Sunflowerlife

Hi everyone. New here but not new to the chaos of substance abuse.
I suppose I am still in denial as I have never been ok with calling myself an "alcoholic" (actually, that's not true- I attended meetings back in 2005 and was convinced). But after that, when life became manageable I found myself saying that the doctors were "all wrong" and "mis diagnosed me" because I was suffering so greatly with my chronic depression which started when I was 13. I always attributed my substance abuse (whether drugs or alcohol) to me self medicating. Which I am sure is part of it but that leads me to the question:

How did you know you were in fact an alcoholic?
When did you come to terms with it and accept it?

I am obviously scared ******** right now. I mean, it makes no sense because I can name all the stupid stuff I have done just in the last 6 months that are clear signs I have a problem. But then my mind turns around and tells me that if my circumstances were different (if my relationship with DH were better, if I had a job instead of being a SAHM, if I had friends and family nearby, if I had a social life) I wouldn't be drinking so much. I mean, I drink during the day because I can. Would I drink 2 bottles of wine a day if I had a job to go to in the morning? Probably not.

So you see where my head keeps going?
I am confused. I know I have a problem. I am not denying that. I just don't know whether I am an alcoholic.
Please help me make sense of this- I wish there was a magic test I could take...

Thanks for reading, thanks ahead of time for the comments.

least

To me, it doesn't make much difference what I call myself as long as I'm doing something about the problems caused by drinking.

ALinNS

I don't think we have to put a label or name on it if it bothers the person, if you feel and know that alcohol can not be managed in your life and makes you do things you would never do sober, kind of out of control and you want to stop drinking, we are here for you and can help.

I was where you were in 1996, I was not an alcoholic because I was far too smart for alcohol to have control of my life, amazing career with six figures, traveled the world, very nice home on a lake, two very bright children and a wonderful wife.....that AV had me as I had zero education or knowledge about this sickness, it took a lot to bring me to my knees and get the help I knew for years I needed. I was sick of being sick, now I am happy and enjoy life to the max and help others as we do this journey together as we all have bad days no matter how long we are sober, but this site and other resources I have keep me sober and on the path (plan) I am going to stick to.

All the best
Andrew

Sunflowerlife

I think that's a great way to look at it, especially since I am so hung up on the term. I think I specifically go against calling myself an alcoholic because when I was branded one, I was in no way ready or willing to stop drinking, so it felt like a punishment. This time I am doing it for ME, not because anyone is telling me I have to.

Thanks for the comment...

JD

That's the right attitude. Do it for you yourself. I agree with the others. It doesn't matter what you call it, if alcohol is causing problems in your life it's best to cut it out.

thomas11

How did you know you were in fact an alcoholic? It was about 3 years ago I was in a situation where if I didn't drink alcohol I would get sick. Bingo.

When did you come to terms with it and accept it? I am just now starting to come to terms with it, and it's not happening overnight.

I agree with what others have said-- "alcoholic" is just a word on a screen or piece of paper. If you think you have a problem, its a good idea to try and do something about it.

Ghostlight1

Speaking only for myself, I'll name it. I'm an alcoholic. There is a certain criteria for meeting the term alcoholic and I met every one of them.
Once I took a drink there was no telling where it would end. I went through it all, denial, moderation and trying to stop altogether. No hiding it, I'm an alcoholic.
Another sure sign was the nightmare I went through when the booze ran out; shakes, sweats, hallucinations and puking like a hellhound. Still went back to drinking like it going to run out or something.

I actually prefer the term drunk, which is what I call myself here quite often.
And I was a bad one.
I remember exactly when I came to terms with it. I was taking a bath, and subconsciously I had realized I was a drunk a long time ago. It hit me. I was a drunk and could not control my drinking. I cried and cried. There, it was out in the open.
It was time for action.
It took me a long time and a lot of reading on the subject (which didn't help at all since I already knew what I was- save the Big Book).
I went to AA and heard stories from people like me. I thought I was alone.

It's been five years since alcohol crossed my lips.
So, problem, realization of the problem and action to deal with the problem.
And I was a bad drunk. A late stage alcoholic.
I still am an alcoholic, I just don't take that first drink one day at a time.

SillyHuman

Both my parents were alcoholic, so I knew in my 20s. Freedom from alcohol would not come for another 3 hellish decades.

