Problem Drinker. 8 days sober!
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Join Date: Jun 2016
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Problem Drinker. 8 days sober!
Hi everyone.
I have always found it useful to have an online community for support so hoping to find some strength and solace here.
I'm a 21 year old female living on the south coast of England.
Since the age of about 13, I have been binge drinking every weekend, from litre bottles of cheap cider in parks to bags of cocaine and pricier pub drinks in the later years.
Since my younger days I had enjoyed the confidence I would have after drinking alcohol and have always loved it, it had always seemed like the end of the world if I possibly had to miss a week day session.
My dad is an alcoholic and hasn't worked since I was tiny and I have grown up watching my mum binge drink, I get along with both parents and would not blame them for my issues.
So, my party life style has always been well and good. I left school with some GCSEs and went to college where I completed some A levels and have held a job down which I am not in love with.
My beloved Gran passed away in December 2015 after a long, gruelling four year battle with terminal cancer. I was with her every step of the way, holding her hand through chemotherapy sessions, visiting her in the hospice and carrying out difficult jobs for her; like making a CD of the songs she wanted played at her funeral. We always had a strong bond and were very close, after my mum, she was always the most important and influential person in my life. The last few years have been incredibly difficult for me and on times where I have found it hard to cope, I have turned to alcohol and drugs to erase the pain.
A lot of the time I had fun doing this but my problems always seemed earth shatteringly worse the next day, when I would be flagging on no sleep and in a chemically induced depression, and usually with an empty purse.
On the day she died, I consoled myself by drinking bottles of wine and it was comforting to me that I did not have to deal with the shock (although I knew her death was inevitably coming) fully, because I was numbed by 'my friend' alcohol, who promised to be there when others did not.
Again, after the funeral I consoled myself with alcohol. I think that because it has been the first thing I have reached for in crisis that I have developed a strong, emotional attachment to it.
I thought I was doing fine this year.
I thought I was finally happy that she was out of her pain and misery and I was happy that I didn't have anything huge to worry about anymore, other than missing her terribly, I felt relief.
This year, although I don't think I am drinking any more really than I ever did in terms of units on one session, I am getting outrageously more drunk.
There have been about three or four nights lately where I have total memory black outs of about two hours, which is of course very worrying. I also have a tendency to get bored and wander off when I have had a drink which leads me to be in a vulnerable position, away from my friends.
My friends have also been informing me that I am really nasty when I am drunk. I can never remember this the next day. This is usually just from the effects of alcohol (no other drugs).
My poor mum has informed me of the same thing. I live at home and actually 'bumped' a taxi to my house a couple of weeks back and told her that the man shouting outside was not a taxi driver, and told her to not be stupid when she went outside to pay him.
I have no recollection of this.
I was just going along like this for the last couple of months, crazy nights and arguments with friends who I thought were in the wrong because I cannot remember being nasty to them so don't see why I should apologise.
But, 8 days ago, I had a wake up call. It was the anniversay of my Gran's first birthday and me and my dad went to scatter her ashes.
It was a hard day, and we went to the pub afterwards. I had work at 9am the next day. He kept trying to make me go home, but I didn't want to, as when I have one drink I can't stop... I'm sure some of you can sadly relate to this.
I met a friend who was out, we went back to another one of his friends flat and carried on drinking and doing lines. My mum was so angry with me that I was staying out when I had work the next day. I had no key (my mum would be at work the next day) and no work badge or clean clothes.
At five AM, drinking a stella whilst getting ready for work with my friend who had work at 7, I had the nasty realisation that I had ruined my life.
I showed up to work two hours before my shift with my friend who works at the same place who started early. I stunk of beer and looked a total mess. I could not even log on to the work computer properly, I was in that much of a state. Lots of people there knew, a few found it amusing.
I lasted for half of my shift. My mum was texting me saying how sad it made her that I had turned out like this, and saying all sorts of stuff that you really don't want to hear when you're in that state. I burst into tears at my desk and came home.
Luckily, my mum and I worked it out on the condition that I sort my life out!! It is not particularly the frequency of my drinking, although that does lead to money issues, but mainly how drunk I get when I am drinking and the fact I can't stop when I start.
I did not lose my job as I am lucky enough to have an understanding boss, who thankfully cut me some slack as he knew it was my Gran's birthday, which isn't really an excuse for showing up to work half steaming.
