maxime

Hello Everyone,

I just found this website and joined it in a whim. I've been drinking every night for about 5 years now. It started with one bottle of wine a day and progressed to half a bottle of vodka for the last 2-3 years. I function OK during the day, albeit some shakes and vertigo. I recognize my problem (first step, as they say), but I am not able to get rid of it.

I got a DUI some years ago and all the meetings I had to go to just had the opposite affect on me. All we would talk in the meetings was alcohol consumption. So after the meeting was over, the first place I would go would be the liquor store. That experience prevents me from joining any AAA meetings.

My friends know about me drinking, but they accept me the way I am, which does not help me at all.

My family does not know about this. I have a brother who had issues with drugs and I cannot bring myself up and upset them even more.

So I was wondering if there are people out there who recognize the addiction and who want to get rid of it without immediate support. What do you do? How do you occupy yourself?

My daily routine is go to work, come home, start drinking. On the weekends I do the chores and then wait till it is 4pm to start drinking. I do not wake up in the morning wanting a drink, I actually like not having it. I think the boredom has to be a big part of it. I am single and live by myself.

How do you overcome the habit of doing nothing (which leads to drinking), being bored and wanting to do something, but being lazy about it?

Any advice would be much appreciated.

IvanMike

I can't tell you how to stay clean without the support of a 12 step fellowship.

In the NA meetings I go to, we don't talk about using, we talk about recovery.

madgirl

Well....it's early on for me, so I am no guru here ha....but here's a trick I've learned.

When I mentally absolutely take drinking off the table, so to speak, by telling myself in the morning "I will not drink today", then I find my brain scrambling for other ideas, other things to do.

Tonight it happens to be surfing SR and watching psychological thrillers on Netflix, which requires my brain to be turned on so I can follow the plots. Other nights I go to hot yoga, or walk my dog, or read, or listen to music.

I think part of getting sober is figuring out who I really am - alcohol turns us into zombies, if you really think about it.

maxime

What is 12 step fellowship?

Jim1958

I don't know if this will help you, but I finally asked myself "why am I drinking?" It is not normal to drink all the time and that is your life. It was mine. I drank beer and smoked pot daily. It got worse and worse. I knew i had a problem. It was obvious to everyone. I decided to try to help myself. I went to the library and read books on psychology and began to understand my childhood and my upbringing. I realized I was using drugs and alcohol to escape painful memories. Once I understood that, I was able to make progress. I went to counseling. I wish i had gone years eariler. I am over 4 months sober now. I go to work, I go for walks, and I don't listen to the alcoholic voice. This site is great support. Best of luck to you.

maxime

Yes, I can relate to a zombie analogy... Exercise can help, except that I've never done it in my life.

chrcarlson

maxime, an erudite post. It is one of the big problems. You have to distract yourself during your drinking hours. Posting and reading SR is a good one. Books or watching engaging movies after work. Since you're lazy like me I will not say join a gym-works for some. Call or write old friends. You really need to replace the old habit with a new one, makes it much easier. Booze wasted a lot of your time and kept you from bettering yourself. It's a good trade but will take some effort.

You need to mentally separate yourself from your Addictive Voice (AV). Realize that little voice that wants wine to relax is the addiction. When it gets under your skin tell it "Damn it I'm going for a walk!" Going for a walk can be good and not too tough to do.

FLCamper

I found visualizing to be very, very helpful: visual your self not drinking, think about how you're going to spend time without being intoxicated. It also helped me to change my habits: if you go home from work and start drinking, break that cycle. For example, when you leave work, go to a park and walk. Or, go to a gym. Go to a coffee shop and read a paper. Go to the mall. Go to the library. Just do anything that changes your routine.
I'm not big on AA myself. But, it has helped millions so you can't argue with that.
I'm sure you can look around SR and find lots of ideas. Good luck! It is well worth the effort to quit. You'll feel fabulous! Let us know how you are doing.

hellrzr

AA also helped me quit. Sounds like your negative experience was many years ago. I'm sure a lots changed for you in that time and I'm betting this time around you would have a different take on the meetings. Maybe this time around stop looking for every reason to drink and then you'll be able to see all the reasons not to drink.

Berrybean

AA can only help people who go willingly. The last time you went you weren't willing. You went along to get people off your back. Hell, you didn't even listen enough to know they were talking about 12-steps and fellowship.

I think its well worth trying some meetings again , but this time as a willing participant, who is open to learning how to stay sober. If there are meetings near you that are problem focussed where ALL they talk about is drinking, then find different ones. I tried a few and stick with the ones where people talk about the solution rather than the problem. The meetjngs you wentbto before might still be worth a go, as meetings can evolve with the change of people who attend them. Big Book study, and Step meetings tend to be good bets. Listen, and get involved by helping to set up and clear up. Chat to people before and after the meeting and in the break. They'll be glad to see you back there because you want to get sober. I think many people go along the first time as a demonstration to someone else that they're willing (their family or partner or the courts ) and then return some years later because they ARE willing.

