NeedHelp282

I think I am here today because I'm sick and tired of apologizing to people because of the things I have done while drinking. This weekend was not even the worst of my mistakes, but it still was not great behavior. I more or less said some mean things to someone, and I had to call and apologize the next day. Not the worst of what I have done, but I am just sick and tired of apologizing the next day.

A few years ago, I got into a really nasty fistfight with my brother. We were both drunk and he has since quit drinking. I've also been required to go to counseling because of drinking at networking events at work. So now I limit myself to one drink while at work events (so people don't ask questions about why) and watch myself carefully (this has worked so far) for the rest of the night while drinking soda water.

I like to tell myself that I can "get back on that horse" and that next time it will be different. Drinking has always been my go to source to unwind at the end of the week or if there is any stress. I don't consider myself a full blown alcoholic. I don't really drink during the week. When I do drink, though, it is usually to excess (unless I am consciously trying to limit myself like at work). And these days I usually get insomnia for 1 or 2 days after a binge along with anxiety/depression. I am in one of those sorry states right now, and I know that I will feel fine by Wednesday and be ready to get going by the weekend.

I just want to be able to drink like a normal person. Like 1 or 2 beers and then be done with it for the night. I'm wondering if this is possible, or if I should just give up on alcohol altogether. I've limited myself at work, and if I can do that at home (I don't really go out anymore) that would be fantastic. The problem is that I tend to get going once I start.

My wife doesn't really drink, and we have a little one to take care of now. This in itself has lowered my drinking significantly (I was WAY worse before I met my wife). I want to set a good example for our daughter. I don't want to apologize to my wife for acting like a jerk anymore. The thought of giving alcohol up completely just doesn't seem realistic, and I'd love to give complete moderation a try. (I confess that I have not really TRIED moderation). I'm wondering if that is doable here. I just don't want to let anyone down any more.

ALinNS

Well in my own experience trying everything, moderation just does not work but that is me. I would encourage you to maybe do some reading about this addictive voice we have, to me reading your post it would seem to have a fair amount of control over your thinking and yes I could be very wrong and I do not preach to anyone only share my experience and what I have read.

So maybe research the topic a bit and see what you think.

Wishing you the best.

Andrew

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR if alcohol is causing you problems its a excellent idea to get used to recovery ie abstinence over moderation alcohol is also known as the great remover if you let it, it will take everything you have ever loved or cherished

Give abstinence a chance this is a fantastic supportive community who not only have been where you have been but won't judge you

SW

Anna

Welcome and I hope you take a look around. It's good to keep in mind that alcoholism isn't about how often you drink or how much you drink, it's about what happens to you when you do drink. I became a person I hated, so I had to stop drinking. And, though we do have members who are drinking, our goal here is abstinence, not moderation. Alcoholics cannot moderate their drinking. And as Betty Ford said, once you cross the invisible line you can't go back. It doesn't work that way. So, if you are an alcoholic, hoping to be able to drink like a normal person, won't work for us. I hope you look around and decide to stop drinking for good.

beeme

Almost no one ever asks why. If they do, you can say:

"Not in the mood."
"Feeling a little dehydrated/headachey/whatever--I'm going to stick with water."
"Watching my weight"
"On a cleanse"
"Taking antibiotics"
"I just feel like a Coke"
"why do you ask?"

We think everyone cares, that everyone will know, that there is something shameful about stopping drinking. The shame is in continuing to drink when we can't control our drinking.

Try moderation. For one year, try to drink only one drink each time you drink.

If it is easy, keep it up! If not, you'll have your answer.

C23

WELCOME!

Drinking has also been my "go to" when I looked to unwind from life and/or the day. The problem was I also was out of control once the ball got rolling. I also was dealing with anxiety and depression. I also knew after a binge weekend, I would need till at least Tue or Wed to recover. This obviously hurt my performance at work. I too was tired of apologizing to people or wondering what I did after I did after drinking. I also have 4 children and was starting to become an example I didn't want to be to them. This to me was a problem. Sound familiar?

Moderation has never worked for me. It is impossible. I cannot have 1 or 2 drinks and stop. I might that day. I might that week, but once the idea is in my head that I can drink again, the flood gates open.

I am not going to suggest you do anything. You need to look deep inside and be very real with yourself. You are going to have to answer some pretty tough questions. My experience is that I was afraid of the finality of saying never again. With that being said, I have never felt so good in my decision or so sure that it was a good move. Good luck and I hope to see you around SR.

sva777

I kept telling myself I was trying moderation for years and years while I got further into the rabbit hole. The deeper you get, the more damage you create for yourself and the people around you.

I did hit bottom and have quit but I sure made every excuse in the book not too.

If alcohol is affecting your life and family, quitting is your best option unless you hold alcohol in higher regard.

IronPhoenix

You are just like me. A social binge drinker. No real cravings and can go days or weeks without drinking but once I started I was all in. I would always tell myself only 1 or 2 drinks and would ALWAYS find a way around those self imposed limitations. I can't moderate. It took me a while to finally realize and admit that to myself.

