OT - How do you know when...
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
OT - How do you know when...
So dear F&F, I have been struggling with a couple items a lot recently. (Well, honestly more than just a couple, but I'll try to stick to just a couple today.) I could use a sounding board. If I bring it up with my sister who lives here, all I'll get is 1,000,001 reasons of why I need to stay. If I bring it up with my other sister, brother or Mom, I'll get 1,000,001 reasons to move closer to them. Dad, well, he'd try to be objective, but I know the discussion would make him sad. I love them all, but man, I have all those reasons and more, already... So:
A year and a half ago, I left a truly toxic work environment and started work at the office where I currently work. It’s a job with less responsibility and therefore less pay - I've since been promoted with a pay increase, but both are still less than the former location, and I’m OK with that. This office has its issues, and they're not nearly as stress-inducing or horrid as the last location, but I'm not happy here. I don’t expect to be over-the-top-happy about work every day and I don’t hate it, but I find it plenty annoying almost daily, and I’m starting to feel like that’s a pretty stupid way to spend my days. I’m having a really hard time determining if it’s something I’m doing, decisions I’m making on where to work, or something that I’m only slowly becoming aware of in office dynamics. (i.e. Are all offices like *this*?)
I’ve been researching jobs and areas outside (i.e. in other states). But I find myself, understandably, qualified for jobs pretty much like what I’m doing now. I find myself wondering: Is it the job/industry that I don’t like? Or just this office? (and the last office) Would doing something else NOT be this annoying? If so, what? Or is it just that I’m stuck in cr---y attitude and just need to get over it?
It’s entirely possible that it’s my attitude. I’m flippin tired by the end of the day – I always put it down to how much I have to deal with people, but I’m just now realizing I should probably make an appointment to see my dr. to rule out medical causes. AND on top of that, I’ve just started paperwork to let the court know that AXH isn’t paying child support or his ½ of DS’s medical. Once I get it pulled together, I may run it past an attorney – or I might just file, IDK. So I’m feeling drained emotionally and mentally. Anyway, the two questions:
1. When do you know if your dissatisfaction with your place of employment is valid and it's truly time to look elsewhere? and
2. When is looking to move NOT pulling a geographical?
A year and a half ago, I left a truly toxic work environment and started work at the office where I currently work. It’s a job with less responsibility and therefore less pay - I've since been promoted with a pay increase, but both are still less than the former location, and I’m OK with that. This office has its issues, and they're not nearly as stress-inducing or horrid as the last location, but I'm not happy here. I don’t expect to be over-the-top-happy about work every day and I don’t hate it, but I find it plenty annoying almost daily, and I’m starting to feel like that’s a pretty stupid way to spend my days. I’m having a really hard time determining if it’s something I’m doing, decisions I’m making on where to work, or something that I’m only slowly becoming aware of in office dynamics. (i.e. Are all offices like *this*?)
I’ve been researching jobs and areas outside (i.e. in other states). But I find myself, understandably, qualified for jobs pretty much like what I’m doing now. I find myself wondering: Is it the job/industry that I don’t like? Or just this office? (and the last office) Would doing something else NOT be this annoying? If so, what? Or is it just that I’m stuck in cr---y attitude and just need to get over it?
It’s entirely possible that it’s my attitude. I’m flippin tired by the end of the day – I always put it down to how much I have to deal with people, but I’m just now realizing I should probably make an appointment to see my dr. to rule out medical causes. AND on top of that, I’ve just started paperwork to let the court know that AXH isn’t paying child support or his ½ of DS’s medical. Once I get it pulled together, I may run it past an attorney – or I might just file, IDK. So I’m feeling drained emotionally and mentally. Anyway, the two questions:
1. When do you know if your dissatisfaction with your place of employment is valid and it's truly time to look elsewhere? and
2. When is looking to move NOT pulling a geographical?
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
This is tough, tough stuff, and it is so hard to look at objectively when you're in the midst of it.
When I was a practicing attorney, I was miserable. I enjoyed the subject matter of my practice area, but I hated the culture in law firms. I worked in four different firms, each one smaller than the before it, hoping that the issues would get better in smaller firms. Nope. I didn't like spending my days making rich people richer, or the "eat what you kill" environment in law firms. I found that I did not fit in with most of the other lawyers at every single firm I worked at.