MelindaFlowers

These things helped me be okay with not drinking every night:

*Boredom is okay and normal
*Not "doing" anything is fine. Just sit there, watch tv, that's okay
*I don't have to "feel good" all the time. I put that in quotes because I used to equate drinking with relaxation. It worked for about five years. Word all day, drink all night. But then my body was too sick to continue.

I used to envy people who just did whatever in the evenings. I felt like I always had to "do something" aka drink.

After some practice, you get used to not drinking.

I truly, truly enjoy being able to drive in the evenings. This means I can shop in the evenings. I can run errands. I go to movies in the evenings. Not drinking at night actually opens a lot of doors.

Or, I can sit at home and browse amazon and get my clothes ready for the next day.

I think sometimes there is this feeling that we're going to run marathons and volunteer at shelters and build a "tiny house" when we get sober. Sure, none of those things are bad things, but I didn't like the pressure of having to "do something" every evening when I got sober.

Working all day is very tiring! I think Facebook makes it look like everyone we know is climbing a mountain or oil painting after work. I celebrate the quiet.

endlesspatience

I hear you when you say you are single and live alone. That's a tough one because there's no one to check up on you to see if you are drinking or doing other self-destructive or unhelpful things. So, when I joined AA, I used to ring my sponsor every morning at a set time and that helped me to feel a lot less lonely and he also gave me loads of encouragement if I'd had another 24 hours sober. Even if I slip, he's encouraging me to try again. That's not the same as being destracted from drinking: it's about being supported. Of course, this Forum has a very similar function but having a friend you can talk to on the phone is great, too,

Soberwolf

By accepting my alcoholism/alcohol use disorder & working on my recovery

overforty

Exactly this
Melinda has said exactly what I wanted to say but far more eloquently

Dee74

Hi and welcome Maxime

It wasn't exactly diversion but I found I needed to have a sense of purpose.

I found that in volunteering. It got me out of the house, it got me interacting with people again and it got me doing things that I felt made a difference, however small.

I understand you work - I did not, but the same kind of purpose could be found in some interest, passion, or hobby.

Your purpose is out there, waiting for you to find it
D

madgirl

Melinda thanks for calling that out - how it's okay to just "be".

I remember years ago talking to an older guy I worked with, who said he remembered sitting on the front porch in the evenings with his parents, drinking iced tea and being quiet, listening to the sounds of the evening as the light drained out of the sky - I remember thinking that sounded so nice, so peaceful.

How do you overcome the habit of doing nothing (which leads to drinking), being bored and wanting to do something, but being lazy about it?

I don't think doing "nothing" automatically leads to drinking We are so overstimulated from television and social media that we're conditioned to think we have to be entertained every waking moment - which is exhausting, if you think about it.

least

I was able to stay sober when I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.

gallen37

For me, alcohol had my brain all backwards. I thought booze filled the void, but instead it created it. Alcohol pushed most of the healthy, sober fun out of my life.

My boredom was actually just adjusting to life without alcohol.

Fill time with sober activities and you'll realize that alcohol was stealing your spare time, not helping pass it.

frankster

"I got a DUI some years ago and all the meetings I had to go to just had the opposite affect on me. All we would talk in the meetings was alcohol consumption. So after the meeting was over, the first place I would go would be the liquor store. That experience prevents me from joining any AAA meetings."

Fair enough. But would you have gone to the liquor store anyways, whether you were attending an AA meeting or not?
Maybe you just weren't ready to stop? Some people say "AA is a trigger for me, it doesn't work." But then they drink with AA or without exactly the same. You have to want it....real bad. AA will not stop you from drinking, that's your choice. It's a support group and if you don't need support it can't help you.

I have followed just about every suggestion that was put forth by SR members after my first post. I go to AA willingly and listen. "AVRT® has shown me how to never drink again and to never change my mind." Someone posted. I googled avrt and have done it. And I'm going to do it again and again. I pray, I meditate, I do mantras. I picture alcohol as a poison(which it is) in my mind whenever I think of drinking. The skull and crossbones label has replaced my romantic vision of alcohol. . I ride my bike(exercise). I've made not drinking my #1 priority. I hangout like a bad smell on SR I do something everyday for my sobriety(taking action) I struggled through the first week and was not a happy camper. I cursed everything and everyone even this website as you can see if you read my old posts. You can do it. Without support chances are slim. Not to sound discouraging, it's just a fact. I wish you the best of luck in your fight against alcohol. Never give up.

Phillyphan8811

I think there are a lot of hobbies out there that can help. I initially went to AA when I got sober and it was good for a couple of months but ultimately not for me.

I find myself marathoning tv shows, spending time with my G/F and dog, exercising, playing board games, playing sports and these are just a few of the hobbies i've embraced. Someone has already mentioned it but it's great to be able to get in your car any time you want without worrying about consequences. Spend time with friends and family outside a bar. That is probably the best start possible.