and am actually feeling some of the old desire for my lost faith.
I'm still pretty unhappy about this either. I was VERY angry before. I blamed him-her.
Personally I believe that we wrote the book of our lives before we came here (yeah, sure - WHY would I do THAT?) But this only my belief.
Otherwise, for me it's pretty much "woulda, coulda, shoulda." I did what I did because I thought it was the thing I should do AT THAT TIME.
I'm looking to make better decisions now. Also, I can't count the scrapes from which I've been spared. I can't believe a loving Entity would choose to do me harm.
I hope you are able to work out this conundrum we have been pondering since the beginning of time. I'm glad that You are here Now
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 57
Originally Posted by kgr103110 
So... I was raised Christian. God, prayer, and good deeds have played a big role in my upbringing, so the idea of surrendering to a power greater than myself is nothing new for me.
BUT I found myself thinking today that I'm actually a little mad at God. I want to know why He made me this way. I don't think it's fair, and if I think about it too deeply I get myself pretty worked up. Was I born like this? Because if I was, then doesn't that mean God chose for me to be born like this? If that's the case, it makes me very angry.
It's something I don't understand. I don't know if I ever will. How can I surrender to something I'm angry with?
Such is life, I suppose.
Just thinking out loud... No intentions to offend anyone.
BUT I found myself thinking today that I'm actually a little mad at God. I want to know why He made me this way. I don't think it's fair, and if I think about it too deeply I get myself pretty worked up. Was I born like this? Because if I was, then doesn't that mean God chose for me to be born like this? If that's the case, it makes me very angry.
It's something I don't understand. I don't know if I ever will. How can I surrender to something I'm angry with?
Such is life, I suppose.
Just thinking out loud... No intentions to offend anyone.
"I Have Forgiven Jesus"
I was a good kid
I wouldn't do you no harm
I was a nice kid
With a nice paper round
Forgive me any pain
I may have brung to you
With God's help I know
I'll always be near to you
But Jesus hurt me
When he deserted me, but
I have forgiven Jesus
For all the desire
He placed in me when there's nothing
I can do with this desire
I was a good kid
Through hail and snow
I'd go just to moon you
I carried my heart in my hand
Do you understand?
Do you understand?
But Jesus hurt me
When He deserted me, but
I have forgiven Jesus
For all of the love
He placed in me when there's no one
I can turn to with this love
Monday - humiliation
Tuesday - suffocation
Wednesday - condescension
Thursday - is pathetic
By Friday life has killed me
By Friday life has killed me
Oh pretty one
Oh pretty one
Why did you give me so much desire
When there is nowhere I can go to offload this desire?
And why did you give me so much love in a loveless world
When there is no one I can turn to
To unlock all this love?
And why did you stick me in self deprecating bones and skin?
Jesus do you hate me?
Why did you stick me in self deprecating bones and skin?
Do you hate me?
Do you hate me?
Do you hate me?
Do you hate me?
Do you hate me?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,600
Initially, I felt sorry for myself, too. But, then I started looking around and I saw a lot of people with far worse circumstances in their lives than mine. I'm not referring to alcoholism here, but ALL the difficult things that life brings us. Personally, I believe we are here in this life to learn and the circumstances we find ourselves in, are part of the process of learning.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
"Some people have a genetic predisposition to addiction, but because it involves these basic brain functions, everyone will become an addict if sufficiently exposed to drugs or alcohol."
--Dr. Nora Volkow, director of NIDA
For me, reading this, the blame shifts from God to the person responsible for my alcoholism: Doggonecarl.
--Dr. Nora Volkow, director of NIDA
For me, reading this, the blame shifts from God to the person responsible for my alcoholism: Doggonecarl.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
KGR,
I felt much like you did although I'm not all that religious. I complained about what a raw deal I was given. Was quickly brought back to reality by some of the members here and their story's who have survived things that I can't imagine. I am no doubt an alcoholic but I'm alive and my family is healthy but I choose not to drink. Glad your here my friend
I felt much like you did although I'm not all that religious. I complained about what a raw deal I was given. Was quickly brought back to reality by some of the members here and their story's who have survived things that I can't imagine. I am no doubt an alcoholic but I'm alive and my family is healthy but I choose not to drink. Glad your here my friend
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I recently read a fantastic. It is called Accidental Saints, and is written by an alcohol in recovery who is now a Lutheran priest, despite falling out with the idea of religion after being brought up in a very religious family.
Her name is Nadia Bolz-Weber, and she writes so beautifully, with strength and conviction, about God's grace, and coming to terms with our own imperfections that it made beautiful reading for me. There is quite a lot of swear words in it, but the message is pure and clear. You might find it heart warming and encouraging as well. I got it for my kindle but it's now available in paperback as well. Her sometimes listen to her online sermons as well, which are on her website. This one is pretty good, about how the good is so good, but the bad is soooo useful... Sermon on how the good is so good and the bad is so useful
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
Her name is Nadia Bolz-Weber, and she writes so beautifully, with strength and conviction, about God's grace, and coming to terms with our own imperfections that it made beautiful reading for me. There is quite a lot of swear words in it, but the message is pure and clear. You might find it heart warming and encouraging as well. I got it for my kindle but it's now available in paperback as well. Her sometimes listen to her online sermons as well, which are on her website. This one is pretty good, about how the good is so good, but the bad is soooo useful... Sermon on how the good is so good and the bad is so useful
Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
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