Ultimately, the legal job market made the decision for me. I got downsized at my last firm, and the legal job market was TERRIBLE. STBXAH had just gotten that factory job, and we left Chicagoland and moved 60 miles north into Wisconsin. I spent a year in a very undemanding contract job at a large international bank. During that year, my mother died, and things with STBXAH got much, much worse. Three months after my contract at the bank ended, I started my current government job.
The trauma of losing my job and having to move were AWFUL. But, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, professionally. Being in a job I love made it much easier for me to make progress in my recovery.
I do think that most offices have one form of dysfunction or another. It's rare to find a place without that stuff. But some dysfunctions are easier to tolerate than others. Do you journal at all? If so, maybe take some time to write out exactly what is frustrating you. I also agree that it's a good idea to see your doctor for the usual battery of tests--thyroid, iron, vitamin D, etc.
When I was a practicing attorney, I was miserable. I enjoyed the subject matter of my practice area, but I hated the culture in law firms. I worked in four different firms, each one smaller than the before it, hoping that the issues would get better in smaller firms. Nope. I didn't like spending my days making rich people richer, or the "eat what you kill" environment in law firms. I found that I did not fit in with most of the other lawyers at every single firm I worked at.
Ultimately, the legal job market made the decision for me. I got downsized at my last firm, and the legal job market was TERRIBLE. STBXAH had just gotten that factory job, and we left Chicagoland and moved 60 miles north into Wisconsin. I spent a year in a very undemanding contract job at a large international bank. During that year, my mother died, and things with STBXAH got much, much worse. Three months after my contract at the bank ended, I started my current government job.
The trauma of losing my job and having to move were AWFUL. But, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, professionally. Being in a job I love made it much easier for me to make progress in my recovery.
I do think that most offices have one form of dysfunction or another. It's rare to find a place without that stuff. But some dysfunctions are easier to tolerate than others. Do you journal at all? If so, maybe take some time to write out exactly what is frustrating you. I also agree that it's a good idea to see your doctor for the usual battery of tests--thyroid, iron, vitamin D, etc.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Every job has its annoyances. Overall, you strike me as someone with a pretty decent/healthy outlook on life, so I suspect it isn't "just you."
It doesn't sound like it's so bad you need to run without thinking through your options, though, so why don't you plan to spend a few weeks brainstorming job/career possibilities? Do you like the field/type of work you're doing? Do you think something related to the same field would be good, or are you sick of doing this kind of work and wishing you had the qualifications to go in a completely different direction?
If money/qualifications were not issues, what would be your dream job/career?
It doesn't sound like it's so bad you need to run without thinking through your options, though, so why don't you plan to spend a few weeks brainstorming job/career possibilities? Do you like the field/type of work you're doing? Do you think something related to the same field would be good, or are you sick of doing this kind of work and wishing you had the qualifications to go in a completely different direction?
If money/qualifications were not issues, what would be your dream job/career?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
It's just a paycheck. It *should* be more; it *could* be, but it's not more than that for me. I don't feel that connection. But, I’m not sure if that’s just because of how I’m approaching my days lately? I often feel like Joanna in the movie “Office Space” and her confusion about the minimum flair: “Okay. So… you want me to wear more?” Only to ultimately be told only, “Now if you feel that the bare minimum is enough, then okay. But some people choose to wear more, and we encourage that, okay?” That’s no kind of answer. I think I’m feeling untethered, kind of lost, having no direction. Is this a midlife crisis? (Because that thought’s making me feel old and like I just need to suck it up and keep working.) And honestly, every time I find myself extremely annoyed and tempted to express myself in a non-constructive way, I remember AXH and his habit of quitting jobs because they “disrespected” him. And that makes me want to just sit down, shut up and keep on plodding along, because I don’t want to be anything like him at all. Not that I feel they don’t respect me, but some of the office politics are just meaningless.
I’ve been researching areas and looking at the open jobs since before I left my last job. Applied for a couple, ultimately (obviously) not selected. I took the LSAT a few years back, because I thought law school and work might be good – visions of doing the legal research related to Alaska land laws, ANILCA, and Indian law, but there’s so much more to any legal job than just researching…
What would my dream job be… I have absolutely no idea. I have to say that the first thing that immediately jumps to mind is computer forensics, but honestly, I don’t really know what that entails. My favorite part of the last job was when I got to sit with the engineers to figure out what it was they needed to see in the projects and why. It was totally the learning the general engineering, telecommunications and civil engineering info, but I really can’t be a professional student and make money.
