Starting the Journey
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Starting the Journey
Hi All,
Just wanted to post here.
I was taking 6-8 10 mg norco for the last 7 month and half of that for the prior 5 months.
I am ready to be done doing this, again. This is not my first time.
When i was 19, 20(now 35) i got caught in the same trap. I was lucky enough to get off them at that time. I swore i would never take the stuff again, no matter what pain level i was at.
Well fast fwd to 2 years ago and i had surgery. I was given norco and i ended up taking them. I was getting some off and on over the next year .
After a few more shoulder issues i fell into the trap again.
Currently I am on hour 34 of no pills. I do not feel great, but i trying to get through this.
Yesterday i took a few .5mg xanax as the anxiety was really getting to me and that seemed to help. I also took an imodiun before bed the first night and a half last night before bed.
Just wanted to post here.
I was taking 6-8 10 mg norco for the last 7 month and half of that for the prior 5 months.
I am ready to be done doing this, again. This is not my first time.
When i was 19, 20(now 35) i got caught in the same trap. I was lucky enough to get off them at that time. I swore i would never take the stuff again, no matter what pain level i was at.
Well fast fwd to 2 years ago and i had surgery. I was given norco and i ended up taking them. I was getting some off and on over the next year .
After a few more shoulder issues i fell into the trap again.
Currently I am on hour 34 of no pills. I do not feel great, but i trying to get through this.
Yesterday i took a few .5mg xanax as the anxiety was really getting to me and that seemed to help. I also took an imodiun before bed the first night and a half last night before bed.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Davis, CA
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by Opivotal 
Welcome smileagain!
As you know getting through withdrawal is the worst part. Sounds like you have that covered.
I'm glad you came here for support.
As you know getting through withdrawal is the worst part. Sounds like you have that covered.
I'm glad you came here for support.
Thank you for the RE:.
I am trying to get through this the best I can. I have had the thought in my head for months that i would taper. I would get a batch and that would be my "taper" batch. I am not one to stick to that plan.
I do have a few 8mg subs. At this point i am NOT trying to use them. I have done enough reading and do not want to have taper off those. I guess for a very last resort, they are there, but as of now i am saying nope.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Davis, CA
Posts: 90
Just checking in again - hour 43 is here....
Went to the store today, but some more imodium, multi vitamin, bananas, and some various food things and gatorade.
Still been taking .25mg xanax 4x a day. Not sure if this is doing more good than bad for me, but it does help cut the anxiety. I hate have always hated the way xanax has made me feel, but i guess it is helping. I plan to continue this routine through sunday.(Thoughts?)
Overall not feeling super horrible, maybe its coming, maybe i am determined to be done with this crap. Who knows...
Not a ton of energy, mainly laying on the couch. I smoke so i get up to smoke and be out in the sun. Try to walk a bit(not much).
I was able to sleep last night until 6am(my normal wake up time).
I do have some loose stools. Not as bad as i was thinking, but i have been taking the imoduim(maybe i shouldn't?)
Anyhow just wanted to ramble a little.
Went to the store today, but some more imodium, multi vitamin, bananas, and some various food things and gatorade.
Still been taking .25mg xanax 4x a day. Not sure if this is doing more good than bad for me, but it does help cut the anxiety. I hate have always hated the way xanax has made me feel, but i guess it is helping. I plan to continue this routine through sunday.(Thoughts?)
Overall not feeling super horrible, maybe its coming, maybe i am determined to be done with this crap. Who knows...
Not a ton of energy, mainly laying on the couch. I smoke so i get up to smoke and be out in the sun. Try to walk a bit(not much).
I was able to sleep last night until 6am(my normal wake up time).
I do have some loose stools. Not as bad as i was thinking, but i have been taking the imoduim(maybe i shouldn't?)
Anyhow just wanted to ramble a little.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
Welcome. I know exactly how you are feeling. So much fear and not knowing what to do next. If you are bored go through and read my threads, I have been doing this same thing with pills for years. And you know what finally worked for me? Surrender. I walked into NA and said I need help. I tried the taper, the subs, giving my pills to my neighbour, telling the doctors I am an addict, you name it, I did it.
Finally asking for help in the rooms was like an elephant walked off my chest. I was so tired of trying to get clean by myself all to fail later on. You do not have to do this alone. IN the rooms they will love you until you start to love yourself. I went to meeting after meeting, called people, they called me, I read on SR, I posted. My only goals at the beginning where meetings and work. My whole life focused around recovery and because I am a mom I had to keep working. Single mom as well.
