Thanks, SoberClover - great points. Similar to the idea that, while you're attending AA, your disease is "out in the parking lot doing push ups." In other words, even if we're not drinking/smoking, since this is a chronic, progressive disease, we can't ever expect to be able to use normally.
And - as Red mentioned, I tend to glamorize the past, at least when it comes to smoking weed. I don't think about how compelled I felt to smoke daily, even though I didn't necessarily really want to - and once I started, like drinking, I would continue to smoke off and on throughout the day.
Now - there's no more sneaking into the house before we go someplace ("just grabbing something!"), no lingering in the basement when doing laundry (or not), no more hairy eyeball from my kid who rightly suspected me of being up to something. Not to mention - I'm working out regularly again and my lungs feel awesome!
Thank you everyone for reminding me to focus on the positive and keep on keeping on!