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pls pls help

Old 09-14-2015, 12:44 PM
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pls pls help

I started having a problem at 18 years old, just after my mum died, and I had a new born baby. Now my daughter is 17 and its still there, Ive always drank 4 - 5 nights a week, last week I went a whole week, didnt shake or anything, so I tell myself well I cant be that bad! But over the weekend I drank nearly a whole bottle of bacardi. I dont drink during the day ever! Another way of telling myself I have it under control! I know this is me kidding myself! Now after one night of no alcohol, Ive bought a bottle of wine....... I have like a burning ache in my head, I want a drink, but I know I shouldnt, I know that it makes me not as good at my job (im starting my second year of training to be a nurse), thought doing something with my life proves i dont have a problem too! So many years Ive spent promising myself and those I love that I will stop. and yet here I still am! I cant imagine life without it, I cant see anything as fun without it! My two eldest children have noticed what an issue it is, and are begging me to stop, it must have a massive hold on me to still drink when my own children feel like that! What kind of mother does that make me!!!! Im sick of this, I dont know who I am, im sick of feeling ill, Is life really good without it? It helps me with anxiety, it helps me with confidence, it helps me with the pain I feel from all the ppl Ive loved and lost.
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Old 09-14-2015, 12:50 PM
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Originally Posted by enoughsenough View Post
Im sick of this, I dont know who I am, im sick of feeling ill, Is life really good without it? It helps me with anxiety, it helps me with confidence, it helps me with the pain I feel from all the ppl Ive loved and lost.
Welcome enougsenough. You can absolutely quit this and things are definitely good without it.

Alcohol is a liar, and a big one at that. It causes anxiety - doesn't help with it. It doesn't help with the pain either....it only postpones it and makes it worse.

I think you are also finding what many of us found...that things get worse every time we try to quit and then return to drinking again.

Bottom line, yes- you can absolutely do this, but you'll need help. SR is a fantastic resource and someone is nearly always here. I'd also suggest you seek some local help in the form of meetings, rehab or counseling of some kind. Almost all of us needed some kind of local accountability to get started.
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:04 PM
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Hi Enough, and welcome! You've come to the right place. Scott is right, alcohol is a big fat liar. It may numb you for the moment, but it only postpones feelings you're trying to avoid. And then to make it worse, it scoops a heaping helping of guilt on top of the feelings you wanted to escape in the first place. I was also worried about being good without it, and it's actually better. You can't wake up in the morning and regret staying sober the night before. There is no hangover, and the memories are clear. In the evenings, tasks can be completed with ease and relaxation time is vivid and enjoyable. Alcohol has a sneaky way of manipulating your emotions to minimize the negative effects and justify the indulgence. Don't listen, it's not worth it. Hang in there, you can do this!
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:15 PM
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Welcome to sober recovery. I hope your coming here is the start of your recovery from alcoholism.

Originally Posted by enoughsenough View Post
Is life really good without it?
I'm sorry, I must have missed the part of your post where you talk about how good life is with alcohol.

Trust those of us who have attained it, there is life after drinking. Mine is full and blessed.
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:16 PM
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" Im sick of this, I dont know who I am, im sick of feeling ill, Is life really good without it? It helps me with anxiety, it helps me with confidence, it helps me with the pain I feel from all the ppl Ive loved and lost."

welcome. i can relate to what ya type here.
when i got sober i learned something bkg- alcohol didnt help with the anxiety, did t help me grieve, only gave me false confidense which masked low self esteem....so much i thought it helped with, but if it truly,honestly did, i wouldnt nave to keep turning to it.

when the pain of getting drunk finally exceeded tne pain of reality i found myself in aa. the program helped me find out what makes me tick and how to get rid of tne junk and baggage i had been carrying for many years.

i never really knew a life without alcohol. i started drinking about 13. got sober ag 36.
is my life good without alchol?

far better than i could have ever imagined. doesnt mean everythings all sunshine and daisies and life ln lifes terms is always positive, but im truly blessed and greatful for the life i have today.

i hope and pray you are willing to put in the footwork to get sober. it will be well worth it.
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:20 PM
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Hi Enoughsenough,

Well done for joining here and taking those first steps to changing your life. You'll find a lot of fantastic resources on these forums that can help you.

First thing to be very clear about, my experience, about 3 months in, is that life is better without alcohol. Not just in health terms, and how you're not damaging yourself or other people any more. But I'm finding it genuinely more fun. I'm laughing out loud more than I have in years. I feel more relaxed. More energetic. More fun with the kids. All the benefits you've just said come from alcohol? They really are all lies. And I believed they were all true just like you did. In fact, the other day I downloaded an Allen Carr book, Easy Way to Control Alcohol, to my Kindle, which sets out specifically to prove why those exact points aren't true. I'd already stopped, but I'm still a bit worried I'll do that thing where you go "I haven't had a drink in X months, which proves I don't have a problem, so can try moderate drinking now" (not read a single post on here from anyone saying that's a good idea). Wanted to have some extra ammunition to use against my AV in case that happens. Anyway, he's pretty darn convincing so far (about half way through). Might be worth a look.
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:23 PM
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Welcome to the family. Yes, life is better sober. I didn't know how I'd cope without drinking but I do a lot better in everything now that I'm sober. It's hard at first but it gets easier.
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:32 PM
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Welcome to the forum EE.

There is lots of great advice on here. It may also be a good idea to enlist the help of your doctor. I did go, but the alcoholic in me played one at the appointment so I was less than honest and didn't get the help I could have used. Thankfully AA has been an amazing part of my recovery journey - so now, in my 40s, I'm finally learning to live happily sober. I'm making sober female friends. I'm feeling serenity.

