SoberinSyracuse

Here in Syracuse, I am making a quick (non-bender) visit to some of my most beloved places, and connecting for a final toast (one drink) with my most beloved drinking buddies.

It's interesting. I feel a sadness in leaving some of my favorite venues. But my "drinking buddies...." Of the seven:

• Eric said, "No. Stay a drunk. I like you drunk. Okay, well, just replace alcohol with pot and ecstasy." And then, he did not return my calls for a final drink. Perhaps because he's also a stoner.
• Zisis said, "I'm with family in Vermont, but I'm psyched you're doing this. Let's meet for coffee when you're back."
• Andy met me at the winery he owns and said, "This is very exciting. I'm happy for you. So, what are we going to do for fun? Do you like dancing?"
• Joe said, "I don't get it. Why can't you just have one or two? Well, whatever. Call me if you want to go for a walk."
• Al said, "Let's toast once again. But then, I want to follow your lead. I need to do this for me, just like you need to do it for you."
• Chuck said, "WHAT???? Oh, okay. Wow. Really? I gotchyou. Let's get a farewell martini and please let me know how things shape up for you in 2016. I love your peak performance mentality."
• My father said, "This problem has been in our family a while. I'm so proud of you. Sure, let's have a final toast. And then tell me whatever I have to do to support you."

I leave for Georgia this Thursday.

Jecrois2016

How about your toast is made with a non alcoholic drink? My last "toast" happened many times over and lasted 15 years. You can't base your decision on what other people think. If you really want sober more than not, you have to draw your line in the sand .

SoberinSyracuse

My takeaway from these it that *I* was the instigator. In most of these cases, they're up for doing something other than drinking. It was ME.

Per my medical plan, I'm not teetotaling until I enter my detox on January 11. The tapering down part has been pretty challenging, but I've hung on so far. This has left me with time to say farewell.

I'm just humbled that most of these drinking relationships were drinking relationships because all I wanted to do was drink. Most of them seem very happy to do other things with me. It was me, all along.

Fly N Buy

So my alcoholic mind asks - how many drinks did this add up to?? Was this 7 drinks in 7 places or were some of these folks together in the same place?? How many non bender goodbye celebratory drinks did this entail??? Were there shots involved? Did you have different drinks with different friends???

You see, I am an alcoholic and alcohol use to be an obsession with me. Thanks for the reminder. Best of luck!

SoberinSyracuse

This amounted to four drinks in four venues over four days. I know you're looking for this to be a bender, but it wasn't. I'm under medical supervision to stay within certain limits in preparation for my treatment.

So far, it seems people are missing my point. My point is: most of these "drinking buddies" are only "drinking buddies" because my only interest in them was drinking. Many of them are proposing alternate activities.

Was this not clear in my original post? If it's terribly confusing, I'll request it be taken down. My objective was to share something positive, not a binge story.

SoberinSyracuse

I didn't explain this well enough and it's being misinterpreted, so I've made a request that this thread be taken down.

illi1111

Best of luck to you! I think you gave yourself closure in a way a lot of us don't get to have. I'm glad your drinking buddies are true friends and are going to be there after your sober. My best friend and I loved to tie one on together. It's what we did for years. Now I drink soda and we have just as much fun. I think our relationship is deeper because it doesn't revolve around alcohal. Happy New Year and a NA toast to your future sobriety!

Dee74

Hi SIS

Sorry - this really doesn't meet the criteria for a thread to be taken down.

People may have forgotten you've dedicated yourself to an January 11 quit date (I think?) when you start your treatment, but I still think the responses are pretty good, if only for other folks reading.

I'd agree with the consensus that there's no need to make the farewells over a drink.

I think if I'd done that with my drinking buddies I might still be drinking....

D

tursiops999

Hi SoberinSyracuse -- I won't weigh in on the issue of having a drink with your farewell visits, as others have already commented on that.

I'll just say congratulations on your insight that you were the instigator, and the promising indications that there are a number of friends who will support you in sobriety and join you for sober activities. That will be one more positive tool in your toolkit. I wish you well in your efforts to get sober.

esinger

It's your journey and good for you for having a plan. Others can judge your methods as much as they want but I say whatever it takes.
It is funny how drinking becomes so normal in our lives that we feel that everyone is the same way. It's kind of enlightening when you find out that your reality isn't everyone else's.

SoberinSyracuse

I can't believe how many people met with me in drink because they wanted to meet with me...

...and are looking forward to meeting with me elsewhere.

Somehow, it surprises me that anyone would find value in me sober.

esinger

By getting sober you are finding value in yourself and I believe that is what's important.
Good luck!