I am sick of waking up on Saturday mornings hating myself and wondering which friend I have pissed off, wondering if I have been nasty to my mother. So, last Tuesday, when I got home I vowed to stop drinking for thirty days.
I wonder if I could ever even go back to 'normal' drinking, or if I would want to. I brought a book called 'how to stop drinking' by Allen Carr and it basically says that some people are allergic to alcohol - I wonder if this is true and if I am one of them.
Sorry for such a long post, thank you if you managed to stay with me until the end.
8 days sober today, I have been exercising regularly and eating well and I'm not tired for the first time in forever. I have drunk weekly, if not more for the last eight years so won't really start seeing the benefits for a week or so but I am excited and scared at the same time. I am not chemically addicted to booze as I do not suffer any DT's or have the shakes, I am not even gagging for a drink. Friday was challenging as that is the night I usually go out, and driving past the pubs on the bus was tricky. I think its all about changing my thought processes and connotations for abit. Unwiring what has been wired over the years from habit.
Thanks again for reading. Take care.
I have always found it useful to have an online community for support so hoping to find some strength and solace here.
I'm a 21 year old female living on the south coast of England.
Since the age of about 13, I have been binge drinking every weekend, from litre bottles of cheap cider in parks to bags of cocaine and pricier pub drinks in the later years.
Since my younger days I had enjoyed the confidence I would have after drinking alcohol and have always loved it, it had always seemed like the end of the world if I possibly had to miss a week day session.
My dad is an alcoholic and hasn't worked since I was tiny and I have grown up watching my mum binge drink, I get along with both parents and would not blame them for my issues.
So, my party life style has always been well and good. I left school with some GCSEs and went to college where I completed some A levels and have held a job down which I am not in love with.
My beloved Gran passed away in December 2015 after a long, gruelling four year battle with terminal cancer. I was with her every step of the way, holding her hand through chemotherapy sessions, visiting her in the hospice and carrying out difficult jobs for her; like making a CD of the songs she wanted played at her funeral. We always had a strong bond and were very close, after my mum, she was always the most important and influential person in my life. The last few years have been incredibly difficult for me and on times where I have found it hard to cope, I have turned to alcohol and drugs to erase the pain.
A lot of the time I had fun doing this but my problems always seemed earth shatteringly worse the next day, when I would be flagging on no sleep and in a chemically induced depression, and usually with an empty purse.
On the day she died, I consoled myself by drinking bottles of wine and it was comforting to me that I did not have to deal with the shock (although I knew her death was inevitably coming) fully, because I was numbed by 'my friend' alcohol, who promised to be there when others did not.
Again, after the funeral I consoled myself with alcohol. I think that because it has been the first thing I have reached for in crisis that I have developed a strong, emotional attachment to it.
I thought I was doing fine this year.
I thought I was finally happy that she was out of her pain and misery and I was happy that I didn't have anything huge to worry about anymore, other than missing her terribly, I felt relief.
This year, although I don't think I am drinking any more really than I ever did in terms of units on one session, I am getting outrageously more drunk.
There have been about three or four nights lately where I have total memory black outs of about two hours, which is of course very worrying. I also have a tendency to get bored and wander off when I have had a drink which leads me to be in a vulnerable position, away from my friends.
My friends have also been informing me that I am really nasty when I am drunk. I can never remember this the next day. This is usually just from the effects of alcohol (no other drugs).
My poor mum has informed me of the same thing. I live at home and actually 'bumped' a taxi to my house a couple of weeks back and told her that the man shouting outside was not a taxi driver, and told her to not be stupid when she went outside to pay him.
I have no recollection of this.
I was just going along like this for the last couple of months, crazy nights and arguments with friends who I thought were in the wrong because I cannot remember being nasty to them so don't see why I should apologise.
But, 8 days ago, I had a wake up call. It was the anniversay of my Gran's first birthday and me and my dad went to scatter her ashes.
It was a hard day, and we went to the pub afterwards. I had work at 9am the next day. He kept trying to make me go home, but I didn't want to, as when I have one drink I can't stop... I'm sure some of you can sadly relate to this.