I'd suggest getting all the help that you can.
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:38 PM
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My two eldest children have noticed what an issue it is, and are begging me to stop, it must have a massive hold on me to still drink when my own children feel like that! What kind of mother does that make me!!!! Im sick of this, I dont know who I am, im sick of feeling ill
Doesn't sound like much fun to me??!!!

Welcome to the Forum!!
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:39 PM
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Welcome EnoughEnough having a plan really helps
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:51 PM
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Welcome. I think you will find that many will relate to your story. I truly know how you're feeling.

Life is better without booze. But change can be hard and you need to give yourself the time to adjust. I am learning new ways of coping with all the challenges you mention. I am also learning that much of what I drink 'over' is stuff I simply can't control. I am learning to let things go and focus on impacting the one thing/person I can. Me.
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Old 09-14-2015, 02:05 PM
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Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 View Post
I am also learning that much of what I drink 'over' is stuff I simply can't control. I am learning to let things go and focus on impacting the one thing/person I can. Me.
TRUE. I drank for everyone's problems. I remember maybe 10 years ago, probably the first person to spot I had a problem - my brothers best pal. My brother was running round town, dealing drugs, crossing bad people etc etc. I drank to take away the worry. His friend said 'I wish I had someone that would drink for me like that and still not to have to give a sh1t' ... I think he meant that my bro was on his own path, and my drinking couldn't alter that. He was right... he's in jail as I type .

I'm only 8 days sober, from drinking every single night... maybe only 10 days (not consecutively) off in 15 years. And I can tell you YES life is better without it, already. I'm less anxious, happier, clawing back my self respect and feel very very hopeful for the future.

Go For it....! You can do it... everyone here will cheer you on. .and when you do you'll be so glad you did.
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Old 09-14-2015, 03:58 PM
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Life really is better sober enoughsenough - I'm really glad you've found us

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Old 09-14-2015, 04:00 PM
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Welcome, enough- you sure can do it. First, realize that alcohol is a false friend who only wants you alone, scared and eventually, dead. It greatly increases anxiety, isolation and pain. That is just the harsh reality- for some reason we as a society have romanticized this poison, believing it will make us carefree, relaxed, fun and smart. Um, no. Life is good without alcohol because I can think, walk, drive, remember, be honest, save money, make smart decisions, wake up ready for my day, keep my promises, be productive and help others.

Once you don't believe the lie anymore, you realize by not drinking all you are doing is gaining things- health, life, money, relationships, self-esteem.

Stay on this board and read peoples' stories, make some friends and join a support thread so you can get to know some people. Support is a great thing to have and there is plenty of it here!

You can do this. I'm pulling for you.
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Old 09-15-2015, 05:18 AM
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Hi.
There is a lot of accurate info regarding your situation.
For too long I considered alcohol a rudder in my course through life, seemingly helpful and relaxing in stressful times. It seems to work for a period of time then reversed course and started taking things, like my drivers license, almost my job, my marriage, friends, deleted my finances, health, emotional and mental processing and on and on.

After a lot of pain and resistance with help I was able to stay sober, with a lot of work, resulted in a lot of years with wonderful experiences to look back on.

Probably the biggest benefit is being comfortable in my own shin most of the time. This took a lot of work and changes but I wouldn’t change one bit of the experience.

BE WELL
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Old 09-15-2015, 06:24 AM
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Alcohol only sweeps pain under the rug. The pain is still there, it just hasn't been processed and dealt with. As far as wondering if life would be fun without alcohol: all of us on this forum who have managed to leave alcohol behind will probably tell you that in the early days and weeks of recovery, they had the same question. Once you have sober time, the answer becomes clear: life is actually MORE fun without alcohol. You begin to see what a weight it is on your heart and soul. How harmful it is to your body. How much it keeps you from becoming the person you could become. How it keeps you from realizing your potential as a human being. The list goes on and on.
Since I've quit I have gained more than I imagined I would. It unfolds little by little until you realize "wow- this is what I've been missing out on all these years?"
You've got a great resource in SR. Simply stick around and read the posts daily. I wish you the best in leaving this drag on your life behind.
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Old 09-15-2015, 06:57 AM
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"I wish you the best in leaving this drag on your life behind"
What a great way to put it! And I second this.
Welcome enoughsenough, it's already been said, but there's lots in your post that people here will relate to, there's nothing like booze to make you feel a guilty and failing parent and nothing like leaving it behind to help you relate better to your family.
I wish you well xx

Last edited by FarToGo; 09-15-2015 at 06:57 AM. Reason: spelling
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Old 09-15-2015, 03:19 PM
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How are you doing today enoughisenough?

You've already been given great advice. I will simply reiterate what others have said. Alcohol works, until it doesn't. And it sounds like you are reaching that point. Instead of being outgoing and fun, carefree and funny...you become miserable, scared, afraid, feel like crap, paranoid because others notice etc....Its not a matter of IF it happens, its WHEN. Because it will happen. There are people on this site that have been sober for a looonnng time and they can attest that their life is better. Yours can be as well. Wish you the best.
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Old 09-15-2015, 03:35 PM
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How are things enoughsenough? Let us know how you are

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Old 09-15-2015, 03:50 PM
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Hi and welcome to SR.
I'm new here myself and so glad I found this place.

Please take some time to read through people's stories. You are not alone in feeling the way you do, but there are people here who have fought through it and can tell you how better life is without alcohol.

I told my 11 year old this week that I was never drinking alcohol again, her face right then gave me more joy than I would ever get from a bottle of wine. I realised just how much she wanted me to stop. How worried she had been.


"I cant see anything as fun without it!"
From reading your post, it really doesn't sound like you are having that much fun anyway.
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