jimmyhow

I did OK for a while and was managing my drinking. I finally arrived back at the usual place - tears, chaos, broken things, damaged relationships - last night after losing control of what I was drinking. Smashed my smartphone in a fit of rage amongst other things and my other half think I'm some kind of nutjob. I'm so annoyed with myself.

I'm keeping my head down and am without partner for Christmas Eve/Day and back on the wagon. My Christmas is cancelled - I'm not going anywhere until the new year and it's safe(r) and easier to avoid booze. I'm holed up at my mom's until it's over. It feels like I'm retreating, but I don't really see another option. Merry Xmas (insert sarcasm emoji here).

Lookingforchange

You do what it takes. I'm holed up in my mums-alcohol free zone as in sisters in recovery and lives with her. She's been sober for 9 months-it is possible every day she inspires me. Stay strong

Anna

I'm sorry that happened. Managing drinking for alcoholics just doesn't work. I think most of us here have tried and failed countless times. It's exhausting and seems to actually lead to more drinking. On the other hand, stopping drinking was a relief for me. Do you plan to stop drinking for good?

Buggirl

Sorry to hear this! You can do it. Stay focussed

least

I could never 'manage' my drinking, it always 'managed' me instead. It was so much easier to just stop entirely. Been sober six years and don't regret a minute of it.

PurpleKnight

No harm in digging into the trenches for a bit, sometimes we just gotta do what we gotta do, there will be plenty of time for everything else, you'll have the rest of your life once you crack Sobriety, I went nowhere for the first 3 months of Sobriety, simply came home from work, logged into SR, went to bed, got up and went to work again, as I say we gotta do what we gotta do to make Sobriety stick.

Don't beat yourself up, instead draw a line under it and alcohol once and for all, and push forward in writing a new happier chapter to your life!!

You can do this!!

jimmyhow

Thanks for the replies everybody, they are much appreciated.

Yes, I plan on stopping drinking for good. It seems like a monumental task though I don't know how I'm going to do it. I know I have to though, I suffer from depression and the alcohol really makes things worse. I can normally function quite well, but with alcohol things go downhill very fast. I hate this time of year, it brings back bad memories. I knew it was only a matter of time before I started to unravel at th seams.

Hevyn

You learned something, Jimmy. Things can turn around and be better than ever.

Carlotta

As long as you see it as going "on the wagon", it will be a struggle not to be falling off. Try to see sobriety as being a permanent positive lifestyle change.

waywardson8260

Smashing your own smartphone? It is time to stop! You have to find a way.

jimmyhow

It's not the first time either. Well, not a phone but other stuff. I get angry/confused/bitter/sad and just lose it. Alcohol seems to put the magnifying glass on problems and blow them up way beyond reality. They are problems that I need to deal with, but right now stopping drinking is a must.

Pondlady

You are sober and with family....not a bad way to spend Christmas.

jimmyhow

That is very true. Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe the spirit of the day will rub off on me.

sva777

I hope you have a good time at your parents, I needed to retreat to mine as well many times while I was trying to manage my drinking.

Found it much better overall to just quit.

Marcher13

Jimmy you are giving yourself -- and everyone around you -- the best gift of all. Happy Christmas.

Soberwolf

Rewrite your plan ask a mod to help & try again

ZeldaFan

You do what you have to do. I avoided both company holiday parties this year as they hit right when I quit drinking again. As an alcoholic, I know there is no such thing as managing my drinking. It always ends the same way and it's not good. For me, life is so much calmer to know I just can't drink and won't drink. Permanent sobriety is what works for me. It makes me the person I deserve to be and the person those who care about me deserve. You can do this! Just stay in your safe place until you are ready and like SW said, get a new plan worked out that doesn't include drinking of any kind. Be well!

Surrender2win

I hope today is better for you Jimmy. You have good advice here. Stay close to SR. Read and post often. It has been a tremendous lifesaver for me. Take care of yourself. You can do this!

jimmyhow

Thanks everybody. Have a good day 😊

doggonecarl

Lasting sobriety requires massive change to one's life and daily vigilance to maintain it. I hope you can do what is needed. Let recovery be your Christmas gift to yourself. A new year for a new sober you!