I met a friend who was out, we went back to another one of his friends flat and carried on drinking and doing lines. My mum was so angry with me that I was staying out when I had work the next day. I had no key (my mum would be at work the next day) and no work badge or clean clothes.
At five AM, drinking a stella whilst getting ready for work with my friend who had work at 7, I had the nasty realisation that I had ruined my life.
I showed up to work two hours before my shift with my friend who works at the same place who started early. I stunk of beer and looked a total mess. I could not even log on to the work computer properly, I was in that much of a state. Lots of people there knew, a few found it amusing.
I lasted for half of my shift. My mum was texting me saying how sad it made her that I had turned out like this, and saying all sorts of stuff that you really don't want to hear when you're in that state. I burst into tears at my desk and came home.
Luckily, my mum and I worked it out on the condition that I sort my life out!! It is not particularly the frequency of my drinking, although that does lead to money issues, but mainly how drunk I get when I am drinking and the fact I can't stop when I start.
I did not lose my job as I am lucky enough to have an understanding boss, who thankfully cut me some slack as he knew it was my Gran's birthday, which isn't really an excuse for showing up to work half steaming.
I am sick of waking up on Saturday mornings hating myself and wondering which friend I have pissed off, wondering if I have been nasty to my mother. So, last Tuesday, when I got home I vowed to stop drinking for thirty days.
I wonder if I could ever even go back to 'normal' drinking, or if I would want to. I brought a book called 'how to stop drinking' by Allen Carr and it basically says that some people are allergic to alcohol - I wonder if this is true and if I am one of them.
Sorry for such a long post, thank you if you managed to stay with me until the end.
8 days sober today, I have been exercising regularly and eating well and I'm not tired for the first time in forever. I have drunk weekly, if not more for the last eight years so won't really start seeing the benefits for a week or so but I am excited and scared at the same time. I am not chemically addicted to booze as I do not suffer any DT's or have the shakes, I am not even gagging for a drink. Friday was challenging as that is the night I usually go out, and driving past the pubs on the bus was tricky. I think its all about changing my thought processes and connotations for abit. Unwiring what has been wired over the years from habit.
Thanks again for reading. Take care.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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Welcome and I'm glad you decided to post. 8 days sober is super!
Adjusting to a new sober lifestyle can be a bit daunting, but we're here to offer support. It was very helpful for me to make specific plans for the times when I would have been drinking. It helped to break the habit. And, many of us want/need to take up new activities and meet new people in order to support our sobriety.
Adjusting to a new sober lifestyle can be a bit daunting, but we're here to offer support. It was very helpful for me to make specific plans for the times when I would have been drinking. It helped to break the habit. And, many of us want/need to take up new activities and meet new people in order to support our sobriety.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 5
Thank you soberwolf and Anna :-)
I had a day off today, and one tomorrow. Today I planned to see a friend and have healthy chicken salad for lunch at her house after the gym, to keep myself occupied and busy so I didn't have the temptation to meet someone for a drink.
It can be hard, as 99% of my friends are drinkers and I work in the centre of town on top of clubs and pubs in a workplace filled with sociable drinkers who are my age.
Tomorrow I will make sure I go to the gym and keep myself busy.
I am scheduled in to work the next three weekends which I am actually really relieved about. The weekends seem to be the most challenging times.
I had a day off today, and one tomorrow. Today I planned to see a friend and have healthy chicken salad for lunch at her house after the gym, to keep myself occupied and busy so I didn't have the temptation to meet someone for a drink.
It can be hard, as 99% of my friends are drinkers and I work in the centre of town on top of clubs and pubs in a workplace filled with sociable drinkers who are my age.
Tomorrow I will make sure I go to the gym and keep myself busy.
I am scheduled in to work the next three weekends which I am actually really relieved about. The weekends seem to be the most challenging times.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 5
Hi YoungAussie, just had a look through your posts.
We do seem similar indeed,
something that started out as an enhancer to social situations and something fun has turned into something more lethal for the pair of us by the looks of things.
Congrats on 48+ hours sober, and I'm sorry that you had a bad night.
The penny only just dropped for me too. Its weird how after years and years of it I have only just realised how dangerous and stupid the situations I have put myself in after alcohol have been.
I guess its a blessing for the both of us, hopefully we have realised it and nipped it in the bud just before we ruin our lives completely. Sending my best wishes to you
We do seem similar indeed,
something that started out as an enhancer to social situations and something fun has turned into something more lethal for the pair of us by the looks of things.
