Weekend bender!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 242
Weekend bender!
I am an overachiever when it comes to drinking, so I will start my bender tonight. It’s Thursday, I only have one more day of work and I just sent my sweet hubby off to work for two weeks. No witnesses!
I’ll start by swinging into a liquor store after work tonight. Hmmm, where am I at in my liquor store rotation? Ah yes, I haven’t been to the one just down the street in over a week, perfect. I’ll head straight for the large selection of vodka and reach for a fifth of Seagram’s… but wait! They will have liters on sale for just $20! My excitement will be dimmed momentarily when the small section of my brain that still loves me and knows I am killing myself starts jumping up and down and screaming at me. “It’s dangerous to buy that much and have it at the house!” No worries, my addicted brain is much stronger, I’ve been working it out after all. It will take out that little voice like a linebacker tackling a receiver in the end zone.
When I get home I will take a moment to enjoy the emptiness of the house coupled with the knowledge that I have enough liquor on hand to last me all weekend. I will portion out my night’s ration by filling up an empty fifth half way. Around 7:30p.m. my love will call to say goodnight, after I talk to him I can really let loose. I will blow through the half bottle by 9:30p.m., lucky for my drunk self I’ll have more on hand.
Friday morning will be pretty miserable. Dammit! If I had stuck to the half bottle I wouldn’t be hung over. I’ll have a long day at work ahead of me though, so I’ll drag myself out of bed and through the process of getting out the door. The day will crawl by and I won’t get much done, as usual when I’m hung over. That night I will be volunteering at a fundraiser where they serve free drinks. I will only have a few since I have to drive, and I will look down on the others who seem to be getting buzzed up. They can’t handle their drink like me. When I get home at 10 that night I will be pretty tired, so just a few stiff vodka’s before bed.
Saturday morning I’ll be feeling refreshed. I’ll have a little conversation with myself… “I don’t really need to drink today.” But who do I think I’m kidding. I’ll have a whole day before me and at least half of the liter left. I’ll start drinking at 11a.m. I’ll try to be pro-active by contacting my Mom to let her know I might not be coming over for family dinner that night. Then I’ll close the blinds and lock the doors to make sure nobody interrupts me.
I’ll settle in for a Netflix marathon and proceed to get smashed. I’ll pass out around 4p.m., only to be woken when my husband calls me at 8:30. My parents and brother will have been trying to get ahold of me in vain to convince me to come to dinner. They will be worried that I won’t answer their texts, so they will call him at work. I’ll groggily tell him that I’m fine, just fell asleep. He will believe me, or at least pretend to, because that’s what he does.
I will be angry that my family is checking on me and send them a terse text about how I was just sleeping and am fine. Now that I’m awake I might’s well start up again. I won’t remember when I go to bed that night, but when I wake up Sunday morning the liter will be empty.
Sunday’s hangover will be pretty crushing, but I’ll need to make it up to my family that I stood up the night before and meet them for lunch before my brother leaves town. After retching bile into the toilet I’ll pull myself together and shower. I will make it through lunch with a good face on, fairly confident they don’t suspect the truth.
After I go home I’ll convince myself that it’s ok to do something I normally don’t do, get into the whiskey. I don’t like whiskey and I’m afraid people will smell it on me, so I generally avoid it. Not this Sunday though. This Sunday I will polish off a half a fifth of whiskey and top that off with two glasses of wine before stumbling off to bed.
Monday will be one of my worst days yet. After four day’s of binging I’ll still have to make it to work. It will be another day of retching bile. Volcanic diarrhea. Red eyes and blotchy skin. Pounding head and crushing disappointment. So I will log on to SR and start another Day 1.
OR, I could decide that since that is what I did last weekend, today I can be happy to be at Day 4 and be done with weekend benders.
I’ll start by swinging into a liquor store after work tonight. Hmmm, where am I at in my liquor store rotation? Ah yes, I haven’t been to the one just down the street in over a week, perfect. I’ll head straight for the large selection of vodka and reach for a fifth of Seagram’s… but wait! They will have liters on sale for just $20! My excitement will be dimmed momentarily when the small section of my brain that still loves me and knows I am killing myself starts jumping up and down and screaming at me. “It’s dangerous to buy that much and have it at the house!” No worries, my addicted brain is much stronger, I’ve been working it out after all. It will take out that little voice like a linebacker tackling a receiver in the end zone.
