Honesty
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Honesty
Drinking thoughts are bothering me and have done for the past week or so. It's been a difficult week or so at work, my relationship is going through some tricky times and we are off for a bit of a 'make or break' weekend...and there they are. They are like a dark side of me... whispering lies that a drink could make this better. I feel like those whispers try to seduce me at first, but when I shine a light on them they shrink away. They are dark and evil and afraid of being exposed. If I don't expose them, their powers grow 'no-one would ever know'...I am away for the weekend with my alcoholic partner...he would be happy for me to drink, my kids are not around. I've got a week off work to recover.
But I would know. God would know. And I do not lie any more. Honesty has become the cornerstone of my sobriety this time. So I'm sharing this with you all too.
But I would know. God would know. And I do not lie any more. Honesty has become the cornerstone of my sobriety this time. So I'm sharing this with you all too.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Originally Posted by Jeni26 
Honesty has become the cornerstone of my sobriety this time.
Jeni, "you need a clear head to deal with your relationship." A good friend of mine told me this while I was drinking and boy did it make me mad! But she was right and I will never forget that moment in time.
You deserve to see your life with clear eyes, heart and mind. No matter how you feel this weekend or what comes your way. You want to be sober, for you. No more drowning in lies. You stopped doing that a long time ago and no matter the challenges, you are doing a great job.
Are you traveling somewhere beautiful? Have a wonderful time.
BTW - I really appreciate your posts. You're a wise lady and offer so much to us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
My issue is fear of the future, but I know that is is ridiculous to live there. I've let go of the past, have got a pretty secure present, but I can't stop those thoughts of 'what if?'
But I will be ok. The dark clouds that sit on my right shoulder can disappear for another day. I've got this.
Thanks my friends ❤️
But I will be ok. The dark clouds that sit on my right shoulder can disappear for another day. I've got this.
Thanks my friends ❤️
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Alcohol lives and breeds on lies. The very premise that alcohol is the solution to anything other than pain and suffering always has to be at the forefront of our minds.
You are so right nobody will know but you. Unfortunately in the final analysis "You" are the only person who makes a difference.
Good for telling on yourself and take it a day at a time because these feelings will pass
You are so right nobody will know but you. Unfortunately in the final analysis "You" are the only person who makes a difference.
Good for telling on yourself and take it a day at a time because these feelings will pass
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Hi Jen 
Glad you shared and hope you will continue to do so and continue to remain sober. Good for you
I have fleeting moments of wanting to drink as well, sneaky ones. Like "I could have a few and nobody would know"... But I would know, as you said... we would know!
Way to keep it honest, glad to be in your company.
Glad you shared and hope you will continue to do so and continue to remain sober. Good for you
I have fleeting moments of wanting to drink as well, sneaky ones. Like "I could have a few and nobody would know"... But I would know, as you said... we would know!
Way to keep it honest, glad to be in your company.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Great post Jeni!! 
Though don't beat yourself up over having these thoughts about drinking, they are merely that, thoughts on their own don't cause hangovers, it's the actions that we follow through with is the important thing!!
Though don't beat yourself up over having these thoughts about drinking, they are merely that, thoughts on their own don't cause hangovers, it's the actions that we follow through with is the important thing!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Great post Jeni, i hope u have a great wkend & it goes as smoothly as possible, must b hard that ur partner is also an alcoholic, like u said, u would know & its not worth it, u know that, but i dont think its bad ur having these thoughts, seems perfectly natural to me, i sometimes wonder if we ever stop wanting that drink......i hope so?!
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
I have a tough relationship too, so I relate to the challenge you're facing and send you positive vibes for a good outcome for you. My coping was always to drink - in the past. A quote from the book "The sober revolution" helps me. "How would a drink help this situation?" The answer for me every time, is not at all.
Be well
xx
Be well
xx
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Awesome thread.
Ive learned the once the alcohlic pathways are created in the brain, like they are in my brain, they are irreversible.
We will always have the crave. Some have it stronger. It comes and goes. Etc. But, it will always be there. Lurking in the shadows of our emotions.
To battle it we have use the analytical mind. The AV, the crave, lives in the reptile brain. The emotional brain. That is where it gets strength.
We analyze, roll the tape backwards and forwards, and know what the repercussions of our drinking will cause. (E.g mental sickness, physical pain).
We have to find other avenues to satisfy the reptile mind. Exercise and Jiu Jitsu have been part of mine. Walks on the beach, hiking, riding bicycles etc are other ways to positively involve and appease the reptile mind.
Helping others deal with the crave, and the repercussions of the crave, according to the BB, is part of the healing. Part of the defense.
The world according to D122y.
Ive learned the once the alcohlic pathways are created in the brain, like they are in my brain, they are irreversible.
We will always have the crave. Some have it stronger. It comes and goes. Etc. But, it will always be there. Lurking in the shadows of our emotions.
To battle it we have use the analytical mind. The AV, the crave, lives in the reptile brain. The emotional brain. That is where it gets strength.
We analyze, roll the tape backwards and forwards, and know what the repercussions of our drinking will cause. (E.g mental sickness, physical pain).
We have to find other avenues to satisfy the reptile mind. Exercise and Jiu Jitsu have been part of mine. Walks on the beach, hiking, riding bicycles etc are other ways to positively involve and appease the reptile mind.
Helping others deal with the crave, and the repercussions of the crave, according to the BB, is part of the healing. Part of the defense.
The world according to D122y.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Jeni, first off, you are awesome.
