Where I am
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 10
Where I am
I made the decision to start today, and this is my first post.
Where was I? Playing video games and avoiding all responsibility by drinking... And drinking more. I'm young. To give more perspective, I was in high school in 2010 when my brother died of a heroin overdose. Almost 6 years later and I'm still not over it. I just so happened to turn 21 the year I broke up with my ex, it was an abusive relationship, and I drank so much and ate so little that my blood pressure dropped and I couldn't stand up after getting my hair cut. Almost 6 months after breaking up with my ex, I got assaulted. There I was, and now I'm here. Sometimes I regret breaking up with my ex because of the assault, and sometimes I just drink about it to forget.
I told my friend yesterday, after a bottle of wine and a pint of Jack, that tomorrow was the day I stopped doing this **** and actually pulled my life back together. Today is that day I clean my house and take better care of my dog and cat. Where I was is nothing compared to where I want to be, but I'm very scared.
I'm afraid of all of the emotions coming back and dealing with anxiety. I'm very afraid of what my social life may turn out to be, especially because I'm still in college. I'm worried a lot of people won't like who I am sober. I'm much more quiet, withdrawn, and introverted... But I'm also hardheaded and I've made the decision that today is the day and I'm sticking to it because yesterday was where I was and where I was wasn't me.
Where was I? Playing video games and avoiding all responsibility by drinking... And drinking more. I'm young. To give more perspective, I was in high school in 2010 when my brother died of a heroin overdose. Almost 6 years later and I'm still not over it. I just so happened to turn 21 the year I broke up with my ex, it was an abusive relationship, and I drank so much and ate so little that my blood pressure dropped and I couldn't stand up after getting my hair cut. Almost 6 months after breaking up with my ex, I got assaulted. There I was, and now I'm here. Sometimes I regret breaking up with my ex because of the assault, and sometimes I just drink about it to forget.
I told my friend yesterday, after a bottle of wine and a pint of Jack, that tomorrow was the day I stopped doing this **** and actually pulled my life back together. Today is that day I clean my house and take better care of my dog and cat. Where I was is nothing compared to where I want to be, but I'm very scared.
I'm afraid of all of the emotions coming back and dealing with anxiety. I'm very afraid of what my social life may turn out to be, especially because I'm still in college. I'm worried a lot of people won't like who I am sober. I'm much more quiet, withdrawn, and introverted... But I'm also hardheaded and I've made the decision that today is the day and I'm sticking to it because yesterday was where I was and where I was wasn't me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome Illumin00bi!
Sounds like you had some awful things happen to you, and decided alcohol would solve your problems. Boy, can I relate to that.
I'm so sorry you lost your brother. I don't think you get over something like that without some help. Have you been to counseling? That may help you find the tools to cope with your loss and also the abusive relationship with your ex.
You made an awesome decision to stop with the drinking first. I couldn't solve any of my problems while drinking. In fact, drinking made them ten times worse.
Of course you're scared, I think we all were when we decided to quit. Do you have a family Doctor you can see? I don't know your drinking history, but it's always best to consult a professional when you stop.
You may want to check out our Newcomer's Forum. The support is awesome.
Newcomers to Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Sounds like you had some awful things happen to you, and decided alcohol would solve your problems. Boy, can I relate to that.
I'm so sorry you lost your brother. I don't think you get over something like that without some help. Have you been to counseling? That may help you find the tools to cope with your loss and also the abusive relationship with your ex.
You made an awesome decision to stop with the drinking first. I couldn't solve any of my problems while drinking. In fact, drinking made them ten times worse.
Of course you're scared, I think we all were when we decided to quit. Do you have a family Doctor you can see? I don't know your drinking history, but it's always best to consult a professional when you stop.
You may want to check out our Newcomer's Forum. The support is awesome.
Newcomers to Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Opivotal 
Welcome Illumin00bi!
Sounds like you had some awful things happen to you, and decided alcohol would solve your problems. Boy, can I relate to that.
I'm so sorry you lost your brother. I don't think you get over something like that without some help. Have you been to counseling? That may help you find the tools to cope with your loss and also the abusive relationship with your ex.
You made an awesome decision to stop with the drinking first. I couldn't solve any of my problems while drinking. In fact, drinking made them ten times worse.