It was actually great for me because every day I could do the simple things. Work, meeting, work, meeting. The withdrawals suck. No matter what. and the best thing for me to get through them is to tell myself just let myself be sick. lay here and drink fluids, walk if I can. watch funny movies and let the meds get out. take off work, don't beat myself up. If you change your thinking, or try to like this " I am doing this to free myself of the toxins, I need to get through this part in order of focus on my recovery"
I have also detoxed alone, more times than I can count. I live in a foreign country, no family around. but we do have NA and AA that is amazing. I have walked in those rooms beaten, on my knees. asking for help. and boy do they love me.
Don't be afraid of reaching out. you are not alone. we have been there. You can do this. you don't have to live for pills anymore.
Keep posting.
Finally asking for help in the rooms was like an elephant walked off my chest. I was so tired of trying to get clean by myself all to fail later on. You do not have to do this alone. IN the rooms they will love you until you start to love yourself. I went to meeting after meeting, called people, they called me, I read on SR, I posted. My only goals at the beginning where meetings and work. My whole life focused around recovery and because I am a mom I had to keep working. Single mom as well.
It was actually great for me because every day I could do the simple things. Work, meeting, work, meeting. The withdrawals suck. No matter what. and the best thing for me to get through them is to tell myself just let myself be sick. lay here and drink fluids, walk if I can. watch funny movies and let the meds get out. take off work, don't beat myself up. If you change your thinking, or try to like this " I am doing this to free myself of the toxins, I need to get through this part in order of focus on my recovery"
I have also detoxed alone, more times than I can count. I live in a foreign country, no family around. but we do have NA and AA that is amazing. I have walked in those rooms beaten, on my knees. asking for help. and boy do they love me.
Don't be afraid of reaching out. you are not alone. we have been there. You can do this. you don't have to live for pills anymore.
Keep posting.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Davis, CA
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by finaltime
Welcome. I know exactly how you are feeling. So much fear and not knowing what to do next. If you are bored go through and read my threads, I have been doing this same thing with pills for years. And you know what finally worked for me? Surrender. I walked into NA and said I need help. I tried the taper, the subs, giving my pills to my neighbour, telling the doctors I am an addict, you name it, I did it.
Finally asking for help in the rooms was like an elephant walked off my chest. I was so tired of trying to get clean by myself all to fail later on. You do not have to do this alone. IN the rooms they will love you until you start to love yourself. I went to meeting after meeting, called people, they called me, I read on SR, I posted. My only goals at the beginning where meetings and work. My whole life focused around recovery and because I am a mom I had to keep working. Single mom as well.
It was actually great for me because every day I could do the simple things. Work, meeting, work, meeting. The withdrawals suck. No matter what. and the best thing for me to get through them is to tell myself just let myself be sick. lay here and drink fluids, walk if I can. watch funny movies and let the meds get out. take off work, don't beat myself up. If you change your thinking, or try to like this " I am doing this to free myself of the toxins, I need to get through this part in order of focus on my recovery"
I have also detoxed alone, more times than I can count. I live in a foreign country, no family around. but we do have NA and AA that is amazing. I have walked in those rooms beaten, on my knees. asking for help. and boy do they love me.
Don't be afraid of reaching out. you are not alone. we have been there. You can do this. you don't have to live for pills anymore.
Keep posting.
Finally asking for help in the rooms was like an elephant walked off my chest. I was so tired of trying to get clean by myself all to fail later on. You do not have to do this alone. IN the rooms they will love you until you start to love yourself. I went to meeting after meeting, called people, they called me, I read on SR, I posted. My only goals at the beginning where meetings and work. My whole life focused around recovery and because I am a mom I had to keep working. Single mom as well.
It was actually great for me because every day I could do the simple things. Work, meeting, work, meeting. The withdrawals suck. No matter what. and the best thing for me to get through them is to tell myself just let myself be sick. lay here and drink fluids, walk if I can. watch funny movies and let the meds get out. take off work, don't beat myself up. If you change your thinking, or try to like this " I am doing this to free myself of the toxins, I need to get through this part in order of focus on my recovery"
I have also detoxed alone, more times than I can count. I live in a foreign country, no family around. but we do have NA and AA that is amazing. I have walked in those rooms beaten, on my knees. asking for help. and boy do they love me.
Don't be afraid of reaching out. you are not alone. we have been there. You can do this. you don't have to live for pills anymore.
Keep posting.
Thank you for the wonderful post!
The first time i went through this I did go to the meetings for a short time.
What really helped me with those was just listening. Listening to people say i had 30days, 90days, months, years etc.... i would just sit there and think, I WANT THAT!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Davis, CA
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by rich7v
Going through detox scared me to death (almost literally).
