hopelove123

I just hung up the pjone with AB and he is in the hospital for a mild stroke. He is claiming to have woken up and is going to change. Not drink a drop anymore. He sayd how he loves me and is sorry for hurting me and himself. I was firm with him about how i feel and how i am working on my recovery and he should work on his. I am sitting crying because I. So confused and hate this crap. I just want normality and happiness. I am at work on break and having a breakdown in the car. I feel helpless.

LeeJane

Sorry you are in pain.

Ariesagain

Words are just words, you know that, right?

I'm sorry you're in pain and it's too bad he's in the hospital (not to show how old and cynical I really am, but do you know this for sure? There are posters here who have had addicts lie that they are undergoing treatment for terminal cancer....).

Maybe it will be his wake-up call, maybe it won't ,but there's nothing you can do or say or try that will change it one way or the other.

Sending you a hug.

AnvilheadII

I just want normality and happiness.

and you won't get that with him..........

we always have options, but that doesn't mean there is always one really AWESOME option and one super LOUSY one. some days its like encountering a big bear and trying to remember if this is the bear you RUN from, play DEAD or wave arms and say Go Away Bear!!!! only thankfully, MOST of our choices don't go quite so badly if we get it wrong.......

dandylion

hopelove.....I, also, agree that you need to make sure that what he is telling is the complete truth.....
He could be telling the truth....but, I know that alcoholics are very capable of wording things in their favor.....
For example....a person may have gone to the hospital for certain reasons.....and, maybe the doctor said...."Well, lets check you out to make sure that you aren't having a stroke or a transient ischemia attack (TIA)....so they do tests....and don't find that to be the case. The person can still say that he was in the hospital (being checked) for a mild stroke....

dandylion

hopeful4

If he can talk to you after having a stroke, he is a lucky man.

Remember, as always, it's actions, not words, that prove a person.

Hugs to you.

hopelove123

Thank you all. So true what you all say. After pouring myself back into work i feel better. I can not rescue him and if he is having a stroke...nothing i can do about that either. I have to rescue my kids and i. And hope for the best.

Why did i ever get into this with him? I love him but looking back all the signs were there. I was in my own addiction then so maybe i was blinded. Idk.

Many hugs to you all. Thank you!

oldsoul112249

Just ended it last week with a narcissist man. I was planning the breakup when he had a stroke. I thought it would soften his cold heart. In the hospital nice to everyone but me and I'm the one who found him half dead and saved his life. Told his daughter I wouldn't be back..it was over. Anything is possible but be rational about things and don't hope too much.

Bekindalways

Hopelove it sounds like you have figured it out pretty well. But unfortunately understanding doesn't eliminate the pain. Big big hug!

Wishing you healing and strength. Let us know how it goes!

LeeJane

So much wisdom in this thread. Thank you everyone.

In particular about lying and altering the truth to make things appear worse than they are. To manipulate and get sympathy.

Oh my, so so so so true. How many times have I been hooked in by that nonsense?

I see it now, so clearly. Comes across as pathetic rather than triggering.

It was about me, never "them". About me and how I felt about myself. I kept picking out the same person to have relationships with. The same traits but just a different outward appearance each time.

A queue of "thems" doing the same old thing, me eagerly rushing over to get myself hooked in.

I was where you are, HopeLove, it gets better I assure you. Work on yourself.