So would it be pulling a geographical only if I was going only because I thought it’d automatically be better in a new location?
I’ve been researching areas and looking at the open jobs since before I left my last job. Applied for a couple, ultimately (obviously) not selected. I took the LSAT a few years back, because I thought law school and work might be good – visions of doing the legal research related to Alaska land laws, ANILCA, and Indian law, but there’s so much more to any legal job than just researching…
What would my dream job be… I have absolutely no idea. I have to say that the first thing that immediately jumps to mind is computer forensics, but honestly, I don’t really know what that entails. My favorite part of the last job was when I got to sit with the engineers to figure out what it was they needed to see in the projects and why. It was totally the learning the general engineering, telecommunications and civil engineering info, but I really can’t be a professional student and make money.
So would it be pulling a geographical only if I was going only because I thought it’d automatically be better in a new location?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Actually, some legal jobs ARE mostly researching--I had a job as a "legal editor" that involved almost no writing--about all I did all day was read cases and interpret them. As a former trial lawyer, I wanted to blow my brains out after a few months. I actually do enjoy legal research, but not as a steady diet. Many law firms, as well as nonprofits, use paralegals to conduct legal research. That isn't nearly as much of a commitment (or expense) as law school.
It sounds like you enjoy problem-solving. So a job that would allow you to put those skills to work sounds like it might be a good fit. It also sounds like you'd like work for a company/cause whose work you believe in. That can be very rewarding, too.
You might try looking into jobs with nonprofits. I've discovered (now that I'm working for one) that there is a certain level of BS that goes along with those jobs, too--you sometimes have to comply with grant requirements, etc., and there's still a lot of "politics" that go along with it.
It's good to examine one's motives, but at the same time, there are legitimate reasons that some jobs are a better "fit" for one person than another. Nothing wrong with trying to find your niche.
It sounds like you enjoy problem-solving. So a job that would allow you to put those skills to work sounds like it might be a good fit. It also sounds like you'd like work for a company/cause whose work you believe in. That can be very rewarding, too.
You might try looking into jobs with nonprofits. I've discovered (now that I'm working for one) that there is a certain level of BS that goes along with those jobs, too--you sometimes have to comply with grant requirements, etc., and there's still a lot of "politics" that go along with it.
It's good to examine one's motives, but at the same time, there are legitimate reasons that some jobs are a better "fit" for one person than another. Nothing wrong with trying to find your niche.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
Have you thought of talking to a career coach? Even though I'm twenty years past graduation, my college has a career counselor/coach just for alumni and there is no charge for services (I suspect this is one way to surreptitiously hustle for donations but I'm glad she's there.). I have had friends who have had positive experiences with coaches.
Informational interviews are a great way to find out about a particular field. Even if you approach them cold, most people are extremely flattered that somebody has taken note of their work and was impressed enough with that work to reach out to them. And it's a great way of expanding your professional network.
I just read this story and you might find it encouraging.... An Auto Engineer Returns to Work After 24 Years Raising Children - WSJ
Informational interviews are a great way to find out about a particular field. Even if you approach them cold, most people are extremely flattered that somebody has taken note of their work and was impressed enough with that work to reach out to them. And it's a great way of expanding your professional network.
I just read this story and you might find it encouraging.... An Auto Engineer Returns to Work After 24 Years Raising Children - WSJ
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Great idea, the informational interviews. I've met with several people considering law school, or current law students, to talk to them about what it's like to be a prosecutor. I'm happy to do it, and they get a good sense of what's involved in the job.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Update
Well, Summer so far has been a giant schedule puzzle between work, projects and all the stuff I've signed DS up for to cover my work hours. I've started researching organizations/companies, but haven't been able to schedule any informational interviews. However, it's starting to sound like I might be able to open up more possibilities at my current job.
