Liveitwell

I cried tonight again-and I have no idea why-just cried. Maybe it is just the very sad realization that everything is more important to my ex than his kids. He's been doing God knows what (and God only knows who), buying this and that, filing frivolous and malicious papers against me, blaming me for how his daughter treats him-not his actions, and just being, well, him. I guess the hard thing for me is that this wasn't him-the person I married would have never done what he's done. And it's awful to see what he's turned into-whether it's alcoholism, narcissiam, what the F ever it is-it doesn't matter. It's just not ok. And it's heart breaking to see someone that you used to love spew all these lovely words and spin these stories and not DO anything. Nada. Except more lies and deception. I cried. Not for him-what he has done makes me sick to my stomach-he gets my prayers, not my tears-he has every resource available to him to get help should he choose to acknowledge what he's done or make changes-but I cried for my kids. Really hard. It felt good-and I think I needed to cry-getting throught the bustling and joyful holidays and focusing on Jesus's birth-I think I needed a release. And it worked.

I don't know why I'm sharing this. I guess it's all still part of the healing process and moving on. Thanks for listening, friends.

TropicalWinter

I hear you, and I'm there too sometimes. Sometimes the most random thing makes me cry, and I cry for my kids too... When the tears threaten, if circumstances permit, I just let them flow for as long as I need to (like now, typing this!). You sound like you've been through the wringer with your ex, as have I - the lies, cheating, disregard...

It IS part of the healing process, I believe. Healing takes time, and sometimes it hurts SO SO SO much. Thank you for sharing, it helps to know I'm not alone.

SeriousKarma

It's good to share. I'm glad you did. I'd hate to think that I was the only one who got hit by that wave of sadness.

It used to hit me fairly regularly, but it's been a while now. So, for what it's worth, I think it does get better.

In the meantime, keep sharing, and know that we're right here standing next to you.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

Liveitwell

Thank you...needed to hear from y'all tonight

Lilro

I wish I could cry... I'm just too pissed off!

Liveitwell

RO-I've been there!!!!!!

honeypig

FoG, TW, I get it about the sudden upwelling of emotions. I totally get it. I found myself in the aisle of dishes at Goodwill one day, crying b/c I felt sorry for the mismatched ones and how they were all alone (yes, more than a hint of self-pity there...). But Goodwill? Why on earth would it strike me there? It wasn't like he used to go there w/me or it has any connection w/him.

Sometimes I feel bad and I can identify the trigger and apply some logic to it and disarm the emotion bomb. Sometimes I have no flipping clue why I'm so swept away, and I just have to go cry for a while.

I think in my case, it's just that I'm still in the process of accepting that this is real, it's not a bad dream that I will wake up from, things are not going to ever go back to "how they were" (even tho, as I've posted a couple of other times, I'm beginning to see just how much "how it was" is composed of wishful thinking and stardust).

It's going to take time for all of us to come to terms with the reality of our lives and worlds now and to grieve the loss of our dreams, b/c we surely had some, right?

Liveitwell

^^ yes...I had many many dreams with my ex.

LivingLife4Me

I was crying and sad yesterday/last night too. Post holiday blues and dealing with stuff from the kids/divorce etc., not a good combination.

Today I am much better. But yesterday was ROUGH.

Sue

LexieCat

I was just thinking the other day about how long it's been since I've cried. I literally cannot remember the last time.

I do, however, remember a time when I cried a LOT. These days, about the only time I cry is if I'm furiously angry. Rage and helplessness will do it, and OCCASIONALLY I will get my feelings hurt and shed a few tears.

Other than that, nope. I think a lot of that has to do with not being in dysfunctional relationships, no longer expecting other people to meet my needs, and staying sober myself didn't hurt either.

dandylion

Lexie.....just curious...do you cry in sad movies/sad depictions of suffering of animals or children on tv?

dandylion

LexieCat

Not very often--I'm afraid I'm sort of immune to shedding tears over that sort of thing. It would be sort of like a doctor shutting his eyes at the sight of blood onscreen.

Not that I don't feel it emotionally at all--but I don't get teary about it. I'm more likely to be disgusted than tearful.

PHIZ007

For me once I accepted it for what it really is...and not what I wanted/ hoped It would be ....

My life became totally manageable again.

I apply all I have learnt to all walks of my life and not just living with my AH.....my Al Anon tools help heaps with this too!

We all go along the road at our own pace and whatever works for you is great. I think grieving is a positive thing too....it gives us time to deal with stuff and move forward again.

Just keep stepping forward....take care of yourself Phiz

Liveitwell

Thanks, Phiz. I do know now I cry less than when I was married! I hadn't cried in a long time. Think it was the holidays, stuff with my ex still awful bc HE chooses to still act like HIMSELF, seeing it effect my okdest, etc. It all just added up...my life is totally manageable now...now that I, me, am good and I don't have a drunk living in my home. Life is ok...but it still hurts sometimes-like HP said, had a lot if dreams tied with that person. That's hard! But reality is those dreams will not come to pass and that's ok too

LexieCat

Four, the teariness over "what might have been" WILL pass. Mine didn't go away overnight. Remember, I haven't BEEN in a relationship (and the last one--not with an alcoholic but with a guy who had OTHER issues) for over 10 years!

The grieving process DOES come to an end at some point. You'll get there when you get there, but it WILL end.

LifeRecovery

I had a therapist once tell me that recovery was like a roller coaster.

The tracks had ups and downs, but that we could not have one without the other. This was her analogy to emotions. To have happiness we need to be able to understand and have experienced sadness.

For me I had to RELEASE a lot of emotions....

I was grieving the end of my marriage but I was actually grieving my life journey and all those emotions I had not been comfortable experiencing previously.

I realize for me tears are cleansing now regardless of if they are because of anger, frustration or sadness....I tear at movies, commercials, books, and NPR Story Core every dang Friday. I don't know when the shift happened for me but I am a generally happier person because I have room for the tears and sadness.

Liveitwell

Me too! Crying is necessary!

hopeful4

I cried again last night, seeing my little daughter hurting b/c of her father's constant bad behaviors that hurt them so much. I told her that he has mental illness, that he does not like himself, so he cannot show anyone around him love either. That even though he creates these situations himself, the best thing we can do is pray for him.

It's very very sad.

Many, many hugs.

Mountainmanbob

Your heart and mind are in the right place
hang in there
things will get better with time.
M-Bob

armartin

Hugs.