Really happy to hear you are trying to get clean. I wish you all the best!
Really happy to hear you are trying to get clean. I wish you all the best!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 134
Just stick with it.
Relapse will leave you feeling so guilty..and then the hindsight.."I wasn't even that high. I just gave up X days sober for that?!"
I'm speaking from first hand experience..I'm on hour 37 clean.
I wish I didn't relapse.
Go to NA meetings. Go. Just..go.
Delete your dealers number.
Go to a meeting.
Keep posting. The people on here are so amazing..keep posting.
Stay strong. You never have to do this again..just stay strong.
Relapse will leave you feeling so guilty..and then the hindsight.."I wasn't even that high. I just gave up X days sober for that?!"
I'm speaking from first hand experience..I'm on hour 37 clean.
I wish I didn't relapse.
Go to NA meetings. Go. Just..go.
Delete your dealers number.
Go to a meeting.
Keep posting. The people on here are so amazing..keep posting.
Stay strong. You never have to do this again..just stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
I've been where you two are at more times than I can count. You are right. Go to a meeting. Get back on the horse. Keep it simple. IN the hour, no matter what we do not pick up. Use the numbers you get from the rooms. They love hearing from you. I would call and cry, just cry, and listen. I called once from detox to this girl and she read how it works. I listened. She helped keep me clean for another hour.
You guys can do this. No body ever died from lack of sleep. You will sleep again. Your body doesn't know how to sleep without the drugs yet. I would freak the F out over the sleep stuff. I mean freak out. Toss/turn up/down pee/crap beat myself up toss/turn repeat.
And you know what??? All it did was make things worse. I would lay in bed for hours telling myself what a worthless POS I was. It was so awful. I swear the moment I try to pull drugs away from my beast it starts beating me up. I am better than that. I deserve to have a normal, healthy life. I walked into the rooms saying I need help. I can't do this anymore.
I didn't want to think for myself anymore. my thinking got me into this hole. I did what they said. exactly what they said. I put my ego aside from time to time and actually called them. My ego would tell me " they don't want to hear from you, don't call them, you can do this " NO I can not do this. I actually called and didn't even have to say anything.
I pray you guys all jump into meetings. Its not about meetings only its about working it. I always wanted to build the mountain but I didn't want to put in the work. I am like that in every single part of my life. I want to be fit and toned but don't want to work out. Makes a lot of sense hu???
The positive is time will pass no matter what. We think when we are sick that time will stop. It won't. You can do this if you try hard enough. but for me I had to be beaten down pretty bad. Really bad. I mean even waking up in the china police station not knowing how I got there didn't sober me up for long. It had to be really bad. Actually I change that. It was the self demoralisation or degradation that brought me to me knees it was that the drugs weren't working anymore. I was taking 80 pills a day, 110 on my last days and still not getting high. And thats about 200 a day of money.
Thats no way to live. No way to live. I woke up everyday thinking "how am I going to convince these doctors today to give me more"
You guys life gets better. But nobody can do it for us. Nobody. Even today I am not 100%, not even 80. But I got up. Made breakfast for my daughter, took her to the park. Took a shower. Did what I had to do because that is what we do. I really wanted to lay on the couch and have a pity party show all day. Why? because I am an addict. I find anything in life hard to deal with if I allow myself to dwell with it. My thoughts are not reality. Truly.
Ok, rambling over. I hope some of you that are awake can read my threads and see how bad I have struggled. I haven't had a drink or opiate since jan 22, not that long.
You guys can do this. No body ever died from lack of sleep. You will sleep again. Your body doesn't know how to sleep without the drugs yet. I would freak the F out over the sleep stuff. I mean freak out. Toss/turn up/down pee/crap beat myself up toss/turn repeat.
And you know what??? All it did was make things worse. I would lay in bed for hours telling myself what a worthless POS I was. It was so awful. I swear the moment I try to pull drugs away from my beast it starts beating me up. I am better than that. I deserve to have a normal, healthy life. I walked into the rooms saying I need help. I can't do this anymore.
I didn't want to think for myself anymore. my thinking got me into this hole. I did what they said. exactly what they said. I put my ego aside from time to time and actually called them. My ego would tell me " they don't want to hear from you, don't call them, you can do this " NO I can not do this. I actually called and didn't even have to say anything.
I pray you guys all jump into meetings. Its not about meetings only its about working it. I always wanted to build the mountain but I didn't want to put in the work. I am like that in every single part of my life. I want to be fit and toned but don't want to work out. Makes a lot of sense hu???