Fly N Buy

SIS - I wish you nothing but Gods speed and grace in your journey.

SR is an amazingly place with many shared thoughts. As I write this there are 74 members on line and 415 (!!) guests who cannot post. Most of these people have no idea about your previous posts elsewhere. They, as I did read of goodbye - going away to get sober drinks at bars with friends.

For myself this behavior could have had horrible repercussions. For newcomers including guests I think it is valid to point out the potential pitfalls in this. I have no interest in you going on a bender - just the opposite. Unless a doctor was sitting next to me on a bar stool paying my tab they surely weren't supervising my drinking.


It took awhile of being on SR to understand while I posted for me at first the depth and breadth of threads is far more reaching than just for me. Our posts have consequences beyond what we think they will - perhaps.
I use sardonic humor at times to make a point - have you not read my other threads??

My point is simple drinking to stop drinking kept me drinking. I could only ever taper up.

If it works for you - terrific. Please keep sharing your journey as we all do.

Together WE stay sober
Peace

SoberinSyracuse

Tell me more about this. What was the process? Was it a little weird at first? I have friends who want to connect with me sober, but I'm not sure how to do that. All the things they proposed, I'm not interested in doing, but that's because due to neurotransmitter damage I'm not interested in doing ANYTHING. This is the work. Thank God at least I have people who want to connect with me.

SoberinSyracuse

[QUOTE=illi1111;5724301

My point is simple drinking to stop drinking kept me drinking. I could only ever taper up.

If it works for you - terrific. Please keep sharing your journey as we all do.

Together WE stay sober
Peace[/QUOTE]

Thanks, friend.

This is the only time my "controlled drinking" has remained controlled. I'm spending every penny I have, cashing out accounts, borrowing from angry friends to do this program I'm entering. I'm told "Excellent results but no promises. Reduce your drinking a little before you enter." With that pressure and stakes upon me, I do.

Tapering has been a street fight. On January 11, I can "tag out" and let the program fight in my stead. I'm very tired, and looking forward to this.

bigsombrero

Why not make your farewells over coffee? Or a coca-cola? Hot cocoa? Anything but booze, man.

Stop the sentimental hogwash - this isn't about "goodbyes to old times", this is a Pub Crawl, man. The beautiful reality is that you're moving on to bigger and better things. You're growing up and your life will go forward. You owe yourself better chance.

SweatyHands

Sober In Syracuse, I am completely in awe of your ability to stick to your doctor's taper plan. I was never able to even come close to what you are accomplishing. Further, I think it speaks to your dedication and power of will that you can have a drink out at a bar and still stick to your taper schedule.

I also managed to maintain several friendships into sobriety with people who were my drinking buddies. In fact, my best friend in Vermont is still one of my closest friends now. We were each other's enabler for many years. When I went in for supervised detox, he was well aware of how sick I was, as he had seen my drinking progress up close. He took my need for a hospital stay as a wake up call concerning his drinking. He is one of the lucky few who can go from serious abuse of alcohol to the low end of moderate drinking by his own choice. After I got out of the hospital, we still spent quite a bit of time together, but doing other things than drinking. So, it can certainly happen that drinking buddies become friends who will support you in your sobriety.

I think that the way that you are entering into your sobriety is inspiring, and it shows how committed to your recovery you are.

ubntubnt

Good luck SIS. If you have been told to cut down but not quit completely prior to admission on the 11th then using the one drink to say farewells seems better than taking a swig out of a bottle at home. It may help copper fasten your commitment to quit, not wanting to crawl back to those same friends and your father having failed.

Coming onto a sobriety board and proudly declaring that you were able to drink in moderation is not going to down down too well, you know that.

I personally found that when my met friends that I usually drank with when sober it helped to meet them with an activity in mind....playing pool, going for a hike etc. That way you are both not going to be staring at each other looking for topics of conversation. That will come more naturally anyway.

Deckard

Good luck in the program.... I also fought for a long time, so I think I know where you're coming from. I kept losing, though -- and little by little the losses were worse and worse. It was exhausting and demoralizing, until finally I accepted that I could not win the fight. Instead, had to forfeit the fight...

It was like I was trapped in a room and straining with all my might trying to push the door open, but it wouldn't budge. Then one day I accepted I could not push the door open. But when I tried to pull the door inward, it opened freely.

InTheEnd

I have to say, this post made me want to drink....brought up fantasies of being able to have one or two again and remembering those few "good times" I had many years ago.

Good luck in your program SIS and stay strong!