Of course you're scared, I think we all were when we decided to quit. Do you have a family Doctor you can see? I don't know your drinking history, but it's always best to consult a professional when you stop.
You may want to check out our Newcomer's Forum. The support is awesome.
Sounds like you had some awful things happen to you, and decided alcohol would solve your problems. Boy, can I relate to that.
I'm so sorry you lost your brother. I don't think you get over something like that without some help. Have you been to counseling? That may help you find the tools to cope with your loss and also the abusive relationship with your ex.
You made an awesome decision to stop with the drinking first. I couldn't solve any of my problems while drinking. In fact, drinking made them ten times worse.
Of course you're scared, I think we all were when we decided to quit. Do you have a family Doctor you can see? I don't know your drinking history, but it's always best to consult a professional when you stop.
You may want to check out our Newcomer's Forum. The support is awesome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 10
Day 2 update :)
Yesterday I was shaky up until I fell asleep. I woke up feeling groggy today, but still better than typically I suppose.
Anyways, one of the biggest things was telling my friends last night while playing video games. There were a couple who were like, "hell yeah you've got this! Tell me if you need anything and don't be afraid to vent to me" which was awesome... But then I have this one friend who can literally say the most insensitive and ignorant things from time to time. Last night, while playing Doom with this person of romantic interest, that friend joined my party chat with someone else. I wasn't doing so hot in the game and my friend says, "drink some wine!! Go drink some wine, you'll do better!" and would say, "have a drink" from time to time. Because this friend says ignorant things a lot, I immediately told him to stop, that I wasn't going to drink, and that I would kick him from my party if he ever said it again.
Along with that, I did find it a bit difficult to sit there playing video games without drinking. It's such a go-to thing that it was strange to not pick up the bottle beside me in between games and loading screens.
On the other hand, I remember everything from last night. I remember talking to them, though I talk a lot less when I don't drink, and still having a good time. I remember saying goodnight and I remember talking to the person of romantic interest once we stopped playing.
For me, and I'm sure many others, it's going to really be the emotional and social aspect more so than physical. I'm still driven and excited to stop feeling so groggy and get back to being healthy again!
Anyways, one of the biggest things was telling my friends last night while playing video games. There were a couple who were like, "hell yeah you've got this! Tell me if you need anything and don't be afraid to vent to me" which was awesome... But then I have this one friend who can literally say the most insensitive and ignorant things from time to time. Last night, while playing Doom with this person of romantic interest, that friend joined my party chat with someone else. I wasn't doing so hot in the game and my friend says, "drink some wine!! Go drink some wine, you'll do better!" and would say, "have a drink" from time to time. Because this friend says ignorant things a lot, I immediately told him to stop, that I wasn't going to drink, and that I would kick him from my party if he ever said it again.
Along with that, I did find it a bit difficult to sit there playing video games without drinking. It's such a go-to thing that it was strange to not pick up the bottle beside me in between games and loading screens.
On the other hand, I remember everything from last night. I remember talking to them, though I talk a lot less when I don't drink, and still having a good time. I remember saying goodnight and I remember talking to the person of romantic interest once we stopped playing.
For me, and I'm sure many others, it's going to really be the emotional and social aspect more so than physical. I'm still driven and excited to stop feeling so groggy and get back to being healthy again!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
You did great Illumin00bi! Stuck to your plan and set boundaries for your friend.
I bet you felt pretty good this morning too.
It was hard for me in early recovery to participate in activities where I normally drank. I don't give alcohol a second thought now, but that took some time.
Be careful to protect your sobriety at all costs, until you can handle being around it. This may mean removing yourself from certain situations. In the long run it's so worth it.
Were you able to check out any resources on campus? You can never have enough support in my opinion.
Here's a great link ..
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
I bet you felt pretty good this morning too.
It was hard for me in early recovery to participate in activities where I normally drank. I don't give alcohol a second thought now, but that took some time.
Be careful to protect your sobriety at all costs, until you can handle being around it. This may mean removing yourself from certain situations. In the long run it's so worth it.
Were you able to check out any resources on campus? You can never have enough support in my opinion.
Here's a great link ..
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
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