The positive is time will pass no matter what. We think when we are sick that time will stop. It won't. You can do this if you try hard enough. but for me I had to be beaten down pretty bad. Really bad. I mean even waking up in the china police station not knowing how I got there didn't sober me up for long. It had to be really bad. Actually I change that. It was the self demoralisation or degradation that brought me to me knees it was that the drugs weren't working anymore. I was taking 80 pills a day, 110 on my last days and still not getting high. And thats about 200 a day of money.
Thats no way to live. No way to live. I woke up everyday thinking "how am I going to convince these doctors today to give me more"
You guys life gets better. But nobody can do it for us. Nobody. Even today I am not 100%, not even 80. But I got up. Made breakfast for my daughter, took her to the park. Took a shower. Did what I had to do because that is what we do. I really wanted to lay on the couch and have a pity party show all day. Why? because I am an addict. I find anything in life hard to deal with if I allow myself to dwell with it. My thoughts are not reality. Truly.
Ok, rambling over. I hope some of you that are awake can read my threads and see how bad I have struggled. I haven't had a drink or opiate since jan 22, not that long.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 134
Thank you..
You making breakfast for your daughter, showering..and NOT having a pity party is the first little step I want to take.
I find myself having pity parties..I hate it..then NOTHING gets done and I feel worse because here I've had a pity party AND haven't accomplished anything.
What helps with that? I have a feeling the only thing is to simply: GET UP and move..just work..just do it (insert Shia).
So..what did you do to avoid and stop the pity parties/doing nothing/laying on the couch feeling sorry for yourself all day?
Thanks,
-J
You making breakfast for your daughter, showering..and NOT having a pity party is the first little step I want to take.
I find myself having pity parties..I hate it..then NOTHING gets done and I feel worse because here I've had a pity party AND haven't accomplished anything.
What helps with that? I have a feeling the only thing is to simply: GET UP and move..just work..just do it (insert Shia).
So..what did you do to avoid and stop the pity parties/doing nothing/laying on the couch feeling sorry for yourself all day?
Thanks,
-J
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Davis, CA
Posts: 90
Hi All -
I am 30 minutes shy of hour 57..
Thank you for the positive support.
Just wanted to check in.
Last night around 8PM my legs started to have mild cramping. I ate dinner and took my .25mg xanax and started to feel so tired(i truly hate the stuff, I hate feeling like a zombie), I wanted to force myself to stay up until 10 or 11pm, but it didn't happen. I went to bed around 9PM.
I did sleep through the night, woke up at 5:45AM(again my normal wake up time). I wake up naturally without an alarm around 5:30-6AM 7 days a week,
I did dream last night, not a bad or good dream, just dream. I don't remember the last time that really happened.
Anyhow - When i woke up i felt "ok" I don't know what that means, but i feel ok, at least right now, except for the small rumble in my tummy. I got up and went out side and had a cig(my morning ritual), watched the sky and listened to the birds and just thought how thankful i was to have another night under the belt.
I am 30 minutes shy of hour 57..
Thank you for the positive support.
Just wanted to check in.
Last night around 8PM my legs started to have mild cramping. I ate dinner and took my .25mg xanax and started to feel so tired(i truly hate the stuff, I hate feeling like a zombie), I wanted to force myself to stay up until 10 or 11pm, but it didn't happen. I went to bed around 9PM.
I did sleep through the night, woke up at 5:45AM(again my normal wake up time). I wake up naturally without an alarm around 5:30-6AM 7 days a week,
I did dream last night, not a bad or good dream, just dream. I don't remember the last time that really happened.
Anyhow - When i woke up i felt "ok" I don't know what that means, but i feel ok, at least right now, except for the small rumble in my tummy. I got up and went out side and had a cig(my morning ritual), watched the sky and listened to the birds and just thought how thankful i was to have another night under the belt.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Davis, CA
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by Jimmy9212
Just stick with it.
Relapse will leave you feeling so guilty..and then the hindsight.."I wasn't even that high. I just gave up X days sober for that?!"
I'm speaking from first hand experience..I'm on hour 37 clean.
I wish I didn't relapse.
Go to NA meetings. Go. Just..go.
Delete your dealers number.
Go to a meeting.
Keep posting. The people on here are so amazing..keep posting.
Stay strong. You never have to do this again..just stay strong.
Relapse will leave you feeling so guilty..and then the hindsight.."I wasn't even that high. I just gave up X days sober for that?!"
I'm speaking from first hand experience..I'm on hour 37 clean.
I wish I didn't relapse.
