Hday

Hello everyone!

I'm new to the recovery scene - just hit 10 months booze free. I am almost 40 years old, widow for last 7.5 years and a solo mom. The last few years just got pretty out of control with my drinking, although, thank God, nothing horrible happened (I'm a "high bottom" I guess). I tried to cut back or stop drinking numerous times over my last 2 years of drinking, but was unable to moderate. Finally, last summer, I realized I needed help and couldn't do it alone. I've been going to AA, which has been very helpful- I have a sponsor, I am taking suggestions, I've been working the steps, etc. I am not great at picking up the phone and connecting with people, so I'm hoping that this forum can be another outlet for that.

One thing that's been on my mind lately - that I would love to hear others' thoughts on: marijuana. I didn't feel able to quit smoking weed the same time I stopped drinking, but was strongly encouraged to do so after starting with AA. So now I am 8 months weed-free. I figure I should give the fully sober life a real shot, since I've been partaking in weed/booze since I was a teen. And I know I'm more apt to cave and drink if I smoke. Not to mention I should not have it around b/c of my daughter. But lately I've been tempted to smoke. My good friends/neighbors next-door are regulars, and it smells so good. I miss it, honestly. And I feel like alcohol was the "bad actor" in my substance abuse - if that makes any sense: it's what gave me killer hangovers, made it super unsafe to drive, and generally got me making poor decisions. Booze is what got me into the AA rooms, not weed. Society seems so much more forgiving of weed these days, too. Sometimes I wish I could just hang out and share a joint w/ friends, like I used to. But I am pretty sure that would cause me to go back to being a regular pot head....

Anyway - just wanted to share some of my thoughts and feelings and see if anyone has input. I am feeling so healthy, strong, and calm for the most part. I don't want to rock the boat. But the newness of this sober path has worn off a bit, I guess, and the reality of "NEVER" doing any of these things that were such a big part of my life is sometimes daunting.

I look forward to being a part of this community.

Jimmy9212

Welcome.

Keep posting. Stay honest..and above all prepare yourself..thank amount of love and respect you're about to be greeted with is overwhelming, Iin a great way.

rich7v

Welcome to SR Hday. Glad to hear you have had success staying dry. After reading your post, I think you know the right answer to your question about getting back into the weed smoking habit.

Stay strong. Think of the impression you want to make on your daughter. Kids know and see a lot more than us parents want to believe.

Hope you have an easier time opening up and discussing what is on your mind on these forums. I know exactly what you mean, I have a hard time talking to people on the phone about the issues I am having.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing!

RedManc7

Welcome hday. As said keep posting and be honest. No judgements here. And great work on 10 months off the booze. In many ways I found booze harder to knock on the head than heroin as its in your face all the time in society.

Weed - we could be talking 20 skunk bongs a day or one joint once the kids are in bed. How much did you use/quantity/frequency when u were a pot head?

You gave up both at roughly the same time and you did it for a reason - danger if you start smoking again your brain might start saying you may as well drink again now as well, just 1, to level off being stoned etc.

Is why I wanted to give up heroin on its own not at same time as other things (say booze) as if I broke on the booze I didn't want my addict voice telling me Id screwed it up and may as well use again, especially if I'm on the drink and not thinking straight either.

8 and 10 months straight is brilliant work, cast your mind back to what life was really like before then - we easily sometimes glamorise the glory days of using especially as they become distant memories and the really bad aspects of using are forgotten.

You will always get urges especially if you are surrounded by it, got to do all that urge surfing business in them situations.

Good luck! Let us know how you go!

JennaRoseMadre

Welcome, Red.

Hday

Thank you, everyone, for saying hello and the encouragement.

I agree - that I think I know the right answer for me with regard to weed. I need to just put it down/keep it down. I'd like to think I could use it casually - here and there if it crossed my path, but I know myself: I'm an addict. I was a daily smoker and I am sure I would get back there quickly. My daughter is very attune to me and my emotions. I feel much more connected and present for her now than I've ever been, so I want to keep on a good track there. And, given that she's almost 9, it won't be long before I have to worry about her getting into booze/drugs on her own. There really is no good place to hide it in our home, and kids always know anyway (heck - that was one of the ways I got into weed as a kid - accessing friends' parents' stashes)! I've never wanted to be one of those parents telling their kid not to smoke/drink while doing it myself - not much credibility there....

Thanks for sharing some of your own stories. I look forward to connecting with fellow travelers on this path of recovery!

Soberwolf

Welcome

finaltime

Day keep posting. you have been through a lot. I truly hope you can find some support in the rooms as well. This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. Once we get our physical part back, we have to deal with the mental. One day at a time. Thats all. One day at a time. Sometimes I have to just get through the hour.

Proud of where you are at today. Be easy on yourself.

soberclover

This original question and the responses was a great reminder to me that as an addict and alcoholic, I cannot put anything that is mind and mood altering in to my system. I know my addict mind would convince me that alcohol would be ok to use once in awhile where as cocaine was a definite no. This was the thinking that caused my relapse and I had to go to some very desperate places with the alcohol to finally learn that alcohol - what I considered to be the "less-dangerous" choice was in fact a very dangerous choice because it took me to bad places.

I think you rock Hday for asking the question. And I hope you post more often

Hday

Thanks, SoberClover - great points. Similar to the idea that, while you're attending AA, your disease is "out in the parking lot doing push ups." In other words, even if we're not drinking/smoking, since this is a chronic, progressive disease, we can't ever expect to be able to use normally.

And - as Red mentioned, I tend to glamorize the past, at least when it comes to smoking weed. I don't think about how compelled I felt to smoke daily, even though I didn't necessarily really want to - and once I started, like drinking, I would continue to smoke off and on throughout the day.

Now - there's no more sneaking into the house before we go someplace ("just grabbing something!"), no lingering in the basement when doing laundry (or not), no more hairy eyeball from my kid who rightly suspected me of being up to something. Not to mention - I'm working out regularly again and my lungs feel awesome!

Thank you everyone for reminding me to focus on the positive and keep on keeping on!

soberclover

Having the trust and respect of your child.....this is one of the things that I remember when times get rough.

finaltime

HDAY I know about all of this. My girl is 5. I also hate all the sneakiness and feels so good being normal. Its almost a shock to me to not have all the lies inside.

You are doing great. Are you working the NA program? I think you said you are. I love it. I am on step 9. amends.

good stuff!!!