Congrats on 48+ hours sober, and I'm sorry that you had a bad night.
The penny only just dropped for me too. Its weird how after years and years of it I have only just realised how dangerous and stupid the situations I have put myself in after alcohol have been.
I guess its a blessing for the both of us, hopefully we have realised it and nipped it in the bud just before we ruin our lives completely. Sending my best wishes to you
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 14
Well it's 72hrs now 
The weekend's going to be the hard part for me, already getting the messages asking where I'm going this Friday & Saturday night.
I really hoped we've nipped it in the bud too! I've found over last few days reading through this site very helpful, I didn't realise blackout/the inability to stop when started was such a massive problem.
Going to take a page out of your book and get back in to the gym!
The weekend's going to be the hard part for me, already getting the messages asking where I'm going this Friday & Saturday night.
I really hoped we've nipped it in the bud too! I've found over last few days reading through this site very helpful, I didn't realise blackout/the inability to stop when started was such a massive problem.
Going to take a page out of your book and get back in to the gym!
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Welcome! This is a great place to find support, understanding, and advice from others who have been there or are still currently going through it!
I found that in order to find recovery I had to completely do the opposite of what I was doing before. I got rid of facebook, changed my phone number, started eating better and exercising, I started volunteering, and basically started to do what I always planned to do but was always too busy being an addict to do such as plan for the future and actually accomplish short term and long term goals.
The short term goal of 30 days without alcohol is a great short term goal, I hope that at the end of that you decide to do another 30 days. You can do it! It sounds like you are moving in the right direction, stay busy and stay around positive sober people!
I found that in order to find recovery I had to completely do the opposite of what I was doing before. I got rid of facebook, changed my phone number, started eating better and exercising, I started volunteering, and basically started to do what I always planned to do but was always too busy being an addict to do such as plan for the future and actually accomplish short term and long term goals.
The short term goal of 30 days without alcohol is a great short term goal, I hope that at the end of that you decide to do another 30 days. You can do it! It sounds like you are moving in the right direction, stay busy and stay around positive sober people!
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 5
YoungAussie: I think admitting we have a problem is the first step on our road to recovery and happiness
The gym is fantastic, keeps the mind occupied and just makes me feel so much better all around from the endorphines. Always leave the gym feeling elated and a lot more positive about life in general.
I've lost two stone since last Summer but the last few months the weight hasn't been coming off even though I have been eating okay/ quite well (same as when I lost the weight before) and exercising four times a week. I'm putting it down to all the empty calories from booze and hoping I'll reap the weight loss benefits from giving up. Are you looking to give up entirely?
AdelineRose: thank you for your positive reply. I actually deactivated my facebook on Friday night so I didn't have to see everyone having a 'great time', which to be honest, probably wasn't a great time at all a few hours after the perfect selfies and a couple more bottles in. I always found that the majority of nights out started brilliantly but as everyone got drunker and less in control, became a bit sketchy and troublesome, arguments etc.
I reactivated it the next day to see everybody's hungover statuses! Felt great on Saturday morning after an early morning exercise session, regret free!
I don't really have many sober friends, I only actually have one and he is very busy and a lot older than me and he doesn't message me to hang out much although I would like it if he did. I feel annoying being a pest sometimes so tend to leave him to it.
I'm not entirely sure if I want a life of abstinence, my original aim was to do a month off the booze to recover and repair myself and to prove to the people around me, as well as myself, that I could do it. I thought that my ideal relationship with alcohol would be to be a happy social drinker, going out maybe twice a month with the right people in the right situations.
But I'm not sure if that would even be possible for me. Right now, I know that it would not be, due to my recent nights involving drink, so I won't even touch a drop. Maybe after 30 days I will be so pleased with the benefits of not drinking that I won't ever pick up a bottle again! Right now I definitely would not trust myself to.
The gym is fantastic, keeps the mind occupied and just makes me feel so much better all around from the endorphines. Always leave the gym feeling elated and a lot more positive about life in general.
I've lost two stone since last Summer but the last few months the weight hasn't been coming off even though I have been eating okay/ quite well (same as when I lost the weight before) and exercising four times a week. I'm putting it down to all the empty calories from booze and hoping I'll reap the weight loss benefits from giving up. Are you looking to give up entirely?