So my option was to just quit. I am 7 weeks in and it is definitely a day at a time struggle as I am a very social person.

But we can do this. Welcome to the forum.

Hawkeye13

Welcome to the forum NeedHelp

I was a binge drinker who could go weeks or months, and then often moderate
But sometimes I would detonate instead

After awhile, moderation became harder and I really didn't know
if one or two drinks would end up a binge or not.
If we could drink "normally" I think many of us would,
but we can't so quitting entirely is the only thing that brings peace and works.

Given the consequences you've already mentioned, I suspect you have the same problem

The choice is do you want to keep gambling, knowing it will get worse
or stop now and climb out of the hole?

HopePeace

I feel like I could have written your post. I am in the same boat with being tired of feeling awful after I drink and having to appologize to my loved ones for the things I said or did while drunk. I have stopped drinking all together a few times, tried moderation and sometimes I am able to! But I have ended up back here a few times now and this time really just want to quit for good. I think the answer is if it is causing you problems, stress, anxiety and risking hurting relationships with the people you love, it must be best to cut it out all together. Good luck with everything!

least

Welcome to the family. Most of us here have tried to moderate our drinking and failed miserably. It was easier for me to just not drink at all then to try to drink 'normally'. Besides, I didn't drink for the taste, I drank to get drunk, so having just one or two didn't cut it.

I got sober over six years ago and don't regret a minute of it. My life is better now than I could have dreamed.

AnvilheadII

I just want to be able to drink like a normal person. Like 1 or 2 beers and then be done with it for the night.

"normal" people don't have to think and plan and practice moderation......it comes to them naturally. drinking just isn't THAT big a deal....take it or leave it.

you don't have that kind of RELATIONSHIP to alcohol.....even with a lot of strikes against the idea of drinking again (doing embarrassing, dumbass stuff while drinking; getting into a fistfight with your brother; problems at work due to drinking; a new baby, a lovely wife) you can't just commit to NO and be done. you want to see if you can control the beast by feeding it less........brother, gotta tell you, that just makes it hungrier.

but if you want to give moderation a go, have at it. many here have tried, there are scads of threads about moderation. but you will probably find this moderation thing a full time job.....you have to keep yourself in check at all time, the limit is 1 or 2, be that monday or saturday. can you stick to your own rules? can you avoid the trap of rationalizing why there might be exceptions to the rules? and is it really that much fun being your own booze police to try and keep you from yet another alcohol-related incident?

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum NeedHelp!!

thomas11

Hi NeedHelp,--- "When I do drink, though, it is usually to excess (unless I am consciously trying to limit myself like at work). And these days I usually get insomnia for 1 or 2 days after a binge along with anxiety/depression."

I don't know your age, but what you described above will only get worse, never better. I can say that with almost 100% certainty. Wish you well. Welcome.

FreeOwl

my experience was that moderation wasn't something I had even really TRIED until I began to sense there was a problem....

Then I spent a decade or so denying to myself there was a problem while making various unsuccessful attempts at moderation.

I never really did consider myself a "full blown alcoholic" - not even to this day.

But with over two years sobriety under my belt I can tell you this; sobriety is a LOT better life than even my most 'successful' efforts at 'moderation'.

Fly N Buy

In sobriety, I may still have to apologize for rude behavior towards others - albeit less frequently. The beauty is I now remember why I have to apologize.........

JD

I don't understand why anyone who comes to this forum would like moderation. Let's face it, we like the buzz of the alcohol. 1 or 2 drinks isn't going to cut it. It's so much easier to just cut alcohol out once and for all and not get caught up in this monkey business of moderation. It doesn't work even though it's probably been tried by everyone here at some point.

Hevyn

So glad you are here, NeedHelp. It really helped me to be able to talk things over with people who understood what I was going through. No one in my life got it.

I fantasized for years about being able to drink socially. I was never able to pull it off, even once. Each time alcohol was in my system, there was no telling what would happen. In the end, I felt just as you do now. So tired of apologizing, explaining, defending myself. It was no longer fun or relaxing - and certainly not a way to cope with problems. I hope you'll keep reading and posting - we care about you.

SoberinSyracuse

Moderation was the hardest and most frustrating lifestyle of all. I constantly felt deprived, "messed up" and got wasted again and again, and worst of all my addiction continued to deepen despite my efforts.

I wasted at least a decade that I could have used to recover and build the life I really wanted.

Someone on here said something that hit the nail on the head: There's accepting the problem, and accepting the solution. Two different things.

I managed to accept that I had a problem for a loooooooong time before I was ready to accept the solution.

ru12

Well you are at an impasse here ... You want the effect of drinking without the consequences. It never worked that way for me. Guess how many times I've had to call someone to apologize for my behavior since I stopped drinking? How many times I embarrassed myself or my loved ones with out of control behavior since I stopped? The answer is none. And to me that is priceless.

I think if you put I'd down for a spell you might find that your behavior becomes more rational. The self-loathing might be gone. There is nothing magic in those bottles. I see it as poison these days.