For me it was not a matter of not accepting it. I just could not live without it, or so it seemed. I am not fond of the word "alcoholic" because it is a stupid word. Why don't we call oxy addicts oxyics or heroine addicts heroinics? We would generally consider that to be rude, and kinda stupid.

You could spend the next few decades arguing with yourself about it though, and wasting your life. The addiction elevator only goes down, but it stops on every floor. You can get off it now, if you want.

strategery

I just hung around here awhile and listened to everyone else's stories. I could identify with many of them and saw the path I was headed towards if I didn't quit.

Arbor

Probably not? I get the feeling that's not true.

I like what least said. It doesn't matter what you call yourself, although for some people including myself I had to accept I was alcoholic. It drew a line in the sand for me and allowed me to move forward with my life. You've identified a problem. Once you commit to solving it your life will no doubt be better.

It funny how we fight change. Change is good.

On The Road

I'm a drunk, an alcoholic, a boozer, a lush, a sot, call me what you want. The fact remains that I cannot drink without it negatively affecting my life.

While I knew this for a very looooong time, it wasn't until I literally looked at myself in the mirror a year ago and didn't recognize what a saw - a complete train wreck - that I finally said out loud: "I'm an alcoholic."

It was at first devastating because I felt like a complete failure. Then later it became one of the most empowering acts I've ever done, years of foolishness and pride lifted off my shoulders.

So parse phases/labels as you want, but don't skip the opportunity of being completely honest with yourself. And in the end, it's really hard to do without using some word or phase that describes the essence of who you are (good or bad). Just a thought.

Anna

Alcoholic is just a word, just a label.

Does alcohol cause problems in your life? If so, then stopping is a good idea.

Fabat50

The first time I researched the web for forums and then posted here, a forum for alcoholics and recovering alcoholics, I finally faced up to the fact that I had a big problem,

Soberpotamus

I never felt I was an "alcoholic." I just knew it was causing me problems. There were significant negative consequences. I could see the pattern.

I think it's more important to arrest the drinking than to analyze and arrive at a conclusion.

Soberwolf

I knew because I realised I couldn't drink responsibly or safely it was July 2013 I was 31 when I came to terms with it and accepted that since I can't drink safely or responsibly I took action to remain sober

Sunflowerlife

I realize now that I was getting hung up on the term. I have been to treatment 2 times in my life and both times it was drilled in my head that I had to call myself an "alcoholic" and that AA was the only way.
I am realizing just from this forum that there are so many other options out there when it comes to recovery and even the way I label myself. I can simply be a "non drinker" and that's okay with me. I also love that AA isn't the only option these days (I'm sure it wasn't back then but no one ever talked to me about Rational Recovery, for example).

Thanks guys, for all the comments. I know I have a problem and that's all that matters. Labeling it is most likely irrelevant at this point
~P

FeelingGreat

I never used AA to get sober, and my mind is open on whether I'm an A but I do have a problem with drinking which developed in my 40s. It's a more common story than you'd think - one of the consequences of empty nest in many cases and greater freedom to drink.

Stopping was the only way for me; moderation didn't help and believe me I tried. I sort of wired my brain to turn to alcohol when stressed, tired, hungry, breathing...

desertsong

How did I know? Because I did most of the things mentioned in the "what normal drinkers don't do" thread.

JohnQPublic

Maybe labeling yourself at this point is not helpful. Look at what you want to change about your life. Is it drinking? Then get some recovery support but if you are uncomfortable labeling yourself as an alcoholic then don't. It sounds like it is just getting in your way. Stop drinking for a bit and see if and how your life improves. If you are worried you are drinking too much just deal with that first. The definition of what you are or how you came to be here can come later. Best wishes. John

SoberinSyracuse

I've known I had a problem from my early 20s, because getting alcohol was a constant priority for me. I was preoccupied with it. The problem got much, much worse over the decades that followed.

I knew I had a problem, totaled a car, had blackouts every night, suffered a seizure....but still wasn't ready to accept I had to quit and never drink again.

I don't say "I am an alcoholic" because one of my spiritual beliefs is that the phrase "I am" actually creates my reality. When I had cancer, I said "I have cancer," not "I am cancerous." So with respect to alcohol, I now say "I have a problem commonly known as alcoholism."

It is still difficult to accept that I have to quit and never drink again, but that is the fact.