AdelineRose: thank you for your positive reply. I actually deactivated my facebook on Friday night so I didn't have to see everyone having a 'great time', which to be honest, probably wasn't a great time at all a few hours after the perfect selfies and a couple more bottles in. I always found that the majority of nights out started brilliantly but as everyone got drunker and less in control, became a bit sketchy and troublesome, arguments etc.
I reactivated it the next day to see everybody's hungover statuses! Felt great on Saturday morning after an early morning exercise session, regret free!
I don't really have many sober friends, I only actually have one and he is very busy and a lot older than me and he doesn't message me to hang out much although I would like it if he did. I feel annoying being a pest sometimes so tend to leave him to it.
I'm not entirely sure if I want a life of abstinence, my original aim was to do a month off the booze to recover and repair myself and to prove to the people around me, as well as myself, that I could do it. I thought that my ideal relationship with alcohol would be to be a happy social drinker, going out maybe twice a month with the right people in the right situations.
But I'm not sure if that would even be possible for me. Right now, I know that it would not be, due to my recent nights involving drink, so I won't even touch a drop. Maybe after 30 days I will be so pleased with the benefits of not drinking that I won't ever pick up a bottle again! Right now I definitely would not trust myself to.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
For me personally, my original goal was to take a break. When I went back to drinking, I drank harder than ever before. I realized that I had a problem, and I was tricking myself thinking that a break from booze would help. Some people can stop at a few, and only drinking once or twice a week. I wasnt that kind of person. Those type of people dont ask if they have a problem or wonder. They KNOW they dont so the thought never crosses their mind. It slowly grew to one night a week, to two, to three, to drinking every day. It crept up on me. But I have a problem.
Drinking is a big part of society, and advertising markets those who are fresh into the age of drinking (or lets be honest, before it is legal). They get their hooks into you and dont let go. For some of them, people turn into alcoholics and made the alcohol industry insanely profitable.
Anyways, I hope you find that you are looking for. Good luck to you.
Drinking is a big part of society, and advertising markets those who are fresh into the age of drinking (or lets be honest, before it is legal). They get their hooks into you and dont let go. For some of them, people turn into alcoholics and made the alcohol industry insanely profitable.
Anyways, I hope you find that you are looking for. Good luck to you.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
Hi Lovedove, and welcome . My own grandmother died just a couple of days ago, so my condolences to you on that. I think it is great that you have joined us, and you have not "ruined your life" yet, as you are still quite young. I am twice your age, and have almost 4 months sober now, so it is possible. Try to focus on what you can do today, right now, instead of pick up a drink.
Congratulations on your first eight days
. My own grandmother died just a couple of days ago, so my condolences to you on that. I think it is great that you have joined us, and you have not "ruined your life" yet, as you are still quite young. I am twice your age, and have almost 4 months sober now, so it is possible. Try to focus on what you can do today, right now, instead of pick up a drink.Congratulations on your first eight days
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 5
Jryan - the 30 day thing is my main goal at the moment, however I know that in reality it would probably be better for me to abstain completely to avoid the silly situations I get myself in when intoxicated.. But a part of me wants to be able to be a 'normal' drinker, and just go out maybe twice a month and not go totally crazy and to have a nice 'normal' time.
I totally get where you're coming from about society glamorising alcoholism and I have read quite a bit about this in my Allen Carr book the past week.
Zenlifter - I am truly sorry to hear about your Grandmothers passing. I hope you're dealing with it okay. Congratulations on 4 months sober, that is incredible :-)
Today is day nine for me and I have kept myself busy on another day off work by seeing friends and going for lunch, and an hour gym session.
Keeping myself around sober people and focusing on my goals seems to have been working wonders, I don't even want a drink!
I totally get where you're coming from about society glamorising alcoholism and I have read quite a bit about this in my Allen Carr book the past week.
Zenlifter - I am truly sorry to hear about your Grandmothers passing. I hope you're dealing with it okay. Congratulations on 4 months sober, that is incredible :-)
Today is day nine for me and I have kept myself busy on another day off work by seeing friends and going for lunch, and an hour gym session.
Keeping myself around sober people and focusing on my goals seems to have been working wonders, I don't even want a drink!
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