CapitalJ

Alcohol is pure evil. I have had a drinking problem for the last ten years but it's getting worse. I can't handle the depression and shame anymore. Missed work again today due to a solo Sunday bender. I have been to AA before but always go back to my old ways. At this point I don't have a future if I drink. It's killing me.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR CapitalJ. Just because AA didn't work the first time doesn't mean you shouldn't keep trying. There are lots of folks here who use AA and also lots who use other methods, you can read about many of them here.

The key for me was first to accept my problem and in turn accept that drinking even one drink is never an option for me. Once that happened it was a lot easier to make ( and stay with ) a plan.

Anna

Welcome, and we do understand how you feel.

I was so very low when I finally stopped drinking and just overwhelmed with guilt, shame and depression. There is hope and you can heal and be the person you want to be.

This link will give lots of ideas for how to get and stay sober. It's a good idea to have a plan in mind:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

MyShadow

Hello there,

Having drank for almost 25 yrs, I will tell you can't beat or give up on yourself. I have spent most of the past year quitting alcohol. Each time I failed, I learned something to use for the next battle. It took a long time to get here and for me it's going to take a long time to get out. So hang in there, and learn from your mistakes. So the next time the Devil comes for a Dance, you can be prepared.

least

Welcome to the family. In order to get and stay sober, you must want to be sober more than you want to drink. Not easy, but simple.

CapitalJ

I have messed up so much when I actually think of the things I have done I don't know how I'm still alive. I have been through this before but the physical and emotional pain is becoming unbearable. I always say never again, but always end up back on the bottle. I have tried therapy in the past as well as AA. I never want to drink again but it's daunting.

butcher70

Best advise I can give you is talk to your doctor about what's going on and have them help you with a plan for detox. They are the only ones that can help you do it safe and make dextox not suck as bad. After detox try to get some sort of treatment. If your work has an human resources director get them also on board to help you with the problem and to cover your bases cause your gonna miss more work to help kick booze. They have to help you get help. After detox try to do in patient vs out patient treatment. I know that sounds like too much but I know for me and numerous others that have got sober going back home after detox to an old playground surrounded by memmories is almost always a setup for relapse. For me it was, every time. Time away at treatment can give you thirty days or more to focus on sobriety and get tools for dealing with the cravings that never really stop but do lessen over time. Most of the times employers know something is going on when the employee starts missing work often and we often don't keep our drinking near as hidden as we think. Allot of people at all cost do not want there place of work knowing they have a drinking problem, I was one and hid it to the end. It cost me that job which cost me my house and a whole bunch more done the line. Best advise I can give you because you sound allot like I did. Get detoxed. get help and a good follow up plan in place to beat cravings. You can do this!!! And you will never regret it!!! Best of luck and keep your head up!!

Dee74

Hi Capital J

I was an all day everyday drinker by the end. That was nearly ten years ago now.

It took a lot of effort and a lot of change to my life, but quitting the booze was simply the best thing I've ever done

If I can do it, you can too - you'll find a ton of support and good ideas here

D

CapitalJ

I really can't keep up this binging. I can't stop drinking once I start and it's getting worse. I go out on a Friday or sat night, stay up all night and then end up going on a bender the next day too. The hangovers are getting worse too I'm shaking like a leaf all day. I feel angry that I can't drink like a normal person but I'm running out of lives. I don't even know how many times I have been arrested, hospitalized and in court due to drinking. I now loose control every time and it's scary.

soberclover

Yup. It is scary...and completely unnecessary. It has been such a relief to me not to have to live my life like that anymore. My life is so much more uncomplicated. Sure it isn't perfect at times but I'm living my life. I wasn't living before...I was slowly killing myself because of completely loosing control. I hope you can do whatever it is that you need to do. Perhaps consulting a doctor about medically detoxing. In time you will stop feeling angry that you cannot drink....it will get better.

ru12

It doesn't seem that drinking is too much fun for you at this point is it? I got to that point as well. There is absolutely nothing of value in those bottles. Alcohol will add nothing but misery and devestation to your life. The single best thing I've done for myself was to stop drinking alcohol. You can do this too.

bluedog97

Alcohol took over my life as well. It went from a few beers after work and progressed to all day drinking some days. It's a good idea to quit before things get even worse. There's a lot of support here, welcome!

