jt22

I can't seem to be able to step back and think about what i'm doing when i start to crave. If it's there i'll do it. Simply avoiding things isn't going to last, eventually i'll need the power to say no. I caught myself looking through my house for pills tonight(i knew there were none though), the problem is the boredom and loneliness. I'm getting depressed i don't think i can take another weekend inside doing nothing. I exercise and keep as many healthy habits as i can, i try to play video games, read things online, read recovery stuff, really anything to just kill time. I feel like i'm just wasting time hoping something happens out of the blue, but i know it doesn't usually work like that. What is there to do by yourself on a saturday night?! This is like mental torture for me. I'm 2 weeks clean from my last slip up, and probably a month or so since i was physically addicted to opiates. I know it takes time for the brain to straighten out, i'm okay with that, my issue is that i don't know if i'll be able to continue being sober with hardly anyone in my life to turn to. Sometimes i even catch myself thinking "oh well i posted on the forums, i can use, i'll always be able to get help and quit at some point". I know that's messed up, but it goes through my mind.

Anyway yeah, not sure there's any help or advice to get for this, just feels better to get it off my chest.

Dee74

Hi Jt

I had great results with a thing called urge surfing.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

I hope the link is self explanatory.

Like any skill it may take a little time to master but it really worked for me.

It stopped cravings from being a unshakeable obsessional urge to use.

I found that cravings really did pass on their own, without me having to scratch that itch.

D

AnvilheadII

it really helps when we quit giving certain DAYS or EVENTS such power......so yeah, it's saturday........that's the day after Friday....nothing more nothing less. we spent the latter half of the day doing yardwork and housework.....trying to beat back the winter slaughter on our property (Pacific NW - record breaking rains, winds, storms).

now have the Final Four on, burger thawed - got the grill cleaned up and ready to go.

don't WAIT for "something" to happen.....get busy. i'm sure within a 50 foot perimeter of where you are now there are many things that need tending, care, tidying, cleaning. thre are also AA/NA meetings held every night in most every city somewhere.

jt22

Thanks for the link Dee, read through that and i'm definitely going to give that a try. I've been interested in meditation lately and that seems like it'll go along nicely with it.

As for giving the days power, i guess you're right. I tend to think i should be doing something fun on *these days*. Problem with the weekend is, it is a lot different. I see less people usually, have fewer plans, and all around have more time to sit with my thoughts. There are definitely things i could be tidying up and cleaning, but it tends to trigger obsessive thinking for me, so i usually don't clean until I have to. By this i mean, if i sweep the floor it'll lead me to having the urge to clean my entire house, and my mind will start racing. This turns into a few hours worth of mental anxiety and uneasinesses. I also don't have enough fun or social interaction in my life. This makes me generally miserable a lot of the time.

Dee74

Yeah its definitely connected with mindfulness jt

D

AnvilheadII

what does FUN look like to you?

don't lose sight of the fact that you HAVE a home, a secure roof over your head, food in the fridge, and possibilities. in recovery GRATITUDE is stressed often.....to be glad and appreciative of what we DO have....sobriety, sanity, today.

i learned that life does not have to be DISNEYWORLD every day. simple pleasures. the smell of fresh cut grass. the gleam of dusted surfaces. gleaming whites out of the wash. the hummingbird at the feeder. the 125# bulldog who still looks like a puppy when she's sleeping. SUNSHINE....i mean i hauled out SHORTS today!???

find your gratitude...........

jt22

Fun to me is being happy without worries. You're right about being grateful, trust me i try to remind myself a lot of what i have. I have worries that i could lose my house and everything at any moment though. I worry a lot about what the future will bring. I don't have a job atm or an education. i have mental issues that mess with me a lot and make it hard to tell myself to be happy and grateful. I feel like nothing good will last in my life so why bother. Using drugs is basically what i did instead of trying to kill myself. I don't want to die though and have no plans for that, it was just usually my mindset when i've relapsed.

AnvilheadII

YOU are worth it.

teatreeoil007

Amen to getting it off your chest! Dang, I wish I could clean my whole house after just sweeping the kitchen. Seriously, my struggle tends to be energy lags and having too much I need to get done; not getting everything done that I would like to in the day. I get frustrated by that and it can trigger cravings and stuff. I've had to change my thinking with regards to "getting stuff done" and triage the various tasks and tell myself I'm not a failure...Sorry you're feeling icky.

jt22

Thanks for replying everyone, feeling a good bit better now. As far as energy lags, trust me i get those teatree hah, most of my days are a big ball of procrastination, sitting on the couch, reading my phone, time killers, with intense exercise thrown in lol. The thing is I do everything at once because i have this "all or nothing" mindset, it is very stressful. It feels similar to OCD where I do unnecessary stuff just because my mind won't stop racing. This makes me avoid doing things like cleaning because i hate that feeling, my temperature raises, i get frustrated, my head feels under pressure, and i have trouble thinking straight..... Yes i am seeing a doctor lol.

Oh and btw this is jim t conpletely forgot i was posting under a new username.

Soberwolf

Great job it & fab responses everyone

teatreeoil007

I'm glad you're feeling better JT! Okay I don't feel so bad...I am a terrible procrastinator and so is my son. I can sit for long periods of time just..."thinking" about stuff and my son is a thinker too. It's not like we can't function at all, it's just putting things off to the last minute which creates more stress and stress reduction is part of my plan and has been a big issue for me for many years; decades even...coping with stress. I just get frustrated feeling like there isn't enough time...and there isn't much I can change about the passage of time...it comes and goes and always will. What I can change is MYSELF and what I do with the time I have.

jt22

I can relate with that a lot, i will spend hours just planning to do stuff....lol im always lost in my own head. i find that procrastinating until the last minute causes anxiety which makes us hyper focus on something, ultimately making it easier to do(but more stressful in the process). That seems to be a big ADD trait. The constant need for anxiety to help think straight ya know? I embrace it most of the time unless it is something very important then i plan ahead to make sure i have spare time to get something done.

teatreeoil007

Yeah, I do manage to get things done...try to pace myself and give myself a break. Some days I feel like I am in "slow-mo" and I'm not real crazy about that feeling but it is what it is I guess. I try not to panic or get down on myself when I don't accomplish what all I set out to do in a day's time and not get too stressed out about it.