Yes, honesty is a fantastic cornerstone of sobriety. It probably is the cornerstone for all of us, whether we realize it or not. I remember thinking I was being honest with myself when drinking, but in reality I wasn't honest with anyone- least of all myself.
I used to succumb to the "no one will know..." All the time.
About two years ago, my partner's father was dying. Her family lives in another country. He had been ill for years, so my partner had started going home more often. Then we got the call that things were getting worse very quickly. We weren't married yet, so my going with her was out of the question. She had to get on a plan every quickly, and would begins for an unknown amount of time. She was perfectly willing to quit her job and be there for as long as it took. Of course I supported her, but on the inside I was very worried that this could've the end for us. The fear of uncertainty ate me alive.
As I drove home from the airport, that old familiar "nobody will know" thoughts came back. My partner would be gone, maybe a month, maybe a year, maybe she'd move back for good. I could just stop at that store and nobody would know. I could "drink in peace" for as long as I liked.
I even thought with the stress we'd been under for so long with his illness ment to some extent that I was entitled to drink. I deserved it!
Thankfully, I was able to tell myself I didn't want to wreck 9 months of sobriety over it. 9 months was my all time record at that point.
I came on here and told I myself. I talked to my sponsor. I doubled down on recovery.
I'm very glad I stayed sober. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been glad about drinking.
Yes, honesty is a fantastic cornerstone of sobriety. It probably is the cornerstone for all of us, whether we realize it or not. I remember thinking I was being honest with myself when drinking, but in reality I wasn't honest with anyone- least of all myself.
I used to succumb to the "no one will know..." All the time.
About two years ago, my partner's father was dying. Her family lives in another country. He had been ill for years, so my partner had started going home more often. Then we got the call that things were getting worse very quickly. We weren't married yet, so my going with her was out of the question. She had to get on a plan every quickly, and would begins for an unknown amount of time. She was perfectly willing to quit her job and be there for as long as it took. Of course I supported her, but on the inside I was very worried that this could've the end for us. The fear of uncertainty ate me alive.
As I drove home from the airport, that old familiar "nobody will know" thoughts came back. My partner would be gone, maybe a month, maybe a year, maybe she'd move back for good. I could just stop at that store and nobody would know. I could "drink in peace" for as long as I liked.
I even thought with the stress we'd been under for so long with his illness ment to some extent that I was entitled to drink. I deserved it!
Thankfully, I was able to tell myself I didn't want to wreck 9 months of sobriety over it. 9 months was my all time record at that point.
I came on here and told I myself. I talked to my sponsor. I doubled down on recovery.
I'm very glad I stayed sober. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been glad about drinking.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Jeni26
Drinking thoughts are bothering me and have done for the past week or so. It's been a difficult week or so at work, my relationship is going through some tricky times and we are off for a bit of a 'make or break' weekend...and there they are. They are like a dark side of me... whispering lies that a drink could make this better. I feel like those whispers try to seduce me at first, but when I shine a light on them they shrink away. They are dark and evil and afraid of being exposed. If I don't expose them, their powers grow 'no-one would ever know'...I am away for the weekend with my alcoholic partner...he would be happy for me to drink, my kids are not around. I've got a week off work to recover.
But I would know. God would know. And I do not lie any more. Honesty has become the cornerstone of my sobriety this time. So I'm sharing this with you all too.
But I would know. God would know. And I do not lie any more. Honesty has become the cornerstone of my sobriety this time. So I'm sharing this with you all too.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,517
Jeni, bringing those feelings and thoughts into the light is the right thing to do. You are strong and you can get through this. I'm sorry things are difficult with your relationship and I hope things work out in a way that is the best for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by Verte
When it was so easy to lie. So easy to destroy, dismantle, devastate. It still takes my breath away.
Jeni, "you need a clear head to deal with your relationship." A good friend of mine told me this while I was drinking and boy did it make me mad! But she was right and I will never forget that moment in time.
You deserve to see your life with clear eyes, heart and mind. No matter how you feel this weekend or what comes your way. You want to be sober, for you. No more drowning in lies. You stopped doing that a long time ago and no matter the challenges, you are doing a great job.
Are you traveling somewhere beautiful? Have a wonderful time. BTW - I really appreciate your posts. You're a wise lady and offer so much to us.
Jeni, "you need a clear head to deal with your relationship." A good friend of mine told me this while I was drinking and boy did it make me mad! But she was right and I will never forget that moment in time.
You deserve to see your life with clear eyes, heart and mind. No matter how you feel this weekend or what comes your way. You want to be sober, for you. No more drowning in lies. You stopped doing that a long time ago and no matter the challenges, you are doing a great job.
Are you traveling somewhere beautiful? Have a wonderful time.
BTW - I really appreciate your posts. You're a wise lady and offer so much to us.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Jeni I agree getting it on the page & off your chest is a good way of exposing your AV I like crushing the AV with gratitude, joy & positivity
Exercise helps as done reading having a personal journal is a excellent way of recording the exposure of your AV so you can reflect & see it shrinking as time goes on not to mention recording the trio of gratitude joy & positivity in your journal
Youl soon see how lil the AV looks to your own personal gratitude joy & positivity and just keep starving it or crushing it with the above
Know your not alone with it & you always have us
Exercise helps as done reading having a personal journal is a excellent way of recording the exposure of your AV so you can reflect & see it shrinking as time goes on not to mention recording the trio of gratitude joy & positivity in your journal
Youl soon see how lil the AV looks to your own personal gratitude joy & positivity and just keep starving it or crushing it with the above
Know your not alone with it & you always have us
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