When I get home I will take a moment to enjoy the emptiness of the house coupled with the knowledge that I have enough liquor on hand to last me all weekend. I will portion out my night’s ration by filling up an empty fifth half way. Around 7:30p.m. my love will call to say goodnight, after I talk to him I can really let loose. I will blow through the half bottle by 9:30p.m., lucky for my drunk self I’ll have more on hand.
Friday morning will be pretty miserable. Dammit! If I had stuck to the half bottle I wouldn’t be hung over. I’ll have a long day at work ahead of me though, so I’ll drag myself out of bed and through the process of getting out the door. The day will crawl by and I won’t get much done, as usual when I’m hung over. That night I will be volunteering at a fundraiser where they serve free drinks. I will only have a few since I have to drive, and I will look down on the others who seem to be getting buzzed up. They can’t handle their drink like me. When I get home at 10 that night I will be pretty tired, so just a few stiff vodka’s before bed.
Saturday morning I’ll be feeling refreshed. I’ll have a little conversation with myself… “I don’t really need to drink today.” But who do I think I’m kidding. I’ll have a whole day before me and at least half of the liter left. I’ll start drinking at 11a.m. I’ll try to be pro-active by contacting my Mom to let her know I might not be coming over for family dinner that night. Then I’ll close the blinds and lock the doors to make sure nobody interrupts me.
I’ll settle in for a Netflix marathon and proceed to get smashed. I’ll pass out around 4p.m., only to be woken when my husband calls me at 8:30. My parents and brother will have been trying to get ahold of me in vain to convince me to come to dinner. They will be worried that I won’t answer their texts, so they will call him at work. I’ll groggily tell him that I’m fine, just fell asleep. He will believe me, or at least pretend to, because that’s what he does.
I will be angry that my family is checking on me and send them a terse text about how I was just sleeping and am fine. Now that I’m awake I might’s well start up again. I won’t remember when I go to bed that night, but when I wake up Sunday morning the liter will be empty.
Sunday’s hangover will be pretty crushing, but I’ll need to make it up to my family that I stood up the night before and meet them for lunch before my brother leaves town. After retching bile into the toilet I’ll pull myself together and shower. I will make it through lunch with a good face on, fairly confident they don’t suspect the truth.
After I go home I’ll convince myself that it’s ok to do something I normally don’t do, get into the whiskey. I don’t like whiskey and I’m afraid people will smell it on me, so I generally avoid it. Not this Sunday though. This Sunday I will polish off a half a fifth of whiskey and top that off with two glasses of wine before stumbling off to bed.
Monday will be one of my worst days yet. After four day’s of binging I’ll still have to make it to work. It will be another day of retching bile. Volcanic diarrhea. Red eyes and blotchy skin. Pounding head and crushing disappointment. So I will log on to SR and start another Day 1.
OR, I could decide that since that is what I did last weekend, today I can be happy to be at Day 4 and be done with weekend benders.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
Brilliant - the post as well as Day 4.
It never ceases to amaze me just how alike we all are. Change a few details here & there & this was my life 13 months ago. Thank you so much for the reminder of just how far I've come.
Keep up the good work - it's an honor to be on this journey with you.
It never ceases to amaze me just how alike we all are. Change a few details here & there & this was my life 13 months ago. Thank you so much for the reminder of just how far I've come.
Keep up the good work - it's an honor to be on this journey with you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
AlaskaGirl, I am of course happy to hear that you decided not to drink!
It's probably just me so feel free to ignore what I say next - I know how thinking it through goes. I read Newcomers' threads to help cheer people on when that is needed. I am happy to cheer you on, too. My time is not unlimited, however, and the title of your post left me thinking that you were in trouble. Then after reading your very long post, I was relieved to find out that you decided not to drink and I most sincerely am happy to hear that. I would prefer to know from the title of the post that you want to share your good news and I could have skipped to another post for someone that needed help.
