I wanted a family
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Charlotte
Posts: 1
I wanted a family
Two and a half years ago I was a drug using, alcohol dependent woman with no direction. Today I'm as scared as I should have been then. And then I met a man who was as eager to do drugs and drink as much as I was.
I went through detox . I went through a program. I got help.
Today I'm the mother of a beautiful and amazing 13 month old. Today I'm also the spouse of a drug using, probably drug dependent man.
I'm scared because I don't want my son to grow up in this kind of household. I'm scared because I saw a text on my man's phone from someone threatening him. I'm scared cuz I I entered this "stay at home mom" gig w savings to go back to school...it's either gone to cover bills or been stolen to buy drugs. I'm scared cuz it's a cycle that my son and I are caught in even though we aren't the ones doing the drugs. I'm scared that it's never going to stop.
I know there are people out there in a similar position. I honestly just want to hear someone say that they know what I'm dealing with (all the lies and defensive behavior, etc). What do you do to hold it together and to keep hope that someday things will change?
I went through detox . I went through a program. I got help.
Today I'm the mother of a beautiful and amazing 13 month old. Today I'm also the spouse of a drug using, probably drug dependent man.
I'm scared because I don't want my son to grow up in this kind of household. I'm scared because I saw a text on my man's phone from someone threatening him. I'm scared cuz I I entered this "stay at home mom" gig w savings to go back to school...it's either gone to cover bills or been stolen to buy drugs. I'm scared cuz it's a cycle that my son and I are caught in even though we aren't the ones doing the drugs. I'm scared that it's never going to stop.
I know there are people out there in a similar position. I honestly just want to hear someone say that they know what I'm dealing with (all the lies and defensive behavior, etc). What do you do to hold it together and to keep hope that someday things will change?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Oxnard
Posts: 173
Mh9,
First and foremost I want to welcome you to the forum. I am absolutely certain you will find a lot of support and encouragement on here as you go through life in sobriety.
I am very saddened and sorry to hear about your circumstances that you are going through. I am certain it is hard to be raising a child with a drug-dependent individual who is not only lying and stealing from you, but it is apparent that this person is making you feel miserable.
I am not going to tell you what you want to hear, but I am going to tell you what you NEED to hear. Right now you need to focus on doing what you need to do to support your child and yourself. You are not in a healthy relationship, and he is going to use and abuse you until a) you get out of the relationship, b) you run out of money or resources to support him and his habit, or c) he gets himself into a situation where it endangers not only him but you and your child as well.
I want to tell you that you need to end this relationship, but I am more inclined to say you need to RUN from this relationship and the cancer it is. If he cannot stop using and stealing from you to support his habit, then you are just not that important to him. I obviously cannot tell you what to do, but I think you already know that this is a toxic relationship and right now you need to put you and your child first.
You're absolutely right in being scared of this cycle that this man is putting you through. If you've addressed this issue and have tried to help him get past this and he is still using, then you need to realize one thing: HE ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE.
I implore you to really think about you and your child first and get yourself out of this situation. Maybe there is some hope in him changing, but he isn't going to do it with you sitting there enabling him.
I am very sorry if this has come off harshly in anyway, but I only say these things because I am worried about you and your child.
First and foremost I want to welcome you to the forum. I am absolutely certain you will find a lot of support and encouragement on here as you go through life in sobriety.
I am very saddened and sorry to hear about your circumstances that you are going through. I am certain it is hard to be raising a child with a drug-dependent individual who is not only lying and stealing from you, but it is apparent that this person is making you feel miserable.
I am not going to tell you what you want to hear, but I am going to tell you what you NEED to hear. Right now you need to focus on doing what you need to do to support your child and yourself. You are not in a healthy relationship, and he is going to use and abuse you until a) you get out of the relationship, b) you run out of money or resources to support him and his habit, or c) he gets himself into a situation where it endangers not only him but you and your child as well.
I want to tell you that you need to end this relationship, but I am more inclined to say you need to RUN from this relationship and the cancer it is. If he cannot stop using and stealing from you to support his habit, then you are just not that important to him. I obviously cannot tell you what to do, but I think you already know that this is a toxic relationship and right now you need to put you and your child first.
You're absolutely right in being scared of this cycle that this man is putting you through. If you've addressed this issue and have tried to help him get past this and he is still using, then you need to realize one thing: HE ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE.
I implore you to really think about you and your child first and get yourself out of this situation. Maybe there is some hope in him changing, but he isn't going to do it with you sitting there enabling him.
I am very sorry if this has come off harshly in anyway, but I only say these things because I am worried about you and your child.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Oh my, dear one. That does sound scary. It is a vicious cycle and will likely get worse as time goes by as that is what addiction does; it progresses. What kind of support network do you currently have? Any friends or family to help you out or just be there for you? Is he willing to get help for his addiction? Have you talked about it?
At any rate: you and your child's safety is the foremost concern.
At any rate: you and your child's safety is the foremost concern.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Welcome to SR. You already know you're in an unhealthy relationship and you need away out of it. It's going to take a lot of courage on your part. Check out our friends and family section where others in your shoes are, http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
That is a scary situation you're in. Please make sure that you and your child are safe. And do check out the friends and family forum for more insight.
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