Hevyn

I'm really glad you're here, CapitalJ. It helps to talk things over with those who've been in the same situation.

I was drinking the way you are when I finally admitted I could never be a social drinker. I wasted years trying to use willpower to just enjoy a few. It never worked even once. Each drink led to 10 - and lost time at work, ruined relationships, poor health, danger. The days of it being 'fun' are gone, & they're never coming back. I'm glad you realize you can't go on this way. Welcome - we can do this together.

Berrybean

Well, you were willing to give alcohol a second go. Why not AA? Not just meetings though. I mean actually working the program. It's when you apply the principles of AA to all areas of our lives that we see and feel a change.

Delilah1

Welcome to SR, you will find lots of support on here. I am getting close to 4 and a half months after a few years of repeating Day one. I am done with that, and I'm feeling much better. The thoughts of drinking happen much less often, and when they do I know I can log on here for support.

Looking forward to seeing you on here!

CapitalJ

So I am half way through my work day and it has been painful to say the least. Last night was rough. Some of the worst night terrors I have ever had. My fiance text to say she doesn't want to get married after my weekend escapades so the depression is getting pretty bad. I couldn't get up when she got home last night, she wanted to talk then but I was so sick I think I had alcohol poisoning. I have lost count of many second chances I have had so I am just hopeful I can get one last one. I really want to change this time. If i don't i wont live to see 30! I left a message with my addiction therapist so hopefully I can get an appointment for this weekend.

Berrybean

To be honest, you will need to be focusing on recovery, not wedding plans for a while anyway. Weddings are stressful and time consuming. She sounds sensible, which might not be what you want to hear at the moment, but is good in the long term.

What are your plans for sustaining your sobriety? Honestly. Self pity isn't any friend of our at all in recovery recovery. It might feel like we're being kind and gentle to ourselves, but it's a silken noose. Gratitude gets us much further.

butcher70

My friend this looks damn near verbatim of something I would have wrote almost three years ago. I sure as hell am not a relationship counsellor. But give your fiancée time to cool down. She's probably really frustrated. Not knowing all the particulers. If she sees your actions and sees that your taking your alcohol addiction head on and making plans to beat it and executing them it might change how she is feeling. Make a doctor's apt and see if they can get you something for the detox or they may recommend you going somewhere. Doc also may be able to help with the anxiety. Please do not do what I did!! Which was throw in the towel and keep drinking!! My fiancee did leave me when I would not stop. Show her your relationship with the bottle is done! It's gonna be tough but you sure as hell can do it!! I'm pulling for you man!!

CapitalJ

Thanks for all the support. I am going to take it one day at a time. I always thought I could take control and be a normal drinker, but I have been fooling myself. Its getting worse and starting to spiral. Nearly every time i drink now it turns into a bender, then when I am drinking it never ends up being just drink. Anyone could put anything in my hand it it would be straight up my nose or down my neck. Hell i first got arrested when I was 15 and spent the next 7 years going from one cell and courtroom to another. I would only ever get in trouble when drinking though and could hold it together in school and college. I have managed to get a good job. I always thought i would outgrow being a problem drinker. But the problem is getting worse. It still scares the absolute life out of me if I will be able to stop, but at this stage if I keep drinking that scares me more. All of my friends drink, all of my acquaintances drink, more or less everyone I know drinks. I come from a big drinking culture (Irish). But at this stage its time to see the wood from the trees. Addiction runs rife in my family. I believe 2 of my sisters have bigger problems than me, my uncle died alone and an alcoholic, he wasn't found for a week! I don't want to go like that. Everything I do its to the extreme - gambling, smoking, and of course drinking. I know now that if I don't beat the bottle now, its going to beat me sooner rather than later. Of this I am sure.

ru12

Capital, look, you control your hands. You decide what to pick up and pour into your mouth. You. Don't worry about what other people are doing. Let them nurse their hangovers. You could be going through your last hangover! Just think of it... You never have to feel this way again. How cool is that?

The first step us to put the drink down and never pick it up again. Then you can come to terms with that decision by having a recovery plan. Personally I was so thrilled when I finally realized that I had my last drunk and didn't have to drink that muck anymore.