Where I am
I made the decision to start today, and this is my first post.
Where was I? Playing video games and avoiding all responsibility by drinking... And drinking more. I'm young. To give more perspective, I was in high school in 2010 when my brother died of a heroin overdose. Almost 6 years later and I'm still not over it. I just so happened to turn 21 the year I broke up with my ex, it was an abusive relationship, and I drank so much and ate so little that my blood pressure dropped and I couldn't stand up after getting my hair cut. Almost 6 months after breaking up with my ex, I got assaulted. There I was, and now I'm here. Sometimes I regret breaking up with my ex because of the assault, and sometimes I just drink about it to forget.
I told my friend yesterday, after a bottle of wine and a pint of Jack, that tomorrow was the day I stopped doing this **** and actually pulled my life back together. Today is that day I clean my house and take better care of my dog and cat. Where I was is nothing compared to where I want to be, but I'm very scared.
I'm afraid of all of the emotions coming back and dealing with anxiety. I'm very afraid of what my social life may turn out to be, especially because I'm still in college. I'm worried a lot of people won't like who I am sober. I'm much more quiet, withdrawn, and introverted... But I'm also hardheaded and I've made the decision that today is the day and I'm sticking to it because yesterday was where I was and where I was wasn't me.