It's probably just me so feel free to ignore what I say next - I know how thinking it through goes. I read Newcomers' threads to help cheer people on when that is needed. I am happy to cheer you on, too. My time is not unlimited, however, and the title of your post left me thinking that you were in trouble. Then after reading your very long post, I was relieved to find out that you decided not to drink and I most sincerely am happy to hear that. I would prefer to know from the title of the post that you want to share your good news and I could have skipped to another post for someone that needed help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 242
Saskia, thanks for the gentle response, I hadn't thought about it that way. Just so you know though, your time wasn't waisted. I haven't been on SR in a long time. I manage a few months sober about once a year. Then I slip back in until I get to the point I just wrote about. It was last weekend. My post started as a response to the thread "I will drink today because" but what started as light hearted turned into a confession of sorts. So I posted as a thread so I could connect with others and start this journey again. Thanks for your time. I am struggling. I'm still alone in my house. There is a shop full of whisky and a box of wine in my back yard. My husband doesn't want to believe I have a problem even though I drunkenly cried to him about it a month ago.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: QLD
Posts: 173
I'm just so relieved you didn't do it! That doesn't sound like a lot of fun at all 
Good on ya being on day 4! One day at a time yeah
It's gonna be awesome tomorrow coming in here and telling us you are on day 5!
Good on ya being on day 4! One day at a time yeah
It's gonna be awesome tomorrow coming in here and telling us you are on day 5!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
HI Alaskagirl. Congratulations on Day 4. I am so glad you didn't begin your Thursday drinking spree again. Stay close to SR and you will find a lot of support and strength to continue your sober journey.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
I appreciated this post. Very well done! Struck home for me as a great reminder of the nutty things I used to do to myself. The joy and anticipation of those nights alone...the miserable days at work the day after and the crushing hangovers that could on be relieved with more alcohol.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,937
I can relate to your description of the 4 day bender. I can remember times when I isolated from the world with just my booze, and in my case usually rocking to music in my headphones.
I didn't have Netflix back when I was drinking, at that time it was usually a trip to the video store to pick up a few movies. Once I got sober, I had to re-rent several movies because I was too buzzed to remember how they ended.
I'm glad you're sober today, stay that way. 4 day benders are not good for your health, marriage, family relationships and your employment prospects. You can lose all of those if your drinking continues to progress.
I didn't have Netflix back when I was drinking, at that time it was usually a trip to the video store to pick up a few movies. Once I got sober, I had to re-rent several movies because I was too buzzed to remember how they ended.
I'm glad you're sober today, stay that way. 4 day benders are not good for your health, marriage, family relationships and your employment prospects. You can lose all of those if your drinking continues to progress.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Congrats on day 4.
If you are young, you have years of starting and stopping ahead of you. Unless you decide to quit...spiritual intervention or something.
133 days clean and I am getting mentally better each day. But, I get horrid anxiety attacks every so often. Less and less each day. Weaker and weaker. But, they remind me...never drink again...
My body is strong. I work out and do jiu jitsu w young people. I hold my own. It is just the brain damage. Alcohol causes brain damage.
Most of the people at my AA meetings are older than me....so...as we get old...our brains cant take the booze anymore.
Hope to hear you make it to day 400.
I know it's hard when it only takes a few days to recover....trust me...it will get worse..and worse....Very insidious is the change...
If you are young, you have years of starting and stopping ahead of you. Unless you decide to quit...spiritual intervention or something.
133 days clean and I am getting mentally better each day. But, I get horrid anxiety attacks every so often. Less and less each day. Weaker and weaker. But, they remind me...never drink again...
My body is strong. I work out and do jiu jitsu w young people. I hold my own. It is just the brain damage. Alcohol causes brain damage.
Most of the people at my AA meetings are older than me....so...as we get old...our brains cant take the booze anymore.
Hope to hear you make it to day 400.
I know it's hard when it only takes a few days to recover....trust me...it will get worse..and worse....Very insidious is the change...
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
Good job on staying sober.
I have had many a weekend like that except I would have killed the whole bottle the first night either by drinking or spilling it while blacked out.
So painful what you described but so dead on, the only thing I would add was the crushing anxiety. This was my routine basically for the past ten years.
I have had many a weekend like that except I would have killed the whole bottle the first night either by drinking or spilling it while blacked out.
So painful what you described but so dead on, the only thing I would add was the crushing anxiety. This was my routine basically for the past ten years.
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