Day 1 Ground Zero - Newcomer Intro
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 14
Day 1 Ground Zero - Newcomer Intro
I sit here this morning freely admitting that my battle with binge drinking and alcoholism has been for my part not much of a fight at all.
I'm ashamed of myself for my behavior in front of my family. Filled with regret and guilt that I'm not the example I should be to my kids or the partner I should be to my wife.
I hide behind a veil of functionality saying obviously if I can maintain my job and other activities then it's not a problem. It's a problem, full stop.
In my search for a direction I discovered this forum. I hope to learn from your experiences and contribute to the community as I begin navigating my path to recovery.
I am an addict and this is Day 1 of sobriety. I want to get off this road to nowhere.
I'm ashamed of myself for my behavior in front of my family. Filled with regret and guilt that I'm not the example I should be to my kids or the partner I should be to my wife.
I hide behind a veil of functionality saying obviously if I can maintain my job and other activities then it's not a problem. It's a problem, full stop.
In my search for a direction I discovered this forum. I hope to learn from your experiences and contribute to the community as I begin navigating my path to recovery.
I am an addict and this is Day 1 of sobriety. I want to get off this road to nowhere.
Welcome to the forum FCB.
You will find a lot of the support you need here. Like you I also had the view that by maintaining a stable job and having no major issues at home all was good, but also like you I realised that was far from the truth.
Day 1 is the hardest of them all! Well done for making the decision.
P
You will find a lot of the support you need here. Like you I also had the view that by maintaining a stable job and having no major issues at home all was good, but also like you I realised that was far from the truth.
Day 1 is the hardest of them all! Well done for making the decision.
P
Welcome, FCB45. A lot of us lived in denial for a long time, justifying drinking because things looked OK from the outside - we had not lost jobs, families, homes, etc. YET. Only you can be the one to decide if you have had enough. If you have reached the point where you are ashamed of your behavior, that can be a great motivator to start making changes. I went a long time being ashamed of my behavior. It took a huge toll on my self-esteem. Only when I started getting into serious legal trouble (DUI's) did I realize I HAD to stop. For good. I hope you do not have to hit a bottom like I did, or many others here, before you put that bottle down. You could save yourself a whole lot of pain.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 14
Thank you for the welcome and the words of encouragement.
I know this is not an easy path to walk. I stopped drinking for 4 months last year cold turkey without any support system before lapsing back into the binge behavior.
I'm determined to resume sober living.
I know this is not an easy path to walk. I stopped drinking for 4 months last year cold turkey without any support system before lapsing back into the binge behavior.
I'm determined to resume sober living.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 36
Day 1 for me too. Relate so much with what you are saying here. I function too but I'm pretty sure I can function a whole lot better than the bare minimum I'm eking out in my life these days. I really don't want to sink any lower than this. I really, really don't.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 379
Hey there FCB and congratulations for making a great fantastic healthy choice for your well being!
I could so relate to what you spoke of regarding comparing ourselves to others as in, I couldnt be THAT bad because I have a job, home, family etc etc etc.
That as me to a T for so many years...not only did I have all of the above but I finished my masters degree in a drunken haze, built a highly successful business within my community and received public accolades for different community related projects that I organized or was a part of.
All of that never satisfied me but only served to provide a well protected denial system that there was NO way I was a 'True Alcoholic". I mean How could I be right?? well heres the thing though, I had this little voice that kept chirping at me and telling me what a fake, phony and farce I truly was. What a horrible thing for me to receive accolades and recognition for advocating programs related to 'health" when I went home and poured the alcohol before I even took off my damn coat! Ya know what Im saying?
Anyway, someone wise told me, Its not what happens to you or how much you drink....Its how YOU feel about those things. Look for comparisons with others rather then differences ( Im working on that heavily!) We are not somehow unique and different because we just held it together a bit better. Still lots of yets for us, agreed? YET ( You're Eligible Too) lol....Oh yes I am.
Welcome and post often, seems like there are so many caring loving people here. ( I just joined yesterday
Blessings.
I could so relate to what you spoke of regarding comparing ourselves to others as in, I couldnt be THAT bad because I have a job, home, family etc etc etc.
That as me to a T for so many years...not only did I have all of the above but I finished my masters degree in a drunken haze, built a highly successful business within my community and received public accolades for different community related projects that I organized or was a part of.
All of that never satisfied me but only served to provide a well protected denial system that there was NO way I was a 'True Alcoholic". I mean How could I be right?? well heres the thing though, I had this little voice that kept chirping at me and telling me what a fake, phony and farce I truly was. What a horrible thing for me to receive accolades and recognition for advocating programs related to 'health" when I went home and poured the alcohol before I even took off my damn coat! Ya know what Im saying?
Anyway, someone wise told me, Its not what happens to you or how much you drink....Its how YOU feel about those things. Look for comparisons with others rather then differences ( Im working on that heavily!) We are not somehow unique and different because we just held it together a bit better. Still lots of yets for us, agreed? YET ( You're Eligible Too) lol....Oh yes I am.
Welcome and post often, seems like there are so many caring loving people here. ( I just joined yesterday
Blessings.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 76
Welcome!
Welcome to the forums, FCB!
The support you'll find here is amazing. Others are right in saying that Day 1 is the hardest (although Days 2 and 3 were no picnic either)... Hang in there. With the right support system and a solid plan, you can do this.
We all can.
The support you'll find here is amazing. Others are right in saying that Day 1 is the hardest (although Days 2 and 3 were no picnic either)... Hang in there. With the right support system and a solid plan, you can do this.
We all can.
Good post and comments. I think a lot of us fooled ourselves for a long time because we were so-called functioning alcoholics. We do this until we can't hide from ourselves any more. We may fool a lot of the people a lot of the time but we will get stuck with ourselves in the end. Best of luck.
Welcome to SR! You will find incredible support on this forum. Two great places to post in addition to the Newcomers forum are the 24 hour club, everyone checks in for another 24. Also, join the August 2016 class, you will be surrounded by others who also chose to commit or recommit to sobriety in 2016.
Looking forward to seeing you on here!
❤️ Delilah
Looking forward to seeing you on here!
❤️ Delilah
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)