Long story (fairly) short - as we work on projects, my team is trying to set up templates for our agreements, so we can run the templates through Legal for approval. The idea is that our department will cease to use the forms from the agencies we work with, and with the templates approved, we won't have to run each and every agreement through Legal - just the ones where sections of language are revised. This is one thing I love to do: drafting and revising agreements. And I'm good at it. Documents sent to Legal for the final review still come back with red ink, but not much, and few came back with thank you's for doing the initial work.
Anyway, in a meeting yesterday to review the initial draft of the latest agreement, the director for the department (who has no idea I sat for the LSAT) stopped, set down his pen and asked, "How hard would I have to work to convince you to take business law courses?"
So, it sounds like: 1. I can get approval to take a couple courses each year, and 2. I may be able to shift the focus of my position over time and with some work on my part. While there isn't a law school in the state, the local campus does offer paralegal certification. So if I can keep on working through the petty annoyances within this office, I'll be able to work towards that.
Long story (fairly) short - as we work on projects, my team is trying to set up templates for our agreements, so we can run the templates through Legal for approval. The idea is that our department will cease to use the forms from the agencies we work with, and with the templates approved, we won't have to run each and every agreement through Legal - just the ones where sections of language are revised. This is one thing I love to do: drafting and revising agreements. And I'm good at it. Documents sent to Legal for the final review still come back with red ink, but not much, and few came back with thank you's for doing the initial work.
Anyway, in a meeting yesterday to review the initial draft of the latest agreement, the director for the department (who has no idea I sat for the LSAT) stopped, set down his pen and asked, "How hard would I have to work to convince you to take business law courses?"
So, it sounds like: 1. I can get approval to take a couple courses each year, and 2. I may be able to shift the focus of my position over time and with some work on my part. While there isn't a law school in the state, the local campus does offer paralegal certification. So if I can keep on working through the petty annoyances within this office, I'll be able to work towards that.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I like it--it will give you a taste of doing that sort of work and you can have the chance to decide whether to plunge more deeply into it. In the meantime, it sounds like you're getting some satisfaction from doing this kind of work.
Sounds like a great opportunity!
Sounds like a great opportunity!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
theuncertainty, I'm so glad to hear how things have worked out for you! I feel like stuff like this happens w/some regularity once we start recovery, start looking at our reasons/motives, start thinking before knee-jerk reacting and start remaining open to possibilities and being able to recognize them when they come around.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
More to share:
I just logged onto courtview to check on the status of the motion to enforce child support that I filed this past spring. Last week, my motion was granted. I haven't received the paperwork yet (and it's not something that's posted to the site), so I don't know if they're including all of the old medical/dental (some of it dates back to 2012), but it was granted. Basically, what I'd asked for was 1. AXH is supposed to report to the State where he's working by a certain date and 2. If he doesn't reimburse me for his past-due share of DS's uncovered medical and dental expenses by a set date, I can request that it be added to the child support amount that the State is trying to collect.
Which I know, sounds weird: being happy about adding it to something he's not paying, but with the State, it'll accrue interest and there's the possibility of getting partial payment off his tax returns. And now the court knows he's not abiding by ANY of the court order, so it'll be harder for him to come back and say he's been doing "everything everyone's asked him to".
Aaaaaand: My uncle is up visiting and when he found out DS had the day off between camps today, he asked if he could take him to go carts. So, Kiddobean is currently racing around a track on a beautiful sunny day.
I just logged onto courtview to check on the status of the motion to enforce child support that I filed this past spring. Last week, my motion was granted. I haven't received the paperwork yet (and it's not something that's posted to the site), so I don't know if they're including all of the old medical/dental (some of it dates back to 2012), but it was granted. Basically, what I'd asked for was 1. AXH is supposed to report to the State where he's working by a certain date and 2. If he doesn't reimburse me for his past-due share of DS's uncovered medical and dental expenses by a set date, I can request that it be added to the child support amount that the State is trying to collect.
Which I know, sounds weird: being happy about adding it to something he's not paying, but with the State, it'll accrue interest and there's the possibility of getting partial payment off his tax returns. And now the court knows he's not abiding by ANY of the court order, so it'll be harder for him to come back and say he's been doing "everything everyone's asked him to".
Aaaaaand: My uncle is up visiting and when he found out DS had the day off between camps today, he asked if he could take him to go carts. So, Kiddobean is currently racing around a track on a beautiful sunny day.
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