Go to NA meetings. Go. Just..go.
Delete your dealers number.
Go to a meeting.
Keep posting. The people on here are so amazing..keep posting.
Stay strong. You never have to do this again..just stay strong.
Please post and let us know how you are doing too!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Davis, CA
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by Jimmy9212
Just stick with it.
Delete your dealers number.
Stay strong. You never have to do this again..just stay strong.
Delete your dealers number.
Stay strong. You never have to do this again..just stay strong.
What you say about staying strong is KEY, at least for me.
Way back when, when i went through this the first time i was living with a chronic pain patient. He had all the pills you could imagine. He was not the one i would get my pills from, never asked. But he would have been more than happy to share. I never touched them, all i had was me and to be strong. Which i succeeded.
Now i am right back into that old boat, so to speak, trying to swim away, again.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Great thread this well done everyone
Finaltime I'd forgotten what a ******* legend you are - you're honest appraisal of life pre post addiction is spot on and reminds me of why I'm clean today.
I for sure fantasised this amazing life I'd have when I got clean (to be fair if I'd have been a cynic at that stage I wouldn't have done it and got clean - being clean is a nirvana - just that then you have to still deal with life!)
Thanks so much for sharing FT X
I was a bad heroin addict and I'm clean now - FT you are so right about just living and deciding the moment - the now is all we have - just don't use now. It becomes a mantra after a while.
Good luck everyone X
Finaltime I'd forgotten what a ******* legend you are - you're honest appraisal of life pre post addiction is spot on and reminds me of why I'm clean today.
I for sure fantasised this amazing life I'd have when I got clean (to be fair if I'd have been a cynic at that stage I wouldn't have done it and got clean - being clean is a nirvana - just that then you have to still deal with life!)
Thanks so much for sharing FT X
I was a bad heroin addict and I'm clean now - FT you are so right about just living and deciding the moment - the now is all we have - just don't use now. It becomes a mantra after a while.
Good luck everyone X
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Davis, CA
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by RedManc7
Great thread this well done everyone
Finaltime I'd forgotten what a ******* legend you are - you're honest appraisal of life pre post addiction is spot on and reminds me of why I'm clean today.
I for sure fantasised this amazing life I'd have when I got clean (to be fair if I'd have been a cynic at that stage I wouldn't have done it and got clean - being clean is a nirvana - just that then you have to still deal with life!)
Thanks so much for sharing FT X
I was a bad heroin addict and I'm clean now - FT you are so right about just living and deciding the moment - the now is all we have - just don't use now. It becomes a mantra after a while.
Good luck everyone X
Finaltime I'd forgotten what a ******* legend you are - you're honest appraisal of life pre post addiction is spot on and reminds me of why I'm clean today.
I for sure fantasised this amazing life I'd have when I got clean (to be fair if I'd have been a cynic at that stage I wouldn't have done it and got clean - being clean is a nirvana - just that then you have to still deal with life!)
Thanks so much for sharing FT X
I was a bad heroin addict and I'm clean now - FT you are so right about just living and deciding the moment - the now is all we have - just don't use now. It becomes a mantra after a while.
Good luck everyone X
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Davis, CA
Posts: 90
Funny -
Just got a txt from a guy to "give me a call." This after i told him yesterday i am good for awhile(trying to be nice, meaning no).
I went outside - had a smoke. To be honest the only thing i could think of was how to reply nicely to leave me alone.
It's funny - he fiends money like we fiend the pills, so at times he can be pretty relentless. Bottom line i am not going through this crap again.
ALSO - Just figured out how to block the number.
Just got a txt from a guy to "give me a call." This after i told him yesterday i am good for awhile(trying to be nice, meaning no).
I went outside - had a smoke. To be honest the only thing i could think of was how to reply nicely to leave me alone.
It's funny - he fiends money like we fiend the pills, so at times he can be pretty relentless. Bottom line i am not going through this crap again.
ALSO - Just figured out how to block the number.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Well done smileagain a hard thing of getting clean is imagining life without your partners in crime in that life - but ultimately jail or worse will get one of you in the end - you have to be leave people behind/to Find their own way.
People I saw everyday for years - a year clean - I'd not seen them for a year! Not blaming them far from it I was always leading from the front when it came to skulduggery. But I could see they were too embraced in the life of addiction we were living to even consider want a way out let alone want one.
Keep strong X
People I saw everyday for years - a year clean - I'd not seen them for a year! Not blaming them far from it I was always leading from the front when it came to skulduggery. But I could see they were too embraced in the life of addiction we were living to even consider want a way out let alone want one.
Keep strong X
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